Rafe

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I have to admit this isn’t so bad. We end up with a nice mix of fun and competitiveness. I try to relax and actually enjoy it, even talking to the girls who aren’t playing. It’s a nice semi-cool evening, too, with a light breeze coming up from the ocean. It’s the perfect setting. The cameras shoot it all—the games, the girls interacting, and me talking with them. Mel manages to grab the spot next to me for the second time, and after a few minutes of chatting with her, I notice Liam motioning to me. They want me to mix it up. So I go to the board to see the rankings, and realize I have a problem. Lily’s team is doing well. So well that they could win. Suddenly, Heather is beside me.

“This is so unfair!”

“What is?” I try to smile as I glance over. “You sure played well out there.”

“Exactly! And I beat Lily, Arianna, and Samantha. My team should get this spot.”

Hmm, now this is interesting. The show’s staff isn’t messing with it, are they? I take a closer look and realize something is strange about this. Lily did play extremely well today and had a lead in points, but it’s true that Heather’s team beat her. Still, the rankings felt weird.

“Lily’s team already beat Mel’s... So why would they end up playing for the win?”

Heather throws her hands up, livid. “That’s what I’m wondering. What’s the point of doing this if they’re just going to engineer the results to their liking?”

Liam must have noticed us or overheard Heather, because he’s making his way over in a hurry. Heather spots him just then.

“What the hell? We should get this spot!”

I turn and smile at Liam, folding my arms. I want Lily’s team out. He looks over the board and points. I follow his finger to the score below each match.

“We’re going by overall points, not wins.”

“How is that fair?” I scoff. I try to take a minute to consider if it is, but emotions are running pretty hot for everyone. By now, all the women are listening, and the coaches Liam hired join us.

“That’s how it’s done,” says the taller one. So that’s why he brought in these coaches—to make sure Lily’s team could win, and then back him up when he fucked with the standings. Or at least he wanted to make sure she didn’t lose so I couldn’t kick her off.

Fucking Liam and Mike Ruddy and this fucking show. My chest burns with anger. I’m in a tight spot too. I don’t want to seem like I’m just following orders around here, so the alternative is to pretend it doesn’t matter too much to me.

“But this is Rafe’s show,” Heather huffs, taking my irritation to a new level. It should be my call, but I know pushing the issue will cause more problems for me than it’ll solve. And fuck, I might be overreacting simply because I don’t want Lily’s team going on the date with me. I’m getting all pissed off because I’m acting like a teenager.

“I’m not a volleyball expert,” I say carefully, adding a shrug. “I think we should go with their method.”

“No, you’re out, Heather. The last match is Mel’s team versus Lily’s. They’re the leading two teams point-wise.” This comes from the tall coach, and I can see Liam is backing her up.

Heather glares, and I brace for an outburst, but her gaze slides my way and she tries to compose herself. I don’t like it either, but for some odd reason, I find myself wanting to smooth things over.

“It’s a different way, but it’s fair. They scored the most points today.” Maybe I’m keeping up appearances, trying not to look like I’mbeing undermined. I push that thought away for later. I’m not going to argue when I know Liam won’t budge. It’ll just make it worse, like I don’t have a say in this shit show, and I don’t fucking have one.

When I turn, I see Lily is watching. Her face is blank, but I know that look, and I also know there are a million things going on inside that head of hers. That’s her defensive expression. She knows how to hide her emotions well. She meets my eyes and I glare back. Realizing what I’m doing, I knock it off. I’m a professional. I don’t have to blow up like a child over all of this.

I go back and take a seat, this time sitting next to Kara.

“Too bad you didn’t get to play,” she says. “I would love to play with you.”

The double entendre is clear, but she seems sincere about playing the game too. I notice her defined arms and say, “It’d be an interesting game.”

