chapter 34

alive

Quinton’s game as soon as I tell him my plan for Ronnie. Well, it’s not much of a plan, but it’s all I have at the moment. I want the proposal to be “romantic” but I also want it to be me. I want to declare my undying love for her. I want to show her that she’s the only woman for me. What better way to do it than wear my love for her on my skin. I don’t know if she’ll be crazy about the idea—but I’ll love having her name inked on me.

Quinton was more than happy to watch my son tomorrow, so I can hit up a tattoo shop in the city. While I brought Grey along for my last tattoo, Ronnie was there to placate him. And without her there this time, I know he’d be crying throughout the whole session. I know the artists there wouldn’t appreciate that one bit. I don’t want to be an inconsiderate jackass who brings his kid to a tattoo parlor, nor do I want to break their concentration. I want the line work to be absolutely perfect. Even though I haven’t proposed yet, her name is the only one I could ever imagine wrapped around my ring finger.

The tattoo is all I can think about on the ride home. Adrenaline courses through my veins as I meditate on my decision. Getting inked has always been something which gets me fucking excited; maybe it’s the rush of endorphins I get from this life-altering decision. Maybe it’s my little way of staying tethered to my old self without doing anything regressive.

I arrive at Ronnie’s place with Grey in my arms and her ring safely stashed in my pocket. I still can’t believe I’m going to be fucking proposing to this girl. It seems so unlike me, yet, it’s all I could ever want. As soon as I see her, I want to kiss every inch of her and propose straight away, but the look on her tear-stained face stops me in my tracks. She’s curled up on the couch with a box of tissues at her side. I’ve never seen her like this. She’s so fucking distraught, it causes my stomach to drop to my feet.

“Ronnie? Baby, what’s wrong?” I ask as I step into her living room.

She ignores me and continues to stare off into space. I take a seat on the couch next to her and allow Grey to sit comfortably on my lap while I rub her back, trying to coax her out of whatever it is she’s experiencing right now. I say her name a few more times and her eyes flutter—color returning to her face as she finally snaps out of it. She looks at me as if she hadn’t known I was here until now. She looks down at Grey and smiles, taking him into her arms and showering him with small kisses. He laughs, and I know whatever Ronnie was experiencing has blown over. I’ll ask her about it later—when she’s feeling more like her usual self. I leave the baby with her as I hop off the couch and go into the kitchen. I need to plug my phone into the charger before it dies on me. After I set my phone down on the countertop, something in the trash can catches my eye. Buried beneath a latte cup and a box for a microwavable meal is a bouquet of roses torn to pieces. What the fuck?

I grab a handful of the crumbled-up petals and go back to Ronnie and ask, “Babe, what’s this?”

She takes a deep breath and her distraught expression is back. “My ex has been trying to get in contact with me over the last few days.”

“What the fuck?” I can’t help but spit out. “Why didn’t you say anything, Ronnie?”

She shrugs and her face crumbles. “You’ve been dealing with so much stuff lately, Trev. I didn’t want to add to it. I didn’t think his attempts to contact me were that serious. I thought they were annoying at most. I never responded to a single text and yesterday I decided to just block his number on my phone. I’ve blocked him on everything, Trev. I swear. I haven’t seen him in four years, so I don’t understand why he’s doing this.”

“So, it’s what, been escalating? You should’ve told me, baby. I could’ve done something.”

“What would you have done? Beat him up to scare him off? You couldn’t do that, Trevor.”

“I know, but I could’ve scared him off some other way. Threaten him without any physical violence. Of course, I’d love to kick his ass, so he knows just who he’s dealing with. I don’t want some guy harassing you. You’re mine.”

She snorts at this and wipes her nose with the sleeve of her shirt. “I know, and he knows that, too. I’m sure he’ll leave me alone as soon as he sees you. Maybe the sight of you will scare him away.” She pauses and gives me a sheepish smile. “Sorry, babe, you know what I meant.”

I know exactly what she meant. With a scar on my left eyebrow from a fight with Dean years ago, another scar which is covered by my lotus tattoo on my neck, and tattoos covering a good amount of my skin, I know I can be intimidating when I want to. I know I’ll definitely want to if I see this prick around my girl. I take Grey from her and hold him against me, needing him close to calm me down. He’s the reason you can’t freak the fuck out, Trevor. Remember that and don’t fuck his life up.

