Chapter 13

Max

Day had turned into night before the phone finally rang. Max, Addie, and I hadn’t bothered leaving the house all afternoon for fear we’d miss Gav’s call. We all jumped up to answer it, but I was the one to pick up first, waving Addie off and shouldering past Collin in the process. On the second ring, I had it to my ear. “Gav? That you?”

“I’m fine.”

I swallowed hard at the sound of the voice on the other end of the line. It wasn’t my best friend—at least not the one I’d come to know. “Where are you? Want me and Collin to come get ya?”

“No,” he said so quietly that I almost didn’t hear him.

I turned to look at Collin. He was already reaching for the phone. Frowning, I shook my head and looked away, nowhere near done.

“You in trouble, Gav?”

A hard breath huffed from the other end. “I just… I need some time away.”

“You need us, man.” I leaned against the table and ran my fingers through my hair, feeling broken for my family, my brother.

“I’m sorry I flaked out on Addie this morning.” He sighed. “Tell Colly I’m sorry too.”

“Stop with the sorry BS, and tell me how long you’re going to be gone. No, screw that. Tell us where you are. I’ll come stay with you until you’re ready to come home.” He’d pulled this shit several times in the past few months, claiming he needed time to just clear his head. The problem was, the trips were getting longer and more frequent, and he didn’t always check in like he said he would. Not to mention he’d never left right after having one of his episodes.

“Couple of days, maybe? Don’t know.”

“Does this have something to do with what you were looking at on the computer last night?” It was a wild guess, but I had to start somewhere.

More silence. Addie stood and carried a sleeping Chloe back to her bedroom.

At my side, Collin leaned against the table and motioned for the phone again.

Impatient motherfucker.

“All right, Gav. We’re here for you. You know that, right?”

He didn’t respond, just sighed, this one shuddering over the line. Without saying goodbye, I handed Collin the phone, done with trying to figure Gavin out, and more than done with trying to keep tabs on him. If the guy wanted to get away, we’d have to let him. We could only do so much.

Wordless, I grabbed my shoes and left the house, my shoulders stiff and my back tense, probably from stress. I knew where I was headed, didn’t even have to stop and think about it. It’d become an addiction to serve as Lia’s pseudo bodyguard while she worked. Only tonight, I wasn’t going to go inside and wait. Instead, I’d stay in my car, maybe sleep a little, and then set my alarm so I could go in closer to closing time. For one, I wasn’t in the mood to see Aubrey. And another? I knew the second I saw Lee-Lee again, I’d want to do every unspeakable thing to her that I’d been thinking about all day—things I’d been thinking of doing for years.

I knew this wasn’t the time to worry about her. But guilt had rendered me stupid all day, and staying behind with Colly any longer at the house wasn’t a good plan. What if I slipped? Told him everything? That I was more than sure I was in love with his little sister, though I was also pretty sure she wanted to tear my nuts off—if her voicemail left on my cell an hour ago was any indication.

Guess the fact that I’d bought her a new car wasn’t sitting too well.

In the parking lot of Jimney’s, I turned off my car and pulled my cell from my pocket. Thumbing through my contacts, I found my ma’s name, tapping Send before I could talk myself out of it. Even at twenty-seven, a guy needed his mama on occasion.

“Maxwell?”

I smiled at the sound of her voice and her familiar, thick Spanish accent. “Hey, Ma.”

“My hijo. How are you?”

I shut my eyes and leaned back in my seat. “I’m good.”

“You can’t lie to me. What is wrong?”

I laughed as the sound of my eight-year-old sister’s voice echoed in the background.

“How’s Charlotte?” I was good at changing the subject, and Ma loved to brag on our girl even more than I did.

“Charlotte has a recital next month. She asked if you were coming.”

I wanted that more than anything. I missed my ma, my little sister, and even my stepdad. “I’ll try. Got a few things going on right now though.”

Mama went off after that, her voice heavy with emotion, paired with her accent, as she asked about Gavin and Collin. Ma was a free-spirited Mexican woman, and one of the most important people in my life. She’d never changed, no matter what we’d been through, and I was one lucky son of a bitch to be able to call her Mother.

She had had me when she was nineteen and stuck with my father for more than fifteen years, even after he’d had three affairs and told her he didn’t want any more kids. Then, the summer before my senior year in high school after his last affair—and not long after he’d broken my jaw—we finally left him.

It was the best and worst decision we ever made.

I’d told Lia a few things about that time in my life, but nobody knew the real truth except my mama and me.

We’d gone from posh living to staying at homeless shelter after homeless shelter in Nashville for six months straight. The thing of it was, we were happier homeless than we’d ever been when we lived with my asshole cheat of a father.

During the day, I’d sing for money along the streets, while my mama played backup guitar. At night, I’d hang out at the restaurant where Ma waitressed, “interning” under the chef while she worked her ass off for tips to save money for our own place. Eventually, we got a one-bedroom apartment, and I was finally able to reenroll in school to finish my senior year—a year late.