Her gaze lingers on mine, but I want to watch what is going on. Everyone is quiet as the last match starts with Mel and her girls and Lily with her team. Before, I was sure Heather would end up in the last match and beat Lily. I don’t know if I care about taking her and her teammates out, but I sure as hell don’t want to take Lily. I consider the other two for a moment. Samantha and Annabel, I haven’t given them that much thought to be honest, but I could get to know them more tonight if their team wins. It’s three women. I won’t have to talk to Lily that much. So fuck it.

Then again, Mel isn’t half bad. She’s been giving it her all for this date, and she’s rallying her teammates. I remember their names are Zuri and Justine. Zuri is dark with shoulder-length hair, and reminds me of an actress, even though I can’t think of the name. Justine seems to be the shyest woman here—maybe too shy and sweet to make it on this show. But I’m curious. It wouldn’t be a wasted night to go out with them. I lean back, feeling better.

Heather and her team walk off in another direction to sulk and a camera follows them. The girls watching the match are whispering too. I decide to play into the drama for a change and follow Heather’s team. It might distract Lily enough to throw her game off. When Heather notices me approaching, her whole face lights up.

“Hey, listen, it’s a tough break today, but there’re lots of other competitions to come.” I walk closer and, on impulse, hug each of them.

Heather nods. “It just doesn’t make sense, but whatever.”

“Yeah, you just gotta deal with disappointment sometimes and plan for the next win.” I know all about that. I add before leaving, “But you girls played great!”

“Thanks,” they chime together.

When I return to watch the match, Lily throws a dirty look my way. I almost laugh. She hides it as soon as she realizes I saw, which does make me laugh out loud a little.

And then I learn that her team is ahead by two points. Fuck.

Annabel sends the ball over and Zuri gets it high in the air, sending it down just inside the line on Lily’s side. Melinda didn’t hit the point but she smirks at me all the same. She clearly has it out for Lily. Good. So do I.

I can’t sit still. Liam is on the other side of the court where the staff is hanging out. The cameras are taping from that side too. It gives me a chance to talk to him without the ladies listening.

He’s watching one of the screens when I walk up.

“Rafe.” His tone is light, like he’s hoping to play off what happened earlier.

“So explain to me,” I say to Liam, “why the competition has to affect who I kick off.”

He rolls his eyes. “Because we need some kind of rhyme and reason to the show. You read your contract, right?” He straightens to watch the two teams still playing. “You can pick anyone from...” He rattles off three names that don’t mean anything to me. Seeing that, he leans closer and directs me to the girls sitting together down on the end looking upset. I have no idea how I’ll pick. Maybe randomly? I don’t want to think about it now.

“Yeah, this first one doesn’t matter too much. And two of them haven’t contributed much. Pick that short one with the nose ring. Her name’s...Tessa.”

I can’t handle standing next to Liam without knocking him over. I walk around to one end, watching the game from behind Mel and her team. They’re three points ahead now, according to the flip scoreboard.

Shit. Any other guy would count his blessing if he got to do this and had fifteen women fighting for a date. Here I am standing behind these gorgeous women while they dive for the ball, and it’s not doing anything for me. Am I too focused on the tension with Liam and his controlling hand, and the drama with Lily?

I watch her get a low ball just before it hits. It pops straight up and her teammate smacks it in a line drive to the back of the court, almost all the way to me. They erupt in cheers as Mel whips around, almost screaming before she realizes I’m here. Her face goes slack for a second before turning red. I can’t tell if it’s anger or embarrassment.

Lily’s team won.

***

Well, wasn’t that fun. Tessa cried when I gave the roses to the other two. Fourteen women are left, and I know Lily will be here until the fucking end. 

The crew has the women leave the beach in a long line as the sun sets, so they can get their shot. Unbelievable. I picture it airing on TV and wonder how the hell I let Quentin talk me into this. He doesn’t have to sit through all this shit with me. The old fucker probably wanted a vacation.

I’m leaving too when Liam calls out, “Look nice tonight, Rafe.”

“Always do.” I shake my head and get the hell out of here. Back at my home away from home, I shower and pick out a black button down shirt and black jeans. Classy, right? I always feel better if I look good, so I go the whole nine yards—styling my hair, shaving, and putting on cologne.

