Lennon
Even shadows can’t stay hidden forever.
HE’S BECOMING REALLY obvious.
The mystery man is here again, hidden in the shadows and out of clear sight, but I’m catching onto him.
After noticing him standing behind me the other day, the dark stranger has been appearing everywhere lately. I’m pretty sure this guy wants to get caught. Perhaps he’s been hanging nearby a lot longer and I’m just realizing it. My pulse beats wildly, the whooshing pounding in my ears as I continue watching him. This reaction isn’t from fear but rather a startling awareness of his recurring presence. I’m not scared of him, though most might be, and the need to know why snakes through my system.
We’ve been playing an intense game of hide-and-seek since that afternoon outside Aire Gardens almost a week ago. I’ll go somewhere—my studio, Brewed Awakenings, around campus, my apartment—and after settling in, begin searching for him. He’s always there, waiting to be spotted. Each time I find him, my belly tightens as a smile lights up my face. Discovering him out there, lingering in the background, has become something I really look forward to.
Why didn’t I notice sooner?
Perhaps it’s my total inexperience with dating, and the opposite sex in general, that has me getting far too attached to these moments. I’m getting wrapped up in the fantasy of him, of what he represents. This stranger—Seek is what I’ve started calling him—is the closest thing to a boyfriend I’ve ever had. I find myself daydreaming about him, wondering who he really is, when did he find me, and most importantly—why me?
I press my palm flat against the cool glass and stare at him leaning against the large oak tree outside the Student Center. My thoughts are becoming more and more consumed with a guy I don’t even know—at least not really. Yet it seems like I do.
Seek is wearing all black again, just like the other times I’ve found him lingering. The leaves and grass are bright green so his dark form is easy to spot. My eyes scan the busy campus and discover people are avoiding him. Even though the paths are cramped, everyone gives him a wide berth. I tip my chin and wonder if he prefers it that way. He doesn’t appear to want attention from others but what the hell do I know. My faces inches closer to the glass as I wait for him to address someone.
It’s as though he’s existing without really living, physically present without planting roots. Seek is like a shadow.
His face is completely hidden by a hood so I can’t gauge his expressions or reactions to what’s going on around him. Seek’s broad shoulders are almost wider than the tree trunk and his height towers over most passing by. Maybe they’re afraid but I’m not.
I know plenty about wanting to fade away from certain situations, as if I’m not here at all. The burning attacks my lungs when a man approaches, painfully stealing my breath. Why can’t I be invisible in those moments? Then creeps like David can’t see me. Maybe that’s why I find Seek so quickly—I know the best spots to hide.
But not from him.
I like that he sees me and appears to know where to find me. I’m aware of him too. Does that make me weird? Either way, I’ve been different my entire life so one more reason won’t tip the scale.
Guilt pinches my gut as the confusing connection between us appears to grow stronger. Since moving to Webster and starting college, I’ve only experienced this calming sense after receiving a gift from my secret admirer. I thought that was something special but Seek has me all mixed up.
I glance down at the note from this morning, written in the same bold script on the familiar yellow post-it.
The sun, it gives us light, but most importantly, it gives you to me.
I’ve saved each one. My wooden box at home is almost stuffed full with golden notes. Each one contains a short message from my secret caffeine and carbs supplier. The messages frequently reference the shining sun, warmth and light, smiles and laughter, or moments of joy. Sometimes the subject isn’t so happy, like black paint splattered against a white canvas, which makes me wonder about his mood in those moments. In one short sentence, they convey so much.
The words swirl through me as my fingers trace the letters. I contemplate the identity of the sender, wondering who’s behind these notes. These presents are from a person with a tender heart and romantic soul. Someone I hope to meet one day. Very soon.
My eyes lift to Seek and my wild imagination takes off at light speed. How crazy would it be if the two were connected?
The idea first popped into my mind when I thought Seek was following behind me after the terrible incident with David. When I’d subtly turned around, someone darted off the path before I got a decent look. Did he see what happened in my studio? Or maybe who left the coffee and bagel at the study cube? Exactly at the right moment? How else would my secret admirer know unless they’d been watching me . . . much like Seek is now.
There’s no way they’re the same person. But that doesn’t stop me from wondering.
The prodding urge to approach him pokes at me again. As I gaze at Seek’s downcast head, I wonder what would happen. Fear holds me back. The potential backlash of breaking the silence and closing the distance separating us hums through me like a warning but the need to know more about him bangs louder.
I jump what has to be five feet in the air when Lucy whispers in my ear, “What are you looking at?”
My heartbeat skyrockets as I force myself to turn away from the window.
“Luce, give me some damn warning next time. You scared the shit out of me.”
She rolls her eyes and pops out her hip. “If you weren’t staring like a creep, you would have heard me coming. What’s so interesting out there?”
“What do you mean? I was just looking at the grass finally turning green,” I mutter, trying to avoid her interest, but I should have known better. Lucy doesn’t let anything go.
“Liar. Just tell me or we’ll watch together until I figure it out. Like one of those hidden image games at the bar.” She smirks at me before peering outside.
I cross my arms, as if protecting my heart from a brutal blow. “The guy is back. The one who wears all black.” My voice is soft and barely there.
“The weirdo that follows us? Why are you staring at him? He’s freaky as hell!”
My hackles rise in defense as I practically growl, “Seek is not a freak! Don’t call him that.”
“What did you call him? Oh, no. No way. You gave him a nickname? Do you like him?!” Her brown eyes widen as her jaw hangs.
“I don’t even know him. But he . . . intrigues me.”
