Seven
Astoria
Clubs are fun and a great way to release some steam, which I need to do. I would have preferred to come with a friend, but Finn asked me out and he seems like a nice guy. I'm not dating anyone else, so why not? Right?
We had dinner at a small bistro. It was intimate and not over the top. I told him I don't like fancy stuff and a simple sandwich was good enough for me. When I have dinner with my parents, everything is perfect. The food is presented on each of our plates without an herb out of place. The napkins are precisely folded. My mom doesn't know how to do it any other way. So, when I go out, I want basic, easy food.
Of course, the bistro Finn picked was on the higher end. At least there weren't snooty waiters or anything like that. It was laid back, even though the food was expensive. He insisted on paying. I would have gladly split the check with him.
After dinner we were headed to the club, hence my sparkly top. No, I didn't fit in at dinner, but I blend in at the club.
Once Eve and Cy stopped near our table, I couldn't help but look for Parker. Then again, maybe they were here for a date night. Finn and I were talking when they stopped but now that they're gone, I don't know what to say. It's like any tiny spark we may have had, is gone. If I’m being honest with myself, there wasn’t one to begin with. On the slim chance Parker could be here, I can't focus on Finn.
Sure, Parker broke my heart, but I find myself needing to see him. My jealousy would run rampant if I saw him with someone. He's definitely jealous of Finn and me going out. In the grocery store, I thought Parker was going to punch Finn. I don't remember him being violent. Maybe he changed a lot over the last four years. I wouldn’t know.
All of the sudden, I have the urge to get up and move. I don't want to sit in this stuffy booth anymore. I want to dance, but don't want to lead Finn on. I stand. Finn follows suit. "I'm going to the ladies’ room," I lie. I need a break. I'll come back when the next song starts.
Where the booth we’re sitting in is situated, I'm able to walk out of the VIP section and toward the dance floor without him noticing. The bathroom is in the other direction.
Weaving my way onto the dance floor, I give myself over to the beat. The bass thumps through me as the writhing bodies all around take my mind off everything except the way the music reaches my soul. My hips sway to the beat as I raise my arms over my head. I feel alive for the first time all night.
As I fully surrender to the music, fingers skate over my bare belly thanks to my shirt lifting up. I still. I might like dancing alone, but I will not let a stranger manhandle me.
I drop my arms so my top goes back down where it should be and try to turn, but those hands move to my hips, holding me in place. "It's only me, Tora," Parker says in my ear. Chills race up my arms as his breath tickles my skin. I try to step away. "Stay here. Dance with me. Don't think, just move."
Butterflies have taken flight in my stomach as Parker's hands gently guide my hips to keep me moving. I fight it for a moment, not sure if this is the right thing to do. As a matter of fact, I’m certain it's not. He's the one person who can destroy me and has, yet I'm allowing him to dance with me.
He presses his chest to my back, chasing the chills away, along with everyone around us. It's like the whole world fades away except for me, Parker, and the beat of the song. I lift my arms, letting the music drive my movements as Parker's hand finds my stomach again. His hips sway with mine in perfect synchronization.
"God, I've missed you," he admits, with his lips pressed to the side of my neck. No one has ever been able to turn me on like Parker. One touch, one kiss, and I'm done for. I’m barely able to hold myself up. He's familiar. Although, his hands seem more skilled now as I dance with him. His other hand reaches higher until his thumb brushes over my nipple beneath my top. I moan and tip my head back onto his shoulder.
"That's it, sweetheart. Feel me. Feel what I can do for you."
He continues caressing me, then pushes his knee between my legs until I'm grinding down on top of it. With the club dark, except for the various lights bouncing around us, no one is paying attention to what we're doing. We're packed on the floor amid many other people. Only enough room to dance in a tiny radius.
In the heat of the moment and with my body on fire, I spin in Parker's arms until our faces are only a breath apart. Our foreheads touch as we watch one another while we dance.
He pushes his knee between my legs again and I begin to grind onto his thigh, my body quickly responding, wanting so much more, but taking what he's giving me. His hands mold to my ass, pressing me forward until our bodies align and our lips are only a millimeter apart. Every thought flees except the one wanting more of him. I want to kiss him badly. To have his lips on mine again like they once were, when we were together. Were. It's like a bucket of ice is poured over my head and I still in his arms.
He pulls back. His voice raised to speak over the music. "What's wrong?"
