Chapter 17

The doorbell rang and Julie’s heart sank to her knees. It’d been a long time since she’d been on a real date. What she’d been doing with Lawson had started to feel like dating, but she’d told herself it wasn’t real. They’d agreed on as much.

Now, maybe things were starting to become real between them, though. She wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Was she ready for another relationship?

The doorbell rang again. And again. And again. Impatient much?

Julie walked to the door and opened it, laughing as she saw Sabrina standing there, dressed in jeans and a pink western-style shirt with a fancy pink cowgirl hat on her head. “Well, hello there.”

Sabrina smiled. “Hi, Ms. Julie.”

“Where’s your uncle?”

Lawson stepped into the doorway with a slow, curl-her-toes grin. He was also dressed in jeans and a western shirt.

Julie glanced down at her own dress and cardigan wrap. She did have on a pair of pink cowgirl boots that matched the floral print of her dress perfectly. “I might be overdressed for this date. I’ve never been to a riding show before.”

Lawson shook his head, then pulled a hat that matched Sabrina’s from behind his back. “I considered bringing you flowers, but decided on this instead. Wear this and you’ll fit in just fine.”

Julie laughed as he placed it on top of her head. No matter that she’d just spent the last thirty minutes straightening her hair. “I love it. Thank you.”

He reached out for her hand. “Shall we?”

She placed her hand in his, feeling a jolt of excitement shoot through her. They buckled Sabrina in her booster seat in the cab of Lawson’s truck and then climbed into the front seat next to one another.

Julie tapped her fingers nervously on her lap. The energy in the air was different between them today. A first date wasn’t about sex. It was about romance, and Lawson had already supplied a healthy dose by picking her up at her door and bringing her a gift. Even with a child in tow, he was smooth.

He turned on the radio and glanced over at her with a smile. He changed the station repeatedly until he found a song about winning a woman over. Her heart gave a little sigh. They were ten minutes into their first date and she was already a goner.

Three love songs later, they parked and headed toward a modest arena with bleachers lining both sides.

“Do you ride in these shows, too?” she asked, taking a seat beside him in the stands. Sabrina sat on her other side, snuggled close.

“I used to when I was a kid. Then I lost interest. I got much more interested in girls.” He winked, catching her eye. “I’m still much more interested in the girls.”

Heat burned her cheeks.

“One in particular. Thanks for joining me today.”

“Thanks for asking.”

He leaned forward and looked at Sabrina, who was consumed in playing a videogame on his phone. He lowered his voice. “I made a lot of apologies the other night, but I want to reiterate one thing I’m sorry about.”

“What’s that?”

“The way I left on Thursday morning.”

She laid a hand on his forearm. “Really, you don’t have to apologize.”

He looked out on the arena where the riders were preparing for their show. “My father always taught me that a man doesn’t show his fear. I guess I was embarrassed.”

“Do you have…a lot of nightmares?” she asked, wondering if he’d talk to her this time.

He nodded. “He also taught me that a man doesn’t talk about his problems.”

Julie frowned. “You don’t talk about what you’ve been through? With anyone?”

He shook his head. “Not usually. But I’ve started seeing a psychologist on base recently. It’s helped a little.” He looked at her long and hard. “Have you talked to anyone? Seems to me you chose yoga over talking about what you’ve been through.”

She glanced at Sabrina to make sure she was still occupied. “It’s not the same. What happened to you, what you’ve seen, it’s too much for someone to keep inside. I’m fine.”

“Pot, meet Kettle.”

She laughed, wringing her hands in her lap, uncomfortable with where the conversation was going. Daren needed to be in her past, but he wouldn’t be until she worked up the nerve to face him again. The only person she needed to talk to was him.

Lawson gestured toward the arena. “Hey, Sabrina. Looks like your mom is first up.”

Sabrina tore her gaze from the phone in her hand and smiled wide, bouncing lightly on the bleachers. “Yay! I hope she wins all the ribbons!”

Julie laughed, wrapping an arm around Sabrina’s shoulders. “Me, too, sweetheart. I hope so, too.”

Two hours and a box of peanuts later, Julie walked with Lawson and Sabrina down to the stables to congratulate Beth on her three wins.

“You were awesome,” Julie said, wrapping Beth in a hug. “I didn’t know Jax could do all that.”

Beth’s cheeks were rosy from the excitement of her wins. She scooped Sabrina up in her arms and held her against her chest. “Thank you. I have to say, it felt really good to be back in the saddle.”

Lawson’s smile faded. “Those words should never come out of my little sister’s mouth.”

