The way she looks at me makes my heart beat so fast. Just that look fills me with so much warmth and love—love? Yeah, it's love. I've loved her from the minute I met her and I'm going to love her forever. I don't think forever is going to be enough time to love her in all the ways I want and need to. I don't just mean fucking. I mean all the ways. Happy, sad, and everywhere in between. She's it for me.

I wasted so much time. We missed out on sharing our firsts. I want to kick my own ass for that. Life is full of regrets. We can't change the past. All we can do is learn from it. And what I've learned is I can't live without her. I can't, I won't, and I don't have to.

She's mine.

She tells me everything I need to know with that smile, the sparkle in her eyes, and the love that radiates from her into me. I didn't know it was possible to find your soul mate at the age of eight, but I did. Tera's my forever.

"Tera," I say softly.

She grins. "Xander."

The guys all groan and leave the room. They could've stayed. I don't care if they see or hear this. I'm not ashamed of how I feel. It's time I man up and own it.

"I love you," I tell her.

Her eyes go wide, then tears fill them. "Xander," she whispers. "I love you, too."

I feel so much right now, and I'm not holding anything back. I let the tear fall that's been threatening for a few minutes now. She's giving me all of her and I want her to have all of me.

She kisses me. Softly at first, just a press of her lips against mine, then more. It's like the first kiss. It's all consuming and I'm so damn hard for her it hurts. But I'm not rushing her. If she isn't ready for the physical part yet, I respect that.

She pulls back and bites my earlobe.

"You're killing me, babe," I groan.

Tera looks me in the eye and without hesitation says, "I want the hotel room, but I don't want to wait another week, Xan. We've waited long enough, don't you think?"

I don't even know what to say. "Tera. You don't have to—"

She presses her index finger against my lips. "I know. I want to. You know me. I never do anything I don't want to do. Not even for you."

I nod. "That's how it should be. Always be you, Tera. You're fucking perfect."

"So, tonight? Since the guys have their own rooms now, I can come sneak into yours," I whisper in his ear.

"Is that really what you want?"

"Mhmm."

I nod. "Then yes."

She looks down, a wave of sadness crashing over her.

"What is it?" I ask.

She hesitates.

"Tell me," I prod.

She runs her finger over the lettering on my t-shirt. "It's just…"

I put my finger under her chin and lift her face up, so I can see her eyes. "It's just what? Talk to me, T."

"I hate the thought of other girls being in your bed. That bed."

"No girl's been in that bed but you. No girl's even been in that room."

Her brow furrows. "But—"

"This is going to sound so fucked up," I confess. She just stares. "The guys and I, we never brought anyone here to the house to screw around with. They had their place and it wasn't here. Besides, they weren't around for long anyway. They knew the score. We were up front and they were more than willing to give it up anywhere we wanted to fuck."

She flinches and nods. "I guess I'm glad… that if you were screwing around it wasn't here. I don't think I could be with you there if the parade of fucks you've had the last few years had ended in your bed upstairs."

"What about you?" I ask, hating that I did but knowing I need to know.

"What about me? Did I bring anyone to my bed in the guest house?"

I nod. "Yeah."

She snorts. "Are you kidding me? Hell no."

"But I've seen Carter over there a lot."

"Yeah, in the common areas of the house. He wasn't allowed in my bedroom. You remember who I've been living with, right? Carter in my bedroom would have caused blood rain and locust infestations," she teases.

"You're serious?"

"Yep."

I don't say anything. I want to know where they fucked. I'm a masochist and a total fucking idiot for wanting that information.

"You want to know where, right?"

"Only if you want to tell me."

She sighs. "I…"

That one word, that single letter sounds so sad. Regretful.

"Don't do that, T. Don't regret your choices. They were right at the time, which means they're the right ones," I reassure her.

"Okay. The first time was at his house. His parents were gone for the weekend."

"So the first time wasn't just once, it was a weekend." Jealousy fills me.

She nods, biting her lip, unsure how much to reveal.

"Go on. It's okay."

"After that, sometimes we were in his room, sometimes in his car, and other times at this spot we had out of the city. There was a cave and it was clean and private. No one was around for miles."

I nod. She had a love nest. We had a fuck shack. How fucked up am I really?

"Hey," she nudges me. "No regrets."

"Repeating my advice isn't very nice, T," I tease.

"Well, then don't be a hypocrite, and practice what you preach, buddy."

I can't help it. The look on her face, the way she crosses her eyes and talks with her tongue hanging out. I burst out laughing. That's the funniest shit I've seen in a long time.

"You're crazy," I say, still laughing.

"No crazier than you," she rebuts, and she's right.

"Dinner's ready!" Mrs. M calls.

"Saved by the dinner bell," I mutter.

"Tonight?" Tera asks, hesitating.

I nod. "If you're sure. There's no need to rush if you're not ready, T. I'll wait forever for you."

