Jade

---

Hours later, I didn’t know how many and didn’t care, I turned to look at Fisher.

“You really are here,” I said, my voice a whisper, barely there, my mind still disbelieving, still happy.

“I am,” he responded.

He looked down at me, then kissed me, but something in his expression made me pause.

Before I had been completely taken away with seeing him alive, but now, it seemed, reality was setting in.

“What is it?” I asked, trying not to be alarmed, but getting close to it anyway.

“I asked Patrick for a favor, one that he was kind enough to grant,” Fisher said.

But it was what he didn’t say that had me on edge.

“What was that favor?” I asked, not wanting to ask the question, unable to do anything but.

“That I see you one last time,” he said.

I rejected the words immediately.

“No.”

Fisher gazed at me, his expression full of the love, the affection that I knew I could never live without.

“I am afraid it is so,” he said.

“No,” I said. My denial wasn’t based in fantasy. But that instinct, the one that still hadn’t led me wrong told me this couldn’t be happening.

“I know you don’t want it to be, but after what I did, there’s no way they can let this go,” Fisher said.

“Bullshit.”

“Jade…” He trailed off, looked at me, his eyes imploring me not to make this any more difficult.

Too bad for him that I still hadn’t changed. If he thought I was going to let him nobly walk away to whatever fate he thought Patrick and the other Murphys had in mind, he was mistaken.

“I don’t care what you did, Fisher. I care who you are, and they should too.”

“They know who I am. The person who tried to harm them, put their families at risk.”

He spoke with such flat resolve that it almost crushed me. Almost.

“You’re their brother,” I said.

“And that doesn’t mean anything,” he said.

“You’re wrong. It means everything. What’s supposed to happen now?” I asked.

“I’m to leave, meet Patrick and the others at his home,” Fisher said.

He sounded saddened, but his words gave me hope.

“Fisher, he wouldn’t invite you to his home to kill you,” I said.

“Perhaps you’re right, but I won’t bank on it,” he said.

“You don’t have to. I will.” I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and stood.

“Where are you going?” Fisher asked.

“The same place you are,” I said. I went quiet, waited for him to argue, smiled when I realized he wouldn’t.

“Get dressed. We have some people to meet,” I said.

The drive to Patrick’s house passed in silence, but I didn’t mind. I said all I needed to say to Fisher, him to me. And besides, there would be time in the future, so much time for us to say so much more, learn so much more about each other. So I wouldn’t try to force all my words into the here and now. Instead I’d wait patiently, knowing that the future I wanted was within reach.

Some small part of my mind tried to argue, told me that I was being overly optimistic with no cause to be, but I didn’t give that thought any traction.

I hadn’t come this far, Fisher hadn’t come this far, for him to die now.

We pulled to a stop in front of the house and I looked over at Fisher who looked grim, resolved.

“Now don’t go in there and do something stupid like agree to lay your life down for your transgressions, okay?” I said.

“It’s what a man of honor would do,” he said.

“Good thing you’re not one of those,” I said, slapping him on the shoulder.

I got a grudging smile from him, and that was enough to keep me moving.

I got out of the car, and before I could even take two steps the front door opened, Patrick standing there.

“Good. I see you plan on coming in through the front door this time,” he said.

“Sorry about that,” I said.

Patrick didn’t respond, and didn’t pay me any mind.

“Nya’s in the kitchen,” he said, finally looking at me again.

I had been dismissed, but paused long enough to look at Fisher, squeeze his hand, and then ascend the stairs.

I wanted to look back, wanted to stay with him, but I couldn’t. All I could do was put my trust in what I hoped I knew of Patrick, and pray that everything else fell into place.

But in the meantime, I had amends of my own to make.

I found Nya in the kitchen just as Patrick had said, but when she looked at me, there wasn’t the usual warmth there.

That hurt me, though I had no right to be hurt.

Still, that she was allowing me here had to be something good, so I took that small gesture, decided I would make the best of it.

“I thought I was going to be banished for life,” I said as I sat in the kitchen on the chair to Nya’s left.

“Who’s to say you’re not going to be,” she said.

“You’re right. I guess I was just hoping,” I said.

She looked at me, the anger in her face, the anger that I had thought was gone back in full force.

“I can’t believe you, Jade,” she said.

“Neither can I, Nya. And I know my words don’t mean anything, but I’m sorry,” I said.