She punched his shoulder. “Trust me, that’s not the kind of saddle I want to be back in right now.”

Julie shook her head. “As good as you are on a horse, you should be doing it professionally.”

Beth shrugged. “That was the plan before…” Her voice trailed off. “It’s still the plan. One day.”

“You bet it is.” Lawson knocked his shoulder against Julie’s. “My Uncle Lawson duties are over for the rest of the evening. What do you say we go on part two of this date?”

“Date?” Beth looked between them.

Lawson held up a hand. “I know what you’re going to say.”

“I don’t think you do.” Beth grinned. “I think this is wonderful. Don’t you, Sabrina?”

Sabrina nodded, enthusiastically. “Definitely. I’d love for Ms. Julie to be my aunt.”

Julie’s mouth fell open. “Um…I…”

“Dating doesn’t mean they’re getting married,” Beth said. “Not yet at least.”

Lawson’s jaw was hanging open now, too. He closed it and reached for Julie’s hand. “Let’s get out of here before she starts wishing two point five children and a white picket fence on us. See you, girls,” he said, waving at his sister and niece, then dragging Julie away.

“So, what exactly is part two of the date?” she asked, leaning into him as they walked. The air was cool as the sun began to sink toward the tree line. A soft breeze rustled her dress against her skin, adding to her awareness.

“Are you going to think I’m being controlling if I say the next thing I have planned is a surprise?”

“No. I’m starting to see that you’re nothing like my ex. And I’m starting to really like who you are.”

He stopped walking and turned to her. “Starting to?” he asked.

She positioned her fingers in front of her to measure an inch. “Just a little.”

He took ahold of her hand and pulled it to his lips, kissing the backs of her fingers. “I’ve liked you since the moment I met you. And I’m starting to think that’s not such a bad thing after all.”

Her breath shuddered in her chest. “Starting to?” she asked.

He measured an inch between his fingers. “Just a little.”

Lawson glanced over at Julie, seated beside him in his truck. “You look a little nervous. I thought you said you trusted me.”

“I do. It’s just…” She stared out the windshield. “Where are we?”

With a laugh, he turned the truck and headed to the back entrance of the military base.

“You’re taking me on base?” she asked, as they slowed behind a line of vehicles waiting to be waved through by the guards at the gate. “I am at a complete loss.”

He reached a hand out and squeezed her thigh. “Patience, darling. Patience.”

“That has never been a virtue of mine.”

He flashed his military ID and the guard saluted him and waved him through the back gate. A short drive later, he drove through a parking lot at the airfield and backed his tailgate up to the shadowed woods. He turned off his headlights. “Here we are.”

Julie chewed her bottom lip. “Um…”

“Come on.” He stepped out and grabbed a blanket from the cab of his truck. Spreading it out on the back of his tailgate, he motioned for Julie to have a seat. The sun was down now and darkness surrounded them. “When I was younger I used to do this outside the airport in San Antonio. There are a lot more aircraft to see there, coming and going all the time.” He joined her on the tailgate. The truck dipped under his weight. “I’ve always been fascinated by flying. I always knew I wanted to be a pilot.” He sucked in a long breath, looking out into the clear night sky. “Since I’ve returned home, just the sound of a helicopter has been…well, terrifying to me.” He looked over to gauge her reaction. Was she going to tear him down for admitting fear? Dr. Pierce had encouraged him to share the truth with someone else. He was sharing it with Julie.

She met his gaze evenly. There was nothing but acceptance in her eyes. “So why are we here? Aren’t airplanes going to fly over?”

“Helicopters will, for sure. Some of the guys are training right now.” He lay back onto the blanket and folded his elbows behind his head. “There’s this breathing technique you taught us during the first week of yoga class.” He sucked in a deep breath, held it, and blew it out. “It’s helped with some of the anxiety I feel around the helicopters.”

Julie turned to look at him. Then she lay back also, close enough that her arm brushed against his. “So you have learned something from me.”

He turned to look at her. “Darling, I’ve learned a whole hell of a lot from you. More than you know. The truth is, I haven’t been as on edge lately when a helicopter has flown over. I’m sitting in front of the airfield right now and I’m not even thinking about whether or not one will come crashing down on me.” He turned on his side, propping his head up with his shoulder. “All I’m thinking about is you.”

“You sure do know how to romance a girl, Captain. Riding shows. Airfields.”

“I do my best.”

She traced a finger over his arm. “Do you want to talk about what you were dreaming about on Thursday morning? What your nightmares are about?”

