Danielle
I was out on the town with my best friend, Lisa. It was Friday, I’d had half a week of work, and everything in my life had changed. At least, it felt that way. Nothing was different on the outside, there was nothing new to see, but on the inside, it felt like everything had shifted and rearranged to create something new.
We sat at a bar, our cocktails being made in front of us. “I can’t believe you started a new job, and I’m only hearing about it now,” Lisa said.
“It’s been a little bit busy,” I said.
Lisa ran her hands through her shoulder-length blonde hair. She was my opposite in every way. Where I was dark-haired, she was fair. Where I had green eyes, she had hazel. Where I was curvy, she was built like a runway model.
“Yeah, too busy perving over Rodney,” Lisa said, and I laughed. I shook my head, denying it, but she was right. I had been perving over him.
“It’s just a push with the new job, that’s all,” I said, pulling up one shoulder in a nonchalant shrug. “Besides, I really enjoy it. It’s nice to be busy again.”
“Oh, what? As if you weren’t busy with your degree for the last four years? Come on, I thought we were going to do summer together. Now I have to road trip and drink and hit on guys while you’re being responsible.” She said the word “responsible” as if it had a bad taste.
“My dad insisted I get a job. What could I do? Besides, Rodney offered. What would you have done?”
Lisa rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “Yeah, okay. I understand that part. If I had a secret crush and he asked me to work with him, I wouldn’t turn it down either. But the first part about doing what your dad says? That is so unlike you.”
I shrugged again. She was right. I didn’t like doing what my parents asked of me. I had always been a bit of a rebel, but again, my interest in Rodney had won out.
Lisa was unhappy that I was going somewhere in my life, but not because she was jealous. I had known Lisa since high school, and we had done everything together. Where I had always known I would make a career for myself, Lisa had been happy cruising through life without a goal. Even now, after we had both graduated and gotten our degrees, Lisa was happy to throw it away by partying for a living. The only reason she studied at all, in my opinion, was because she had been bored.
“So, have you hit on him yet?” Lisa asked.
I laughed, shaking my head. “I can’t even begin to tell you how wrong that would be,” I said, even though I had been flirting with Rodney shamelessly. “Not only is he my boss, he is also my dad’s best friend. Can you imagine the kind of trouble I would get in?”
I paid for our cocktails–I had a job now, after all–and Lisa took hers, sipping the straw.
“We both know you’ve never been scared of trouble,” Lisa said.
She was right. I always flirted with trouble, playing footsie with it under the table that was life.
My phone rang, vibrating against my arm, and I fished for it in my handbag.
“Speak of the devil,” I said when Rodney’s name appeared on the screen.
“Are you going to answer it?” Lisa asked.
I gave her a look that suggested it was a stupid question and pressed talk. I held the phone to my ear, blocking my other ear with my hand so I could hear better.
“Danielle, is this a bad time?” Rodney asked, his voice deep and smooth over the phone.
“Not at all,” I said. “Is everything all right?”
“Yes, yes, perfectly fine. I’m calling to ask if you are available tomorrow night by any chance. I need someone to watch Tommy. I know it’s short notice.”
“Oh, that’s all right,” I said. “I’m not busy tomorrow night. I’d love to come watch him for you. I haven’t seen him in a while.”
Rodney thanked me and promised me he would send me a text with the time as soon as his meeting was finalized.
Before going to college, I had taken a gap year and hadn’t seen Tommy the entire time. Since then, I had been back, but busy with college and studying, so I had spent less time with the kid. It was a pity. He was a sweet boy.
Rodney’s son, Tommy, was ten years old now. His mother Chrissy had died when Tommy was only three months old, and I had been willing to help Rodney out babysitting when he needed a break. I had become very close to Tommy, and even though we hadn’t seen as much of each other as in the beginning, the boy still had a very special place in my heart.
“So, babysitting his son again?” Lisa asked. She had overheard my conversation, of course.
I nodded. “Rodney has a meeting, and I’m always happy to help out. I love Tommy.”
“And you will also be in Rodney’s house. Alone. Especially when he comes back after his meeting.” Lisa waggled her eyebrows at me.
I laughed and shook my head. “You have such a dirty mind. You know, I have babysat for him before. This won’t be the first time I’m alone at his house.”
“No, you’re right,” Lisa said. “But it will be the first time that you will be there as the sexy secretary and not just his best friend’s daughter. Everything is different now.”