I shake my head as tears fill my eyes. I miss him down to my very core. Everything in me wants me to leap into his arms and forget all that happened. That is, except for that little voice in my head which whispers how foolish I'm being. How he's just going to hurt me all over again. I turn and attempt to move away, but Parker's hand is gently cupping my chin, bringing my attention back to him.
He leans down to speak right into my ear. "Come with me. I want to talk to you. Please, sweetheart. I can't live without you knowing the truth."
"I don't trust you. I don't know if I ever will again."
"Five minutes. It's all I'm asking for."
He steps back, and I see Finn making his way toward us. Oh, shit. Well, I was caught in the lie of going to the ladies’ room. Parker notices me looking behind him and turns. In one fluid movement, he pushes me behind him, effectively blocking Finn from getting to me.
"What the hell is going on?" Finn yells.
"Just dancing with Tora. My Tora," he stresses.
I step out from behind Parker so I can intervene. "I'm no one's anything," I say somewhat solemnly.
"You were and always have been mine," Parker replies.
I shake my head and lean close to Finn. "Can you take me home?" He nods.
"Wait!" Parker shouts. His eyes are pleading with me. For a split-second, he appears to be in unimaginable pain. I can't let him get to me more then he already has. I won't fall for his tactics or his puppy-dog eyes.
Without responding, I follow Finn off the dance floor, my hand in his. I didn't bring anything with me into the club besides my driver's license and one credit card, which are in my back pocket, so there's no need to go back to our table.
I'm able to keep the tears at bay while we walk to the valet in silence. He doesn't let go of my hand until I'm tucked safely inside his black Mercedes.
When he gets in, he starts the car but doesn't drive. Instead, he turns to me. "I'm going to be honest with you. I can't and won't compete with Parker. I won't fight him. I've been down this road before and I refuse to do it again."
"Parker and I are in the past. I don't want to be with him."
Finn caresses my cheek. His eyes seem to reach deep into my soul. "You still love him." I shake my head, trying to deny it, not only to him but also to myself. "I'm not stupid, Astoria. I saw the way you two were dancing. I debated whether or not to even walk out there and find out if you still wanted to leave with me."
The tears, which I've been fighting, are now on the verge of spilling over. I shouldn't have come back home. I should have found somewhere else to live once I graduated. There were apartments near campus I could have rented until I figured out where I was going to work, but my parents insisted I return to Arrow Falls. They missed me, and I missed them as well. But there was more to me coming back. As much as Parker destroyed me, I wanted to see him. I'm torturing myself by being here. Now that I'm in his orbit again, I don't know how to break away. When he's in front of me, I want to kiss him and let him hold me like he used to. Then the pain reappears, reminding me of all I lost that day.
I need to be as honest with Finn as he is with me. "I can't tell you I don't love Parker. I think part of me always will, regardless of what happened. I want to move on. In college, I didn't date seriously. It was casual. But now that I'm back home, I want to find my way again. I'm going to look for a job and I want to settle down. I won't jump into a relationship, however. I have to guard my heart until I'm ready to give it away again."
His eyes hold mine and there's so much sincerity within them. "I won't push you. We can go at whatever pace you want."
"I'd like to see you again."
"I'd like that, too." He lifts my hand and kisses the back of it. "You're so beautiful, Astoria."
I blush and look out the windshield, unable to hold his gaze. I notice a man with his hands on the hood of Finn's car. I open my door and get out. Finn must realize what's going on because he's out the car a second later.
Parker walks to my side. I've seen that look on his face before. He’s a man on a mission. I've been able to brush him off until now. He won't take no easily this time. "Don't go home with him. Please, Tora."
"I'm dating Finn. Not you. He's who I want to spend time with."
"Don't do this to me," he pleads.
"Do this to you? If I'm not mistaken, you're the one who fucked us up. Don't you dare put it back on me, like I'm hurting you." Finn's at my back, a gentle, reassuring presence. He hasn't spoken yet, although I'm sure it's only a matter of time until he addresses Parker. They know each other so neither are uncomfortable speaking to the other.
"You are, Tora. You're killing me each time I see you and can't touch you. Each time I can't kiss your lips or tell you everything I'm thinking. If you only let me explain, you'd understand the truth. Five minutes. It's all I'm asking for. If you give me that, I won't bother you again unless you want to see me. I promise."
I'm never going to be able to move forward with Finn, or anyone else for that matter, if I always have Parker trying to get my attention. No, I don't want a serious relationship with Finn yet, but there is no moving forward when the shadows of my past keep reappearing and staring me in the face.