Three
Parker
"She remembered me," Blair says, her voice still shaking.
I turn and rub my hands up and down her arms. "It's okay, B. I'm here."
I call her B since it covers both names, and I won't accidentally slip up if I ever go to a book signing with her. She doesn't post her real name for her readers to see. She tries to stay private as much as possible, but we live in a small town and people love to talk. Luckily, the majority of her readers don't know, nor care to dig deeper to find her real name.
She squeezes her eyes shut as her body trembles. Seeing Tora must have brought her back to that horrible day and me helping her into the shower. The day that will forever haunt me, as I know it does her. I watched someone I loved with my entire being walk out of my life because she wouldn't stay and listen to an explanation of what was really going on. There was no way I was turning my back on Blair, though. She needed me. I couldn’t take care of her and chase after Tora.
Blair takes a steady breath and opens her eyes. I smile. "Better?"
"Yeah. Sorry about that."
"You never have to apologize. You can’t control how you react to things."
"It's because of me that you lost her, Parker. I'll never let go of the guilt I feel."
"I might have lost her, but your life was on the line, and no way was I leaving you to handle your shit alone. Got me?" She nods. "Good. Let's finish your errands and I'll take you home."
We bounce from store to store getting everything she needs. All the while, I can't get my mind off Tora. She's graduated college now, back home for the summer or who knows how long. I noticed her dad behind her and the death glare I got as my eyes met his. He has no love for me. I'm sure he thinks I cheated on his daughter, like she does. If only I could have explained then, maybe I'd still be with her, and maybe her parents wouldn't hate me as they do.
I tried to explain everything to Tora after it happened. I would have done it over the phone if it meant getting her back, but I refused to type it out via text message. There are just some things that need to be spoken. You can’t convey emotion through text messaging. Blair said I could tell Tora the truth about that day. She knew how much Tora meant to me. My calls weren’t returned. I never got the chance to clear up everything.
In the end, one person is responsible for everything. One person who changed all of our lives: Brant. There isn't a day that goes by I'm not fucking ecstatic his ass is rotting in jail. What he did...it's...it's fucking horrible. The lowest of the low. Inexcusable. And I’m worried for the day he’ll be free.
Blair gently places her hand on my arm. "Stop. I know where your mind is."
"If I ever see him, I'm going to pound the shit out of him."
"That won't solve anything." She's not defending him. She never would. No, she detests violence on any level.
"I've never hated someone so much in my entire life."
"You and me both," she mutters.
We get in my Rover and drive back to her house. On the way, I pass the Livingston home. Every time I visit Blair's house, I avert my eyes from the large house I have to drive past on my way. Too many memories reside in Tora's home. Memories I've never been able to rid my mind of. And I've tried. It hurts to recall what we had together and lost. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. What's done is done, though. There's no going back. I realized that years ago, however it doesn't stop the pain, which hits me square in the chest every time I think of her. She was the one I wanted to marry. I wanted to spend the rest of my life loving her. If only I had gotten the chance to tell her. In the end, I’ll always love her, regardless of the fact we aren't together.
My relationship with Tora might have been short, but sometimes you just know you’re with the right person. The one your soul sings to each time they’re near. Since then, I haven't come close to finding what I had with Tora. It took me a year to date again. I had no interest once she left. Now, it's been a revolving door of one-night stands. At first, I got lost in women; someone to bury myself in and not think for a while. But at the end of every night, my mind always drifted to her. After that, I became emotionally detached. The bars, the clubs, I was the guy who liked to drink and have fun. I laughed, I flirted, then fucked whoever was hanging on me. No matter how much fun I thought I was having, it wasn't genuine. It was shallow—only on the surface. I didn't feel somewhat whole again until Eve entered my life on a permanent basis.
It wasn't love or even lust with her. She's my best friend's girl and I never fuck with what's his. Cy and I have mutual respect for each other and have all the years we've been friends. Sure, Eve is hot, but she's off-limits. I knew long before Cy did that he had feelings for her. Those two are everything that's good in my life. Well, them, Blair, and my parents. Brant is everything that caused my life and Blair's to go up in flames. Hate is a strong word. It also doesn't begin to convey how I feel about him. I wish him dead. Gone. Off of this planet. Blair won't be able to relax until he is. I keep hoping someone will off him while he's in prison. Too bad it hasn't happened yet.
I shut my SUV off and help Blair bring everything inside, then take a seat on her couch. She strolls in and places her hand on her hip. "Hanging out here isn't going to get you anywhere." She's in a better mood now. I'll take her harassing me any day if it means she's happy.
"I have nowhere to be."
"My house isn't your hideout, Parker. You're going to run into her again. I bet she's here for the summer, unless she's found a job already."
I scrub my hand over my face. "I never got over her."
"I know." She takes a seat beside me. "Cy and Eve might not see it, but I know you better than most. You have to talk to her. You have to tell her what really happened."
"She'll never listen to me."
