Nine
Astoria
My mind whirls with what Parker told me. All these years, I was under the impression he cheated on me when that couldn't have been further from the truth. I'm not angry at him anymore. I'm angry at myself for not listening every time he tried to tell me what really happened. He wanted to do it face-to-face. I would have, too, if it were the other way around.
How do we go back? How do we capture all we lost? We're not the same people anymore. Four years is a long time. We've matured. Then again, when he held me, it was like time rewound and I was back where I always wanted to be, where I was meant to be—in Parker's arms.
Finn says nothing as he drives me home. I have to tell him I can't date him. God, I'm going to sound like such a bitch. One minute I say I want to see him again and the next I'm falling into Parker's arms. Yup, I’m a real class act.
He pulls into my driveway and parks, but doesn't shut the car off. His hand remains on the steering wheel, his eyes straight ahead. The light over the garage is on, bathing us in white light in the dark car. His jaw is clenched, his hand has a death grip on the steering wheel.
"I'm sorry," I mutter. I'm not sure what to say. He had to have seen Parker and me embrace.
"Me, too." He's too nice of a guy to say anything else. There’s no point in explaining. I can’t tell him what Parker revealed to me. I also don’t feel like I need to justify myself for my actions. While I did say we could date, we only went out once. I have to say something, though.
"I didn't mean for this to happen. I always thought Parker cheated on me, but..."
"But he didn't."
I shake my head. Tears begin to well in my eyes as Parker's words hit me all over again. The pain Blair went through at the hand of Parker's stepbrother is unfathomable. How can someone beat a pregnant woman in the stomach? A stomach that's filled with the life they created together? It makes me wonder how long he'd been abusing her. Bile rises in my throat at the thought of what she endured from someone who was supposed to love her. Parker did say there was more to the story.
I sniffle. Finn must take it that I'm upset over us. He releases the steering wheel. I let him believe it. I can't talk at the moment. If I did, I'd sob uncontrollably.
He brushes his thumb over my cheek then leans back with a sigh. "One day I'll have someone who will only be mine. Not a woman who belongs to another. I think I'm going to be single for a while. My dating record is shit." I nod and offer a sad smile.
“I really am sorry. I hope you believe that. I didn’t intend for things to happen this way.”
“I do. You’re a good person, Astoria. Make sure he treats you right.”
“He always has.” The truth of my words hit me hard, robbing the breath from my lungs. He was amazing to me, and I repaid his love by doubting everything we had.
Before getting out of the car, I give Finn a peck on the cheek. I don’t say anything else. This night has been one I’ll not soon forget. Everything involving Parker is etched in my memory with vivid clarity, including the time we spent together that summer.
Luckily, my parents are asleep when I get inside. If my dad were to see my puffy red eyes, he'd ask a hundred questions. My mom would give me a look of distaste but say nothing. She doesn't show emotion. That's reserved for breakdowns in the bathroom where no one will know any better. Except, I always knew. She'd fight with my dad, cry alone, and come out fresh as a daisy with a huge fake smile plastered on her face. God forbid she act human.
My dad, well, he always told me he loved me and was fiercely protective when I came home with a broken heart, thanks to Parker. I'm going to have to tell them how everything was a misunderstanding. I'm not sure how exactly, since I don't think it's my place to tell them about Blair and what she went through. From the sound of it, I'm not sure Cy and Eve know. No, I can't tell my parents the why, only that I was wrong.
When I reach my bedroom, I shut the door, strip off my clothes, and throw on a pair of cotton shorts and a tank top. An hour slips by, however, sleep never comes. All I can do is think of what I missed out on. Years I could have spent with Parker. Would we have gotten married after I graduated? Would we be talking about starting a family soon? Then I remember I forgot to call him. Fuck!
I sit up and grab my phone from the nightstand. It's midnight. If he's asleep, I don't want to wake him. Instead, I shoot off a text to let him know I'm home safe and apologize for not calling earlier. My phone rings seconds later.
"Fuck, Tora!" are the first words out of his mouth. "I was worried sick that something happened to you. I was just about to dial Bradley and go on the hunt for you. Please tell me he didn't just leave your house."
I smile. Parker cares. He never stopped. "He left a while ago. I forgot to call you. I'm sorry."
"Jesus. I didn't want to call you, because, what if..." he trails off.
"What if what?"
"What if after what I told you, you still decided Finn was the better option and you didn’t want to see me again?"
I inhale a deep breath and try not to rush into something with him. We're not the same. Nothing is the same, except maybe the love we have for each other, and even that isn't what it used to be. My heart was broken for years. Not to mention the fact that everything I thought I knew was a lie, the pain I've lived with is very real.
"Of course, I want to see you. But..."
"There's always a but."
"But it's going to take time. We can't jump back into things like four years haven’t gone by. Too much has changed."
"You're right. I had hoped you still loved me."
"Parker." I do love him. I never stopped loving him. Even broken, a part of my heart still beats for him.
"Can we meet tomorrow? For coffee?"
"I'd like that."
We settle on a time to meet at the little café in town and hang up. After another hour of my brain running through memory after memory of Parker and me together, I finally drift off to sleep.
****
My hands shake as I pull my hair into a ponytail. It's hot out and my nerves are only making me sweat more. So sexy. This should turn Parker on big time. Do I even want to turn him on? I have to admit the thought of him craving me causes my body to heat. I’m feeling more than I’m ready to admit to right now.