“Things with him weren’t so bad until I posted some photos of you and I from our trip to Nevada on my Facebook. I’d already unfriended him after I broke things off, but back then I didn’t think to block him. He messaged me after I posted those photos…” she trails off.

I remember the pictures she posted. She’d been so excited to share them with her friends. They were of us during our trip to see Grey’s grandparents. Most of them were of him, smiling and waving at the camera. We looked like a happy little family. Looking at those photos was one of the first times I considered the life I have now to be “perfect.” I started my own Facebook account just so I could share the pictures of my “perfect family” with the few friends and family I have.

“What did he say to you?”

“He just told me how much I’ve changed and how different I seem now compared to the girl that he once dated. I didn’t respond. He’s right. I am different. I’m not the weak girl I was when I knew him.”

Ronnie practically spits out the last few words. All of a sudden, I want to beat the shit out of this guy. What did he do to make my girl so fucking angry? Obviously, the relationship she had with him is something that bothers her. If he did anything to her, anything at all, I don’t know how I’ll be able to control myself if I ever lay eyes on him. If I find out he’s hurt her in some way, it’s going to take all the self-control I have not to fucking kill him. No one hurts my girl and gets away with it.

“I think he’s in town,” she quietly muses.

My heart fucking stops at this. This bastard is in town? I don’t have to meet him to know that I already hate his guts. He better hope and pray we never run into each other. That’ll be a bad day for both of us.

“So, he sent you those roses as a…what…a fucking peace offering?”

“I don’t know what his game is,” Ronnie says as the muscles in her jaw twitch. “I thought blocking him would send him a pretty clear message, but I guess guys like him never take a hint. He thinks he’s God’s gift to women, so he couldn’t fathom the idea of someone not wanting him.” She pauses for a moment, running a nervous hand through her hair. “Can we please stop talking about this, Trev? I just want to think about something else.”

I nod, but before changing the subject, I add, “If he keeps bothering you, I can talk to him. Don’t be afraid to come to me, Ronnie. It’s my job to take care of you.”

“It’s not your job, Trev,” she replies with a laugh.

“Well, I need to make sure you’re safe, baby. You’re my girlfriend, after all. Do you really think I’ll let some guy continue to harass you?” Whoever this prick is, he’s barking up the wrong fucking tree. If there’s anything I won’t tolerate—it’s someone messing with my family. We sit in silence, as we both cool off while listening to the sound of the television. I have so many questions running through my head, but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea for me to push things with her right now. She obviously doesn’t want to talk about it, and I sure as hell don’t want to make her feel worse.

“How can I make things better, Ronnie?” I ask as I put my arm around her and bring her head down to rest on my chest.

“Just hold me,” she says simply.

“Ronnie,” I say after we’ve sat in silence for a while, “I don’t want there to be any secrets between us. I want you to know that you can come to me about anything.”

“I know that. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about him sooner,” she replies meekly. “Let’s hope that it’s nothing.”

“I’ll make sure it’s nothing, baby. I promise.” I’ll make sure he doesn’t fuck with her again.

 

 

Zane is an amazing artist. Just looking at his book of sketches, paintings, and photographs of different tattoos he’s done has me itching to get more than just the one tattoo I came for. If I didn’t have a budget to keep to, I’d be getting the tattoo I’ve been wanting for Grey. I want his little footprints inked on my leg with the date of his birth written underneath them. He’s changed my life so much—I want to do something to pay tribute to him. I can’t think of anything any better than the image of his little feet inked on my body forever.

I want to get another tattoo for my girl, as well; something colorful with a beautiful design. I want it to stick out compared to all my other black and gray artwork. Aside from the rose tattoo I have on my forearm, there isn’t another trace of colorful ink on my body. I’d like Ronnie and Grey’s tattoos to stick out because they’re the center of my universe.

The ink I’m getting today will symbolize my eternal love for her. It sounds like a cheesy fucking gesture, but it’s what I want because it’s how I feel. I know I’m getting this tattoo preemptively, so I really hope I can hide it from her until I’m ready to show her. It’d be awkward as hell if she saw her full name tattooed on my ring finger in beautiful cursive before I’ve even popped the question.

