Allie

 

It’s been a long day and for the first time in forever, I wish I didn’t have to stay after school. As it is, I decide to hide out in the training room all during practice, knowing if anyone gets hurt they will come and look for me. I can’t get these new revelations off my mind as I replay my conversation with Eden over and over again. By the time Connor stops by the training room to give me a ride home, for the first time ever, I’m not excited to see him. In fact, I want to scream at him.

“You alright?” he asks, puzzled, as we walk to his truck.

“Fine.” I know, real mature, but I am seriously angry at him.

His eyebrows lift in surprise at my sharp tone and he stops right in front of me on the sidewalk. I side step around him, but he hurries to get in front of me again.

“You don’t sound fine. You sound mad. What happened?” His jaw tightens and his eyes scan around as if he’s looking for the culprit- the one who had brought on my bad mood. Rolling my eyes, I push past him.

“Hey!” He jogs to catch up with me again. “Allie, what happened? Did someone give you a hard time?”

It’s a legitimate question. Sometimes the guys in the training room get a little rowdy, but no one had really bothered me since Travis Jacobs when I was a freshman and Connor had come in and sav- Oh. My. Heck. Realization dawned. How can I be so stupid? I’m so shocked by my revelation, my feet stop working in the middle of the parking lot. I stop so suddenly, Connor bumps into my back almost knocking me down.

“Allie!” Connor cries, gripping my shoulders. He gives me a little shake, his blue eyes radiating concern.

It’s true. All of it. Connor, by design or by accident, has sabotaged my whole high school existence. I think about all the times I’ve seen Connor with one of his hundreds of girlfriends and the hurt I’ve felt. I’ve barely looked at another guy at our high school. And none of them have looked at me. Because of Connor.

And Connor? Connor will never look at me as anything more than his best friend- or worse- his little sister. Eden said jealous boyfriend, but if that is true, what is he doing with Kayla?

Our conversation from last night played in my mind again. Connor doesn't want me. He had hinted about guys lining up. Then why is he blocking my opportunity to do exactly that? The hypocrite! And after what I’d been through today with Matt and Jonah and the others? The fact that everyone thought Connor and I were- that I would- the weight of my realization rocks me to my core. Had Connor let people think that about us? On purpose? The pain of my confusion seeps deep into my bones. And my eyes sting with tears.

 

 

Connor

 

I’m pretty sure Allie hasn’t cried since her dad’s funeral. So, finding her as close to tears as I’ve seen her in three years has my heart pounding and fists clenching. I will kill whoever did this to her.

“What happened? Who hurt you?” The words come out barely above a whisper, the pain reflecting in her eyes causes an ache in my chest that clogs my throat. I cup her chin in my hand, stroking her cheekbone under her eye with my thumb. Suddenly, her eyes shutter, closing me out like a blind pulled over a window and she pulls away. Oh, it hurts. Allie has never closed me out before. What is going on?

“Allie-”

“Let’s go home.” Her voice. She’s mad. At me? Suddenly, I feel- alone- and panic chokes me. Alone is what I feel at home- at my parents’ house. I never- EVER- feel alone with Allie. Helpless, I can only watch as she stalks to the passenger door of my truck, long blond ponytail swinging. She grips the handle and turns to me, eyes so cold I shiver.

“Are you coming?”

I’m so taken aback, it takes me a second to get my feet moving and by the time I’ve stowed my stuff in the truck bed and opened the driver’s side door, Allie is already buckled in. Arms crossed over her chest. Finger tapping against her arm.

What the hell? She went from about to break into tears to looking like she wants to rip my heart out and stomp on it in less time than it took for me to blink.

“Allie-”

She doesn’t even look at me. Just flips on the radio, and after cranking it incredibly loud, hangs halfway out the window. As far away from me as she can possibly get. And it’s like a kick to the gut. My mind races as I pull away from the school parking lot, playing the day over in my mind. I’ve hardly seen her at all. Things were fine this morning. Briefly, I wonder if she is still till upset about our conversation from last night. But, Allie’s not like that. She wouldn’t act like things are fine if they aren’t.

I hate this feeling. Since we were kids, I could never stand for Allie to be mad at me. I’ve always been able to joke around and make her laugh and forgive me for whatever idiot thing I’ve done. Hell, it’s been years since the last time she was truly mad at me. And that was when I dyed all the blonde Barbie’s hair green with Kool-Aid. We haven’t had a grown-up fight-ever.

I pull into my driveway and she still hasn’t said a word. As soon as the truck stops, she opens her door and practically runs to get away from me. And me? I just sit there. Staring at the house I hate, wanting to go to the only home I’ve ever known and for the first time, I feel like I’m not welcome. The hurt is real.