Before leaving, I make a protein shake and take my supplements. We’re going out for drinks and maybe food, but I want to make sure my body is getting what it needs. I want to be strong when I can go back into training full-time. Stretching, I realize my side isn’t as sore. I’m getting my range of motion back too.

It’s time to go. With a sigh, I head back over to the main house and more dramarama. There’s staff outside waiting for me with more directions for everything. When we make it inside, I’m told to wait for Samantha, Arianna, and Lily. Then Liam steps into the room.

“All right, Rafe, they’ll come in one at a time so we can tape your reaction. This is the first date, remember. Make it a big deal.”

“Sure thing, boss,” I say sarcastically. Either Liam doesn’t catch it or he chooses to ignore it. Thankfully, he won’t be in my face all night. The camera crew following us is light, and we won’t have the director, producer, or twenty-some staff people all around for a change. Music comes up when it’s time for the three ladies to come in.

Arianna didn’t grab my attention earlier out on the beach, but she’s stunning when she enters the room in a black cocktail dress and her hair pulled up. The dress is cut straight across the top, but works with her boyish figure. She must be really good with makeup—or the makeup people helped. Her brown eyes pop out and her mouth is bright red.

Samantha is in a dark green, spaghetti strap dress. I’ll admit, I haven’t been paying attention to her either, because she’s the shortest woman on the show, too short for my taste, but she looks good and flashes a big smile. I’m already smiling, a small one, and start to flash her a sexy grin when Lily walks into the room.

She’s wearing red.

It’s my favorite color on her. Or, it used to be. It’s a sweetheart dress, the top conforming to her breasts and hugging her small waist, then her hips. She’s in heels, and that’s not something I remember seeing. She must have worn heels around me before, right? Her hair is pulled halfway back, so it cascades down her back. She starts to give a slow smile, making me realize I’m staring. I nod and look away.

“Good evening,” I say to all three of them, stepping forward to hug them in order. Samantha hugs me back with a thousand pounds of force. What the hell? She’s so tiny, I have no idea where that came from. Arianna slides her arms up my back and presses her mouth into my neck when we embrace. It’s quick...but probably caught on tape. I step to Lily. There isn’t time to think it over. I just wrap my arms around her for a quick second. I feel her arms and her hand between my shoulder blades, and then she’s gone. She pulled back first.

“Shall we?” I say, waving a hand toward the door and doing a bow. Might as well play it up. Arianna giggles. I open the door for the three of them, and as Lily goes by, I try not to look at her eyes but fail.

I escort them to the limo, and it’s when we’re all sitting inside that I wonder what that embrace with Lily meant. Nothing. It didn’t mean anything. It was just for the show. The other two women are sitting closest to me and Lily sits on the outside. The show did a real nice job having me take three women out, making one of the women feel like a third wheel. Seems like someone should get fired over it, but Liam is probably laughing about it right this second.

I sit on one side with the women and a cameraman sits opposite us, filming. At least there’s music to break the tension. As we drive to the club,I go through a list of questions that Liam and I came up with. I try to listen to all their answers, even Lily’s.

People stare when we walk in together, three ladies and one guy. Arianna and Samantha both take one of my arms, and I’m sure we all look great. Lily must feel like a third wheel. A funny mix of emotion hits me. I want to laugh, but I also feel bad about it.

We’re given a round corner table and Arianna slides in first. I follow with Samantha behind me. I should have mixed it up and put Lily beside me this time. We order drinks and talk over the blaring music, and Lily rarely joins in. I get a beer to sip while the girls down a few drinks. Lily gets a gin and tonic, which sounds fantastic, but I have decided to stay away from hard alcohol. I don’t plan to do anything stupid on camera for the whole world to watch later.

“Shouldn’t we dance?” Arianna asks while running a finger down my chest. She’s gazing up at me through her long, dark lashes, and it should be hot. She looks good, but her whiney voice puts me off. I shrug anyway and gesture for her to lead the way. Might as well try to enjoy tonight. We move into the crowd during a fast pop song and start moving. She’s close but not touching me. The cameraman follows. There’re people all around, but I manage to get a glance back at the table. Lily is turned to Samantha, talking, while Samantha is watching me. The song ends and she gets up to come out on the dance floor.

