Danielle
I had to go home at some point. I dreaded going back, especially after my dad had told me explicitly that there was no place for me, but I had to collect my things. I was going to arrange a meeting with my mom separately so I could talk to her without my dad getting involved and saying things that would make everything worse.
I had grown up with my mom working hard and my dad being home. I had never had the relationship with her that I’d had with him. Still, I wanted to talk to her away from all of this.
It hurt so much that my dad was the one that had told me I wasn’t welcome at home anymore.
I parked in front of the garage of my childhood home and took a deep breath. I had to do this.
My dad was home, not on the golf course. I had hoped to avoid him. He glanced up at me when I walked into the house, but he didn’t say anything. The atmosphere was so tense I couldn’t breathe, and I felt like crying. I swallowed the tears down. I wouldn’t show him how much it hurt.
I walked into my room and packed my bags, taking all my clothes out of my closet and putting pictures away. This was worse than going to college. This was permanent, and I hated it. I hated seeing how empty my closet was, I hated taking my pictures off the wall, and I hated pulling the covers from my bed. It wasn’t supposed to end this way. I wasn’t supposed to be chased away like some kind of criminal.
A few times, my dad walked past my room. Every time, I wished he would say something, anything to break this awkward silence, even if it meant we fought. But he never did, and I started to think maybe he was checking on my progress. Maybe he wanted to be sure I left nothing behind. Maybe he wanted to know when I would be out of his life for good. The thoughts only made it worse, and I struggled to keep control of myself.
I took the bags out to my car one by one, stacking them in the trunk and in the backseat until I had everything packed up. I went back to my bedroom one last time to check if I had everything, to make sure nothing stayed behind. To say goodbye to the life I had lived between those walls. Everything was changing now, and I wouldn’t be able to come back to this room or back to the person I once was.
My dad appeared in the doorway, and I closed my eyes for a moment, sighing.
“I’ll be out of your hair in a moment,” I said. “I just need a minute.”
My dad didn’t respond until I was ready to leave. When I turned around, he stood in the hall with his arms folded, leaning against the wall opposite my door.
“Are you moving in with him?” my dad asked.
Why did he care, I wondered?
“I am,” I said. It wasn’t like I had anywhere else to go. Lisa’s place was too small for the two of us, and she had never planned on having a roommate. With Rodney being the baby daddy, it only seemed right.
“I guess I can’t say it’s inappropriate,” my dad said. “You’ve already done everything with him a father could be scared of.”
God, I couldn’t do this. I shook my head and walked past my dad, leaving my room for the last time. My dad followed me, talking as he did.
“He’s twice your age, Danielle. What the hell do you think you’re doing? It’s sick. You’re throwing your whole life away.”
I spun around. I’d had enough. “I don’t need this from you,” I said. “You forfeited your right to say anything in my life when you kicked me out. I’m on my own now. I’m in love with Rodney. I know you know he’s a good guy. You wouldn’t have been friends with him for so long if you thought he wasn’t worth your time.”
“Being a friend and being a lover are two different things. And he’s my age. We were at college together. Think about what you’re doing.”
“I have,” I said. “I can’t help who I love, but I can make my own decisions, and if I want to be with Rodney, I’ll be with Rodney. You don’t have to accept it, but you can’t be a part of my life without accepting who I love.”
My dad shook his head. It was hard for him to wrap his head around, which I understood. None of this had been planned, and I was having a hard time figuring out which way to go now, too. But my dad didn’t have to be a complete dick about it.
“So, this is it? You’re walking out of my house, and I’m never seeing you again?” My dad sounded exasperated.
I couldn’t believe him. “You’re the one that threw me out. So, yes, I’m walking out of your house. Whether you see me again is your choice. But unless you’re going to accept me and my love for Rodney, our relationship and your grandchild, you’ll have to stay away.”
My dad paled a little as if the pregnancy was news to him.
“Is it true?” he asked in a soft voice. I thought we had been through this. I thought the media had done enough.
“Yes,” I said. “It’s true. And Rodney and I are keeping the baby, raising him or her together. It’s the right thing to do. I’ll be six weeks on Saturday.”
My dad looked like he was going to faint. Maybe he’d hoped that it was a lie, that it had been speculation.
“You’ll never get away from him now,” my dad said.
I shook my head. “I don’t want to.”
