"Carter, I need to talk to you about something." I sound much braver than I feel. I hate that I have to do this. Carter's been a good boyfriend. He's attentive, caring, and supportive. The only thing he isn't is Xander, and that's everything.

He wraps his arm around my shoulders. "Is everything okay?"

I nod. "Can we go somewhere private?"

He nods, his brow furrowed, as he leads me to an empty classroom.

I sit on one of the tables, holding my books tightly against my chest.

"What's going on, Tera?"

I sigh inwardly. I've never been good at hurting people. But I deserve to be happy—really happy.

"I'm not sure where to begin," I confess.

"Whatever it is, it's okay."

He's so sweet. If there were no Xander, Carter would be it.

"I've had the best time being with you these last fourteen months—"

"Fifteen months," he corrects and I wince.

"Sorry. Fifteen months. But I don't think we should be together anymore."

He doesn't say anything, just looks down, rubbing the back of his neck. He's thinking, trying to figure it out, and I hate it for him.

"I'm sorry, Carter."

He nods, then looks up at me. "It's him, isn't it?"

I hesitate.

"Xander. It's him, right?" he asks.

I nod. "Yes."

He blows out a breath. "I thought you were over him. I really thought we got past that. I knew when I asked you out you were hung up on him, but you stopped spending time with him and… well, I just thought you got over him."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't. It's fine, Tera. I knew going in your heart belonged to someone else."

His disappointment and pain are palpable. I want to reach out and hold him, but I know Carter. He wouldn't want that. He's so very prideful.

"Tell me something?" he asks as he sits on the table next to me.

"Anything."

"Did you ever care for me at all? Or were you just wasting time?"

"Oh, Carter. Of course I did—do. I'll be honest. When we said 'I love you' I meant it. I do love you, Carter. I wouldn't have been with you if I didn't. I would never use you that way. Please believe that. Everything we shared was real," I admit. And it was. Every kiss. Every touch. I wouldn't have done that if I didn't care deeply for this boy.

"I believe you, T. This just sucks," he says with a groan.

"The last thing I ever wanted to do is hurt you."

"I know, Tera. You're made of the good stuff which is why this sucks so bad." He turns to face me. "When I said 'I love you', every single time, I really meant that. I fell for you hard."

A tear slips free and he wipes it with the pad of his thumb.

"Don't cry. I'll be okay. It'll take me awhile, so I hope you understand I'm going to need some space. I may forget and text or call you."

"You can call or text anytime. If you need me, I'm here, Carter. You weren't just my boyfriend, you're my best friend." We told each other everything with brutal honesty and heartfelt sincerity.

"Don't let Shea hear you say that. She'll cut me into pieces and feed me to the pigs," he teases.

"What pigs?" I ask with a laugh.

"Who knows, but you know that girl would find some."

"She totally would," I agree. "I want you to continue to smile, Carter. There's a girl out there waiting to love you."

He gets sad. "I thought she was you."

Now I really start to cry. "Oh, Carter." I drop my books to the floor and reach for him. We hold each other through the warning bell and through the bell signaling class has started. We're still holding one another when Mr. Perkins walks into the room. He looks at us, then just keeps walking into the room. He doesn't ask or intrude. He knows.

When the next bell rings, we pull back and look at one another.

"I want us to be able to be friends, Carter. I can't imagine you not in my life."

He nods. "I just need a little time."

"Okay."

"Just do me one favor?"

"Anything."

"Please don't do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing in front of me. Not yet. I don't think I could handle that, Tera."

"I understand."

"You've got my heart, Tera. If you change your mind, I'm still here."

I smile sadly at him. "I won't."

He smiles sadly back. "I didn't think so, but it was worth a shot."

We hug one more time.

"I do love you," I whisper.

"I love you, too. I'll always love you," he replies. Then he kisses my forehead and walks away.

I watch him go, my heart hurting. He was the one I shared a lot of my firsts with and I'll remember that always.

"Are you all right, Miss Ramirez?" Mr. Perkins asks.

I nod. "I will be."

"Break ups are never easy."

"No. They certainly aren't."

"You made a lovely couple. I'm sorry things didn't work out," he tells me, passing me a tissue.

I nod. "He was perfect. He really was."

"Then why…?"

"He isn't Xander."

"I see."

"Xander had my heart first. It just took him awhile to figure out what to do with it," I tell him with a watery smile.

"Then he better take care of it."

I nod. "Thank you, Mr. Perkins."

"You're welcome, Miss Ramirez."

I walk out the door and there's Xander leaning back against the lockers across the hall. My heart leaps and I smile.

"Hey," he says by way of greeting.

"Hey," I reply, leaning next to him.

He meets my gaze. "You all right?"

I nod and sniffle. "It was just hard."

Xan nods, his lips pressed together in a tight line. "You were with him a long time."

"Yeah."

"You love him."

"Yes," I admit.

Xan nods again, his brows furrowed. "You gave him your firsts."

He doesn't state it like a question, but it is.

"I did."

He swallows hard. "I fucked up. I'm sorry, Tera."

"I don't regret it, Xan. He was good to me. He loved me. And you needed to find your way."