Sitting in Zane’s leather chair I can’t help but feel fucking elated. I love the excitement that brims inside of me every time I feel the tattoo gun pierce my skin. Getting inked has always been a rush for me, but my senses are heightened today since I’m getting this tattoo to symbolize the lifelong commitment I’m making to Ronnie. I smile as the needle of the gun pricks my skin. It feels like it’s drilling deep into the bone—but I knew before I sat down this would hurt like a bitch. The process is pleasure mixed with an overwhelming pain. I relish it. I always have. It’s the reason I’m able to sit for such long sessions without the need for a break.

I’m transfixed as I watch her name become permanently inked into my skin. Veronica. Every time I feel lost I can look down at my finger and know that I’m not alone. She’ll be here with me forever. As soon as Zane’s finished, he pulls the tattoo gun away to clean the fresh ink with some antiseptic. I can finally get a better look at the tattoo. I run the index finger of my right hand over it and smile. It’s fucking perfect.

“This is amazing, man.”

“I think your girl will love it,” he says with a smile filled with pride as he looks at his work.

“I hope so. I haven’t asked her to marry me yet.”

Zane smiles and shakes his head with a chuckle. “You’re a confident man then. She’ll say yes, I’m sure.”

I shake his hand and go to the front counter to pay my bill, telling him about my other tattoo ideas along the way, with the promise of coming back. I give him a nice tip for seeing me on such short notice and leave the shop with his business card tucked safely in my wallet. I know I’ll be coming back as soon as I have the finances to do so. I’m fucking thrilled with the way my tattoo turned out. The lettering is so feminine and beautiful—just like my Ronnie. I feel close to her every time I look at her name etched beautifully into my skin. She’s always on my mind, but it’s nice to have a reminder that she’s mine.

I drop by Quinton’s house to pick up Grey. I could’ve had Ronnie babysit, but she would’ve asked me where I was going and would’ve wanted to come along with me like she normally does. We do everything together—so it’s pretty hard to keep anything a secret from her. I’ll have to figure out a way to get around this when the holiday season rolls around. Besides, having Quinton babysit for the day will give Grey some playtime with Harper. I want him to have another kid to play with. Even though he is just a baby and there’s not much Harper can do with him, she usually plays with him while he gnaws on one of her stuffed animals. It’s entertaining to watch. I can’t wait for him to get a little older so they can actually interact with one another.

When Quinton opens up his front door, I hold up my left hand for him to see. “Check it out, man.”

He smiles, and I know he’s thrilled for his sister-in-law. “She’ll love that. Are you going to show her tonight?”

I feel my face flush. “I wanted to show her when I propose, but I haven’t asked her yet. I think I’ll have to work up the courage to do it this weekend, hopefully. I know I won’t be able to hide this from her for very long. Even if I hid it with a band-aid, she’d probably pull it off and insist on looking at my wound,” I say with a laugh. Ronnie’s very protective of the ones she loves.

“Well, I guess you’ll just have to distract her then.”

Quinton fucking winks at me and I almost lose it. My eyes widen at the subtle innuendo in his tone. Is he suggesting what I think he’s suggesting?! I must look as shocked as I fucking feel because Quinton laughs as he moves aside to let me into his home. Grey’s on the carpeted living room floor playing with Harper and a few of her favorite stuffed animals. He looks so happy; I’m thrilled to see him playing so well with his cousin. Well, future cousin. As soon as he sees me, he stops playing and crawls to the sofa, where he manages to pull himself up. He takes a couple of shaky steps in my direction, and I move forward and drop to my knees, proudly meeting him halfway.

“Good job, buddy!” I encourage. He giggles as I pick him up and wrap him in my arms. “Do you like my tattoo for mommy, Grey?” I show him my ring finger and he tries to stick it in his mouth. I point at the tattoo again and he reaches out to touch it with his small pointer finger.

“Mama,” he babbles as he looks at the tattoo. “Mama!”

“That’s right, Grey. That’s your mommy’s name.”

“Let me see,” Harper says as she rises from the floor, abandoning her toys to join us. I bend down to show her my new ink and she smiles, reaching to touch it just like Grey did. “What’s it say?”

“It’s says ‘Veronica.’ ”

“Like auntie,” she replies with a smile.

