Allie

 

I’m so nervous, I think I’ve about rubbed a hole in my jeans trying to keep the sweat off my hands. Connor has had the game of his life tonight, but now we’re tied in the fourth quarter and it’s third and long on the fifty-yard line. I glance up at the bleachers. The scout State sent to watch Connor play tonight stands at the top of the bleachers, leaning against the fencing that runs along the back. His face is just as impassive as it had been at the start of the first quarter.

I turn back to the game just in time to see Connor cock his arm back, his gaze reading his offense, looking for the open man. There. Clint pivots downfield changing direction and juking the defense. Connor planted his foot and let the ball fly. It soars through the air, a perfect spiral that seems to hang in the air for eternity. It’s like slow motion. Clint reaches up, his eyes on the prize as the defense breaks through JJ’s line and knocks Connor off his feet. He doesn’t even seem to notice as he keeps his eyes glued to Clint and the ball.

Clint makes the catch. The fans in the stands erupt into thunderous cheering. Clint tucks the ball under his arm, pumping his legs, he sprints down the field. Five yards. Ten yards. Touchdown! James runs out onto the field to kick the extra point while Connor holds the ball. And it’s good!

A quick glance at the game clock tells me there are only two minutes and thirty-four seconds left. Connor runs off the field with the rest of the offense while the defense runs out. He runs straight to me, out of breath with his brow pulled low. I can tell he’s nervous, especially when he grabs my hand. I squeeze it reassuringly earning a small smile from him for my effort before his anxious eyes turn back to the field to watch the defense try to hold on for two and half more minutes.

Their quarterback, a junior, marches the ball down the field. When they reach the forty-yard line, making the first down, Coach Reno calls a timeout. Connor released my hand, jogging to the huddle to pound on the shoulder pads of the guys on defense, offering his support and encouragement as only guys can do, by hitting each other.

“Defense on three!” Coach Reno yells out. All of the players surrounding him put their hands in the center of the circle they’d created and call out, “One! Two! Three! Defense!” And then with a loud clap, the defense runs back out onto the field. Connor stands on the sideline near Coach, his jaw clenched tight as he watches his teammates hold back their opponents. Second down. Third down. The other team calls a timeout. Their coach rallies their offense in hopes of a third down conversion.

“Come on. Come on,” I mumble under my breath, swiping my damp palms across my thighs again, my eyes glued to the field.

“Set. Set. Hike.” Their center snaps the ball to the quarterback. Wait! He missed the snap! The ball bounces off his fingers and rolls to the turf five yards behind him. Both sidelines erupt, ours with hope, theirs with panic. Everyone cheers for their own desired outcome. The quarterback stumbles as he turns to retrieve the ball, his long body only inches away as he falls to the ground. But it’s not enough. Our defense plows toward the ball. Matt Petersen gets there first, falling on top of the ball, he curls into the fetal position around it.

Our side of the field goes nuts. Fans, screaming and jumping up and down holding onto the person beside them, everyone with their mouths open in shock and jubilation. The cheerleaders jump the highest, their pompoms glittering under the stadium lights. All around me, players jostle each other as they celebrate, the noise so loud you almost can’t hear the referee’s whistle being blown.

Finally, Coach Reno settles down the players and calls for the offense to take the field with only thirty seconds left on the game clock. Connor jogs out to take his position behind JJ, he spikes the ball to the ground. The game is over. We’ve won.

I back away from the celebrating football players, content to watch their fun from the safety of the water table. I’d been smashed by their huge bodies and shoulder pads often enough to know better than to stay in the midst of them when they are excited. I was just starting to pack up my training bag, emptying my rolls of tape and bandages out of my hoodie pouch, when one player breaks away from the rest and heads toward me. Connor.

He rushes at me like a linebacker, barreling into me, wrapping me up in his arms. My feet lift off the ground as he twirls us in a circle.

“We did it, babe,” he says, his sapphire eyes sparkling as he gazes at me.

“You did it, Connor.” He grins again and before I know what is happening, he kisses me long and hard before God, country, and my mother, who is in the stands. But I realize I don’t care. I can feel all the tension leaving Connor as he holds me. He’s been strung tighter than a bow all week and finally, finally, he relaxes. When he pulls away, he smiles, a real one that reaches all the way to his eyes.

“I’m supposed to go talk to the scout from State,” he gestures with his head toward the fence separating the track from the bleachers. A quick look tells me the man is waiting for Connor, trying not to watch our passionate exchange. And he wasn’t the only one, my mom stood a few feet away, pretending to be deep in conversation with another parent. I can feel the blush start in my neck and work its way up to my cheeks and I bury my face in Connor’s shoulder pads as he laughs at me.

“Will you wait for me? I’ll give you a ride home. See if your mom will let you go out for shakes first?” Connor asks, plopping me back down in the grass.