She glared at me, but I could see some softness in her expression.

“Was it worth it? Was he worth betraying me, breaking the bond that we had?” she asked.

I studied her for a long moment, trying to decide what to say, but then finally settling on the truth. I was a shit liar anyway, and if nothing else, Nya deserved the truth.

“He was,” I said quietly.

And as I spoke the words, the truth of them hit me again.

I had betrayed Nya, had broken the bond that was most important to me in this world, but in the end I had gotten Fisher, for however short a time. I would never be sorry for that.

“You really mean that, don’t you?” she asked.

I glanced up at her, saw that her expression was unreadable.

I lifted one corner of my mouth in a smile.

“Something amuses you?” she asked.

“No, not really, I was just thinking you’ve been spending a lot of time with Patrick. I used to know your expressions like the back of my own hand, but when I look at you now I have no idea what you’re thinking,” I said.

“Take a guess,” Nya tossed back.

“Well, if I’m being realistic, you’re probably thinking of how you can’t wait to forget my name. How what I did can never be forgiven. How whatever trust we had was an illusion, a mistake on your part, and you won’t ever do that again,” I said.

Thinking the words, let alone articulating them caused a deep ache in my chest, but I had come this far.

“And if you’re being optimistic?” she asked.

“That’s a little tougher. You know that’s not my strong suit,” I said.

“I’m sure you can try,” Nya said.

“If I’m being optimistic, you’ll acknowledge that you know I fucked up, just like I know that I fucked up. But you’ll also know that the years of our friendship were real, as meaningful as any I’ve ever had. You’ll know that I love you and that baby more than anything. That I’d never do something to put you in danger, no matter how misguided I might be. That you’ll forgive me,” I said.

We sat in silence for a moment longer, me studying Nya, and Nya studying me, resolution frustratingly out of my grip.

“You didn’t believe me before,” she said.

“What about?” I asked.

“When I first met Patrick, you told me I was crazy. That I should just walk away, run if it came to that,” she said.

I remembered those warnings well, remembered how every step of the way I had been certain she was making a grave mistake.

“Pretty ironic, isn’t it,” I said.

“That it is. But it helps. What you did, Jade…” she trailed off, shaking her head. And she swallowed deep, started again. “What you did, it’s gonna take some time. But I understand your reasons. And I still care about you,” she said.

I didn’t react immediately, knowing that I was getting more than I deserved, surprised and thrilled at that.

“But there’s a chance?” I asked a moment later.

“Yeah,” Nya said. “You fucked up, but we’re family.”

After that, Nya smiled, nodded, and I knew everything would be okay.

---

Fisher

---

I followed Patrick into the house, looking at it through new eyes in light of all that I had learned.

He led me to the study that I had been moments away from destroying, Declan, Michael, and Sean there waiting.

Four pairs of hostile eyes were on me, but I didn’t shrink away, didn’t try to hide what I had done.

“So what’s the story?” Sean said.

“My story?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Sean said.

“Grew up in an orphanage, then on streets, did a couple of stints in prison. Faked my own death and came here,” I said.

“That’s a really concise story,” Sean said, looking marginally impressed.

“But you left out a couple of details,” Michael interjected.

“Such as?” I asked.

“Such as the part where you came to kill us, maybe harm our families,” he said, his face tight with scorn.

“Yes. But given all that has happened, that seemed null,” I said.

“That’s where you’re mistaken. It’s anything but null,” Declan said.

“Then ask me what you will. I’ll do my best to explain,” I said.

“That’s pretty gracious of you. Quite a change from before when you were more than content to make me wonder,” Patrick said.

“I was acting on flawed information then,” I said.

“You mean bullshit fed to you by Aengus?” Patrick said.

I nodded curtly, feeling the heavy weight of shame that I had been so easily led.

“Don’t feel bad about it,” Declan said gruffly. “He has done it countless times before.”

“Thanks to you, we don’t have to deal with that anymore,” Sean said.

“Why did you do that?” Michael asked.

“Kill Aengus?” I asked.

In unison, all four heads nodded, and I could see that the answer to this question held tremendous weight.

“What he said. About her…our mother. That he could do that to his wife, his own child, he wasn’t fit to live,” I said.

“That he was not,” Michael muttered.

