Chapter 27

Julie breathed in the familiar aroma of her childhood. Her mother’s home had always smelled deceptively like sugar cookies. Even though Becky Chandler believed in healthy eating. Sweets were reserved for birthdays and holidays—no exceptions.

Her mother placed a mug of hot chamomile tea in front of her and sat at the table across from Julie. “I am so happy to have you closer to home. I missed you when you lived in Charlotte.”

Julie’s eyes suddenly watered. “Mom, I’m sorry for not visiting more often.” She swallowed thickly. How had she let a man keep her from coming home? On Christmas she’d wanted to be here, but Daren had wanted to take a sunny cruise three years ago. And he’d insisted on visiting friends the Christmas after that.

“Oh, honey. Don’t worry about it. I knew how busy you were. You had other, more important things to do.”

“Nothing is as important as you. And Kat. Family is important to me, and I promise you I’ll never stay away that long again.” No matter if life took her away from Seaside, she’d still visit at every opportunity. She’d be home every Christmas from here on out. No cruise could ever take the place of her mom’s honey ham or Kat’s sixteen-layer chocolate cake.

“I never liked that guy of yours much, you know,” her mother said then.

Julie looked up from her mug of tea. “But you never said anything.” From what Julie could tell her mother had been impressed with Daren. He owned his own business and was always polite when he saw her. Everyone who ever met Daren thought he was the smartest, funniest, most good-looking guy around. Julie’s friends in Charlotte had all envied her for getting to go home with him.

“I didn’t say anything because you’re an adult now. I have to let you be your own woman.”

Julie shook her head. She’d wasted that opportunity by letting Daren control her. “I just hope I become as good a woman as you.”

“Aww. Honey, you already are. I am so proud of who you’ve become.”

Julie’s eyes welled, but she was all out of tears, so instead she blew out a breath and smiled. “Thank you,” she said, reaching for her mother’s hand and squeezing. “That means a lot to me.” The truth was she was proud of who she’d become, too. Who she was still becoming.

They visited for another hour and then Julie drove home. She’d picked up some food at the grocery store earlier and planned on cooking herself a nice meal. It didn’t matter that it was just for her. It would just be her from now on, and that was okay. She couldn’t deny that she missed Lawson. She missed him so much that she tossed and turned most nights. Hopefully that would lessen with time. With time she’d forget how great it had felt to be loved by him, and how horrible it had felt to realize her feelings for him had been stronger than his were for her. To realize that she’d been so wrong about him, too.

Silence greeted her as she unlocked her front door and stepped inside. This was Kat’s home. Her sister had been nice enough to let her stay here, but it was time she found a place of her own. She had a good job now. She was no longer in limbo here in Seaside. Maybe after dinner she’d go online and start hunting for an apartment to call her own.

Lawson exhaled as he landed the Huey helicopter after a long day of training with the guys. He’d flown twice since the rescue mission last week, and he’d been fine. In fact, today he’d even enjoyed himself, just like old times.

With everything shut down, he exited the aircraft and started walking toward the building to get his things. He’d heard that the guy they’d rescued last week was doing well. He had a broken leg and a few cracked ribs, but he was expected to make a full recovery. Lawson planned on heading over to the hospital right now to see for himself.

Griffin was standing by his truck as he headed toward the parking lot. “You looked good up there.”

“Thanks, man.” Lawson followed his gaze toward the sky where one lone Osprey was making its way to the landing field. He didn’t shudder or cringe. “I felt good,” he said.

“Glad to hear you’ll be staying at Camp Leon awhile longer. It wouldn’t be the same around here without you. Heroes later?”

Lawson shrugged. “We’ll see. I’m on my way to visit McKinley right now.”

Griffin nodded. “I didn’t realize you knew the kid in that parachute accident.”

“I don’t. But I watched him get pulled out of a tree. I feel like I know him. I hear he’s mostly sedated. I just want to lay eyes on him.”

