Danielle
Rodney was right. We shouldn’t do it again. We shouldn’t fuck again. It hurt like hell when he’d said it to me. There was only one thing worse than rejection, and that was feeling like it hadn’t been good enough. Of course, I knew that wasn’t the issue. There was no way it hadn’t been spectacular for him, not if it had been spectacular to me.
Still, being told that once was enough felt like a slap in the face. Maybe I was just being sour about it because I wanted more–a lot more. I wanted as much as I could get of him. Now that we had crossed that line, now that I had gotten a taste of the forbidden fruit, I wanted it all.
At first, I hadn’t thought anything would happen. Rodney had always been my dirty fantasy, but the sexual tension had been bearable then. Now, I knew what it was like to be with him, to have him worship my body before taking what he wanted. To be denied now would be pure torture.
Which was why I wanted to do it again. I was hooked now. I understood Rodney’s reasons, and I agreed it couldn’t be a regular thing, but how much could one more time hurt? One more time would make me happy. Then, if he really didn’t want me anymore, I would back off.
How could I make it happen?
I thought about Lisa and what she would say: tease him until he can’t help but take you. Tease him until he can’t say no.
It could work. After all, Rodney had made the first move that night. I hadn’t kissed him, and I hadn’t dragged him off the bedroom. That had been all him, which meant there had to be more where that had come from.
If the sexual tension in the elevator yesterday had been anything to go by, this wasn’t nearly over for him. Which meant I had something I could work with.
On Tuesday morning, I wasn’t early the way I had been since I’d started working at Berry Software. I arrived at eight on the dot so I wouldn’t have to ride in the elevator with Rodney. I couldn’t stand the sexual tension if he would end up rejecting me. I couldn’t stand being that close to him if it wouldn’t lead anywhere.
I waved at the lady at the front desk, who gave me her usual expressionless face, and I stepped into the elevator with three people I didn’t know. We rode together in silence, not knowing anything about each other, not saying a word, and I was aware of how flat and empty the atmosphere was.
I stepped out of the elevator on the top floor and walked to my desk in Rodney’s office. He glanced up, and I lifted my hand in a wave. He jerked his chin up in acknowledgment, and I walked to my desk to start the day. I felt Rodney’s eyes on me for a moment, and I willed him to stare longer, but by the time I sat down behind my desk, his eyes were on the work in front of him again.
When I had been at college with Lisa, I had noticed that the harder it was to get me, the more men were interested. Men seemed to love what they couldn’t have. When Rodney had taken me to his bedroom, I had gone willingly. Maybe that had been half the problem. The fun was over. There was no pursuit. If I played hard to get, being stand-offish to Rodney instead of throwing myself at him, maybe what he wanted would be the one thing he couldn’t have.
Me.
Less than an hour later, Rodney called me into his office.
“Could you get me the contact details for a few people?” he asked, handing me a list of names. “It’s in the files somewhere.”
“Sure,” I said. I turned toward the door.
“Thanks,” Rodney said. I glanced over my shoulder to see if he was staring. He wasn’t. He didn’t call me back, either.
At lunch time, Rodney came to my desk.
“I’m going out to lunch,” he said. I expected him to ask me to go with him. I was ready to decline. Rodney didn’t ask. Instead, he said, “You can take your hour, but when you’re done, I need you to look at those files that were delivered earlier. I need to set up a meeting, and I need you to keep minutes.”
I nodded. Rodney nodded, too, and turned away from me, leaving the office. He had been strictly professional, talking about business and nothing more. How was I supposed to play hard to get, to reject him when he wanted me, if he was pushing me away first?
He couldn’t be this serious about not wanting to do it again. Surely, having a friendly conversation with me wouldn’t be a problem? We were working together, after all. I had hoped I could change his mind by being distant enough that he wanted me again, but he wasn’t taking the bait. Instead, he was doing the same to me, not allowing me to be desirable by pushing him away.
When it was my lunch time, I pulled out my cellphone and texted Lisa.
Up for a drink? I need to vent.
She replied almost immediately. Anytime.
Maybe Lisa would have better advice for me. She was the queen of playing hard to get, and she went into relationships and one-night stands with the exact same attitude: unattached. Guys thought she was irresistible, and that was exactly what I needed.
I met Lisa at the same bar we always went to when we wanted to catch up or ask advice.
“Please tell me this is about a guy,” Lisa said. “I need a bit of drama to feed on.”
I laughed. “Are you bored?”