Why am I nervous? It's not like I haven't seen him since I've returned. Though, this is the first time it will be just us. The first since I've found out the truth. It feels like a first date.
I settle on an ivory summer dress that's airy and light. It has a halter top and hits just above the knee. After applying a little makeup and lip gloss, I’m ready to go.
Mom doesn't say anything as I walk through the kitchen. Dad peeks over his paper at me to smile. I always loved the weekends as a kid. It meant my dad was home and we'd spend a lot of time together. He doesn't know who I’m going to meet. A part of me wants to tell him. The other part whispers if I do, I'm never going to meet Parker on time. Hopefully, tonight I can talk to my parents. I'm dreading the conversation, but I need them to know Parker did nothing wrong and they can stop hating him. Maybe I'll ask Parker if I can reveal a little about what happened so they'll understand. I'm afraid if I say nothing, they'll think I'm just a lovesick girl all over again, wanting to believe an old flame.
The drive is short, and before I know it, I'm standing outside the café waiting for Parker. My stomach flutters with butterflies, yet I don't see him anywhere. Then I feel hands on my hips and breathe in everything Parker. Spinning, I place my hands on his chest and know my smile mimics his. God, I want to kiss him.
Using all of my willpower, I step back and watch as his face falls a fraction. He recovers quickly, acting like nothing changed and places his hand on the small of my back as we walk into the café.
Since it's the weekend, it's bustling inside. The line is almost to the door. All of the inside tables are taken, except one. I quickly leave Parker to order for us and claim the lone open spot.
As soon as he sits down with our coffees and Danishes, Kenzie strolls over to our table. I hold my breath, waiting to see what she'll say.
She slowly walks behind Parker then back. "Well, well, Maxfield. I see you've wormed your way back into Tori's life. Must have done some serious groveling to make that happen."
He flashes her his megawatt smile. "No groveling needed. Just the truth." His eyes find mine. My heart constricts at the pain which comes flooding back. He sees it clear as day on my face. His smile falls and he's standing, coming to my side of the table.
He drops to a crouch beside me. His voice is low so only I hear him. "I'm sorry, Tora. I wish I could take it away. All I can do now is make sure you’re happy every day going forward." I gently reach up and stroke the stubble on his chin. I'm not the only one who's hurting.
Kenzie groans. "Hello, eighteen-year-old Tori." We both glance up at her. "Listen, I don't know what happened, and I'm not sure I even want to. All that matters is Tori is happy, and you will never break her heart again. Because if you do, I'm going to break something on you. I might look delicate, but years of tae kwon do have done wonders for me."
Parker chuckles. "You have my word. I will do whatever it takes never to hurt Tora again."
"Awww, you're still calling her Tora. Fuck, it really is that summer all over again. Okay, I'll leave you two in peace. Just remember my warning, Maxfield. Your balls will be mine."
"Will do, Kenz."
Parker returns to his seat and we each take a sip of coffee. I'm too nervous to eat. Parker looks sexy as hell. It's not until now that I take him all in. His blond hair is combed back, slight scruff on his face, and mesmerizing green eyes, which only focus on me. And that's just the beginning. He's wearing a pair of blue and white plaid shorts with a matching blue polo. The sleeves pull tight over his muscular arms as he leans forward on the table.
I've not only missed him, but those strong arms wrapped around me. I remember with clarity what it used to be like when he'd strip me bare and his fingers, mouth, and cock used to make me come over and over again. I squirm in my chair at the thought. It's not the time. I said I wanted to take it slow and need to stick to that. Sure, I can easily jump back into bed with him, but we have a lot of catching up to do.
I’m not sure what to talk about, so I say the first thing that comes to mind. “Do you still play basketball?”
His eyebrows lift, and he smiles. “A little. Every once in a while, I drag Revere there to blow off steam.” I immediately start daydreaming about what Parker would look like now as he plays, glistening with sweat as his muscles flex with each shot he takes.
“Tora?”
“Hmmm?”
He chuckles. “What are you thinking about? You have this dreamy look to you.”
I snap back to the present, helpless to prevent the blush creeping over my cheeks. “Nothing,” I mutter, picking up my coffee to take a sip.
“Okay, I’ll let that slide.” Thank God.
Luckily, he changes the subject. We talk for a bit longer. Before we get up to leave, Parker asks, "Will you come somewhere with me?"
"That all depends."
"On?"
"Where we're going."
He rubs his hand on the back of his neck, and I remember him doing that before when he was nervous. "Blair's house. I want you to talk to her. She would like to tell you the rest of the story and give her side of things."
I still. Yes, Parker was only helping her, but that day—her naked body—it's all etched in my head like a nightmare. Although, if Parker and I have any chance of actually having a future together, I need to talk to her. She is very important in his life, therefore will need to be in mine as well.
Parker picks up on my hesitation. "She feels horrible, Tora. The guilt of being the reason we broke up has eaten at her over the years. She wants to do whatever she can to put your mind at ease."
"Okay," I murmur, still not sure if this is the right thing to do.
"Okay?"
I nod. I've either just made a very foolish decision, or one, which will hopefully help put my heart back together. I do need the whole truth to help me heal.