"I suppose I did," he admits. "He didn't get your first kiss."

"He didn't get my heart either," I tell him.

His head jerks up and he looks at me.

"He has a piece, but my heart belongs to you, Xan. You had it first."

He pulls me to him, holding me close as he buries his face in my hair. "Thank you."

I rub his back and he straightens.

"I'm sorry you're sad, but I understand."

"How could you possibly?"

"I know your heart, Tera. It's pure and sincere. I get you're going to need a little time to get past this—if you want to?" he questions.

I smirk. "I do want to. I've waited for you for what feels like forever."

"Not quite that long," he replies with a cocky look. "But you'll get to keep me that long if you want me."

"I do. Forever sounds like a pretty good deal," I tell him with a smile.

He nods. "Let's get you to class."

He takes my hand in his and walks me to my art class. He knows my schedule, the rooms, and he kisses me softly before we part ways. I thought he didn't want any part of me, but he's been keeping track of me this whole time.

"It's about time that dumbass came to his senses," Shea says as she walks into the classroom.

I laugh out loud. "I guess it is. Wait—I thought you hated him?"

"Oh, I did. I still kind of do because of how much he hurt you. Anyone that stupid isn't going to get my kindness. But now that he's smartened up, I might warm up to him in a year or ten."

I snort. "Likely ten."

"Likely," she replies. "How's Carter?"

I sigh. "Heartbroken."

Shea nods. "Devastated is more like it, but he knew the risks when you got together. You were always honest about your feelings for Xander."

"It doesn't make it any easier."

"No, it doesn't. But he'll be okay. He's hot and a good guy. He'll find someone to get on top of and he'll get over it soon enough," she snarks.

I roll my eyes. "Seriously, Shea."

"What? Haven't you heard the saying 'the only way to get over someone is to get under someone else'? Or, in Carter's case, on top of someone else."

"Where do you come up with this stuff?"

"My mom. Where else? My mom's cool as hell."

"She totally is."

We set up our supplies and start working in silence.

"Maybe you should be the one he gets on top of," I suggest to Shea.

She looks over at me, her eyes wide, then she bursts out laughing. "Are you kidding me? He's not my type."

"Well, who is your type? We need to get you hooked up."

"My type?" she questions. "Julie Franklin. Julie Franklin is my type."

I lift a brow. "Only girls now?"

"No. There are just no guys I want right now."

"You'd so do Carter."

"Any girl in her right mind would do Carter, but he needs to get through the grieving process which will include a whole lot of rebounds. I'm nobody's rebound girl," she states.

I nod. "Nor should you settle for that. But maybe in a month or two…"

"Why are you trying to set me up with Carter?"

I shrug. "You're both smart and funny, kind and genuine, and you're both my best friends. I can't imagine a better match for either of you."

Shea shrugs. "Maybe one day."

I smirk. "Yeah. One day." That's going to be the day I set them up. I know she's had a crush on him for a while—almost every girl in school does. He's that perfect. And he's made no secret of his admiration for Shea—so, why not? In a couple months it won't be as painful for either Carter or me. Then I'll put my matchmaking abilities to work and see if I can't make my best friends as happy together as Xander and I are going to be.

* * *

I didn't let things change too much too quickly. I wanted it to be a gradual transition. I think jumping in with both feet would be a mistake. I think Xan's thankful for that too. Can you imagine the pressure we'd both be under if we started sleeping together right away? We've been apart for quite awhile, so getting to know one another again on that level we had before is priority.

"You're taking her to prom?" Jesse questions Xander. I'm standing in the kitchen while they're out in the garage. I can't help it if I can hear them talking. They're the ones who left the door open.

I quietly pour my glass of iced tea then hop up on the counter. Mrs. M gives me a knowing look and winks.

"I think I should," Xander answers.

"Yeah. She deserves prom," Jesse tells him.

"Hell yeah," Ethan agrees. "You should do the limo. The whole nine yards."

"Chicks love that shit," Kennedy tells them. I can hear him strumming his guitar. It's so easy to tell him apart from the rest. Plus, he's always strumming his guitar. It's like an extension of him.

"Yeah? You think she'd like that? I should get her a really nice corsage, too. Calla lilies. They're her favorite." There's silence for a few minutes. "Wait. Wait, wait, wait. If we do prom, I have to wear a tux?" Xan asks.

"It is a formal event, man," Linc chuckles.

"Fuck. Trussed up like a penguin."

Mrs. M snickers and I do too.

"More like a turkey," Ethan teases.

"Funny. Ha ha ha," Xander replies.

"I like it," Ben says. "Dude, you know you want to go with her. You know you want to put on that tux, buy her flowers, and get a limo. You want to romance her."

Xander grunts.

"Hell, man. If I had a girl I was in love with, I'd romance the shit out of her," Jesse admits.

"You don't do love or relationships," Linc reminds him.

"Yeah, that's true. But Xan does and that's cool. Go to prom and do it up right," Jesse says.

"Go, hurry," Mrs. M tells me and I run back into the living area where I'd been doing my homework. I quickly get situated, turning on my iPod, putting my earbuds in. I squeal on the inside. Prom!

