He looks at me like I just kicked him directly in the balls or something. The look of anguish in his eyes has me wanting to hold back my feelings, but I can’t. I need to tell him I think he wants to be more than just fuck friends before it’s too late. Going along with this arrangement was a mistake. That much becomes clear with each passing day.
Even though I told myself I could handle doing this for Reed, I knew the day I drank the entire bottle of wine and went to his house I wanted him to be more than my friend. I just never expected it to work out the way it has. I convinced myself he would fall in love with me too, but it doesn’t seem like that’s ever going to happen.
I remain quiet for the rest of the evening, the glitz and glamour of the hotel, and the snotty people at the event making me sick to my stomach. Having all the attention on me is something I hate, and it feels like everyone is staring. Reed should have prepared me for this, and I’m pissed that he didn’t. To make things worse, the rift between us continues to grow as the night goes on.
He’s still sweet as hell, damn him, smiling at me when he catches me looking at him, but he doesn’t speak to me. Not more than a handful of words anyway. The only one who holds a decent conversation with me is Ryker, and the longer we talk, the more Reed’s demeanor seems to deteriorate. I have no idea what his problem is, but I’m so over his stupid caveman behavior.
I down another glass of wine just as Clark finally makes an appearance at our table. I’m not sure why I’m so nervous as he approaches, but my stomach is suddenly full of knots. When he sees me, his smile widens, causing warmth to spread across my cheeks. I can tell by the smug look on his face he knows I’m the woman Reed picked to have his child. Little does he know it’s more I’m the woman who begged Reed to let her have his baby.
“Fallon, sweetheart,” He comes around the table, pulling me into a tight hug and kissing my cheek. “It’s wonderful to see you.” He says this like he didn’t see me at work just about every day this week.
I hug him back, breathing in the scent of his cologne, the same one my dad used to wear. It smells like home and comfort, and with the way Reed is acting tonight, I need both those things more than I realized. My eyes fill with tears and I blink fast to keep them from falling.
Once he releases me, he takes a seat next to Reed and clamps a hand on his shoulder. “Son.”
“Dad,” Reed greets him through clenched teeth, the way he’s been speaking to everyone since we talked to Ryan. Part of me wants to ask him what his problem is but the rest of me is too angry to care.
A wide smile spreads across Clark’s face when he hears the aggravation in Reed’s voice. His grip on Reed’s shoulder loosens, and he turns his attention away to greet the rest of our table. As soon as his attention is off of us, I turn to glare at Reed, the part of me that cares so much winning.
“What is your problem tonight?” It’s hard to chastise him in a whisper, but I somehow manage to do it.
He’s trying to look bored, but I can see the tension in his jaw. His teeth are locked together and the area between his eyebrows is all scrunched up.
“I don’t have a problem.” Ugh. He is so full of shit! We’re supposed to be best friends, yet he’s keeping so much from me now. Ever since we made this stupid agreement, he’s been pushing me away and I hate it. We swore this wouldn’t change things, but it has. It’s changing everything.
I stand abruptly, and watch as Reed’s eyes widen when he sees the defeated expression on my face. If this is what us having sex is going to cause, I’m done.
I want Reed, more than anything, but I’d rather have him as my friend than nothing at all. With the way he’s acting lately, our lifelong friendship will end before a baby is even conceived.
Frustration has me walking away, and if he’s expecting me to show my ass and throw a tantrum here at this table full of his business associates he’s wrong.
No matter how upset I am with him, I’m adult enough to keep my emotions contained until we’re alone and if I know Reed at all, he’ll follow me and force me to spill my guts. I sure as hell don’t want to be in public when that happens.
My heels click against the marble floor, and I find myself wondering around aimlessly with nowhere to go. This hotel is huge. I have no idea which way to go to find a door that will take me outside, and I’m not about to turn around and head back towards the table.
I’m ready to go, with or without Reed. I’ll find my own way out if need be.
