Chapter Twelve
James sensed something was different with Noelle. Ever since he avoided the penthouse for several weeks something in their relationship had shifted. Noelle still gave herself to him freely, but still, something was off.
She dressed differently. Her clothes were flashier, more revealing and form fitting. Her hair had changed as well. He wasn’t up on the latest coifs but he assumed she’d added hair extensions that fell down the middle of her back. Noelle even wore colored contacts, and different colors. When he’d visit, sometimes her eyes would be blue. Once they were green. Another time they were hazel. Rarely did he see her natural dark brown shade which secretly he preferred. She even wore more makeup than when he’d first met her. While she still presented an attractive package, he missed the fresh-faced women he’d met originally, though he’d never admit it.
Her dramatic makeover however, wasn’t the most noticeable change in her. There was a distance between them on her end that hadn’t been there before. He’d never required her to be his friend or even chatty. She no longer asked him about his day and Noelle no longer volunteered tidbits of information about herself. Now when he arrived, she dropped whatever she was doing and would head to the bedroom with barely an acknowledgment. Though he loathed admitting it, he hated the change. But to say something would somehow alter things in a direction he wasn’t willing to take them in.
The smell of fresh baked goods infiltrated his nostrils the second he stepped over the threshold. Baking seemed to be the one thing that remained constant with her. It made the penthouse feel like a home. James headed to the bar to pour himself a drink, expecting Noelle to pop out of the kitchen to give him the vague greeting he had become familiar with recently.
He was halfway finished with his drink before deciding to go to her. James was a little annoyed as she came out of the kitchen. She must have heard him come in. It wasn’t as if he’d been particularly quiet. When he walked into the kitchen, however, it was to find her hunched over the island, with white ear buds in her ear and a pencil in hand. Noelle appeared to be sketching something that held her attention to the point that she hadn’t noticed him enter the room.
For the first time in weeks, her face wasn’t caked with makeup. Her hair was piled on her head in a messy bun and she wore a simple black t-shirt and a pair of jeans. She reminded him of when he’d first met her. James couldn’t tear his gaze from the sight of the innocent sensuality she presented, from the way she nibbled on her bottom lip to the way she’d periodically poke her tongue out to rest at the corner of her mouth. More than anything he wanted her attention to be on him so he could capture that tongue and suck it into his mouth as he fucked her senseless.
It was almost a shame to break her from the deep concentration she was obviously in, but seeing her this way did things to his libido that was probably outlawed in several states. His gaze drifted to the image on the sketchpad which looked to be a landscape. What really surprised him most was how good it was. He knew she was an art school dropout but he had no idea she was this talented. Taking a step forward to get a closer look, he brushed up against the island. The movement must have caught her attention because Noelle raised her head with a startled gasp.
She flipped the pad over in an obvious attempt to hide her work from him and popped out her ear buds. “Sorry I didn’t hear you come in. Let me turn off the oven and I’ll head upstairs.”
Just like that he could actually feel that invisible wall she erected between them. Though James would never mention it, he didn’t like it one bit. Noelle removed a muffin pan from the oven and placed them on top of the stove without a glance in his direction.
“It smells great, Noelle.”
She stiffened momentarily. “Thanks,” she replied matter-of-factly.
After plucking off her oven mitts and tossing them on the counter, she brushed past him. James reached out and caught her by the arm. “You don’t have to hurry off.”
Noelle looked pointedly at the hand restraining her, then raised her head to lock gazes with him. Her expression was closed and it drove him crazy; he couldn’t read her mood like he usually could. “I’m kind of sticky from being in the hot kitchen for most of the afternoon. I need to go freshen up.”
“You seem fine just the way you are. Have a drink with me.”
She crinkled her nose, her bemusement obvious. “Why?”
“Do I need a reason?”
She opened her mouth and then closed it as if she thought better of it. “I guess not. Should I fix it for you?”
James wished he knew what she was about to say. “If there’s something on your mind, you can tell me, Noelle.”
She gave him a slight smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Um, thanks. So, what would you like to drink?”
He stifled a frustrated grunt. “I’ll get it myself,” he muttered leaving the kitchen.
She didn’t follow him out to the living room immediately. As he waited for her he poured himself a glass of scotch and leaned against the bar, trying to figure out why the hell this change in Noelle bothered him so damn much. She was still accommodating which was all he really required. But her sudden personality change didn’t sit well with him.
She finally came out of the kitchen with what looked like a glass of fruit juice. “I hope you don’t mind but I don’t think I can stomach any heavy alcohol right now, but I didn’t want you to drink alone.”
