Allie

 

And so, I spill my guts. Like literal verbal vomit all over Jamie. It was disgusting. Every detail of my life as it pertains to Connor and me and our friendship over the years. All the way up to the events which led me to being Connor’s date to Homecoming and him kissing Kayla.

“Wait,” Jamie says, his brow scrunched down in the center of his forehead. “You and Connor have been pretending to date?” He sounds incredulous and I can’t blame him. I mean, even I’m having a tough time believing it had all been just pretend. That’s probably why seeing him macking on Kayla hurt so much.

“Yeah,” I answer, my voice just barely above a whisper.

Jamie sits back in his seat, blowing out a surprised breath. “Wow. But you love him. I know you do. It’s written all over your face every time the guy walks in the room. And he’s no better. Why do you think I asked if there was anything going on with you two before I asked you out?”

He says it so matter of fact, but I still cringe because I feel bad about not liking Jamie. I shake my head.

“It’s just like I said, we’ve only ever been friends.” And now we’d become friends with benefits, just like Matt and Jonah said that day. My cheeks flame. How could I be so stupid?

Jamie looks skeptical. “There is no way Connor is not madly in love with you. Trust me, he is not thinking ‘just friends’ when he looks at you.” Jamie shakes his head. “It doesn’t make sense though, why he’d make that deal with you? To just pretend to be going out?”

“I told you. We agreed, so he could get Kayla off his back and Eden, the psycho matchmaker, off mine.”

“No way. There has to be another reason. You guys are best friends, why would he put that on the line?” Jamie’s thinking hard, like trying to solve world hunger hard. “Wait. Forget Connor. Why’d you do it?”

And that’s the million-dollar question. Why had I agreed to Connor’s dumb plan? And it was dumb. I may as well have carved out my heart with a spoon, handed it to him, and then plugged in the blender for him.

But I already know why I’d done it. I agreed because deep down, I hoped after a couple of weeks playing at being Connor’s girlfriend, he’d want me to be his real girlfriend. It had given me an excuse to cross that line without really having to step all the way over. I wasn’t ready to admit that to Jamie. It was hard enough to admit it to myself.

I never thought Connor would do this to me. I thought our friendship meant more than this to him. How could he kiss me the way he has over the last few weeks and it not mean anything to him? Because now, now I can never go back to being just best friends. Right now, I honestly never want to see him again. We’d jumped over that line with both feet and there was no going back.

To answer Jamie’s question, all I can say is, “Because I love him.”

 

Connor

 

“Where the hell is she, Eden?” I barked into my phone, the hand holding it up to my ear cramping from squeezing it so tight, the other one clenched so tight in my hair, I’m sure to have a bald spot.

“I don’t know, Connor. She’s not answering her phone.” The tremor in Eden’s voice tells me she is telling me the truth and that she’s worried.

“It’s in my jacket pocket, I was holding it for her.” I’d forgotten myself until I tried to call her and felt it vibrating against my chest. “What happened? Why’d she run?” But I already know. I close my eyes against the pain ricocheting around in my chest. Damn Kayla.

Eden’s voice turns hard. And I deserve it. “You know why. How could you do that to her?”

“How can I fix this?” I whisper, mostly to myself, but Eden answers me anyway.

“I’m not sure you can, Connor. She’s in love with you and you just broke her heart.” Eden disconnects the call without saying goodbye. It doesn’t matter. There is enough finality in her words to make me want to leap off a bridge. But I won’t. I need to fix this. I will never forget the look on her face as she drove away from that parking garage with Jamie. That look will haunt me until my dying day, knowing that I put it there, I hurt the one person in this world I never want to ever hurt. The one person I would do anything, including sacrifice my own life, to keep her safe.

I’d flung my keys to the valet before running after Allie and my dad’s car was waiting for me when I ran back. After dropping a thick layer of rubber on the asphalt in front of the hotel, I race toward home, knowing I had to start somewhere and praying Allie would go home.

I feel sick as I speed along the freeway, trying to control the panic that has completely taken over my body. Allie has to listen to me. She has to forgive me. She just has to. I can’t lose her now.

When I finally reach our street, I drive slowly past Allie’s house. Peeking in the front window of her house, I can see her mom sitting on the couch, watching something on the television. Allie’s window is dark and so is my house. I suppose she could be inside, but something in my gut tells me she isn’t.

Which means she is still with Jamie. The thought makes my stomach churn. Would she turn to him? I know he still likes her, it’s plain as the nose on his face. Will Allie turn to him now that she thinks something is going on with me and Kayla? A fresh wave of panic surges through me as I keep driving. Damn! Where are they?

Wait. I glance down at her phone. It’s tucked beside mine on the console between the seats. I pull over and park. I’m driving like a lunatic anyway, adding texting would be like signing my own death certificate. I scroll through Allie’s contacts until I get to Jamie’s name, the sight of it burns a hole in my gut. Using my own phone, I send him a text.

 

Me: Where are you guys?

 

It doesn’t take long for him to answer.

 

Jamie: No way, dude. She will kill me.

 

My jaw is going to break, I clench it so hard.

 

Me: I will kill you! Where are you?

 

Jamie: Man, you’re crazy, why would I tell you?

 

Taking a deep breath, I realize Jamie’s reluctance to give in to me makes me respect him. Sort of. He’s trying to take care of her. But I want to take care of her. I close my eyes and count to ten. I need to be calm.

 

Me: Please. I need to talk to her.

 

Jamie: Not sure that’s a good idea.

 

Me: Do you love her?

 

Nothing for so long I begin to wonder if he is going to respond.

 

Jamie: I care about her.

 

I snort, annoyed, but that was close enough to the answer I was hoping for.

 

Me: Well, I love her.

 

Jamie: Funny way of showing it, man.

 

Me: Look, I know. I can fix this. Kayla kissed me.

 

Drumming my fingers on the steering wheel. I try to think of what to do.

 

Me: Tell me where you are. If she wants to leave with you I won’t get in the way.

 

Me: WHERE ARE YOU

 

Jamie: Park on Elm

 

I slam the gear shift into drive. They are only a couple of blocks away.