When she reaches us, Arianna yells over the music, “I didn’t get a full song!”

“Hey now,” I say, touching her arm. “There’s room for all of us.” The music starts again and they both move to the beat. Arianna is only five-five, and Samantha is even shorter. How on earth did they win the volleyball tournament? That’s just a passing thought as I think about dancing with someone taller.

Then suddenly Lily appears in the crowd, arms up and hips swinging to the music. She doesn’t try to edge in on us but dances by herself, in her own world, just enjoying the music. And looking fucking hot in that dress.

I smile before I can stop myself. A big smile too. That drops off my face as some big, muscled jerk steps next to Lily. He leans over to talk to her, and she glances at him for half a second. She doesn’t step closer to dance with him, but she doesn’t turn away either.

That’s enough encouragement for him. She’s fucking hot, after all. I might not want her in my life, but for some reason this pisses me off. I watch as they talk while they dance, getting closer now. He rests a hand on her hip while she moves, and I instinctively move next to them.

Only then does Lily look at me. Her face isn’t sassy or smirking. It doesn’t appear she’s doing this to tease me. But it is. Goddamn it. Before I realize what I’m doing, I lift my hand and motion for her to come over. She tilts her head and takes a step, but the guy steps in front of her. His hands touch her waist as they move.

Lily gives me a shrug. Now she’s playing with me. Body temperature shooting through the roof, I move until I’m right next to them. The guy ignores me, dancing closer and closer to Lily until their bodies are almost touching.

“Hey!” I startle Lily. It takes him a second to register that anything is off. Finally, the guy follows her gaze and sees me. My expression must say it all. He holds his hands up.

“Hey, I didn’t know she was here with anyone.”

As he’s walking off, Lily says, “I don’t think I am.” Now she gives me a defiant stare, challenging me to say otherwise. She knows how I feel. I don’t answer.

But the music is going and we’re standing face to face, and somehow we end up dancing. I want that jerk and every other guy to know she’s with me, so I grab her waist with both hands and pull her closer. She puts one hand on my shoulder as our eyes meet in the flashing lights. She’s so seductive without trying. We’re moving fast and her body is brushing mine, and suddenly, I remember with vivid clarity all the ways our bodies fit together.

I step back. Her arms go back up in the air and her body pulsates with the music. Her long curls bounce to the beat. Her lips are moving. It’s mesmerizing.

Samantha steps in front of me. “My turn!”

I’d forgotten all about them. I dance with her and glance around for the other one—she’s dancing with someone else while watching me, apparently hoping I’ll step in. I wait for the next song and motion to her, then maneuver so I’m by all three of them. We dance for four more songs. Lily gets into it the most. She loves to dance. I remember her dancing before, but not like this. The other two watch her just like I do.

It’s turning into an interesting night. Finally, I wave at them and we head back to the table for a last round. This time, I stop so Lily has to sit down first and I’m sitting by her. It’s not to talk to her, but I’m not letting other guys get any ideas after the way she was dancing. I order appetizers to sop up some of the alcohol they’re drinking.

“Are you ladies ready?” I ask. It’s almost midnight, and I’m ready to get away from this. I want to be around Lily, but I don’t at the same time. It’s not making any sense.

“Already?” Samantha asks with a pout as she slides her hand up my arm.

“You might have a big day tomorrow.” I wink and down the last of my beer. Time to get outta here. The limo is waiting for us right outside the door.

“Wow, what a night.” I open the door and let all three of them get in first.

Arianna actually sings a line from some 70s or 80s song that says, “What a night.”  Lily is the last to get in and leaves room for me to sit on her other side, next to Samantha. Arianna, I notice, sat so that I could sit between her and Samantha too. I just take the end beside Lily and the door. For some reason, I’m tired of them touching me, and I know Lily won’t.