My dad looked at me without saying anything. I waited for only a moment longer before I walked to my car and climbed in. We had nothing left to say to each other. My dad wouldn’t accept the choices I had made. He had chosen not to be a part of my life.
I pulled out of the driveway with a straight face, keeping it together until I was around the corner before I let the tears fall. I pulled onto the shoulder of the road, unable to see when my tears blurred everything, and I cried.
I cried because I had lost my dad. I cried because he didn’t want to be a part of my life. I cried because I was having a baby, and even though I had Rodney, without my family, I felt like I was alone in this. Everything was so wrong. Why couldn’t I just be happy? Why did I have to be punished for it? I could never go back to the life I once had or the person I once was. Everything was changing, and it was happening too fast for me.
I was supposed to be happy. I was with Rodney, the man I had fallen in love with. I was pregnant, and having a baby was supposed to be a beautiful time in a woman’s life. Instead, I had lost most of what was important to me. Instead of basking in the glow of being pregnant, all I could do was cry about it.
When I finally pulled myself back together, I pulled the car back into the road and drove to Rodney’s house. My house, now. Rodney was still at work. Now that I had resigned, I had nothing to do with my time.
When I got to his house, I took my bags inside one by one and stacked them in the spare bedroom. I was going to stay with Rodney in the main bedroom, of course, but I didn’t feel comfortable unpacking my things into the closet space he had cleared out for me just yet. That would come with time. Right now, I was still trying to recover from the fight I’d had my dad.
I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, studying the contents. Now that I had nothing to do and Rodney worked a full day, I wanted to make a home-cooked meals for him. It was the least I could do after everything he had done for me, after the press release he had done on Monday and the space he had made for me in his life.
I decided to make butter chicken and steamed vegetables with rice. In college, I hadn’t really cooked, but I had often cooked at home because my mom had worked long hours. So, I knew what I was doing. Thinking about my life growing up, knowing that this was the only home I had now, made me sad. I focused on the food instead, pushing all thoughts out of my mind.
Rodney came home with Tommy, who he picked up from school on the way home. Now that I was off, I considered offering to pick Tommy up from school so Rodney wouldn’t have to do it all alone. We would be sharing the load soon as it was. Might as well start now.
“That smells amazing,” Rodney said when he stepped into the house. Tommy ran through to his bedroom to dump his bag. “We need to look at your homework, buddy,” Rodney called after Tommy.
“Dinner is almost ready,” I said. “Would you be able to take care of his homework with him after we eat?”
Rodney nodded. “Compromise, I like it,” he said, grinning.
I couldn’t help but smile. We were doing it. We were making a home together. Could it be that simple? Could happiness be this close? After everything that had gone wrong in the past couple of days, I had felt that happiness was beyond my reach. Maybe I had been wrong.
Rodney kissed me before walking through to the bedroom. “I’ll be right out. I’m just washing up.”
I dished up for us and asked Tommy to set the table. When Rodney came back into the kitchen, he hugged me from behind.
“I saw your bags in the spare bedroom,” Rodney said. “I hope this doesn’t mean you’re planning on staying there?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t have it in me to unpack. Seeing my dad today was a little rough. Just give me some time.”
Rodney looked sympathetic, and he nodded. He helped me carry the plates to the dining room table, and the three of us sat down. Tommy chatted about his day. Rodney gasped and made sounds in the right places, and I sat back, looking at my new family.
Losing my dad and my home had been hard, but being here with Rodney and Tommy, being a part of the family, felt so right. It was as if I had seamlessly slipped into a new life, and even though the pain would take a while to go away, I could get used to this. I could get used to belonging somewhere else.
Rodney glanced at me and smiled. He reached for my hand under the table and gave it a squeeze. Maybe he was thinking the same thing. Maybe he realized how perfect this seemed, too. In a couple of months, we would have another child, and everything would change again. But with Rodney at my side and the few people in my life that accepted what we were doing, we could get through it. I knew we would be fine as long as we stuck together and pushed through. It was the only way we would be able to make it.
After supper, we sat in the living room. I was curled up on the couch, watching Rodney and Tommy work on his homework. I took note, concentrating on the things I wanted to help with. I wasn’t exactly a stepmother to Tommy, but I had watched him all his life, and he was used to me being around. It was a blessing in disguise, making this transition so much easier. And in time, me being here permanently would become normal to me, too.