Allie

 

What the heck am I doing? That’s all I can think Monday morning sitting in the front seat of Connor’s truck petrified. Thinking about the ramifications of what Connor and I had agreed to over the weekend, that we would just let people think we were a couple after Kayla announced as much on her Facebook page. How could I have ever agreed to such a thing? I should have just told Connor to deal with it, tell people what really happened, that we are still just friends. But I didn’t. And as much as I’d like to say I don’t know why- I do. Even if it’s just pretend, I get to be with Connor, right? And be his date for Homecoming. All I have to do is come out on the other end without a completely broken heart.

I avoided my phone all day on Saturday and Sunday as well as the twenty thousand Facebook notifications. I’d even blown off the fifteen calls, twelve voicemails, and thirty some text messages from Eden. If she hadn’t been staying with her grandma all weekend, I know she would have shown up on my doorstep first thing Saturday morning. Considering the situation, I’m a little shocked she didn’t try to come over before school to get the dirt on what is going on with me and Connor.

Connor, on the other hand, had been at my house all weekend. And even for all the talk (and hugging and those kisses!) we had about pretend dating each other on Friday night (okay, it was early Saturday morning), he didn’t mention it again until Sunday night when I walked him to the door before he left to go home.

“So, you ready for tomorrow,” he’d asked quietly, casting a glance at my mom where she sat, her back to us, on the couch watching reruns of Seinfeld.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” I answered, because how did one prepare oneself to become Connor Sanders’ pretend girlfriend?

Connor just grinned and then after glancing at mom one more time, leaned in and kissed me again under my ear, sending shivers of pure pleasure all the way down to my toes. How did he do that? And why? It was the only time he’d intentionally touched me since our talk in the playroom.

“We’ll see about that, Alberta,” he whispered, and then he had the nerve to wink at me. “Goodnight, Allie,” he said loud enough for my mom to hear, “night, Mrs. B.” And then he was gone.

But now we are sitting in his truck in the school parking lot and I’m trying seriously hard not to hyperventilate and wondering how the heck to get out of this.

“Come on, Allie. We’re gonna be late. Or I am if I’m going to walk you to class.” Connor got out of the truck and jogged around to open my door. I think I’m going to faint.

“For heaven’s sake, Allie,” he grumbled, grabbing my backpack and slinging it over his shoulder with his own. “It’s going to be fine,” he reassured me, taking my trembling hand in his own, giving it a squeeze.

I’ve walked into school with Connor tons of times as his best friend, and that in and of itself is a surreal experience. But nothing could have prepared me for walking into school as Connor Sanders’ girlfriend (even if it was just us pretending, I know I keep saying it but I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea), my fingers laced through his, half of my body sheltered by his arm and broad shoulder. The curious and skeptical stares weren’t helping and it was all I could do to not bury my face in that broad shoulder and hide until we reached my first period Physics class.

As it was, the only thing that kept my feet moving was the tender way Connor kept glancing down at me, a gentle smile on his lips. His thumb rubbing circles on the back of my hand didn’t hurt, either. Finally, we made it to physics. The bell hadn’t rung, but the halls were emptying fast. Connor pulled me to a stop just outside the door. He glanced in the room, his eyes connecting with Jamie, who has a knowing look on his face.

And then Connor does something that shocks me senseless. He reaches up, cupping my chin in his hand, his eyes never straying from mine as he lowers his head and brushes his lips across mine. Once. Twice.

“See you at lunch, babe,”

I can’t move and I don’t until Connor gives me a small push with his hand at the small of my back, his eyes laughing.

Making my way to my chair, I know Jamie saw everything. Looking over my shoulder, I can see Connor still standing there, a smirk on his face. Narrowing my eyes, I frown at him. Of course, he just grins and walks off to his own class.

I take my usual seat right in front of Jamie. He has this weird expression on his face and I get the feeling he’s holding back an ‘I told you so’.

“So, you and Connor, huh,” he whispers into my back, because Mr. Richardson has already begun talking. I nod and hear him sigh regretfully, just before I feel his fingers brush the ends of my hair. “Well, I guess this is the last time then, because I really don’t want to give him any reason to kick my ass.” And then he grabbed a handful of my hair and brought it to his nose, breathing deeply. “Ahhh. I’m gonna miss this hair.” Then, the legs of his chair scraped against the floor. “Mr. Richardson?”

“Yes, Jamie,” Mr. Richardson asks, irritated because Jamie interrupted him mid-sentence.

“Would it be okay if I moved up? I’m having a tough time seeing the board.”