For the first time since he arrived, he noticed the strain on her face. Something was obviously bothering her and he needed to know what was going on with her. “Noelle. Something is bothering you. Tell me what it is.”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
She answered too quickly. “Noelle…”
“I’m just not feeling one hundred percent is all. No biggie.”
“Funny. You seemed fine when I came here,” he noted before taking another sip from his tumbler.
She took a considerable pause before replying. “I’m sure you’re not interested in discussing the state of my health, James. And for the life of me, I don’t understand why we’re even talking instead of heading to the bedroom.” There was a slight edge to her tone one he’d never heard her use.
“You’re here to fulfill any need I require. And right now it would satisfy me to have a conversation with you.”
Noelle squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. She let out an exaggerated sigh. “What do you want to talk about James?” Noelle sounded as if she couldn’t be bothered.
He placed his drink on the bar and stalked in her direction, closing the short distance between them. James placed his hands on her shoulders. “Look at me, Noelle.”
Slowly, she dropped her hand and raised her head. Her dark brown eyes glimmered with the sheen of unshed tears, her expression pained. “Noelle, what’s going on? I realize I can be demanding but I’m not a complete bastard.”
“In the grand scheme of things, I don’t think it matters. When you’ve gotten what you want from me and walk out that door, I seriously doubt my concerns will be on your mind. Now if you’ll please excuse me. I need to take something for my headache before it turns into a full blown migraine and heaven forbid if I’m unable to perform for you.” She practically slammed her juice on the bar and tried to move past him, but he grabbed her wrist.
“Whoa. What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You’ve never been interested in having a stimulating conversation with me when you come by. Why now? You just want sex and I accept that. So you don’t get to treat me like some mindless bimbo and then pretend you give a shit about whether something is bothering me. That’s not part of the deal.” She yanked her wrist from his grasp and maneuvered around him. This time he didn’t stop her.
What the hell was that about? It had been six months since he’d set Noelle up as his lover and he’d come to depend on these visits as a sanctuary from his hectic work and social schedule. With Noelle, James wasn’t quite as guarded. She never made demands on him as some of his previous lovers, and her presence always put him at ease. Sometimes he felt so comfortable around Noelle, he wanted to share things with her that he wouldn’t with anyone else. He never did, but the fact that he even wanted to frightened him a bit.
He was playing a dangerous game keeping her as his mistress, because she posed a threat to all he’d worked for since he was a teenager. He wouldn’t cast those ambitions aside for anyone, not even her.
Part of him wanted to go upstairs and smooth things over with Noelle but the other half said “screw that.” The second he caved to her whims meant he no longer held the upper hand. She accused him of treating her like “a mindless bimbo”, which wasn’t his intention, but he couldn’t help the way she felt. As Noelle had pointed out she was there because she wanted to be. James told himself he had no reason to be guilty.
The more James thought about it, his anger grew. She was no better than his other mistresses. Noelle was good at pretending she was the embodiment of sweet innocence but today proved otherwise. Her tirade had made him feel two inches tall. Long ago he’d made a promise to himself no one would ever make him feel that way again. He’d be damned if he allowed Noelle to call the shots because of his lapse of judgment where she was concerned. Who the fuck did she think she was to rail at him as if she had a say-so? There were hundreds of women who would love to be in her position. Perhaps she’d gotten it in her head that she was irreplaceable. She probably expected him to follow her.
He finished the rest of his scotch and pounded the tumbler against the bar. James had actually looked forward to spending time with Noelle but the day was ruined. Glancing at his watch he figured he could head to the gym and he’d call Eleanor to see if she wanted to have dinner. With that decided he headed out the door trying, to push down that nagging kernel of guilt that kept trying to resurface.
Noelle slowly opened her eyes, feeling a bit groggy and realized she must have fallen asleep. Glancing over on the nightstand she noticed it was six o’ clock. Instinctively, she knew James had left. A sickening sensation formed in the pit of her stomach. Was this the beginning of the end? Had she ruined any chances of penetrating that barrier James constantly wore like a shield? It was a rare occurrence when James showed any interest in her beyond the bedroom and today had seemed to be one of them. But she couldn’t smile in his face and be sweet. She wasn’t a good at faking her emotions nor could she pretend she wasn’t slowly dying inside to know she wasn’t enough. After seeing that picture of James in the newspaper with that beautiful socialite, something within Noelle had withered. That was why she’d lashed out at James. How could he do such wonderful things to her body and it not mean anything to him? It hurt so much, but he was an addiction she couldn’t quit.
She’d tried harder to be more compliant, changed her look to the point she barely recognized herself. From the hair extensions to the ridiculous range of colored contacts, Noelle tried to give James what she believed he wanted but it never seemed to be enough. She cursed herself for trying to recapture those fleeting moments of happiness they’d shared on their dates.