“Just like your Auntie Ronnie.”

She smiles and gives me a nod of approval. “I like it.”

“Do you think your auntie will like it?”

“Yeah, she’ll like it,” she replies, giving the ink a thumbs-up before going back to her toys.

“You ready to go, buddy?” I ask, standing up with Grey, who’s staring at Harper’s toys with open curiosity. As the words escape my mouth, Harper’s back on her feet and comes toward us. To my surprise, she comes to me and wraps her arms around my thigh to give me a hug. I’ve never been good around children, so it’s odd reconciling the thought that I have a son and niece now. Well, I hope she’ll be my niece, but that’s all up to her beautiful aunt.

“Say ‘bye’ to Grey?” she asks with a pout.

I smile at her, then lower him down for her to hug him goodbye. Watching them interact is so fucking cute. Harper kisses his forehead and Grey shoos her away before giggling and reaching out to touch her cheek. I’ve got a hunch that they’ll grow up to be great friends. I don’t know when Grey will end up with a brother of sister, and to be honest, the thought does make me feel a bit nauseous. I’m so thankful he has Harper to fill that “sibling” role at the moment.

“You guys heading out?” Quinton asks as he leans against the wall and smiles at his daughter.

“Yeah, I’ve got to get home to Ronnie. She’ll start wondering where I’m at if I don’t go soon.” I pause and look down at my exposed ring finger covered in a small shield of Saran wrap. “Actually, do you have a bandage? That might be better than nothing. I don’t want her to get a glimpse of this until I’m ready.”

Quinton nods and gestures for me to follow him to his kitchen. He grabs a bandage from his obviously well-used first-aid kit and I quickly wrap it around my finger. Ronnie will definitely notice it and she’ll want to play nurse with me just like she always does when I have the slightest injury. She notices absolutely everything. So, there’s no way she won’t notice her name wrapped around my finger in black ink.

“Where’s Eden?”

“She’s out shopping for Harper,” he replies with an eye roll. “Like she doesn’t have enough stuff already. You’re lucky her sister doesn’t like to shop.”

“Ronnie shops for Grey; she just doesn’t like to shop for herself. She’s so selfless, I just wish she would treat herself every once in a while.”

“Well, if she spent more time with her sister she’d be doing that constantly. Thankfully, she has you around.”

I can’t believe he thinks Ronnie is lucky to have me. I find that laughable because I’m the one who’s lucky to have her. I thank him for watching Grey, say goodbye again to Harper, then head out.

On the drive home, I tap the steering wheel along with the obnoxiously upbeat tempo of Grey’s CD. I try to think of ways to distract Ronnie from my tattoo until I have enough courage to pop the question. Per usual, I can’t come up with anything good enough, and I arrive at her apartment far too soon. All I can do is pray for the best.

She looks a million times better than she did last night. She seems happy and at ease. I presume that fucker has left her alone. I know if he continues to harass my girl—I’m going to lose my cool and track him down. Luckily, it seems like he’s going to fuck off by his own free will. Ronnie jumps off the couch as soon as I walk through the door and presses her sweet lips against mine. Kissing me thoroughly before pulling away to give Grey a quick peck on the forehead.

“What was that for?” I ask with a satisfied smirk on my face.

“What? I can’t give my boyfriend a kiss when he comes home?” she challenges with a sly grin.

She’s acting different. I wonder if she’s still worried about that prick and has just decided to change her tactics on how she’s going to handle it around me. Maybe she’s more worried about how this guy might affect our relationship than she previously let on. I’ll spend the night showing her that I’m here to stay if that’s what it’ll take. I’d be more than happy to take her to bed and do so.

“How’d today go?” I ask, wanting to know if that fucking douchebag tried to contact her again.

“It was fine,” she smiles, not a trace of discomfort written on her face. Maybe things really have cleared up for her. “Want me to make dinner? I don’t know if you guys ate while you were out.”

“No, we waited for you,” I say as I bend down to kiss her forehead. “Why don’t you relax with Grey and I’ll cook tonight?”

“You sure?” she asks, obviously trying hard not to laugh at the idea of me making anything.

“Babe, I can make a few things. I did have to survive somehow before I met you.”