Arianna and Samantha keep up a line of questions all the way back, laughing and drinking champagne during the drive.

Finally, I laugh and lean my head back. “Wow, I’m tired. Has this show been wearing you girls out too?” It’s about this time I realize I do want Lily to touch me. I want to see if it’ll feel like it used to. Not because I want her. I’m just curious. Would we have the same chemistry? Would her touch drive me crazy?

I hope she’ll reach up to my hair or do something, but she doesn’t. I turn my head toward her and she looks up, her expression soft for a change. Maybe she’s remembering old times too.

Maybe it’s just the beer that’s got me.

“What are you doing now?” I ask, not even sure where the question came from.

She looks confused.

“Were you working before the show?” I clarify. I’ve talked to most of the women about their jobs and lives while keeping my distance from her. How many beers did I have? Why am I talking to her?

“I’m in school to be a veterinarian.”

A vet? I puzzle over that as old memories surface.

“Because...of your cat?” That poor cat. And poor Lily. She was just a kid when someone beat her cat and left it dead in her yard. That was our shitty neighborhood. Lily’s head is down.

After a long pause, she says, “That’s part of it. I really wanted to do something positive too, and help animals.”

It’s quiet for the rest of the drive. To wrap up the evening, I plan to walk each of them to their room separately and hug them good night. The lone cameraman is allowed to shoot from either the bottom of the stairs or down the hall from us, but not right in our faces for a change.

Arianna kisses my cheek when I lean over—way over, due to her height. We stand like that for an extended moment and I hear her breathing fast. Hoping for more.

“They can’t hear us this time, can they?” she asks.

“I had a great time with you,” I say, holding her shoulders. “We probably had a little too much to drink tonight.” She laughs at that. Then I back off and leave, giving her one last smile. She calls good night after me.

Damn. Why couldn’t I have signed up for a fighting reality show? Or something like Lost or Survivor?  Instead, I’m playing around with people’s feelings, and it leaves me feeling like shit. Is this what I’ve been doing while being a player these last few years?

It’s about the same with Samantha, but she goes for my mouth. A brave move. My back is toward the camera; I could have more if I want it. Her lips press against mine for a minute, and I think about moving against her, but I’m just not into it. I whisper her name instead. “Let’s not rush anything....”

Lame.

Really lame considering, I just now realize, it’ll look like we did more from the camera’s point of view.

Normally, if I need to get out of a date, I just leave. I don’t explain or try to be nice about it. I just say good night and leave it at that. I’m going soft, trying to be a good guy for some stupid reason.

As I walk away, I’m actually mad at myself. What the fuck is going on with me?

I hop back down the stairs and see Lily waiting. I heave a big sigh, deciding to just get through this.

“Ready?” I ask, and start walking up the stairs without waiting. She catches up. At the top of the stairs, where I’m supposed to say good night, I turn and face her. The cameraman stays down below.

“Tonight was fun,” she says. It’s clear from her expression, the emotions swirling in her brown eyes, that she has something more to say. I almost ask, but I’ve held back from engaging with her. I don’t want to let her in, not even a step. We just stare at each other for a minute, words hanging in the air, and she finally starts to speak. 

“Stop.” I hold up a hand and take a step back, putting distance between us.

“Rafe.” Her voice is torn, her eyes shiny.

She’s hurting, I can see that, but she left me feeling that way for six years.

“No, Lily. Listen to me. You should have never done this. You shouldn’t have come back into my life.” I turn away quickly, and my hands go to my hair before I remember she’ll recognize that gesture. I drop my arms and stare at her dead in the eyes, and say in a low voice, “You have to lose the next competition.”

“No!” She marches right up into my space. “No. Not gonna happen. I didn’t come all this way to just give up.”

She’s so close I feel her breath. My groin tightens, and I swivel away from her in anger. I’m not letting her get to me. Goddamn it, though, I would have thought these feelings would have died by now. She didn’t even need to touch me to do that.

Fuck.

“Good night,” I say without looking at her again, and then I head downstairs and out the front door.