"I know. It's surreal and it's wonderful and I am so completely crazy for you, I feel like I'm going to explode and all that will be left of me is glitter confetti floating around—and you know that shit sticks around forever."

I laugh again. "See? Told you you were crazy. You just admitted it."

She nods. "I totally am."

"Me too, baby. Me too."

After a quick kiss it's dinnertime.

* * *

Band practice is awesome. We're playing a song we wrote the other day, tweaking it as we go, but it sounds fucking amazing. I pound the last beats and then silence.

"Fuck yeah!" Jesse shouts, fist punching the air.

"Oh, hell yeah," Ethan agrees.

"This is the one," Kennedy nods.

Ben plays a mean riff, grinning like a motherfucker.

"We're going on that show. That's it," I say. "I don't give a fuck if you guys think we're not ready. We. Are. Ready. That song right there, that proves it. We're gonna go on there, we're going to rock our asses off, and they're gonna love every second of it."

Everyone looks to Jesse. We always look to Jesse for the final say. It's always been that way and I have a feeling it's always going to be that way. I'm cool with that. He's never steered us wrong.

"Let's do it. We need a video of us playing something. I don't think we should use this song…" he trails off, thinking. I can see his wheels turning.

"That gerbil's getting a workout," Ben teases.

"It's a hamster, fucker," Jesse mocks.

I laugh.

"We do a cover. Metallica or something heavy. Something that shows off our talents—not just one of us, all of us," Jesse adds.

"This is it," I tell them, standing up from behind the drums, sticks in hand. I start pacing across the garage floor, spinning the sticks in between my fingers. All the guys are watching me closely. I'm fucking inspired. I need to share that. "I know this is it. We're going to take this thing. The winner gets a contract with one of the top labels in the business. I'm not sure which one. I didn't read the fine print, but who the fuck cares who it is? It's a contract. If we don't like it with that company, we decline a second contract, and move on to someone else."

The guys are nodding in agreement.

"We can get someone from the camera club or video or some shit to help us. They'd be down, I know it. They'd get credit, you know? Then we need to make sure the audio is killer. The commercial said they don't want professional quality. They want it raw and real. We can do that," I declare, then tap my sticks together.

"It might take a ton of takes to get it, but we can do this," Kennedy agrees.

"Let's do it," Jesse says again, this time with a shit-eating grin.

"Dude, we're gonna be big time," Ben proclaims, and damn if I don't think he's right.

"Let's find a song," Ethan instructs.

A couple hours later we've got the song and we've found a cameraman. We just need a location and I can't think of a better place than in the school auditorium. The acoustics are killer. All in agreement, we call it a night.

* * *

I'm still riding the high from practice, but now I'm nervous as hell, too. I take a shower, washing everything twice. If Tera's coming to my room tonight, I'm going to be ready.

Just thinking about it gets me hard. It's probably a good thing. If I rub one out now, then I won't have to worry about coming before she does.

I squirt some body wash in my hand and lather up my cock. My forehead and left arm resting against the tiled shower wall while my right hand wraps around my dick. I start stroking slowly, thinking about Tera, imagining it's her hand and that gets me even harder. She excites me like nothing I've ever experienced.

Thinking about touching her breasts, I start to jack myself off faster. Closing my eyes I imagine touching her pussy. She'd be wet. I know she would be. She gets just as hot as I do. I can see it. She's gonna be tight as fuck. I know it. She and Carter weren't hot and heavy like we are. I want to rip her clothes off every time she's within reaching distance.

Slipping inside her is going to be hot. I start pumping into my tight fist fast, imagining it's Tera. I'd take her slow, then as she gets into it, I'd go faster and harder, paying attention to what makes her feel good. She's going to come tonight. I won't stop until she does.

When she does, she'll arch her back, her throat exposed to me. I'll kiss, lick, and bite it; reach up and play with her nipples, and she'll clench around me. I'll feel her get super wet and hot as she comes, and then I'll fuck hard into her a couple more thrusts and come. Like now, it's going to be hard and long. I groan as my cum coats the shower wall.

Fuck. If it's this good just thinking about her, the real thing might damn well kill me.

I catch my breath and rinse my cum down the drain. I'm still sporting a semi.

"Stop thinking about her," I tell myself. "Think of something disgusting." Like what?

I think back to when I came home earlier, Mr. Martinez doing some shit in the flowers, his ass crack hanging out. Fucking nasty. Within seconds, I'm soft.

I dry off and put on my boxer briefs then a pair of Nike shorts. I'm about to grab a tank top when I hear the lock on my door softly click closed.

I rub the white towel over my still-wet hair and see Tera standing there, her bottom lip between her teeth, a naughty gleam in her eyes.

Hell yeah. She's ready.

"Hey," she says, sounding a little shy.

