Connor

 

The next two weeks are an exercise in pain management. First, I got smashed at the bottom of a pile at an away game and really tweaked my shoulder. Luckily, it wasn’t my throwing arm, but it meant being nursed by Allie (who is still not talking to me). The moment she plopped a bag of ice on my shoulder and proceeded to secure it with an ACE bandage, her body so close to mine all I could smell was her shampoo and cherry blossom lotion (look, I swear I’m not a chick, she’s got a hundred bottles of the stuff all over her room), I almost lost all my self-control. For one tense moment, I had to literally start counting down from a hundred to keep myself from wrapping her up in my one good arm and assaulting her lips.

But that is not the way to handle this situation. No. We are talking about Allie. Who has little to no experience with guys (at least, I hope not) and who has been my best friend all our lives. I could not just attack her. So, I counted. And made it all the way to forty-three before she was satisfied the ice wouldn’t slide off. See what I’m saying- pain.

Then, because I hadn’t really seen Kayla outside of school for almost two weeks, on Saturday I played nice and spent most of the day with her- at the mall.

Then, when I’d come home to change clothes for a party we were going to that night, it was just in time to see Allie, smokin’ hot in skinny jeans and an off the shoulder peasant shirt (six hours at the mall with Kayla, I know what a peasant shirt is and I will not turn in my man card) being escorted to the passenger side door of Jamie Barnes’ car. I tried so hard not to stare or be crushed by the fact that Allie purposely kept her eyes from meeting mine, even though I know she knew I was there in my driveway, trying to stop looking at her long enough to go inside my house. Pain.

After a shower and fresh set of clothes, I go back to Kayla’s to pick her up for a party I am so not in the mood for.

“What’s your deal tonight, Connor?” Kayla’s irritated voice cuts through the silence in the cab of my truck and I realize I’ve broken rule number one for dating Kayla- never give Kayla reason to believe you are thinking about anything other than Kayla.

“Sorry.” I give her my signature smile, the one that has all the girls in our high school (and some girls at other schools and a few female teachers) sighing and following me around (Again, not arrogant, it is what it is), and reach for her hand. “Just sore, you know. That game last night was brutal.”

She immediately pushes out her bottom lip, pouting on my behalf, but really, I think she thinks it some kind of turn on like those duck lips chicks make in selfies. It looks stupid.

“Aww, baby, do you want to skip the party?”

What? My eyes widen in surprise. Kayla never wants to miss a party.

“My parents are out… we could go to my house.” Her eyes are sending me a message my hormones can’t miss as she lays her hand on my thigh. I quickly pick it up in my own, lacing our fingers together. “I could, you know, help you feel better.”

I clench my jaw. Sweet mother of mercy. Look, I am as red-blooded as any guy, and as much as I’m realizing I’m not into Kayla anymore (if I ever was), I’m tempted. But I’ve never really gone there with anyone and I’m not about to start now, especially with Kayla. Especially, not when I’m still trying to figure out my feelings for Allie. I know I have a reputation as a player, but it’s all just fiction.

I glance at Kayla, whose eyes have gone all sultry and I start to sweat, desperate for an escape. Kayla’s been a lot less subtle lately about wanting to take our relationship further. It just reaffirms what I already know must be done- I have to break up with Kayla. Again- pain. Like a pain in my ass. Because a breakup with Kayla will not be pretty.

I pull my truck up in front of a huge house that belongs to Jason Matthews, this rich kid whose parents are too busy being rich to pay attention to anything he does, including trashing their house a couple of times a semester with huge parties.

“No, we’re already here,” I tell her. “Let’s just have some fun.”

Except it isn’t fun, not even a little. All I can think about the entire evening is how I’m going to break it to Kayla that I want out. She finally gets the hint that I’m going to be a downer all night and goes to dance with her cheerleader friends. She tries to lure me onto the makeshift dance floor in Jason’s basement, but I’m not in the mood. She makes her pouty face again and I wonder, for the millionth time, how I was ever attracted to her in first place.

“Dude, what’s up with the poop face?” JJ asks, plopping down beside me on a sofa. He reeks of alcohol and perfume. JJ is an idiot.

“Nothing. Just not feeling it tonight.” I’m really beginning to wish I’d stayed home and finished binging Psych while watching for Allie to come home from her date. I’ve come this close to using the treehouse ladder to get to her room and make her talk to me, but I’ve refrained- just barely. I’m not sure how much longer I can go without really talking to her, though. This is the longest we’ve been apart since she was born, and I’m straight up going nuts. I miss her so much, I swear it’s going to kill me.

“How can you not be feeling it with your hot girlfriend out there dancing like that,” he points to Kayla working it on the dancefloor, “looking at you like that?” JJ is practically drooling. I know I should be offended since Kayla and I are still officially together, but I can’t work up the energy.

“I’m gonna break up with her.” Damn it! Why did I say that? To JJ of all people? JJ turned to me, jaw hanging open.

“Dude, are you insane? Homecoming is in a few weeks. She will kill you.”

Groaning, I drop my head in my hands. JJ is right. I completely forgot about Homecoming. Kayla’s been talking about it since the summer. I think she even has a dress already.

And if things aren’t bad enough, I drag my face out of my hands just in time to see Allie walk in with Jamie’s arm wrapped around her waist.

“Dude, is that Allie?” JJ’s voice is both shocked and reverent, as a guy can only be when he’s been struck stupid by a pretty girl.