“Are you freaking serious? You’re terrified of all men except the scariest one of all. His size alone is enough reason to tuck tail and run.” She glances out the window in his direction. “I mean, look at how big he is. His shoulders are almost as wide as the tree trunk!” Lucy’s tone goes shrill at the end and I wince before peering at her.
“Stop it. You’re judging him. We don’t know anything about him other than he hangs around a lot of our frequent stops. He’s probably very nice.” I sigh in exasperation, my fuse shortening by the second.
Lucy scoffs. “Why are you defending this dude? He’s been stalking us for who knows how long. Don’t give me that nonsense about it being coincidence. He’s probably planning—”
“Okay, seriously. Knock it off, Luce. You watch way too many crime shows. He’s done nothing wrong. Maybe he likes you or something.” The words taste bitter on my tongue and a sharp throb stabs at my chest.
She shakes her head wildly. “Uh huh, yeah right. I should go out there and give him a piece of my mind. If he’s not following us, it sure as hell seems like it. If he’s interested in me, I do not appreciate his wooing strategy. He needs to find somewhere else to hang out.”
“No!” I squeeze my eyes shut for a few seconds. “Let’s just leave him alone. Seek is harmless. He never gets close enough to be considered threatening. I actually think he’s helpful.”
Lucy looks at me with a blank stare, as if she can’t believe what I just said.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
I bite my lip while deciding how much to share. “I’m pretty sure he was around the night David was harassing me.” She motions with her hand for me to keep going. “I told you about the bank calling with the false charges, but there’s more. I saw someone wearing black in the alcove and he might have followed me home. From a safe distance.”
“And why do you think it was him?” She juts her chin toward Seek outside.
I nod slowly. “Guess what else? When I got upstairs to the computer, there was a coffee and bagel waiting.” I scrunch my face, waiting for her ridicule.
She gasps. “Like the coffee and bagel?”
“Yeah,” I say slowly. “I’m not sure what to think. It’s a weird coincidence, right?”
Lucy stays quiet for a few beats, cranking up my nerves. “You can say that again. Seems like both are trying to protect you.” She sighs before saying, “That’s twisted but also really sweet. I’m not sure how to really feel about it.” She tilts her head slightly while staring at me. “Now I really want to ask him what the hell he’s doing.”
“What? No. No, no, no. Can’t we just wait and see?”
“Until what? He makes a move? Seek, which is a ridiculous name by the way, looks very comfortable against that tree. What if he keeps this weird shit up for years without revealing his identity? Then you’ll have two big question marks.”
I drop my gaze to the floor. “I know,” I grumble.
“So, let me go ask him. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“He could leave.” My heart stutters at the thought.
“And? What would be so bad about that? It’s not like you’re getting to know him from here. Besides, I’m not confident he’s stellar crush material.” Lucy reaches out and touches my arm, squeezing gently. Her gaze is warm and comforting but her words sting.
Another cramp attacks my chest.
“There’s something about him, Luc. I don’t know what it is or how to describe it other than he’s calling out to me. For years, I’ve been slowly getting attached to my mysterious gift giver. How could I not? And now that I’m assuming who it could be, my unexplainable attraction is stronger. Seek already means something to me, no matter how crazy that sounds. I don’t want that to end.”
She raises a questioning brow. “Okay, wow. I didn’t know you had all that trapped inside you. He’s only been around for . . . what? A week? I can try to be more supportive. Maybe. There’s so much you seem to be hiding. You won’t even share the notes with me,” Lucy whines while flicking the paper still clutched in my palm.
“They’re private,” I whisper while glancing outside quickly. Seek is exactly where I saw him last but his head is no longer downcast. It seems like he’s looking right at me. A shiver races up my spine as a decision settles in my gut. “I’ll go to him.”
Lucy chuckles but stops suddenly when she catches my serious expression. “I’m sorry, what? You’re going to talk to him? You? The girl who refuses to speak to any guy? I don’t believe that for a second.”
“He’s different. I’m not afraid of him. I think he’s been waiting for me to notice him.” Lucy is the one hearing my words but they’re spoken for Seek. “I’m ready to meet him.”
“When? Like right now?” She almost yells the last part and I shush her without taking my gaze off Seek. “Len, look at me.”
A heavy sigh deflates my shoulders as I force my eyes to hers.
“This is serious, Boo. Regardless of your freaky intuition or whatever, that man could be dangerous. If you’re honestly going to approach him, I’m coming with you. No arguing.”
My lips twist in thought. If Lucy tags along, she’ll understand what I already know about him. Plus, she has a way of calming my crazy. Even though Seek doesn’t make me nauseous or ready to bolt, I’m full of uncertainty.
I nod while agreeing, “All right. Let’s go.”
“Dude. Slow down. We should make a plan. What if he pulls out a weapon when we get too close?” Her sharp tone has my spine snapping straight.
“It’s broad daylight, Luce. You’re being really paranoid. I don’t see what the big deal is.”
“That’s exactly the problem. Your self-preservation is totally whacked. And that’s why you have me.” She smiles wide, pride shimmering on her face.
My own lips lift in a small grin as I shrug my shoulders. “It’s time for me to be risky, especially because it feels right.”
She sighs before saying, “You win. I guess this is happening. Right now, apparently.”
“Yes. I’m ready.” I tell her for the second time. My head twists back to the window as I silently prepare for what’s about to happen. Seek is still there, waiting and watching.
Lucy remains quiet beside me, looking toward the mysterious man too.
Hopefully not a mystery for long . . .