She nodded, rolling her eyes. “Bored out of my mind. So, tell me what’s up.”
I waited for the bartender to bring us our cocktails, and I sipped the strawberry daquiri I had ordered before I took a deep breath.
“I slept with him,” I said.
Lisa’s eyes sparkled. “Who?”
I waited for her to put two and two together. Her mouth rounded into an “O” of surprise before she broke into a smile
“You sexy bitch!” she exclaimed.
I laughed, shaking my head. “I don’t know if that’s a compliment or an insult,” I said. “But I have a problem.”
“No problems yet. Tell me everything first. Was it good?”
“Oh, my God, Lisa. It was great. It was better than I thought it would be. He’s so good in bed, it’s insane.”
Lisa giggled. “I love gossip like this. I can’t believe you did it. It was Saturday, when you went to babysit, wasn’t it?”
I nodded.
“I knew it! Alone, late at the night, with the man of your dirty dreams, eh?”
I shook my head, feeling on the spot with how she was going on about it.
“Can I tell you what I need to vent about now?” I asked.
Lisa nodded, sipping her cocktail. “Shoot,” she said.
I sighed. “He told me we can’t do it again. Because he’s my boss and my dad’s best friend.”
Lisa rolled her eyes. “So typical.”
“Right? So, I thought I would play hard to get. But he pushed me away first, and it’s not working. Honestly, it’s pissing me off a little. I’m not just a piece of meat, you know?”
“But you want to be,” Lisa pointed out. “It’s just because he doesn’t want it that you’re pissed off about it.”
I chuckled. Lisa was right, even though I didn’t want to admit to it. I hadn’t thought about it being anything other than my dream come true when we had done it that night. I hadn’t considered it being about dating at that point. I didn’t know what I wanted it to be now, either. I only wanted him to want me again.
“So, you need to up your game,” she said. “Don’t just play hard to get. Be seductive as hell at the same time. Tease him until he can’t help but jump your bones.”
I laughed. “I thought about you saying that, you know,” I said. “I don’t think I managed it with your flair, though.”
“Of course, not,” Lisa said. “It’s my thing.” She stuck her nose up in the air before she grinned at me. “But it can be your thing, too. You just need to play it right. Want to know how?”
I nodded. “It’s what I’m here for.”
Lisa grinned. “You usually tell me I’m being too much. Just the right amount this time?”
“Just tell me,” I said, laughing.
Lisa nodded and leaned toward me, assuming an air of importance. “You need to turn up the heat so that he notices. Make him look. I’m talking low necklines and short skirts, double meaning conversations. Everything about you should scream sex.”
“I can’t do that. I work in a professional office.”
“So, make it happen. You can have a blouse that gapes when you bend over, right? You don’t have to be a slut about it, but you have to play it right. Let him know what he’s missing out on.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know if I can do it. It seems so dishonest to lure him into sleeping with me again when he told me it can’t happen again.”
Lisa shrugged. “Hey, it’s your choice. If you want to play the good little secretary and do as you’re told, that’s your business.”
“You’re a real bitch sometimes, you know that?” I asked, but I was laughing.
Lisa knew exactly what she had to say to make me take that next step. Telling me I was being a goody-two-shoes was as challenging to me as it was to some others to call them “chicken.” I hated being seen as the one that followed the rules. I liked breaking rules. I liked going against what I was told.
I wanted to go against this rule, too.
“Thanks,” I said, and Lisa and I clinked our glasses together.
“Just promise me one thing,” Lisa said.
“Yes?”
“I want as many juicy details as possible. And make it graphic.”
I laughed. “You’re as dirty as they come.”
“Well, if I can’t get any, I have to live vicariously through your love life. That’s how friends help each other out, you know.”
Lisa and I had another drink together before we paid and went our separate ways. I headed home. I had a lot to think about after what she had told me. I was pushing my luck. It could work perfectly, or Rodney could sit me down and tell me I was being out of line. He could even fire me if he wanted to. But if it meant sleeping with him again, it was worth a shot.
I would try Lisa’s way and see how it went. I would know soon enough, after all, and if it wasn’t working, I could always stop. Although I had never been good at stopping. I had always done what I’d wanted, when I’d wanted. And this time, Rodney was what I wanted.
I had to take time to think about how I was going to do it, but I was sure I could come up with something. I had a few things in mind I could do.
When I went to bed that night, I closed my eyes and flashed on Rodney’s naked body again, remembering the way he’d felt when he pushed into me. I thought about the orgasms he’d brought on, one after another. And I wanted more.