“Shut up, JJ,” I say sharply, my knuckle connecting with his leg. He barely flinches (and I know I hit him hard), his eyes still taking in the vision of Allie.

Remember, what I said about pain management? I haven’t quite mastered the management part yet. Allie hasn't seen me, but I’ve seen her and so has just about every other guy in the room.

Allie may have amped up her wardrobe at school, except on Friday’s when she wears jeans and a team t-shirt. But not everyone has seen this Allie, the drop dead gorgeous and sexy, Allie, who goes on dates with another guy. And she is a show stopper. Pain.

 

Allie

 

It doesn’t take long after Jamie and I walk into the party at Jason’s house for me to realize my mistake. No matter what, this kind of party is not for me. I can so do without the booze and the couples making out in every corner of the room. I find myself desperately wishing I was in my room killing zombies with Connor. I miss him so much.

Don’t get me wrong, hanging out with Jamie is fun. He’s nice and cute and I think he genuinely likes spending time with me. But there’s always this emptiness, this ache, a part of me that needs Connor.

And truly, I just don’t know what to do about it. I was so mad at him for being such a hypocrite, I still get riled about that. But if the last few weeks have taught me anything, it’s that I am completely in love with my best friend. And that just isn’t fair to Jamie.

“Want to dance?” Jamie asks, grinning down at me. And I smile, because Jamie’s great and I owe at least that to him.

“Sure.” Couples dance all over the room, not just in the middle where a huge group of girls dirty dance with half of the football team. I’m glad when Jamie just puts his hands on my hips right where we stand.

My own arms go easily around his neck, he is comfortable to be around. But I’m distracted, because right there in the center of all the gyrating teenagers is Kayla. And if Kayla is here, Connor is here. Without my permission, my eyes scan the room. It is so full of people, dancing, standing around talking and drinking. Every available surface is filled with bodies. I don’t see him.

“Hey, you okay?” Jamie asks, his gaze intent.

I force a smile. “Yeah. Parties aren’t really my thing.”

Jamie looks surprised for second, before his expression turns compassionate. “Do you want to leave.”

“No, it’s alright. We can stay.” But the evening is ruined for me. I can’t escape this feeling that Connor is somewhere in the room. My body, my whole soul is aware of his presence, but still I can’t see him.

Jamie startles me, bringing our dancing bodies to a halt. I turn my eyes up to meet his.

“Something is wrong.” I can hear the question in his voice. Busted. I don’t want to ruin Jamie’s evening, but I don’t think I can keep up the pretense.

“Come on, Allie. What’s the matter?”

“I just-,” I can’t hold his gaze any longer. This sucks so much. “I just-” then I look up and there’s Connor. I stop breathing. He’s watching me with that look in his eye he’s had ever since I started ignoring him, a mix of pain and frustration- and longing.

“I get it, Allie.” Surprised, I turn back to Jamie, but he’s looking in the direction I just had been. I glance back at Connor, whose eyes have gone hard as he watches us. I have a sudden, irrational urge to remove myself from Jamie’s arms. My head dips and I sigh into Jamie’s chest. I owe him some sort of explanation.

“Jamie-” I can’t finish the thought, I don’t even know what I was going to say. What can I say? Hey Jamie, sorry but I can’t date you. I’m in love with my best friend, who spends his days macking on the head cheerleader and will never look at me as anything but the girl next door? Yeah, because that doesn’t sound crazy.

“Look, Allie,” Jamie pauses, taking a deep breath. “I asked you if there was something going on with you and Connor-”

“But there isn’t-” I begin, but stop when Jamie cocks his brow. My shoulders sag. “There isn’t.”

“Yet.” Jamie smiles down at me, kind of sad, before glancing at Connor again. “There isn’t yet.” Jamie blows out a long sigh. “I really like you, Allie.” With his arms still around my back, Jamie reaches up with one hand to sift his fingers through my hair. “And I really like your hair.” He smiles.

I giggle. I have a feeling I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Jamie Barnes.

“I’m sorry.” I wrap my arms around his neck, hugging him.

“Don’t be.” And I feel a lot better when he hugs me back, his face buried in my hair. “But you might have to let me smell your hair every now and then.”

I pull away from him. Laughing, I slap his chest with the back of my hand.

“Come on, I’ll take you home,” he says, and wrapping his arm around my waist, leads me through the maze of people at the party, steering us right toward Connor.

“Jamie!” I whisper, my stomach clenching.

“Stop worrying so much,” he says, holding me closer to his side. When we reach Connor, so close I could touch him, I feel Jamie’s lips press into my temple. The gesture so sweet, but it’s the look on Connor’s face, and not Jamie’s tender kiss, that makes me tremble.

“Oh my gosh, why did you do that?” I ask, once we’re outside and heading to Jamie’s car. I basically just admitted to Jamie how I felt about Connor. Was Jamie trying to embarrass me? And isn’t Connor at the party with Kayla- his girlfriend? Why did he look at me like that? Jamie drops his arm from around my waist and grasps my hand.

“Are you kidding? That was a test. Did you not see the look on his face? I don't think Connor thinks you are just friends.”

Slipping into the passenger seat of Jamie’s car, I have no idea what to think about Connor’s expression, but I am glad we are leaving, because it seriously looked like Connor was ready to commit a horrible crime against my date.