Noelle wasn’t sure how long she lay on the bed in a fetal position feeling sorry for herself, but she eventually got up to stretch her tense muscles. As she headed downstairs the insistent ringing of her cell phone brought Noelle out of her miserable musings. She secretly hoped it was James and was slightly disappointed when she spied the caller ID and saw it wasn’t.
“Hi, Simone!” Noelle attempted to inject as much cheer in her voice as possible but only managed to emit the pain she was in.
Her cousin picked up on it right away. “Cuz, what’s the matter?”
“I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
“Noelle, don’t lie. You sound like shit.”
“Gee, thanks, Simone,” Noelle replied dryly.
“I didn’t say it to be mean but I can tell by from the sound of your voice you’re not fine. Did James do something to you?” When Noelle didn’t answer right away, Simone persisted. “He did, didn’t he?”
Noelle knew better than to say anything negative about James around her cousin. She wasn’t in the mood for a lecture. “Do you mind if we don’t talk about James please?”
“But--”
“Please,” Noelle begged.
“Fine. But if I find out he did something to you, I’m cutting off his balls.”
Noelle rolled her eyes heavenward, thankful her cousin couldn’t see her expression. “Duly noted. So, are you calling to find out the status of my relationship or just to chit-chat?”
“Actually, I wanted to invite you come out with me and some friends tonight. That’s if you’re allowed out of the ivory tower.”
Noelle groaned. “Simone, please don’t start.”
“Sorry, but it’s kind of annoying how you keep turning down my invitations to hang out because you have to wait around for James. It’s almost like he’s holding you prisoner.”
“I can come and go as I please.”
“So there’s no reason why you can’t hang out tonight.”
“Other than the fact I don’t fucking feel like it. Now would you please get off my back about it?”
Silence greeted Noelle’s outburst and instantly she regretted it. Simone didn’t deserve that tongue lashing. This situation was really starting to get to Noelle but she had no right to take it out on her cousin. “I’m sorry. That was totally uncalled for. I know you mean well but I don’t think I’ll be the good company tonight.”
The uncomfortable silence continued.
“Simone, are you still there?”
“Yes,” her cousin finally answered.
“I’m really sorry, Simone. Please don’t be angry with me. I don’t think I could bear that on top of everything else.”
“I’m more concerned than I am angry. I’ve bit my tongue for the most part but I have to say my peace and I promise, after this I’ll try my best to not bring it up again. You’re so much better than the situation you’re in now. I don’t understand what you see in this guy.”
“Well, he’s good- looking and I’m sure many would find a billion reasons why he’s such a great catch,” Noelle laughed trying to inject humor into this situation, though failing miserably.
“Hon, do you hear yourself talking? A billion reasons? Seriously? You sound like a gold-digger with no self-respect. That’s not you. And when I say you’re better than this I mean you deserve someone who will put you on a pedestal, and not be ashamed to be seen with you in public. You’ve completely changed for him and I think you were just fine before you met him. And if he can’t see that it’s his loss.”
On an intellectual level Noelle understood what Simone was saying but she didn’t want to hear it. To accept her cousin’s words would only reinforce what she was beginning to realize for herself: James didn’t and would never love her. Most times she wondered why he’d chosen her in the first place. Had she been fooling herself all this time that he actually had a softer side to him? Noelle shook those painful thoughts away, not wanting to be pulled further into the abyss of depression.
“Are you still there, cuz?” Simone prompted.
“Yes,” she whispered softly.
“Look, I’ll tell you what. I’ll call the girls and cancel our plans for tonight. I’ll come over and we can pop popcorn and watch bad black exploitation movies. I can bring over my Dolomite collection.”
“No. Don’t cancel your plans on my account. You work hard so you deserve to have some fun.”
“You need to get out as well. I can’t have fun knowing you’re cooped up inside that penthouse feeling down on yourself. Besides, there will be plenty more opportunities for me and the girls to get together.”
Against her better judgment, Noelle caved. She wouldn’t be responsible for ruining her cousin’s plans because she knew Simone would be over like she said she would. “You don’t have to come over. I’ll meet you. Just tell me where.”
“Really? You won’t regret it. We’ll have a blast. We’re going to have drinks at that really snooty restaurant Isabella’s and then we’re going clubbing to get our grooves on.”
“Don’t you need reservations for Isabella’s?”
“Only for the dinner section. They have a lounge with a bar in it. It’s become quite a popular hangout. We’re planning to meet up around eight-thirty so you may want to eat before we hang out.”
After confirming the logistics Noelle hung up with resignation. That nagging sensation in the back of her mind refused to go away. She had a feeling this would be a long night.