"You haven't seen her in four years. Phone calls, texts, they don't hold the same power as seeing someone in person does. She can't look you in the eyes and see how much you love her through a text message. She won't notice how you wear your heart on your sleeve where she's concerned. How every time you think about her, you break a little more. There's not much of the old Parker left in there," she says, as she pokes my shoulder with her finger. "The Parker who loved with his whole heart and didn't care who saw it. You've built up walls that very few can break down. Eve did, but she isn't on the same level Tori is. No one is, or has ever been."
"When did you become so smart?"
"You're my best friend, Parker. It's time to tear down a small part of that wall. Maybe just put in a window that opens. Let her see you again—the real you. Not the one who's out every night, fucking half the city."
"Damn, B. You make me sound like a whore."
"Nope, just someone who lost the love of his life and spent the last four years trying to find that kind of love again."
"I wasn't..."
"I know you, remember? Sure, for a while it was all about forgetting her, but after that, you were in search of what you once had. Maybe you didn't realize you were doing it. You're not going to find it in a bar, Parker. That kind of love only comes along once, maybe twice if you’re lucky, and now’s your chance to get it back. She's here. In the same town as you. Make your move or you'll always regret it."
I lean back on the couch and throw my arm over my eyes. "I'm fucked. Royally fucked."
"I'll be here if anything happens. After all you've done for me, I want to be there for you."
I lift my arm and peer over at her. She's been through so much, yet she's still compassionate and loving. "Love ya, B."
She smiles. "Ditto."
It takes me a solid hour before I can drag myself off of Blair's couch. I pass Tora's house on my way home, but she isn't outside. I'm not sure what I would do if she were. Pull into her driveway and make her listen to me? There's no way she's going to hear me out. When she saw me with Blair, it was like I was breaking her heart all over again. The pain was evident on her face.
When I get back to my cabin, I grab the remote and try to find something to watch on television. I should probably do some work, but my mind isn't in the right place. I wouldn't be able to concentrate if I tried.
The door to the cabin opens and Cy strolls in with Eve behind him. He stops in front of the couch. His black hair hangs onto his forehead as he stares me down. Then he kicks my foot. I don't acknowledge him, outside of meeting his eyes. "What the fuck happened to you? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"I have." He quirks an eyebrow. "Tora's back in town."
His eyes widen. "Fuucckk."
"You're telling me."
Eve takes a seat next to me. "Who's Tora?"
"Astoria Livingston, also known as Parker's first love," Cy replies.
"You had a first love?" she asks.
"Don't act so shocked. My heart isn't all black." I comb my fingers through my hair.
"I never said it was. In fact, if anyone ever said something like that to me, I'd tell them it's the furthest thing from the truth. The Parker I know is kind and caring. He loves his friends and will do whatever it takes to make them happy."
"I don't deserve you, Eve."
She pats my leg. "Yes, you do. And you deserve to find a woman who will love you as much as you love her. You've never told me about Astoria. Was it an unrequited crush?"
"That's the problem. She loved me as much as I loved her, and I broke her heart." I lean forward and put my head in my hands to stare at the hardwood floor beneath my feet.
"You want to tell me what happened?" I shake my head.
"He'll never tell, Evie. I've been trying to get him to talk for years. It had something to do with Brenda, though." I lift my head and give him a death glare. That's all Cy knows. She was involved, me, and Tora.
Eve's eyes go wide. "Did you fuck Brenda? I always thought you two had this great chemistry but have never seen you both in any way but friendly."
"What? No! I've never slept with her." I stand and pace in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows in my living room. "What happened isn't my story to tell."
"The fuck it isn't," Cy interjects. "If it involves you then it's your story."
"It's not that simple."
"One day you're going to open up to me," Cy states. "When you're ready, you know I'll be here. I won't judge you, Parker. You're my best fucking friend, and you know some of the darkest parts of my life." He's right. I do. I know more than anyone, except Eve and a few others.
Cy has come a long way and was only able to do it with Eve by his side. He'll say I helped as well, however, my part was small in comparison to hers. They are perfect together and I don't use that word lightly. They might have had a rough start, but now they are rock-solid as a couple.
There are some nights when the three of us are watching television and I can't help but be jealous of what they have. Their love is something you only see in movies. The unwavering, would scorch the earth if someone threatened one of them, kind of love. It's rare and they never take it for granted.
Maybe one day I'll find it. I thought I had it with Tora, but if I did, wouldn't she have listened to what I had to say? No matter what gets thrown at Cy, or how many times he tells Eve he's broken and undeserving of her, she never leaves his side. She fights his battles with him. She sits and listens to everything he has to say or even stays quiet when she knows he doesn't feel like talking. They work out their problems like adults and they have them, believe me. They argue, they have misunderstandings, but they never go to bed angry. Tomorrow isn't promised, and no one knows that better than Cy and Eve. Maybe that was the problem. Tora was young when we were together. Instead of listening or talking, she ran.