He took a long, deep breath. “I dream about the crash. The Marine that died. The ones that lived. That’s all.” This was the most he’d talked to anyone about what was going on in his head. He stared up into the starry night, waiting for a helicopter to fly across. It’d become like a personal challenge for him to see how many helos he could watch fly over without breaking into a cold sweat. He liked to control all of his responses: his heart rate, what he thought about when the aircraft flew over, the amount of sweat lining his skin.

“I read that you saved several lives,” Julie said quietly.

Lawson met her gaze. “You read about my accident?”

“Well, it was in the Seaside Daily News.”

He knew that. Everyone knew what had happened to him. They all thought he was a hero. That’s the way the article had portrayed him. He’d even been given a medal. The whole country had admired him.

“I don’t think of myself as a hero,” he said, his voice suddenly tight.

“Because you didn’t save everyone?”

He stared into her eyes, debating if he was going to tell the truth. This was his burden to bear, no one else’s. He nodded. “Yeah. A hero would’ve saved them all.”

Julie reached up slowly, moving her hand over his hair. Then she kissed his cheek softly, his lips. “You know that’s not true.”

Deep down he did. He knew it, but that didn’t keep the fact that Jenkins had lost his life from haunting him.

He reached a hand up to grab ahold of the one she had moving over his forehead. Then he pulled her toward him, suddenly needing to feel her against him. He kissed her, running his hand along her side, down her leg.

“We can’t do this here. This is Camp Leon. What if someone sees us?”

Lawson smiled against her cheek. “I’ve always been a rule breaker. And this is good for my stress. You’re good for my stress.”

Julie laughed, then gasped as he laid her on her back and crawled over her. “You’re serious?” she breathed.

“As a heart attack. We won’t get caught,” he promised. Most of the higher-ranking officers were home at this hour. And whoever was working had better things to do than survey the outer perimeter of the parking area.

She stopped protesting as he slid a hand under her dress. He couldn’t think of anything he wanted more right now than Julie. And that was a thought that scared him as much, if not more, than being at the airfield.

Julie moaned as Lawson tugged on her underwear. She’d always fantasized about having sex in the open, where anyone could see. But in the open on a military base? That seemed risky, which made what Lawson was doing to her body all the more intoxicating. He moved from her lips and began kissing his way down her body as she lay on the tailgate. She writhed, anticipating where he was going and what he was going to do.

Then he stopped. She opened her eyes and lifted her head to look at him.

Grinning devilishly, he shook his head. “No closing your eyes. Watching is half the turn-on.”

“Watching?” She swallowed thickly.

“You’ve never watched someone make love to you before?” he asked.

“No. Never.”

“Keep your eyes open this time,” he dared.

She did as he asked, watching as he caressed her inner thigh slowly, running his hand up between her legs. She gasped, working hard not to fling her head back and shut the world out. But he was right: watching him move as he made love to her was intoxicating. Arousing. He planted slow, gentle kisses over her most sensitive places, all the while keeping his gaze lifted, holding hers.

“Lawson,” she moaned, as his tongue caressed her, too. “Lawson.” She couldn’t help herself. She closed her eyes as he did magical things down under, saying his name again and again. “Lawson.”

“I thought you were going to watch,” he said, smiling at her as he crawled back up her body. Hovering over her now, he planted a soft kiss on her forehead as he pressed his groin against her so that she could feel him.

“I tried,” she said breathlessly.

“It’s okay. You can try again next time.”

She tugged on his jeans, peeling them down from his chiseled waist. Even in the dark she could see the defined ridges of his abs and hip bones. She wanted to take her time, to trace every beautiful line of definition with her fingers and tongue. “Take these off,” she ordered.

He cocked a sideways grin. “Public exposure is where I draw the line, sweetheart.” He sat up and unzipped his jeans just enough to free himself for her. Her dress was up around her waist. If someone came along, it’d be easy to push it back down and cover herself.

Making love with her clothes on—that was another first for her.

“Okay.” She lay back on the tailgate and smiled up at him, hoping no one saw, but enjoying the thought that someone might. She closed her eyes as he pushed his way inside her. After a moment, she forced her eyes open, meeting his gaze above her. Behind him was a black sky, accented by small, white stars. Time seemed to disappear as they clung to one another under those stars; as she stared into his eyes, falling a little deeper with every second that passed.

Somewhere in the distance, she heard a helicopter flying toward the airfield. Lawson didn’t flinch. His eyes stayed on her as he pushed deeper. He was focused on her, a man on a mission.

She pulled him closer. He’d opened up to her tonight. What did that mean, she wondered, trying hard, and failing, not to believe it meant everything.