Connor

 

I can’t even explain the relief that settled over my soul the next morning driving to school with Allie sitting in her seat next to me. Each day she’d been angry with me, her seat empty, taunting me, had been misery. But today, everything seems to fall back into place.

I’m still upset that Allie refuses to talk to me about why she’d avoided me, but I also don’t want to push, too afraid that she’ll back away again. For the next week, we fall back into the easy rhythm we’d had before. I still haven’t broken up with Kayla, but it’s becoming more and more difficult to convince her and myself that Allie and I are just friends. And I have no idea how to fix it.

 

Allie

 

Catching rides to and from school with Connor feels like coming home. He’s been coming over for dinner and staying to study afterwards. The football team is still undefeated. And on Saturday night I stayed home, watching movies with my mom. Maybe not as much fun as hanging out with Jamie had been, but a lot less confusing. Everything feels like it was back to normal. Except, it’s not. After spending time with Jamie, going on dates and realizing how unhappy I was without Connor, the heartbreak I feel every moment he spends with Kayla is excruciating. And I have no idea how to fix it.

The other fly in the ointment - Eden, who is still convinced I need to find a boyfriend or at least someone to take me to Homecoming, has been harassing me about all the eligible guys at school. Especially since realizing I’ve backed off from hanging out with Jamie, who’s gone back to eating lunch with some of the guys on the cross-country team.

“Come on, Allie,” she whines at lunch one day. “You can’t tell me you’d really rather be at home watching Pride and Prejudice with your mom than going out with a hot guy.”

“Mr. Darcy is pretty amazing, Eden, even you have to admit that.” I mean, that scene where he finally admits his love for Elizabeth- sigh- definitely swoon worthy.

“You can’t go to Homecoming with him, though, so it seems like a bit of a waste of time.” She is irritated now, I can tell. Her fists are clenched and her lips have tightened into a flat line.

“Look, I know you want me to go to Homecoming, but really, dances are not my thing- at all. I promise I will not be heartbroken if I have to stay home with my Hugh Grant movie collection and a bag of M&M’s.” I expect a smart comeback about my love for rom-coms, but when I look up from my tray of mystery noodles and corn, I’m surprised by the look of sincere concern on my best friend’s face.

“I know I tried to play it off like one, Allie, but this isn’t a joke. You can’t keep letting Connor break your heart.”

“What are you talking about? Connor hasn’t broken my heart.” Okay, maybe he does break my heart every time I see him making out with Kayla, but he isn’t doing it on purpose. Eden’s not buying it, either.

“What happened with Jamie? And what was the deal with you and Connor? I know you weren’t talking to him. What gives, Al?” Eden’s concerned look makes me feel bad for making light of our conversation. I sneak a look at Connor. He catches my eye and winks.

“See! That’s exactly what I mean, Allie!” Eden lets out an angry breath. “It isn’t fair. Connor has his cake and gets to eat it, too! Why would he ever change? He gets to hang out with you whenever he wants and still gets to go out- and make out- with Kayla whenever he wants. He’s got it made.”

Eden’s words make me flinch. I know she’s only trying to help, but hearing what she said only hurt. Mostly because it rang so true and I don’t know what to do about it. That night when Connor tapped on my window, I’d never felt that kind of emotion from him. The way he held me, the things he said, his voice so thick with emotion he could barely get the words out...I don’t know what is going on with Connor, but I do know this- it is way more painful to not have Connor at all.

“I know you think that’s true, Eden, and maybe it is,” I admit quickly when it looks like she is going to interrupt. “But believe me when I tell you, it has to be this way. At least for now.”

 

Eden backed off a little after that, but I could tell she hadn’t given up completely since I’d turned down two guys asking me out for this coming weekend. Although, I’m not entirely sure it was her doing or just the aftermath of Operation Find Allie a Man, it was seriously stressing me out. And that was just the beginning, soon I’m getting asked out by so many guys, I’m tempted to call my mom and pretend I’m too sick to stay at school and never speak to Eden again. But, it’s Friday and going home meant missing the game.