Bottom line, we made it through unscathed and together, even though it was the hardest year of our lives. I graduated. Then Ma met my stepdad one night during a shift. He was a good guy, one who loved her and me both. He took her in and married her. She got pregnant with Charlotte a couple years later, and I got a decent job out of high school as a ranch hand on a farm not far from our house.

Still, I’d wanted to prove to my ma and myself that I could make it in life as someone more than just a farmhand. That’s when I enlisted.

“Are you there?”

“Yeah, sorry.” I scrubbed a hand over my face.

“Now, tell me what is wrong with you. Is it a woman? Are you being safe? Treating her right?”

“No. There’s no woman.”

If I told her the truth, she’d ask me what the problem was. Then I’d be forced to tell her that I was in love but didn’t quite feel worthy enough to be the man that Lia needed.

At least not yet.

“Then what is it? What is the problem?”

“It’s just…” I blew out another breath. “I don’t have a job. I’m living off Dad’s money, and it sucks.”

She cleared her throat, and I could almost hear her thoughts from the other end.

Don’t be ridiculous, hijo.

Your life is great.

You are perfect the way you are.

You were a marine. You saved lives.

You deserve to do whatever you want to do.

You earned every bit of that money.

Something about Gavin taking off today really messed with me, made me want to fix my own shit now more than ever. But the words that came out of my ma’s mouth didn’t match the ones I normally heard.

“Then do something about it. Get a job, quit being a bebé.”

“I’m not a baby.” I glared at my lap.

“No, not in the literal sense. You’re like a nineteen-year-old boy who feels as though he has no purpose in life. Just like you were before enlisting.”

“I’ve got purpose, Ma.”

“I didn’t say you had no purpose. Just stating things how I see them.”

“Having purpose isn’t the problem.” I squeezed my eyes shut.

Fuck. Maybe she was right. Maybe I didn’t have purpose. Maybe I was just getting by so I didn’t have to think and deal with the reality of life. Maybe I was scared of the future. Maybe I was afraid to grow up because the last thing I wanted was to find out I wasn’t good enough to be the person I wanted to be in the end—even if I had no idea who that person was.

I didn’t have the skills to be a professional in life. I wasn’t cop material like Collin, and I sure as hell couldn’t handle blood and deal with dying people like Gavin did as a paramedic. Gav might have been suspended from his job, but at least he had one and was damn good at it when he wasn’t running away.

So who was I? What was I good at?

“The question you need to ask yourself, Maxwell, is what do you want out of life? What makes you happy?”

“Family makes me happy.”

“What else?”

I smiled and leaned my seat back, imagining her in the kitchen—more specifically at the stove, wearing that black-checkered apron of hers. Her hair would be up in a bun, and every time she’d nod, dark pieces would fall out and cling to her temples. For Mama, being in the kitchen was as natural as breathing. I’d do anything to be working alongside her right now. Hands in the meat, sleeves up to my elbow…the skillet sizzling with peppers, and the homemade tortillas scenting the air.

“Holy shit,” I whispered to myself—at the epiphany that had just smacked me across the face.

“Maxwell, do not use those words with me.”

I shook my head. “Sorry, Ma. I gotta go. Talk soon?”

She spouted off her frustrated goodbye, demanding I call her more than once a week—which I promised like always, even though most of the time I failed to keep my word.

Ten minutes after the call ended, my mind was beyond thinking about Ma. Instead, I had an old napkin pressed to my thigh and a half-busted pencil in my hand, jotting down ideas with a stupid-ass grin on my face.

Cook. I loved to cook. I had fun cooking too. And if I could make money doing something I loved, then what more did I need?

It wouldn’t be an overnight success. Opening and running a business took time and a lot of energy. I’d have to come up with a menu and a list of possible clients, book events and advertise. Hell, I’d have to find a place to actually run a business out of.

Maybe that building by Colly’s work with the rent sign?

I grinned at the thought, writing it down on my napkin.

The one thing I did have was money. Enough to fund this endeavor. Granted, I didn’t want to go crazy with expenses, because this could wind up being a failure and then I’d be broke. But if that happened, at least it’d serve my dad’s memory right. A failure of a father meets a failed career. A win-lose situation I was damn ready to attack.

My face ached from smiling by the time Lia stepped outside Jimney’s a couple of hours later. Part of me wanted to jump out of the car and tell her the news…but I had to tread lightly after everything that’d happened between us. Yeah, I wanted her—Collin, life, and fuck-ups be damned. But it wasn’t time. Not yet. Soon enough she’d know how I felt. Soon enough she’d be proud of me for taking the initiative to do this, to make something of myself once and for all. Same went for Collin and Gav, Addie, Ma, and even Charlotte.

First though, I needed to do this for myself.