"Hey," I say back, smirking at her. She blushes a bit and looks down. I chuckle, then toss my towel to the floor. I'll pick it up later.

I walk toward her. "Look at me."

She does slowly, shyly.

"You don't have to be shy, T. Not with me. Never with me," I reassure her.

She nods. "I know. I'm a little nervous."

"I am too," I admit.

Her eyes widen. She didn't expect me to be that honest? Right now there should be nothing but honesty.

"Xan, there's something you should know," she begins.

"Okay. Tell me," I encourage.

"Even though I did… even though I had sex, it wasn't very much," she confesses.

Shea was right. "Like how much not very much?"

She snickers. "Like, less than twenty times."

My brow furrows. "Wait. What? You had a weekend with him and then the rest of the time…"

She looks down, then right back up and meets my gaze. Taking a deep breath she stands up straight, walking closer and sitting on the bed.

"We only did it twice that weekend. The first night we fell asleep. That Saturday is when we did it and you know it's not that great for girls the first time. It hurts a bit no matter how slow you go."

I wince inwardly, hating that she gave him that—that he was the one to take that. We should have been each other's firsts. I keep saying it and hating myself for making sure that didn't happen by putting distance between us, denying what I felt for her.

"Okay," I encourage, rubbing her back.

"So, we only did it once that day. This is so embarrassing and just… weird, telling you about me having sex with someone else," she expresses.

I nod. "It is weird and not the best topic of conversation I've ever had, but I think I should know what you did and stuff." This time I can't hide the wince.

"Oh, God, Xan. Maybe we shouldn't talk about this."

"It's okay. I'm fine. I promise."

She eyes me skeptically, but continues. "I… bled quite a bit so we didn't do it again that day."

Fucking idiot. She would have probably enjoyed it more at that point. Less resistance. I would have tried, at least.

"We did it early the next morning before his parents came home. The other times were just random."

"Tera."

She just looks at me.

"You were with him for more than a year," I say, pretty stunned they didn't fuck like bunnies.

She blushes. "We were pretty young when we started dating and I wasn't ready. For a long time I wasn't ready. On our nine month anniversary is when we planned for."

That leaves, what? Around six months.

"What…" I pause. "How? Why?"

"I loved him, Xan, but he didn't give me those sparks you do." She snickers. "Not sparks… more like, flames. All you have to do is give me that look."

I give her the look and her breath catches. Awesome.

"I'm going to take this slow. I want to savor you."

She bites her lip again and nods. She kicks off her flip-flops, pulls her shirt over her head, and pulls down her shorts. There's my Tera.

"You're fucking beautiful," I tell her. I can barely breathe, she's so perfect. She stands there in front of me in nothing but a see-through light blue bra and a scrap of lace that barely covers her pussy.

I walk over to her, looking into her eyes. "We don't have to—"

She stands on tiptoe and kisses me silent. Her arms wrap around my neck as far as she can reach and her lace-covered tits push against my chest.

Instant hard-on. I honestly don't know if I'm going to be worth a damn in the sack with her. She's just… fuck. She's everything.

"I want you, Xander. I've always wanted you. Let's pretend it's our first," she whispers, a tear slipping down her cheek.

I nod. "But no regrets. I have to believe everything happens for a reason."

"Yeah, you're a dumbass," she teases.

I laugh. "That I am."

"Do you want me, Xander? As your first?" she asks, her voice quiet and shy.

"I want nothing more, T. I don't just love you. I am so deeply in love with you I don't even know how to handle it sometimes," I confess. It feels right to tell her everything I feel. I don't give a shit if the guys would call me a pussy for admitting it. All that matters is her and letting her know.

"I've been in love with you since you told me I couldn't sing for shit." She smiles. "But it's grown over time, Xan, and I can't explain how much I feel for you."

I swallow hard and nod. I push my shorts down.

She reaches behind her back and unclasps her bra, letting it fall down her arms to the floor.

"So perfect," I breathe.

"Your turn," she whispers.

I slide my boxer briefs down. Her eyes widen when she looks at my dick. I want to strut around. Obviously, I'm bigger than Winters. I've finally one-upped that fucker.

She slides her panties down, lifting her foot and toeing them off.

Wow. She's fucking glorious. All I can think right now are the words of a John Mayer song because her body is a wonderland. I am going to enjoy playing there—and it won't be once tonight.

"Come here, Tera," I coax.

One step. Two steps. Then she's in front of me again, pressing against me.

I waste no time. I take her mouth in a hot and hard kiss.

She walks forward, I walk backward, our arms around one another. The backs of my knees hit the side of the bed and I fall backwards. She snickers and I grin. She crawls right up on top of me, straddling my hips, her pussy hovering over my cock.

"You are unbelievably gorgeous, Tera."

"You're not so bad yourself." She smiles, then licks a path down my chest.

Wha-What? That can't happen.