“But don’t you think that’s a quick shift? Why are we to believe that you didn’t kill Aengus to get on our good side, all as part of a bigger plot?” Patrick asked.

“I can see why you would think that, and I know that my word means very little, but I can assure you that was never a part of my plan,” I said.

“What were you going to do?” Michael asked.

“I was going to see you destroyed, see your empire fall,” I said.

“And after?” Sean asked.

“I didn’t think about after. Didn’t know there would be an after.”

“You were ready to die to kill us,” Declan said, matter-of-factly.

“Yes,” I responded.

“And now?” Patrick asked.

“And now I wouldn’t. I have other things that matter more than playing out a decades-old vengeance that was based on a lie. You have nothing to fear from me,” I said.

“We’d have even less to fear from you if you disappeared off the face of the earth,” Patrick said.

“If that’s what you think is fit, I understand,” I said.

None of the other men spoke as they looked at me, seeming to assess the truth of my words.

I didn’t feel tense in those moments, didn’t feel anything at all. I had even squelched the last bit of hope. I was simply waiting, wondering at the outcome, suspecting at what it might be, but knowing that it didn’t matter because I finally had Jade, had told her what I needed to.

“I looked through your documents,” Declan said, nodding at the metal box that was sitting on the edge of Patrick’s desk.

“Do you remember that picture?” I asked.

Both Declan and Patrick shook their heads.

“No. We have no recollection of you, but you being here… It makes sense now,” Declan said.

“How?” I asked.

“Michael and Sean are too young to remember, but our mother used to be a vibrant, wonderful woman; that bled out of her day by day, left her the hollowed-out husk she became. And that was his fault,” Patrick said.

I had no doubt who the “his” he spoke of was, but I didn’t interject anything.

“What you did. Taking care of him like that. It was something that none of us had done, but it’s something for which we are grateful,” Declan said.

I nodded, still waiting, but then decided to ask the question that plagued me.

“Our mother…what happened to her?” I asked.

Patrick lowered his lids, the most raw and authentic emotion I’d ever seen on his face present, as it was on the others’ faces.

“Shit got bad. She couldn’t cope and tried to kill herself. She ended up like that,” Declan said, his blunt, matter-of-fact delivery in no way undercutting the emotion I could see on his face.

The room was silent for a moment, each of us in our own thoughts, me trying to absorb what Declan had said.

“I went to see her,” I said a long moment later.

“We heard that didn’t go well,” Sean said.

“It didn’t, not at all,” I said.

“For what it’s worth, don’t take it personally. Whatever she said or did had nothing to do with you. Michael is the only one of us she can really handle,” Patrick said.

I swallowed, then nodded my thanks. It still hurt to remember how she’d reacted, but it helped to know it wasn’t me who caused that.

“So she’ll be like that forever?” I asked, unable to keep the emotion out of my voice.

“Yes,” Michael said, his voice quiet, a side of him I’d never seen emerging.

“Is that why you leave her in that place?” I asked, the anger clear in my voice though I’d fought to keep it out.

Michael answered again. “We tried everything else. That place is best for her. In her own way she’s happy.”

He sounded earnest, and I believed him. I stayed silent for a few moments longer and then breathed out deep, waiting for what would come next.

I looked at each man, allowing myself to imagine how different this could have been if only we’d had a chance. Pushed the thought away. What had happened couldn’t be changed. All that was left now was consequences.

“Can we wrap this up sometime today?” Michael asked, the softness from moments ago gone now.

Declan shook his head at Michael and then looked at Patrick. “Patrick, tell him what we’ve decided.”

“Michael wants you dead. Sean wouldn’t be too sad about it,” Patrick wasted no time in saying.

I looked at those two, didn’t see any disagreement with those statements.

“And you and Patrick?” I asked, locking eyes with Declan.

“You probably deserve to die, you deserve worse, but we can’t see fit to do that. You’re family,” Patrick said.

Hearing those words made my chest clench. No one had ever called me family, no one except Jade.

“So you’re not going to kill me?” I asked.

“Not if you don’t give us a reason to,” Michael said, glaring at me, his voice grudging.

“I won’t. All I care about is Jade,” I said.

“She counts too. Anything happens to her, it’s on you,” Patrick said.

I nodded, and then said, “I’m glad she has people like you to look out for her.”

Patrick looked at me, and for the first time I saw something like a smile on his face.

“Maybe one day you will too.”