“Makes sense. Maybe I’ll catch you later then,” Griffin said, walking back to his motorcycle, parked several rows away. Griffin always parked as far away from everything as possible, to avoid any kind of scratches to his bike. It made Lawson smile. His friend really needed to get a woman to take that good care of. Who was he to talk, though? He’d had a good woman and he’d let her go. Fixing that mistake was on his to-do list. He’d decided to fix it, or try, before he’d gotten his second chance as an active Marine Corps pilot. He’d just wanted to give Julie time to cool off.. And he’d needed to come up with something good to win her back, because walking up to her and admitting he was a jackass wouldn’t suffice. Now that he was staying in Seaside, Julie would probably assume he was just coming back because his orders changed. She’d think she didn’t matter enough to him for him to fight for her, which was about as far from the truth as she could get.

Lawson looked up at the Naval Hospital, comprised of a tall tower with three smaller adjoining buildings that catered to the various needs of its patients. Sergeant McKinley was on the third floor in room 311. Lawson hoped as he walked down the sterile hallway that McKinley would be resting. There was no reason to meet the kid. He just wanted to take a peek, to see that his vitals were fine and that sometimes things worked out okay. Not always, but sometimes.

He took the stairs instead of the elevator, needing to get his nervous energy out, then walked briskly toward room 311. The door was open. A young man in his early twenties looked over as Lawson stood there.

“Hi,” he said.

Lawson was still in his flight suit. He took a breath and stepped inside the single-occupancy room. “Hi. I, uh, I’m Captain Phillips. Lawson. Call me Lawson.”

Sergeant McKinley pushed himself up in the bed. “I’m Eric.” He looked confused.

“I was part of your rescue team,” Lawson said, standing next to his bed now. “I was just passing through and thought I’d check on you.” A little white lie never hurt anyone.

Eric smiled. “I guess I owe you a thank-you.”

“That’s not why I came.”

“I wish I could thank everyone who helped. I’m alive another day. Thank you. I have a new lease on life, and I’m not going to waste it.”

Lawson pulled up a chair and sat. “I should be thanking you for holding on. It felt good to see someone get pulled out alive.” There he went, talking about his feelings again.

They talked a few more minutes and then Lawson stood to leave. “Take care, Eric.”

Eric gave him a salute. “Yes, sir. Thank you,” he said again.

Lawson’s heart squeezed. He walked out of the room and back toward the stairs with one thing left to do before he went home tonight—hopefully not alone.

Julie was tired, but energized at the same time. She’d spent a full day at the Veterans’ Center and it’d been wonderful.

She slid into her car, ready to go home, alone, when her phone buzzed. Beth Phillips’s phone number popped up on the caller ID.

“Hey,” Julie said with a smile. She may have hated Beth’s brother right now, but Beth and Sabrina were still on her good side.

Okay, hate was something she was striving for when it came to Lawson. Anything except the love that still resided in her heart.

“Julie. Can you do me a massive favor?” Beth asked.

Concern filled Julie. “Something wrong?”

“No. Not exactly. I just have an errand I need to do and I don’t have anyone to take care of Sabrina. I can’t take her with me.”

“Oh.” Julie smiled to herself, relaxing a little. She missed having alone time with the little girl over the last week. This would actually serve her well because a night of tea parties and makeovers was just the thing to take her mind off Lawson for the next few hours. “Sure. I’m in my car now. I’ll come right over.”

“Lifesaver,” Beth said. “See you in a few.”

Julie tossed her phone into the passenger seat and felt a momentary wave of panic. What if she ran into Lawson at Beth’s house? Surely Beth would’ve asked him to watch Sabrina if he was available, though. Julie shook her head. She was being silly. Seaside was a small town. They’d run into each other eventually.

And during those times, she’d ignore him, which is what she should’ve done from the beginning.

She pulled into Beth’s driveway a few minutes later and got out. She was still in her yoga pants, which was her work attire from now on. She still couldn’t believe she’d scored her dream job. She’d thought she’d scored her dream man, too, but life was never that kind.

“Ms. Julie!” Sabrina came bounding out of the screen door, dressed in a little orange dress that made her look like a blurry fireball dashing across the lawn.

Julie laughed. Lawson had installed all the safety procedures to make sure his niece couldn’t get out without an adult and yet Sabrina’s strong will got past them all. She was so much like her uncle in that way. “Where is your mother?” Julie asked.

Sabrina grinned and pointed to the barn.

Brow furrowed, Julie turned to see that, yes, the barn doors were open. “Then why are you out here all alone?”

A woman stepped out onto the porch and called Sabrina’s name.

