TWENTY-FOUR
Normal is overrated anyway.
I’m surprised how quickly life got back to normal after my dad’s funeral. Mom went back to posting obsessively on Instagram, Scott and I came back to school, and we continued hanging out with our friends.
But there is one thing missing still. It’s now been over a month since I talked to Camden and I’m not sure what to do. I want to talk to him. But I can’t exactly force him, especially since I have no idea where he’s at. But when I walk into the coffee shop and see Giggi sitting inside, I know that she will know where he is. I bypass the front counter and walk over to her table.
“Giggi, hey,” I say.
“Isla,” she says, smiling brightly at me. She scoots over in her booth and pats the spot beside her. “Sit down.”
I take a seat and see the girl sitting in front of me is giving Giggi a dirty look.
Abi is dressed a lot like Giggi—she has on a cute dress and her hair is styled perfectly. I, on the other hand, have my hair in a messy bun and am currently wearing a UGA hoodie. Go Bulldogs.
“This is Cam’s… friend… Isla,” Giggi says to her. “Isla, this is my best friend, Abi.”
“Hey,” I say to Abi, then turn to Giggi. “Do you happen to know how to get in touch with Cam? Because he hasn’t talked to me since I came to visit in Savannah. All my calls keep going straight to voicemail.”
“He’s ignoring me too,” Giggi says, frowning.
“Oh, okay,” I say, feeling disappointed. “If you hear from him, could you tell him I need to talk to him?”
“Yeah, sure,” she says. “How have you been? I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“I’m okay,” I say, shrugging my shoulders. “I was home last week for my dad’s funeral, so things have been a little crazy.”
“Your dad died?” she asks.
“Yeah.”
“I’m so sorry,” Giggi says.
“It’s okay. I mean, it’s not. But I am okay,” I say. “I really miss Cam.”
“I do too,” she says. “He will barely talk to me. He’s really upset over… everything. He thinks you hate him.”
“No. I don’t,” I say. “I could never hate Cam.”
“I wouldn’t blame you,” Giggi says. “If you hated me and Cam. If I were you, I would probably hate us too.”
“I don’t,” I say. “I don’t even hate Derek. So don’t ever feel that way, okay?”
She nods. “Thanks. For not hating Derek. A lot of people do and to know that you don’t is really… well, it makes me feel better. People only saw how the media portrayed him and I think you might be the only person that isn’t family who doesn’t hate him.”
The girl, Abi, is still quiet. I’m not sure if Giggi has told her friend about her brother. I mean, how do you tell somebody something like that?
“Why did he become my friend?” I ask.
“Cam?”
I nod.
“I don’t think he meant to,” she says. “When he saw you at the party, he had no idea who you were until you told him your name. He thought you were cute, he said. But then after that, I think he was just curious about you. We all were. You were the only person that Derek ever talked about. And you were…” Giggi looks at Abi, then back at me. “Well, you know. You survived. We’ve always wondered about you.”
“Oh,” I say. “Do you think… that Cam and I could ever be friends again?”
“I think so,” she says. “But give him some time. Cam took it the worst, you know. He’s the big brother. He always thinks it’s his job to protect us all, you know?”
“Yeah,” I say, nodding. “I guess I get it. But he’s not responsible for Derek’s actions.”
“I know. But he doesn’t,” Giggi says.
“Okay,” I say, then stand up. “I’m going to go get some coffee. Just… when you talk to him, please tell him that I miss him and that I would like to talk to him.”
“I will,” she says.
I walk away from her table feeling mostly sad and empty. Camden is hurting right now and I hate it. I just want him to be happy—whether that’s with me in his life or without me.
I just hope he’s more happy with me.
That afternoon, Marisa has an important test to study for, so Micah and I are hanging out in his dorm room. I’m glad that she’s not a jealous person—of course, there is nothing to be jealous of between Micah and I. I’m glad she sees that because I like hanging out with Micah. It reminds me of the first few weeks of college—he was my only friend then.
Micah is playing his guitar. The same guitar that he swore he wouldn’t play in front of me ever. He’s not bad, actually, so I’m not sure why he’s afraid to play in front of people. I’m just glad he’s comfortable around me now.
His roommate is never home. Ever. I don’t even think he sleeps here very often from what Micah said. He’s lucky, I guess. I mean, I’m lucky too. My roommate it nice. Zoey and I have somehow become friends even though we are complete opposites.
During the middle of Micah’s song, there is a knock on his dorm room door. He just keeps playing while I get up to answer it. It’s probably Scott. I told him I’d be here and he said he was coming once his class let out. Maybe they let out early today.
But when I open the door, it’s not Scott standing there.
The smile that was on my face instantly falls. Not because I’m unhappy, but because I am shocked.
Camden Miller is standing there.
It’s strange. I now know his last name. But to be honest, it doesn’t change how I feel about him at all.
Neither of us say anything for a few seconds. I think we’re both stunned into silence. I’m sure he wasn’t expecting me to open the door.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
It’s the first thing he’s said to me in a month. And I’m just glad to hear his voice.
“I am too,” I say. “Sorry, that is. Because… I mean… I over reacted. I mean, I wish I hadn’t passed out. But it was kind of… you know… a lot to process. But I didn’t mean for you to think I was mad or that I hated you. Because I’m not mad. And I definitely don’t hate you.”
The music stops, but I don’t turn to look at Micah. I don’t want to look away from Cam, not even for a second. I’m scared that he’s going to disappear again. I don’t want him to leave again.
“You should hate me,” Cam says. “I deceived you. I knew from the second you told me your name who you are, and I chose not to tell you who I am. And I even lied about my last name.”
“I understand why you did it,” I say. “And I wouldn’t take back or change anything that happened. Because meeting you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’ve helped me more than anything… I’ve finally been able to let go of the past and to look forward. I’m living again because of you.”
“But my brother… what he did to you…”
“I forgive him,” I say. “Because of you, I have finally forgiven Derek Miller. And it’s so freeing to let go of the hate I felt for him. It’s freeing to not be defined by a tragedy that happened in my life. I’m Isla McAdams. And I was the only survivor. But I’m also a UGA student. I’m a sister. I drive a stupid pink car and I listen to weird music. I have friends. I’m so much more than a survivor.”
“You are,” Cam says. “A lot more. You’re amazing. And I know why he chose you out of everybody to live. You were his only friend in a school full of people who hated him. And I can’t thank you enough for being his friend. I know I should’ve been there for him and I wish that I was. I wish I could go back and change everything.”
“I have regrets too,” I say. “A lot of them. But we can’t look back and say what-if. All we can do is look forward. We can make sure tomorrow is better than yesterday.”
“And after knowing all this… after knowing who I am… you still want to be friends with me?”
“More than anything, yes,” I say.
“Okay,” he says. “So, can we? Be friends?”
“Yes,” I say, not hesitating or wavering at all. Because this is what I wanted. For Cam to be in my life—no matter what that entails.
I throw my arms around Cam because I can’t stand to not hug him any longer. I have missed this boy so much.
I know that Cam and I are going to be okay. We have a lot of work to do and our relationship… friendship… is anything but normal, but normal is overrated anyway.