At least being on the sidelines I can forget about Eden and her matchmaking, because it seems Connor’s influence deterring guys from asking me out is a lot stronger with the football team. Not one of them has approached me.

“Come on, Allie. I know you have Connor’s gum in your pocket. Let me have some.” JJ bumps me with his shoulder pads almost knocking me down.

“Not gonna happen, JJ,” I tell him, planting my feet wide, ready for his next nudge. It’s this ongoing thing JJ and I have, he tries to get some gum, I tell him he can’t have it, and he accuses me of playing favorites. Last year, he brought me a huge package of the gum he likes for me to carry around in the pouch on my hoodie. I laughed and laughed, until he said he hoped it made Connor jealous and winked.

“Come on, Al, I’ll buy some again, like last year. I just want two pieces.”

“Better give it to him, Al. He’s being such a big baby today because Jasmine refused to go to Homecoming with him.” Connor stands on the other side of me, smirking.

“I am not.”

I move just in time to avoid getting hit by JJ when he reaches behind me to punch Connor’s shoulder.

“Are too.”

“Am not.”

I escape the bickering two-year olds to cheer on the defense ten yards over.

“Allie, please!” JJ yells at me, pouting, hands clasped in front of him, making me smile. “If we lose this game because you make me mad, playing favorites-” JJ cocks his brow at me letting his threat dangle.

“Make him suffer, Allie,” Noah Cupp, a sophomore, calls out loud enough for JJ to hear. JJ scowls, but Noah just grins.

“Maybe you should just give him some, Allie. He seems pretty desperate,” says Bruce Beckett next to me.

“If I give him some, I have to give everyone some,” I say, exasperated and entertained because JJ is still making threatening faces at Noah. “JJ, why don’t you give your gum supply to Jasmine to hold onto for you?” I ask, waggling my brows at him. I know, I know, low blow. But seriously, teasing JJ is so fun. He gets so ticked. Especially when everyone around us starts making cat calls.

“That’s below the belt, Brown.” And it was, but I still snicker. Like I said, JJ is so easy.

“Tell you what, JJ, you guys score on this next drive- I’ll give you three pieces.” It was the right thing to say. Not because the gum is so important, but suddenly, there is more motivation for the whole offense and when they run out onto the field a minute later, they are all chanting “JJ”.

He is like a madman. Each ball snapped perfectly, each block executed with powerful aggression. Connor threw the ball three plays in a row, each caught for a first down. Brennan Trumble took the hand-off for the final play of the drive, running it up the middle after a perfect JJ block. Brennan crosses into the end zone and shouts, “That was for you, JJ!”

Sighing, I watch as the offense runs off the field after James Snow kicks the ball through the field goal for the extra point, faces beaming and all heading right toward me. I’m super glad I stocked up on gum the week before, because seriously, they all deserve a piece after that.

“Pay up, Brown!” JJ’s grin is contagious and soon we’re all laughing. Connor claims his stick of gum last and pulls me into an awkward hug (I’m not kidding, hugging football pads is not comfortable) that lifts me off my feet.

“Who knew a stick of gum could be so motivating?” Connor grins, setting me back on the ground.

“Oomph, jeez, Connor. I can’t breathe when you do that!” I fake cough, pounding on my chest.

Before I know what’s happening, Connor wraps his arm around me and pulls me close. “Are you saying I take your breath away, Alberta?” His eyes laugh into mine but the words, and his proximity, make my breath catch in my throat. Talk about taking my breath away! If he only knew! But I’m not going to let on.

“Are you kidding? You stink so bad, anybody’d have a difficult time breathing around you.” The words are playful, but there is no hiding the tremor in my voice.

Connor just smile, like he knows the effect he is having on me.

“Sanders! Stop flirting with your girlfriend and get over here!” Coach Reno’s voice calls out so loud there is no way the whole audience in the bleachers didn’t hear it. I freeze, mortified. But I’m even more stunned when Connor just grins. “Gotta go,” he said, dropping his arm from around me and winking before jogging over to Coach Reno.