“That’s my babysitter,” Sabrina said. “I’ve got to go! Bye!”

Now Julie was thoroughly confused. If the babysitter was here, why did Beth call her to come?

Julie headed toward the barn to go find out. “Hey,” she said a moment later.

Beth was running a brush over Jax’s brown coat, talking softly to the horse as Julie walked up. Beth turned and smiled brightly. “Jax is ready for you. I’ll take Bon-Bon.” She pointed at a pair of riding boots and a helmet nearby. “You need to wear the proper gear.”

“Gear?” Julie glanced between the boots and Beth.

Beth wasn’t paying attention to her, though. She busied herself preparing the horses. “Better go ahead and get the gear on. The sun will be heading down in an hour or so.”

Julie did as she was asked. “I don’t understand. You wanted me to watch Sabrina, but her babysitter is here.”

Beth turned, looking sheepish. “I actually really needed you to take a ride with me.”

“Oh.” Julie shook her head. She and Beth were friends. Beth didn’t need to trick her to get her to come over. “You can call me anytime, Beth. And I like horseback riding.” Even though it would always remind her of Lawson.

“Great.” Beth started leading the horses out of the barn. “Now let’s get moving,” she ordered.

Julie pulled the awkward helmet onto her head.

“Do you need help mounting?” Beth asked.

“No. I think I can do it.” Julie placed one foot in the stirrup and jumped, pulling with her arms at the same time. She was amazed when she found herself sitting snug in Jax’s saddle. She guided the horse up next to Beth’s and they started toward the dirt path that Lawson had led Julie down once.

Don’t think about him.

“How’s Sabrina?” Julie asked instead, a little disappointed that she wouldn’t be spending girl time with her tonight. Being with Beth was good, too, though.

“She’s learning to play piano.” Beth laughed. “I think I have a future entertainer on my hands. She loves the spotlight.”

Julie nodded. “I don’t know. She’s pretty good at yoga, too.”

Beth glanced over, her expression turning serious. “Lawson misses you, you know?” she said.

Julie’s breath stilled. His words reverberated through her. I don’t love you, Julie. “We’re over, Beth. Really over.”

“Are you sure?” Beth asked.

“Ask your brother how sure he is.” Because he’d been sure when he’d broken up with her. He hadn’t flinched or hesitated. He’d just ended things like what they’d had never meant anything. And maybe it hadn’t—to him.

The pathway opened up to a field of dandelions ahead. Julie remembered how breathtaking the scenery was.

“Let’s not talk about Lawson, okay?” she said, sucking in a deep breath.

“No talking about Lawson. Got it.” Beth nodded. They entered the field and then Beth turned her horse around. “I hope you won’t be mad at me,” she said, soliciting Julie’s attention.

Julie looked over. “Mad?”

Beth pulled on the reins at her horse’s muzzle. “I’ve got to go. I’ll see you soon, okay?” she said with a bright smile.

“What? Wait, what are you doing?” Julie’s heart started hammering. Beth couldn’t just leave her here. Sure, she could probably get back on her own, but she was still an amateur at horseback riding.

Beth picked up her pace on Bon-Bon as she headed back down the path.

“Beth?” Julie called, looking over her shoulder. Her horse was still facing the field and she wasn’t sure she knew how to turn Jax around to follow suit. “Beth!”

“Julie,” a deep voice said in front of her.

It was muffled through her helmet, but she recognized it immediately. Her heart, her breath, everything froze. Slowly she turned to face him.

She didn’t want to love this man, but oh God, she did. She loved him so much that it hurt to think about him, to hear his name, to look at him. Lifting her chin, she narrowed her eyes, hoping her expression didn’t betray her. “Lawson, what are you doing here?”

He walked around to the side of her horse and reached up to help her dismount. She didn’t want to slip her hand in his. But she did want to. As he helped her down, she found herself standing close to him. So close she could smell him, could lean in and press her ear to his heart if she wanted.

I don’t love you, Julie.

She took a step backward instead.

“Wait here a minute.” Lawson grabbed Jax’s reins and led him to a nearby tree, securing him there. Julie watched and waited, wondering what would happen next. Next, he walked over to her and removed her helmet, his gaze latched on hers as he moved. She saw warmth there. Wanted to see love, but she was evidently bad at reading men.

Then he reached out his hand to her.

