I just know Daddy is going to be so mad at me – so mad at us!” I wailed. The door was closed and I did my best to keep my voice down, but I felt terrified the others in the office would be able to hear every word I said. Knox had given me a box of tissues, and I don’t know if it was the hormones or the fact he didn’t get mad at me, but I started crying – which quickly turned to sobs.
My shoulders shook and my nose was running as freely as my tear ducts, and I found it impossible to get the words out I wanted to say without fresh sobs wracking through my body. I tried to keep control over myself, but I felt like with each sentence I tried to say, I lost all control to the emotions running through me.
Knox had risen from his chair and was now walking back and forth in front of the window. He had his hands clasped behind his back, and I thought he almost looked like a detective trying to get the answers.
“I thought you were on the pill?” he asked.
I nodded. “I was really good about taking it. I know that it’s not perfectly effective all the time, but I was still really good about it,” I sobbed.
“I know you were, honey, I don’t doubt that for a second. I’m just trying to figure out what happened. I mean, I’ve never had any kind of pregnancy scare in my life. I didn’t even think that I could have kids – especially at my age and how long me and…” his voice trailed off and he gave me a look.
I knew he had caught himself for a reason.
There was a time when he and his wife had tried to have a child of their own. They had discussed it openly with my father more than once, how they were going to be great parents, that they wanted to have both a boy and a girl and they were doing everything they could to have one. I remembered feeling jealous at the time, but now, the words hurt even more. The last thing I wanted to hear right now was that he had been having sex with someone else. I didn’t care if it was his own wife and if it was before he and I got together.
Fresh tears began running down my cheeks and I grabbed another tissue. I could see the compassion in his face as he walked over to me and knelt down.
“Listen, I know that this is all very scary right now, but I want you to know that it is all going to be okay. Come on, there have been millions of other babies born in the world, and many of them to parents who were surprised by them – just because we weren’t planning on this doesn’t mean it’s not going to work out.” He smiled reassuringly as he patted my hand.
I did my best to dry my eyes. I had to admit, I felt surprised by his answer. This had been the last thing I thought he would say to me in this situation. “You mean that you – you want to keep it?” I sobbed, not even trying to hide my smile.
“I’m not saying that this is going to be easy – in fact, it’s going to be very hard for both of us, but yes, I want to keep it, of course I do!” He patted my hand.
I smiled. I couldn’t help myself – I threw my arms around his neck and held him close, and I was happy to feel the strength of his arms around me as well. Suddenly, I felt like everything would be all right, no matter how hard it was going to be.
He was right – after all, there really were many babies born out there who were surprises. I knew several of my own friends in high school had gotten pregnant – but they were at a disadvantage. They’d gotten knocked up by boys in the school – the father of my child was one of the richest men in the country, he would take care of me and the baby both. Maybe even get me a nanny for some help with the baby when I was feeling really tired.
Like now.
“I have to tell Daddy,” I said. The thought of it still filled me with dread, but I knew I would have to come clean about the situation to him now. I couldn’t hide this from him, no matter how much it hurt.
“No, no, no! I don’t know if right now, is the best time to do that,” Knox said.
I stared at him in surprise. I didn’t expect to hear the passion – or the worry – in his voice, and it caught me off guard. He seemed almost anxious that I was going to tell my father.
After all, if this was all going to be just fine and work out, then shouldn’t we be ready to tell the world? “Why not?” I asked, looking at him with raised eyebrows. He recovered, and I could see he was doing his best to act natural. Something about his behavior suddenly made me nervous, as though he might change his mind about this whole thing and leave me in the dark. He appeared to be doing his best to force a charming smile and I waited for an explanation.
“I think you are under enough stress as it is right now, and I don’t want to add anymore. You know that your father loves you more than anything in the world, and I don’t want the two of you to be at each other’s throats when you’re in this condition. There’s going to be plenty of time to tell him – and better situations.” He smiled.
I stared at him. “What do you mean?” I asked, crossing my arms. I still felt worried he would back out on me, and I would have to figure this out on my own.
Knox put his hand over mine once more and gazed into my eyes. “I mean, I would like to be there with you when you tell your father. There is no need to put this all on you alone, and I don’t want you to have to go through that. Your father isn’t going to be happy about this situation, we already know that, but I can be there to help you through it, I really can.”
Slowly, a smile spread across my own face. I knew he was right. It sounded so sensible and it would be a hard thing to tell my dad. “You promise?”
He nodded. “Of course, I promise. I told you years ago that you are one of my bestest friends, and nothing is going to change that.” He winked at me.
I felt myself blush. He had told me this when I was very young, and though here I was, now an expectant mother and an adult woman, I still liked hearing the words.
“You know, I’ve been thinking, though,” he said with a smile. “Since we don’t have to worry about you getting pregnant anymore, we may as well have as much fun as we want.”
I gave him a sly grin, feeling happy and I was feeling better myself. I rose from my chair and glanced at the door, making sure it was locked. I began unbuttoning the front of my shirt as I turned my attention back to him. “Funny, I was thinking the exact same thing,” I replied.