Let me explain something, in case I haven’t already made it clear. Alberta Josephine Brown is the single most important person in my life. More than my parents. Grandparents. Kayla. Anyone. Period. Just Allie. Losing her...I don’t know what I’d do and I shudder just thinking about it. It would crush me.

Resting my forehead on the steering wheel, I focus on breathing. I can’t bring myself to go inside. Mom and Dad are still at work, and even if they were home, it’s not like I have any kind of relationship with them. I could never go to either of them with my problems. Their solution to everything is work.

I look at Allie’s house again, filled with longing. I just want to fix it. Make her forgive me. But I don’t even know why she’s mad. Drumming my thumbs on the steering wheel, I'm tempted to just go over there and make her talk to me. But it’s not like we’re kids anymore. I can’t just go sit on her and make her talk to me like I did when I was ten.

Sighing, I flip into reverse. If I go inside, I’ll just drive myself crazy wondering what’s going on with Allie.

 

“Dude, what is your problem?” JJ asks two hours later, tossing his controller to the other end of the couch in disgust. He’s been creaming me in Madden all evening. I just can’t concentrate.

Sighing, I put down my controller and scrub my hands over my face. “It’s Allie, she’s mad at me.”

JJ snorts. “No shit.”

Looking up, I raise my eyebrows. “What do you mean? Do you know why she’s mad at me?” Heart racing, I can’t hold back my hope. If JJ knows why Allie’s mad, then maybe I can fix it.

“Connor, man, where were you today? Didn’t you hear?”

“JJ. If you know why Allie’s mad at me, you better cut the shit and tell me.” JJ knows me better than anyone except Allie and he might be the only one that understands just how much I love her even though I’ve never admitted it out loud.

“Chill, man. I just can’t believe you didn’t hear.” JJ holds his hands out in front of him.

“Hear what?”

JJ clears his throat and glances away. “Well, um, word is Allie’s looking for a date to Homecoming.”

Not exactly sure what that has to do with me, I wait. JJ clears his throat again before going on.

“You know, those rumors, about you and Allie?”

My blood ran cold. Of course, I know about the rumors. They’ve been around since Allie started high school. I’ve dated the most popular girls in our school and even a couple of college girls to dispel them. Why, all the sudden, are people rehashing this?

“I guess, some guys heard about Homecoming and wanted to make sure for themselves that you and Allie weren’t, you know, together.”

Rising to my feet, I run my fingers through my hair, before pulling until it hurt. No wonder Allie is pissed at me. How had I not heard anything today?

“Make sure how?” I ask, dreading the answer.

“Couple guys asked her flat out if you guys are a thing.” JJ looks as chagrined as I feel. What the hell? I have a freaking girlfriend! For just this reason!

“You've kept all the drama away from her, Conn. She didn't know people thought that about you guys. I heard she was this close to punching Matt Kennedy,” he said, holding his finger and thumb half an inch apart.

Hell.

 

That night, laying in my bed, I gazed blankly at the thousands of holes in the ceiling from throwing darts up there. My mom confiscated the darts a few years ago, but they’d never taken the time to fix the sheetrock. I might have to go to the sporting goods store and get some more.

Sighing, I throw my legs over the edge of my bed and rest my head in my hands, wondering how in the world I can fix what was wrong between Allie and me. The ache in my chest, knowing she is upset with me, is almost unbearable. I feel physically ill.

I want to talk to her about what JJ said. About the rumors and that I tried to protect her from them. I never wanted to jeopardize our friendship by bringing up awkward crap because no one can believe Allie and I are just friends.

I pick up my phone to check the time and it buzzes in my hand. It’s a text from Allie. With trembling hands (seriously, that’s how bad it is), I swipe my thumb across the screen to open the message.

 

Allie: I’ll catch a ride with Eden tomorrow.

 

What? I sat up straight, reading the message over and over. Honestly, I thought I’d have the chance to talk to her on the way to school, foolishly underestimating the degree of her anger with me. Panic clutches at my heart as I stare at the words.

 

Me: I can drive you.

 

Jeez, she already knows that, Sanders. I swipe my hands through my hair, gripping it at the back.

 

Allie: No big deal, Eden doesn’t mind.

 

I mind, I want to scream at her. Standing up, I swipe the curtains away from my window, the one that looks directly into hers. The lights are off and her blinds are closed. For some reason, I knew they would be.

 

Me: Don’t be mad, Allie.

 

Sighing, I throw myself back down on my bed and wait to for Allie to respond. She doesn’t. For a whole four minutes and thirty-nine seconds, she doesn’t. And when she does, I know. I know things will not be the same for a long time.

 

Allie: Night, Connor.