The next corridor I pass is brightly lit, and when I look down the hallway I breathe a sigh of relief. There’s a glass door at the end and I can see the city bustling with life right outside. I have no idea where it will bring me out, but it’s an escape, and one that’s badly needed right now.
One of many doors along the wall swings open just before I reach it, and I stop, waiting to see who’s coming out. The first thing I notice is a muscular body in a well-tailored tux, but when he looks up from where he’s buttoning the jacket, I realize I know him.
Or at least, I’ve met him … tonight in fact.
His eyes lock on mine, and he gives me a smug smile. “Fallon, right?” He says it like he isn’t sure who I am, but we both know that’s a lie. I’m sure he memorized my name the moment Reed said it. He probably already had since it sounded like Reed’s mentioned me to him before.
“Ryan,” I greet him, continuing to walk past him, not willing to participate in any more drama tonight. He grabs my arm, turning me to face him and halting my movement.
“Where are you going?” he asks, looking past me and down the hallway, like he expects to see Reed jump out at any moment. My eyes do the same, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt a little that he just let me walk away. “Where’s Reed?”
I shrug. “Probably back at the table? I’m not his mom, so what he does isn’t really my concern.” I’m trying to sound nonchalant, but my voice breaks, ruining the illusion that I don’t care where he is or what he’s doing.
Ryan perks up at my words, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “So, you’re not his girlfriend then?” I want to smack myself for letting him know what Reed said earlier wasn’t true.
I glare up at him. He already knows the answer to that question, so asking it is just rubbing salt in the wound. Reed doesn’t like him, and I’m beginning to see why. The guy’s kind of a douchebag.
Yanking my arm free of his grasp, I try again to walk past him, but this time he moves in front of me, forcing me to stop once again. His body is close to mine, so close that I can feel the heat of his skin against my own.
“Can you please move?” I ask, a slight tremble in my voice that I hate. I should have just stayed at the table with Reed.
I don’t even care that I’m being rude. This guy doesn’t deserve my attention. Hell, he doesn’t even deserve the “please” I used.
Ryan takes a step forward, forcing me to step back in order keep our bodies from touching anymore, and each time I do he takes another and another until I can’t back up any further. My back is against the wall, and there’s nowhere for me to go. Panic consumes me, and like a rabbit caught in a snare, my heart starts trying to beat out of my chest.
He still doesn’t stop, not until our chests are touching. I do everything I can not to take a deep breath, and as I watch him warily, he leans closer, his warm breath almost caressing my skin. The sensation makes my flesh crawl, and bile rises in my throat.
When I thought about getting some air, and escaping Reed’s shitty behavior, I never expected it to lead to this. I’m about to shove him away from me when I see Reed at the end of the corridor. He stops in his tracks when he sees the two of us standing so close, and I’m filled with the need to show him I don’t need him.
Yes, Ryan is a creep, and I know he’s only attracted to me because he wants what Reed has. I might be slightly terrified of him, because I know Reed hates him, and there has to be a reason to feel that way, but right now, in this moment, I don’t care.
I just want Reed to feel some of the rage coursing through my veins at the thought of him being with someone who isn’t me. I want to show him what it will be like if he doesn’t face his feelings head on. So I do the unthinkable, the one thing I know I shouldn’t do … I kiss Ryan.
I swear the air becomes stifling the moment our lips meet, his not as soft as Reeds. He doesn’t react to the kiss at first, his body stiff, and his hands remaining at his sides. That all changes when Reed growls deep in his throat, making his appearance known.
Then Ryan grins against my lips, and his hands grip my waist, pulling me flush against his body. I gasp at the sudden movement and he takes advantage, his tongue darting into my mouth. His taste floods my senses, and I immediately regret my actions. Where Reed’s taste makes me crazy with need, Ryan’s has me trying not to throw up. I don’t even know how to describe the difference. It’s not that Ryan has bad breath or tastes like an ashtray, it’s just he’s not what I want.