I wasn't even hoping for it. I'd planned on going with Carter, but since we broke up I figured it wasn't an option. Oh my. If Xan takes me… that tells me everything. He'll be giving up his comfort to take me.

He doesn't show up, so I get into the music and my homework. Finally, I'm done. Chemistry. Ugh. I am so not good at science. I close my eyes and relax, listening to the music, grooving in my chair.

I know he's there, watching me. I can feel it. I can smell him.

I open my eyes and he's sitting on the ottoman in front of my chair. I'd started rocking the chair to the music or my feet would've been there. He smirks. I smirk back and turn the music off, taking out my earbuds as well.

"Hey," he says by way of greeting.

"Hey, yourself."

He leans in and presses his lips to mine. My heart flutters in my chest. Will I ever get used to this? I hope not.

Xander sits back and meets my gaze. He looks nervous—really nervous. Is he serious right now? Does he think I'll say no? Silly boy.

"T, I…"

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it's not prom but something else entirely—something bad. "What's going on, Xan? Is something wrong?"

His eyes widen. "No, no. Nothing bad." He rubs the back of his neck. "I, uh… I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to, uh, gotopromwithme?"

He is nervous over prom. Incredible. I would never have expected that from him. He's always so confident. Hmm. Maybe he's not as confident as I think he is.

"Really?" I ask with a grin.

He nods and swallows hard.

I narrow my gaze. I'm not going to force him to do something he doesn't want to and he looks really uncomfortable right now. "Are you sure you want to go, Xander? If you don't, that's totally fine with me."

He pauses and looks at me blankly. "No. I do. Do you not want to go with me?" he asks, his voice squeaking. He clears his throat.

I hear chuckles coming from the other room and roll my eyes.

"Ignore them. They're dumb," I say. "Yeah, I want to go to prom with you, but I don't want you to go if you're going to be miserable there."

"I want to take you, Tera. Will you go? With me? To prom?" he stutters out. He's so adorable in this moment. I wish I could put this moment in a memory box and play it back whenever I want.

"I will. I absolutely will," I answer with a big smile.

He smiles back. "Yeah?"

I nod. "Yep."

"Awesome. We'll go to dinner. I'll get a limo. We'll do prom right," he tells me.

"Sounds great. Let's totally do prom Xander style."

At that he puffs up his chest—his confidence is back. "Hell yeah. Xander style. I like that." He leans in and kisses me again, then pulls me in for a hug. "Thank you for going with me, T," he whispers in my ear.

I nod against his neck, then kiss it. "Thanks for asking me."

Linc groans from behind Xander. "Ugh. You two are sickening."

"Fuck off, dude," Xander admonishes with a grin.

"Xander Mackenzie!" Mrs. M scolds. "You know how I feel about that word."

"Sorry, Mrs. M!" He blushes. "She has the ears of an elephant."

"I think that's a memory," Kennedy corrects.

"That too!" Xan exclaims.

"So true," Ethan agrees.

"You know she's gonna tell your pops, right?" Ben asks with a smirk.

"Dick. You just had to remind me. I was enjoying this moment with my girl," he scoffs, then lifts me up, sits in my chair, and puts me on his lap. They all seem to do that, but with Xander it's special. It's something we haven't done in nearly four years.

Wait. Did he say my girl? He totally did. I grin big and my brother rolls his eyes. I just keep grinning and he can't help himself. Linc grins too.

"Man," Jesse starts, "I hope I never get hung up on a chick like that."

"One day, Jesse Kingston, there's going to be a girl that steals your heart with just one look and you're not going to stand a chance. I, for one, can't wait to see that day," I tell him.

Jesse chuckles. "Never gonna happen."

"Dude, never say never," Xander warns. "You know what happens when you do."

Ben laughs. "You're so screwed. I'm going to enjoy that."

"Fu—screw you," Jesse sneers. "Not happening. I'm not a relationship kinda guy."

"We'll see," I tease and he gives me the look. Yeah, Jesse can silence anyone with just that look. It's one that says, "Keep pushing me and see what happens."

I'm not afraid so I burst out laughing. Then he shakes his head.

"Are any of you going to prom?" I ask the guys.

"We are now," Ethan bites out. "Xander's making us."

I snort. "Really. And you're doing what he says? Since when does that happen?"

"Since they're doing it for you and not me," Xander informs me.

"They don't have to go to prom for me. I'm happy with just me and you." I rub the back of his neck and he swallows hard again. I can feel him getting hard.

"That's why he got the hotel room," Ben whispers.

I look at Xan and he has the decency to blush. "You did, did you? What if I don't want to spend the night in a hotel room with you, Xander Mackenzie?"

He looks at me. "Then we won't. We can do whatever you want to do. This night will be about you. Whatever makes you happy."

I sigh dreamily. "You make me happy."

"Gag," Linc says, and the guys snicker. Xander and I don't, though. We just look into one another's eyes and I see so much in his gaze. I see the fear, the excitement, the love, the lust, the tenderness, but most of all I see the sincerity. He isn't playing games with me.

Thank goodness. I don't know what I'd have done if he wasn't serious about us. Looking into those icy blue eyes swirling with affection, I have no more doubts.