Chapter 33

Lia

My new neighbors were a trip.

The shorter of the guys, Ibrahim, worked at a sperm bank. He’d met Avery, the Adonis with the Tarzan hair—who worked as an interior designer—when he’d come in to donate. When Avery walked out, Ibrahim had said to him, “Thanks for coming,” not meaning anything by it. He was still trying to overcome the language barrier, seeing as how he’d moved to the United States from West Africa not long before.

Apparently, Avery thought he was being a jerk and turned around to call him out on it, but instead fell instantly in love. They’d been together for six years, just moving a few weeks prior into the town house they were renting next to mine.

While I was at work this week, getting my classroom set up and meeting some of the teachers I would be working with, Mom had gotten cozy with Avery, spending the majority of her afternoons at their house combing through Better Homes and Gardens magazines. She didn’t really need to be here, but I think she was having too much fun to go.

Ibrahim and I would get home from work at the same time, only to find her and Avery on our shared back porch, drinking mimosas and giggling over random Facebook videos together. It was a match made in friendship heaven. I was pretty sure Mom was going to miss Avery more than me when she left on Sunday.

“Why does your boyfriend not live here with you?” Ibrahim asked, his accent thick. He shut off the blender. Tonight was what he liked to call Margarita-and-Twister Friday. In other words, he and Avery would drink margaritas and play Twister. They’d invited Mom and me over for their tradition.

The one that, according to Avery, they usually did naked.

He handed me my third glass as I thought over my answer to his question. Sadly, there really was no way around the truth. “I told him he couldn’t.”

“Because…?” Ibrahim leaned back, setting his elbows on the counter and kicking his feet out in front of him.

I took a big gulp of my drink before answering. “I wanted to find myself.”

Stupidest excuse ever. I knew that now. Max seemed to be adjusting to the idea better than I was, which I should have expected and been happy about. Instead, I was on day five without him and ready to give up everything just to go home, even though I was growing more and more excited by the day about my job.

“I also didn’t want to take him away from my brother and his other best friend, Gavin. They all live together and help to raise my niece, Collin’s daughter.”

Ibrahim’s black eyebrows rose in interest. “Sounds like a modern-day episode of that show Avery watches late at night with the three men, raising those three little girls.”

“Full House.” I laughed, having thought that myself a crap load of times. “They’ve been friends since boot camp, so it was natural for the three of them to move in together after their last tour in the Middle East.”

“And how does the boyfriend feel about your…your…” He snapped his fingers just as Mom squealed out another laugh from the living room. She was likely three sheets to the wind from her one margarita. Poor Dad would have his hands full when she got home.

“Our separation?”

Ibrahim nodded.

“He seems to be okay with it.”

He tucked his arm through mine. “You know that excuse of yours is, how do you say…bullshit, yeah?”

“Which one?” I frowned, taking another sip.

“You needing to find yourself.” He tugged me toward the living room where Mom had her right foot on red and her left hand on blue. I couldn’t even find it in me to laugh at how crazy she looked, not when everything inside me was breaking.

“It is bullshit.” I shrugged. “But it’s also too late to take back.”

He looked at me, his dark eyes narrowed as he panned my face. “Nothing is too late.” He winked. “You just need the drive to make it happen.”

“Leanne!” Mom called from the floor, waving me over, only to fall on her face. She rolled onto her back and laughed harder. “Come play, honey.”

Avery stood and fist pumped the air, having just won the game. Seconds later, he was dancing in circles as Fall Out Boy played over his iPod.

Ibrahim chuckled under his breath, his eyes on Avery’s ass. “Your mother has stolen my fiancé’s heart.”

“Seems so.” She was amazing like that.

With a polite nod, I excused myself and walked out onto the back porch. It was a nice night, though cooler from an earlier storm. Not thinking twice, I pulled my phone from my pocket. Sprinkles of rain dripped onto my cheeks, cooling my face as I waited for Max to pick up the call. Three rings in though, and he didn’t answer. I didn’t expect him to. He was babysitting the neighbor’s kid again, something Max did every so often to help out the grandma who was raising the boy. Likely they were too enveloped in their video games to hear the phone ring.