Now that we’re so close, I can smell the faint scent of another woman’s perfume on him. That’s why he was leaving that room earlier. He was in there with someone. Someone who’s probably still in there and seconds away from coming out to see us here. I don’t know why I didn’t pick up on that earlier.
The thought makes me feel dirty, but I don’t have much time to dwell on it before Ryan is suddenly yanked away from me and all I can see is Reed. The rage on his face is downright scary, and it takes everything I have not to break down and apologize for what I’ve just done.
I need Reed to admit, even if it’s just to himself, that what he’s feeling isn’t something you would normally feel for someone who’s just a friend, even one with benefits. He’s jealous because his feelings for me are deeper than that. He just needs to admit it, out loud, to me.
I’m not sure what I expected to happen when I kissed Ryan, but Reed’s silence definitely isn’t it. He’s so pissed off he’s practically vibrating. I open my mouth to say something, though I have no idea what, but before I can make a sound he grabs my wrist and stalks back down the hallway, away from the door I was originally going to leave through.
I’m forced to walk fast to keep up with him, so fast I’m almost jogging, which isn’t easy in heels, but he doesn’t give any indication that he even notices.
I’m too terrified by how angry he is to say anything, so I endure it. I would apologize, but am I really sorry? Maybe for putting myself through that kiss, but for Reed seeing it? It was needed, even if it did hurt him to see it.
“I’m so fucking angry right now I could strangle you.” Reed snaps, fury radiating from him.
I blink away the fear I was feeling moments ago and try to wrench my arm out of his grasp. Why does he get to be mad? He’s the one who’s been treating me like I’m invisible since we got here. I’ve at least tried to make him talk to me, but he refused.
If anyone is to blame for this it’s him, and I’m going to make sure he knows it.
“Yeah?” Putting one hand on my hip, I tilt my head to the side and raise an eyebrow. “You aren’t the only one.” He scoffs, but I’m not finished. “I’m not the one who spent the entire night ignoring my date. I’m not the one who’s acting like I betrayed him somehow. We. Aren’t. Together. Reed. You have no say in who I talk to, who I date, who I kiss...and definitely not who I fuck.”
He leans down so we’re eye to eye, and the heat of his glare feels like it’s going to scorch me where I stand. “You’re not fucking anyone but me, Fallon.”
Argh. He makes me so. Damn. Mad I don’t even know what to say to him. I’m completely speechless. So, instead of keeping the argument going here in the hotel lobby, I stalk past him with my head held high and make my way to the valet station.
He’s not going to win this battle. Not today. Not tomorrow. If he wants me to be his then he needs to make up his mind. I’m not going to put my heart through a grinder so he can keep his safe.
The two young guys running valet don’t bother to hide their perusal of my body, and I smile inwardly at the knowledge that seeing that is going to push Reed closer to the edge. Maybe if I piss him off enough he’ll admit his feelings. Maybe then we’ll be able to move forward.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Reed seethes behind me. I ignore him, snatching the keys from the guy holding them out to me. He smiles, and I take it upon myself to thank him.
“Thank you so much.” I smile back at him and head towards the parking lot. I can hear Reed huffing and puffing behind me.
He’s livid, but so am I. And it doesn’t seem like either of us plans to give up.
“You’re going to pay for letting him kiss you tonight.” Reed is breathing down my neck by the time I make it to the car. Feeling braver than I ever have before, I turn on him, making it known I’m not backing down from this fight.
“I’d like to see you try to make me do anything.” Shoving a finger into his perfect fitting tux I remind him that I’m not his. “You don’t own me Reed. Nothing about me belongs to you, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner we can get on with this stupid arrangement, since that’s all I am to you. A means to an end; the missing puzzle piece in this shitstorm.”
He doesn’t say anything else and maybe that’s for the best since I’m not sure what I’d say if he did. Instead, he leaves me to get into the car, making his way over to the passenger side.
A ghost of a smile forms on my lips. I’m braver today than I was yesterday, and I’m definitely not afraid to admit I love my best friend.