Her heart galloped like a runaway mare, wild and free. She couldn’t catch it if she wanted to. This man had stolen her heart over the last few months and she doubted now she’d ever rein it in.

He’d also broken her heart into a million little pieces that she doubted she’d ever reassemble, she reminded herself.

“Come with me,” he said, still holding his hand out to her.

He was wearing his cowboy hat, as always. The first time he’d brought her here, he’d placed his hat on her head. She’d kissed him that day, and fallen a little bit in love.

“I need to show you something,” he said. “Please.”

Against her better judgment, following her unruly heart, Julie slipped her hand in his. “Okay.” She let him lead her into the middle of the field. Breathing in the fresh air, she lifted her gaze to the sinking sun that gave way to an ambient light. It was beautiful, the perfect place for two lovers.

But Lawson didn’t love her back.

When they were standing in middle field, he turned and faced her, still holding tightly to her hand. “You changed my life over the past few months. I’ll never be the same because of you.”

She shook her head, not understanding. “Why am I here?”

“You’ve shown me your moves. Now I have some of my own yoga moves I need to show you.” He dropped her hand and stepped back, keeping his gaze sharp on her. Standing tall, he dug both of his hands into the middle of his chest. “This is the Me position. I’ve been one big jerk.”

Julie swallowed.

He moved his right hand over his chest. “This is the Heart pose. Mine is lost without you, Julie. I lied when I told you I didn’t love you. I was a fool and thought you’d be better off without me.”

“You could’ve let me decide that,” she whispered, fighting back her tears. He’d hurt her when he’d taken back his love. It still hurt to think about that night.

“You’re right. Julie, I love you. There’s no stopping that, not even if I wanted to. And I don’t want to.”

Her body trembled as she listened.

Then he dropped to his knees in front of her. “This is the Please-Forgive-This-Stupid-Jerk pose. I plan on holding it for as long as it takes.”

“For what?” she asked, lifting her chin and wishing she wasn’t hanging on his every word.

“For you to say that you forgive me. This is a tandem pose. Forgiveness takes two people. One to ask and the other to say they will. I’m so sorry I hurt you, Julie.”

She took a long breath. “Lawson, you’re only doing this because you’re staying. If you were still leaving, you wouldn’t be taking me with you. I never mattered to you enough.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. She couldn’t hold them back anymore.

He reached for her hand and held it in his as he remained on his knees. “That’s where you’re wrong. You mattered too much. I didn’t want to tear you away from your home.”

“You’re a Marine. You could get orders five minutes from now. Then what?”

He stood, leveling his gaze with hers. “Then I’ll selfishly beg you to go with me. I don’t want to lose you ever again. I meant it when I first told you I’m in love with you. I mean it even more now.”

Her breath hitched in her chest. He lifted a finger and wiped away her tears.

“I love you, too,” she whispered, unable to hold on to her anger. “And you’re wrong. This town is where I was born, but with you is where I’m home.”

“Can you forgive me?” he asked.

She sniffled and nodded. “Don’t even think about leaving without me ever again, though,” she said, forcing a stern voice.

“Yes, ma’am.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her mouth softly for a long moment. Then, pulling back, he met her tear-filled gaze again. “This is the pose I like best. My arms around you, holding you, loving you.”

“Do you have a name for this one, too, Captain?” she asked, pressing her body into his, melting against his warmth.

“Yeah. This is called the Forever pose.”

She smiled up at him, so in love with this man. “It’s my favorite.”

“Mine, too.”

Then, as the sun melted on the horizon, painting a backdrop of pink and orange and blue, Lawson laid out a blanket and guided Julie to the ground, laying her back in the middle of the field of dandelions.

“Don’t ever try to leave me again,” she whispered, as he sprinkled kisses along her neck.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He lifted his head, looking down at her, serious. “You tame every wild part of me. You calm my storm and make me feel like I’m flying. You are everything to me, Julie, and I will spend every second, of every day, for the rest of my life hoping I can be the same for you.”

She cupped her hands around his face. “You have yourself a deal, cowboy.” Although he was already all those things to her and more. “Now make love to me,” she said, laughing.

Lawson dipped and pressed his mouth to hers. “Forever,” he whispered.

She savored the sound of that word on his lips. “Forever,” she answered back.