“Yeah, okay.” I nod and then watch as he jogs toward the scout from State. Connor shakes the man’s hand and I am struck, not for the first time, by how mature he looks. Like a man himself.

“Allie, honey!”

Blushing again, I turn to face my mother, who is very decidedly wearing an I told you so expression.

“Hey, mom,” I call out as I make my way to the fence. “Is it okay if I ride home with Connor and go for shakes.”

She watches me, her eyes carefully examining me for any clues, other than that kiss, that will help her decipher mine and Connor’s relationship. She can deduce away, but I refuse to tell her anything. Especially when I’m not exactly sure myself what is going on. After a moment, she nods her head.

“Alright,” she agrees. “Be home by midnight.”

“Thanks, mom.” I give her a hug over the top of the fence.

After mom leaves, I retrieve the training bag and help Jared clean up on the sideline before heading toward the locker room. Connor is the last one to walk out. His hair drips onto his t-shirt leaving little dark circles in the fabric covering his shoulders. My heart races just looking at him. I still can’t believe, as he looks at me, a crooked smile curving his lips, that for now, even for a moment, he is mine. That any second he will reach out and hold my hand. That he has kissed my lips, not once, but several times. And all I can do is hope he will again.

“You good for shakes? Did you talk to your mom?” he asks, his arm snaking around my waist. I inhale deeply, half tempted to bury my face in his t-shirt. He smells so good.

“Yeah,” I reply shakily. Get a grip, Allie, I scold myself. But it’s hard when his arm tightens around me and mine just naturally comes up to rest on the waistband of his jeans. “How did it go with the scout?” I can’t believe I didn’t ask him as soon as he came out of the locker room. That just goes to show how distracted I am by him.

Connor smiles and I release a relieved breath. “He said he is going to recommend me for a full scholarship, Al.”

Jaw hanging open, I pull him to a stop. “Are you serious?” I squeal, throwing my arms around his neck and jumping up and down.

“Very serious, now quit jumping, you’re going to break my neck,” Connor teases, laughing. It only took me a second to get over my initial over-the-top excitement, before reality came crashing down. I’m not sure why, but for some reason, until that exact moment, Connor graduating at the end of this year and going away to State next fall always seemed so far off, kind of like becoming an adult, a distant inevitability that didn’t require any worry until it happened.

Now it’s happening, for Connor anyway. And I would be left here for another year of high school without him walking the same halls as me. Instead, he’ll be forty minutes away, walking different halls, this time with college girls dripping off his arms. My stomach feels like a twenty-pound bowling ball is sitting in it.

“Hey, what’s up? Aren’t you excited for me? This is what we’ve been talking about, babe. Now, I can forget all about Harvard and my parent’s money.”

I look up, thrilled that he called me ‘babe’, to see Connor’s concerned eyes watching me and I force a smile to my lips. Of course, I’m happy for him. “Of course, I’m happy for you,” I say, moving my arms from his neck to his waist (he’s just too dang tall sometimes.).

“I’ll only be forty minutes away, Allie. Not the other side of the country.” Connor dips his head to whisper in my ear. “We can see each other whenever we want.”

I nod, knowing it won’t be that simple, but he’s right. It’s way better than Harvard.

“And then, you will graduate and we’ll be at the same school again.”

“I know, Connor. It’s just-” I stop, not really knowing how to explain how I feel. Not really knowing if I want to.

“Things are changing,” he finishes my thought. “I know. I feel it, too.” I feel his chest expand under my cheek as he fills his lungs with a deep breath, before exhaling slowly. “But nothing will ever change us, Allie.” He tightens his arms around me as he says the words. “We’ll always be there for each other. I promise.”

I know he means the words he says, but I also know we can’t always control the future, as much as we both may want to. Standing on my toes, I press a quick kiss to his lips, then step out of his arms.

“Enough of this. We have a lot to celebrate, Your Highness,” I tease him since he was crowned Homecoming King at halftime.

“Great. Now, I get to listen to you harass me about that?” he asks, wryly, wrapping his fingers around mine.

“You kissed me in front of my mother,” I say over my shoulder as I pull him toward his truck.

“Oh, yeah,” he grins a little sheepishly. “Sorry about that.”

“Just don’t be surprised if she makes us move the video games downstairs and you are suddenly banned from hanging out in my room.”

“Damn!” he cringes as he opens my door for me. I start to get in my seat, but he stops me with his hands on my hips. “Are you mad?” he asks, his face a breath away from mine.

“No,” I breathe, the texture of his voice causing butterflies to take flight in my stomach.

“Don’t worry, Al, your mom loves me,” he whispers as his lips descend to claim my own. It’s a brief kiss, one that leaves me wanting more, but I’m content for now. A peace settles over me as Connor crosses in front of his truck toward the driver’s side. I don’t know what will happen in the months, weeks, or even days to come, but for right now- for right now, I’m happy to be right where I am.