“Sure, Jamie, now back to what I was saying-” But I didn’t hear what he was saying, because I was too busy watching as Jamie made his way up to an empty seat toward the front of the class. I couldn’t help the sadness burning in my chest. Especially since I knew Connor wasn’t really my boyfriend.

 

I didn’t see Connor again until it was time to go to lunch and he met me outside my class. It felt so right when he casually slid his hand into mine like we’d been holding hands forever.

“How’s your day?” he whispered close to my ear, his thumb rubbing circles on the back of my hand again.

“Pop quiz at the end of Physics, ugh,” I answered rolling my eyes and letting my head fall on his shoulder for a moment. As weird as it is to be hanging out with Connor at school, he is familiar and I’m glad I don’t feel awkward around him.

He laughs. “I’m sure you did great,” he says, squeezing my hand.

“I don’t know, physics is kind of kicking my butt.” I hate to admit that to him. Connor is super smart. Most people recognize him for his athletic ability and his model-like looks, but Connor’s also a freaking genius. He took physics last year and I know he got an A because of that deal with his parents about playing sports.

“Do you need some help,” he asks, concerned.

“I might take you up on that. There has to be some perk to this fake relationship.” I meant the words playfully, but Connor pulled us to a stop in the middle of the hallway and just looked at me.

“Connor, what are you doing,” I ask, tugging on his hand to get us moving again.

But he has this determined look in his eye as he makes a quick search of the hall around us. Before I know it, he’s dragging me behind a group of lockers and wrapping me in his arms, his gaze intense.

“I can think of way better perks than physics tutoring,” he says, and my breath catches in my throat at the gravelly texture of his voice.

“Oh, yeah, like what?” Connor looks just as surprised as I feel when the flirty comeback comes out of my mouth. What possessed me to say that? But Connor seems to appreciate it, because his lips pull into a seductive smile.

“How about a preview?” he asks, his smile turning positively wolfish, sending my heart into furious palpitations. Without waiting for my answer, Connor lowers his face toward mine. I gasp unable to look away.

Is Connor going to kiss me? Right here? I mean, he kissed me before physics, but that peck on the lips barely counted, right? Even though it felt amazing and it’s pretty much all I’ve been able to think about all day.

I waited. Connor’s gaze never left mine, but he paused, his lips a breath away from mine. What was he waiting for? I watched carefully as his brow lifted, just a tiny bit. And then I get it. He’s asking my permission. How can I possibly give it? How can I not? I want his kiss. More than anything.

Connor watches me closely, I can feel the intensity in his eyes, the tension in his whole body as he waits for me to give him the answer he needs and suddenly I know I’ve got give it. This is my moment. And who knows if I’ll get another one. I nod.

I don’t know what I expected. From the look Connor had been giving me, I thought he might devour my lips like he did my mom’s tacos. But no. Instead, his smile is soft, and slowly almost painfully slow, he lowers his lips to mine, brushing them gently, timidly. Like he’s waiting for me to push him away (as if!).

I gasp at the touch of his lips, opening my mouth slightly. And all tentativeness deserts Connor and his lips move across mine with intensity, with purpose. Stunned to realize that Connor, my best friend Connor, is kissing me, it takes me a moment to respond. But soon, I'm kissing him back, my arms coming up to twine around his neck, my hands finding their way into his dark hair.

Connor growls in the back of his throat and renews the pressure of his lips, his tongue flitting across my bottom lip, the sweet sensation making my knees give out. Smiling against my mouth, Connor holds me up, his hands at my back, pulling me ever closer. Soon, too soon, he pulls his lips away.

“How was that for a perk,” he asks softly.

I wish I could answer him, but truthfully, my eyes are still closed and my head has fallen back to lay against one of his arms behind me. I’ve dreamed of Connor’s kiss. So many times, I’ve dreamed of what it would feel like to be held like this by him. No mere daydream could possibly compare to the real thing and I feel like a heap of goo, unsure how I’m going to convince my legs to hold me up to take me anywhere.

But somehow, I know I need to pull myself together, because this isn’t real. I’m Connor’s pretend girlfriend and he is just talking about perks. Right? I shake my head and pry my eyes open to find Connor smiling down at me, his mischievous grin all too knowing.

“I would have settled for the physics tutoring,” I reply and Connor barks out a laugh. Just like that, the tension eases and Connor loosens his hold on me. Taking my hand in his once more, he leads me toward the cafeteria.

“Maybe you can have both,” he says, winking. “Come on, Alberta. Let’s get some food.”