Lisa was being blasé about it, but she wasn’t wrong, and she knew it. I told myself nothing would happen. Rodney was still my boss. He was still my dad’s best friend. Tomorrow night, I would go to spend time with Tommy. This wasn’t about anything else.
Two guys approached us, and they looked fresh out of college, like us. They still had the arrogance of boys who fancied themselves men, of arrogance without knowledge. They were my age, I told myself. When had I become such a snob?
“Would you ladies like to dance?” one of them asked, leaning into me more than was necessary for me to hear him.
I shook my head. “No, thank you.”
He looked disappointed, glancing at Lisa to see if his friend was having more luck. Lisa looked at me, a question in her eyes. I shook my head again. I wasn’t in the mood to dance with these guys. Where would it lead? Some pointless flirting? Free alcohol that I could afford anyway? Or a one-night stand with a boy that wasn’t nearly as experienced as someone a little older might be?
“Sorry, guys,” Lisa said. “We’re having ladies’ night.”
They tried to persuade us a little longer, promising free alcohol as I had expected, and paying us compliments in the hopes it would win us over.
I leaned toward Lisa. “If you want to go dance with them, don’t let me stop you.”
Lisa shook her head. “I’m not going to leave you alone at the bar to dance with two guys. What kind of a friend would that make me? Besides, it’s our night to catch up.”
I didn’t know if Lisa was being genuine, or if she was making a sacrifice on my behalf, but I appreciated it either way. After a few more tries, the guys gave up and walked away, searching for easier prey.
“I know what the problem is,” Lisa said and turned toward the guys who were walking away from us. “You guys aren’t old enough for her!”
“Lisa!” I cried, but I was laughing. Luckily, they hadn’t heard her, but it had been exactly the truth.
We both laughed about it. “Do you think it’s weird that I’m interested in older men?” I asked Lisa. “I mean, it is a little taboo.”
Lisa shrugged. “Hey, we all have our quirks, right? You like older guys. I like free booze and lazy mornings. We all have our thing.”
It wasn’t the same thing at all, but I appreciated her saying so.
“If you date them, that’s a different story,” she said. “But sex? I don’t think it matters.”
I swallowed hard. I hadn’t only thought about sex. It wasn’t their bodies that did it for me. Rodney’s body did do it for me because he was well-built and he took care of himself, but generally, older men tended to let themselves go. It was their minds I was after, their stability and wisdom, confidence and independence. They didn’t feel the need to prove themselves to the world anymore, to compete with their peers or show off their skills. They weren’t assholes because their friends expected it of them.
And all of the above wasn’t something I would get out of a one-night stand with an older guy. Dating him was the only way I would reach that. I didn’t say it to Lisa. I had always thought she understood me, understood who I was. Now, I realized that she only understood one side of me. If I told her the truth that I wanted to be with someone older, she wouldn’t accept it
For the first time, I realized how alone I was.
“Are you okay?” Lisa asked.
I forced a smile and nodded. “Perfect,” I said.
We spent the rest of the night drinking and talking shit. We didn’t touch on the topic of Rodney again, and I was relieved. We laughed and joked and reminisced about college before I finally left the bar.
I took a cab back to my parents’ place, and I snuck into the house through the back door so I wouldn’t wake anyone up. Not bothering them was something I had to think about again. Moving back home after I had been independent for four years was a bit of an adjustment.
I stripped myself of my clothes and pulled on an oversized shirt before crawling into bed. My head spun lightly, but it wasn’t enough to make me feel horrible. It was just enough for my body to feel light and tingly and incredibly turned on.
An image of Rodney flashed before me, the way he’d looked at me at Antonio’s when he had told me I was incredibly sexy. He had looked at me with such desire, such lust, I had felt it all the way to my core.
I wanted to feel it again with him. For real, all the way. I was drunk, and I had few inhibitions left, so this time, I didn’t feel like I had to curb myself when I fantasized about him.
I thought about the elevator and how good it felt to be pressed up against him in a small space that was still too big for the two of us. I wanted him to push me up against the wall and pin me down with his body. I wanted him to put his hand between my legs and kiss me, pushing his tongue into my mouth. I wanted him to do so much more to me than that.
The alcohol took its toll, and instead of being able to fantasize about more happening between us, I closed my eyes and let sleep drag me under. Tomorrow was a new day, and tomorrow night, I would spend time with Tommy. And see Rodney.
I looked forward to seeing Tommy, but I was excited to see Rodney, to be in his house alone, late at night, like Lisa had said. I wanted something to happen between us. I wanted something intense.
It was the alcohol speaking, but maybe a little shove of confidence was all I needed.