I sighed, resolved that we’d already had our one chat for the day, and ended the call. Leaning forward onto the railing and setting my half empty glass on the wood, I studied the stars instead of going inside, needing to think, to breathe, and most of all, to figure out what I was going to do.

The nights were the worst. Not being able to lie in Max’s arms and listen to his breathing, his laughter, not making love to him either… Yet this is what I had wanted, right?

Why, Lia? Why is that?

I quieted Old Lia down with another drink.

Something vibrated in my pocket. I wiped a few stray tears from my cheeks before answering, sick and tired of crying and hurting. Sick of this day-by-day thing too. It was killing me.

I didn’t bother looking at the caller ID before I said, “Hello?”

“Hey, Lee-Lee.”

My lips started to quiver at the sound of his voice, and like a tidal wave of emotions breaking free, it all came out. Every tear I could make, every sob I could produce…

“What is it?” Panic made Max’s voice growly, but I couldn’t choke back my cries. Couldn’t take a breath to tell him how broken I was without him. How I missed him so badly I couldn’t stand myself anymore.

“Damn it, Lia, what’s wrong? Are you hurt? Tell me!”

I sniffled and managed a small “I’m okay.”

A sigh echoed from the other end, followed by muffled words and the faint sound of video game music. I squeezed my eyes shut, ashamed. I shouldn’t have called. He was busy. And there I was, breaking down after some margaritas.

“Let me go get Gav next door so he can watch Diego.”

“No.” I shook my head, taking deep breaths to curb my sudden breakdown. “No, it’s fine. I just… I miss you really bad today. That’s all.”

“Shit, Lia. You scared me.” I heard him groan, then the squeak of a chair in the dining room as he likely sat down or stood up. “What brought this on? You were fine earlier.”

“Ibrahim’s margaritas?”

Max laughed, the sound sending goose bumps over my skin. “I knew that guy was trouble.”

“I’m sorry.” I twirled my finger around the rim of my glass, gathering the salt.

“Don’t be sorry for missing me. Don’t ever be sorry for that.”

I wasn’t sorry for missing him, that’s the thing. I was sorry for being so stupid over not allowing him to move here with me like he wanted to. Admitting that to myself was the scariest thing I’d ever done. Admitting it to Max seemed impossible.

“Leanne?” Mom opened the back door, her voice laced with concern. I glanced back over my shoulder at her, just as she asked, “Are you okay, sweetie?”

I covered the phone and tried to smile as I said, “I’m fine, Mom. I’ll be right there, okay?”

Her head dipped to the side, sadness overtaking her features. If she knew how bad I was, she wouldn’t leave on Sunday. But Dad needed her, and I needed to learn to be on my own.

“You sure?”

“Promise.” My smile must have been convincing enough this time because she went inside.

“Hey,” I said on a breath, pulling the phone back to my mouth.

He was quiet on the other end, but I knew he was there. I could hear his breaths.

“Max?”

“I-I miss you too, Lee-Lee.”

Another tear dripped out, but I wiped it away, pulling my lip between my teeth in case more sobs decided to slip out.

“Can you look outside for a second?” he asked.

“I’m outside right now.”

“Okay,” he said. “Hold on then.”

A minute later, after explaining something to Diego about hitting a left key, then a right, then the A-button, I heard the screen door to their duplex open. “Look at the moon,” Max whispered.

I blinked and did just that. “I see it.”

“Good. Now, know this, Lee-Lee. As long as we’re both under this moon, then we’re together, even if we aren’t right next to each other. You got me?”

I smiled through my tears. “I got you.”

“This isn’t forever, right?” he asked, losing some of that Max confidence I loved.

“No, not forever at all.” As soon as I saw him again, minus my margarita-fueled emotions, I would tell him the whole truth. That I didn’t want to be apart. That I wanted him with me. That this day-by-day scenario sucked ass and I couldn’t live with it anymore. I wanted forever with Maxwell.

And I wanted it now.