She takes Grey from me and relaxes in the living room, while I settle in the kitchen and look up recipes on my phone. I choose the first thing that doesn’t look too difficult and begin working on our dinner. My cooking isn’t up to par with Ronnie’s, but I’m still able to make baked macaroni and cheese without too much trouble. When we sit down to eat, I notice how much Grey loves the food—which makes my heart swell with pride. I know it isn’t the healthiest thing for a baby, but I’m happy to see him eating something besides his usual stuff. He can be so incredibly picky for a ten-month-old! Of course, I don’t have another baby to compare him to. Grey falls asleep in his high chair after getting his belly full. I can’t help but smile at how perfect tonight worked out for me. Ronnie bought a pack-n-play to keep at her apartment for the nights I stay here, and I’m more than happy to tuck him into it for the night because I’ve been dying for some alone time with my girl. We haven’t had sex since yesterday evening two and I’ve been yearning for her. I always feel so close to her when we come together as one. I also want to assure her that some prick isn’t going to hurt our relationship.

As soon as I finish tucking Grey into bed, I go back to the kitchen to find Ronnie cleaning up. I take a moment to stand in the doorway and enjoy the curve of her perfect ass before she notices me. She flushes under the heat of my gaze and stops cleaning.

“Come to bed,” I implore as I hold out my hand for her to take.              

She puts the sponge down and dries her hands off with a towel before she walks across the kitchen to take my hand with a shy smile on her face. She always gets so bashful before sex until she gets naked—then she loves to fucking jump me and beg for my cock. It’s so arousing, seeing my girl uninhibited and losing control like that. She’s so raw… so beautiful and sexy… I can’t believe she’s all mine.

“I’ve been thinking about this all day,” Ronnie moans as I pull her into the bedroom.

“Me, too. I can never get enough of you,” I reply as I yank off her shirt.

I stand still, looking her over for a moment. God, she’s so fucking beautiful. Her tits look incredible in her black, push-up bra. I take a moment to appreciate them before I pull down one of the cups and lower my mouth to her nipple. Any tension that the day has caused immediately dissipates as I suck on her. I could worship them all day if I had the chance. Sucking on her nipples is as arousing as it is calming to me. She runs her hands through my hair as I play with her. I continue until I’m throbbing in my jeans. I only pull away when my erection becomes too painful in its confides. I want to fuck her into the mattress and claim her as mine.

I slow down my pace, but I still give her lips a few rough kisses as she unbuttons my pants and unzips my fly. She pulls out my cock and pumps it in her hand, showing me how rough she wants this. My girl loves being fucked hard just as much as she loves it when I make love to her slowly. It’s obvious which one she wants tonight. Our kisses evolve into something more passionate. I quickly become so horny I can barely think straight. I need to be inside her. Every action of mine becomes primal.

We strip each other naked and I throw her on the bed, kissing my way up her legs until my mouth is on her wet, little pussy. I fuck her with my tongue, causing her to moan and writhe on the bed. She’s so fuck-hot like this. I begin to stroke my cock as I watch her fall to pieces. I can easily get myself off at the sight of my girl. Maybe we could do that sometime? On a night where I’m feeling much more patient. God, just the thought of it is hot enough to make me blow my load. I give her core one more kiss before climbing up her body so I’m covering her, my cock throbbing at her entrance. I press my lips onto hers, and in the same moment, I thrust inside her. I know I won’t be gentle with her—I just can’t. Not tonight. I pull out and slam back inside of her before finding my rhythm, fucking her body into the bed. I know she loves it by the way she smiles and moans beneath me. Rising to my knees, I take her legs and wrap them around my waist, so her hips are in the air as I continue my unforgiving pace.

A few minutes later we come together. I rest on top of her for a moment as I catch my breath, before rolling off her and pulling her against my side. I cuddle with her as we listen to the sound of the rain outside. I love holding her like this after sex. I almost like this as much as sex itself. It’s the one time I get to unwind and show her just how much I love her. Ronnie drifts to sleep, sated after everything I gave her. Holding her, I enjoy the rise and fall of her chest against mine. I work on planning my proposal in my head. I want it to be everything she could’ve hoped for and imagined growing up. I know every girl plans their wedding when they’re younger; I’m sure Ronnie was no different. I want to give her the entire world, but until I can manage to do that, I’ll give her all of me and hope that’s enough.