Chapter 26

I woke up the following morning, feeling full. My heart thundered in my chest at the thought of Mika. That had never happened before. I didn’t know what was going on, but it put a smile on my face, a different kind of smile. One I hadn’t worn a day in my life.

The smell of coffee flowed into my bedroom, lifting me from my blissful haze. I got up and put on a robe to join Mika in the kitchen.

He stood against the counter with his back toward me. He didn’t hear me approach as I snuck up behind him, wrapping my arms around his muscular torso, feeling far more content than I had in a long time.

“Good morning, Angel,” he rasped in his sexy morning voice. It was a voice I barely heard since we rarely made it to waking up together.

“Mmmm…good morning indeed.”

“Feeling better?” he asked as he spun around to take a look at me.

“Yes…although I’m sure you could find a few more ways to make me feel even better.” His eyebrows rose and a smile appeared on his handsome face.

“As amazing as it would be to bend you over my knee and make you feel all kinds of better, I have to get going. I have some business to take care of.”

“Business? What kind of business?” I prodded.

The smile fell from his lips as he stared at me harshly. “Business.”

“Oh, we’re being secretive now?” I tried to make it sound like I was teasing him, but from the look on his face I knew I had failed.

“Angel, let’s not get all clingy. I don’t question you about what you do.”

I have been called many things in my life, but clingy was never one of them. I was actually as far opposite from clingy as one could get. It enraged me.

“Clingy? Really, Mika? You didn’t seem to mind my legs clinging to your body last night. Or my thighs clinging to your face as you fucked me with your tongue.”

He let out a harsh breath. “Let’s not get into this right now. Drink your coffee and I’ll talk to you later.” He handed me a mug and began to walk away.

I threw the ceramic mug against the wall beside him, barely missing the side of his head. “What the fuck!” he roared as he spun around with a crazed look in his eyes.

“What was last night, Mika? Huh?”

“That was me giving you what you needed! I told you that!” he screamed as he slowly walked back in my direction.

I didn’t back up. I stood taller and glared right back at him. “And who the fuck are you to decide what I need? I don’t recall telling you that I needed you to make love to me. I don’t recall ever needing someone to make love to me.”

“You were hurt and vulnerable. Don’t deny it; I know you were. You were feeling the pain of losing your child all over again. You didn’t need me to make you feel any more pain. You needed me to make you feel loved. And that’s what I did.”

“Well what is it then? Are you telling me you love me?”

“Don’t do this. Don’t fucking twist my words around. You know how I feel about you. We are the same. We are incapable of that kind of love. Do I love you as one of my closest friends? Yes. I love you in the only way I know how to. And you know that. You know that I’m not the kind to settle down and play house. You know it because you aren’t either. That’s not who we are.” His voice had calmed down, but his words were still harsh, cutting into the heart I just discovered I had.

For months, I had tried to come to terms with my feelings for Mika, and I thought last night made it clear. But hearing him say those words cut me deeper than I knew possible.

My hurt came out as anger. Pure anger, as I fought with him. “What did you mean when you said you were glad you had me in your life? And that I wasn’t going anywhere? What was that supposed to mean? Just something else you thought I needed to hear?”

“No, Angel. I am glad you are in my life. You’re fun. And let’s face it; you fuck better than anyone I’ve ever fucked. And you’re not going anywhere. We’re in this together; we’re business partners and friends. What did you think I meant by it?”

I stared at him, feeling foolish. And I don’t tolerate anyone making me feel that way. “Just go take care of your business, Mika. I don’t want nor need you here anymore.” Even the words came out sad and pathetic.

He tried to kiss me on my forehead but I backed away.

“You apparently seem to misunderstand what it is that I need,” I said in a monotone. “I don’t need your kisses or your pity. I need for you to get the fuck out of my house.”

He shook his head, backed away, and left.

I felt broken. First, it was Julian last night. Now Mika this morning. Both men that I allowed myself to be vulnerable with cut my heart out of my chest. I was unlovable; my own father proved that when he turned his back on me in the prime of my life. I decided right then and there that I would also be incapable of love. No one will ever deserve that from me.

I didn’t need to contemplate if I had a heart anymore. Because I didn’t. It lay beaten and bruised on the floor in front of me. I grabbed the only thing that loved me, my vile of white powder, off the counter and breathed it in. Feeling the euphoria cloak me, I stood and watched what was left of my bleeding heart die.

I spent the next two months focusing on VIP. I hadn’t talked to Mika since he walked out that fateful morning. He didn’t reach out to me and I didn’t bother to try to contact him. I knew he’d be coming back. He always did.

<>-<>-<>-<>

I sat at my desk, finishing paperwork for a new VIP, when the door burst open. There was only one person in this world that refused to knock before entering. I didn’t even have to look up to know it was Mika. I heard him walk in and shut the door behind him. I waited for his next move. He sat down on the chair in front of my desk and cleared his throat.

I looked up. “Can I help you?” I questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“I missed you, Angel. I’ve missed you a lot.”

“Mmm hmm…”

“Oh come on; don’t be like that. I came here to play nice and make friends again. Don’t you want to be my friend?” he provoked teasingly.

I sighed. “You look like shit.”

“I feel like shit. How about you make me feel better? Come over here and sit on Mika’s lap.” I bit my lower lip.

I should have kicked him the fuck out, however I didn’t. I walked over to his lap and hiked up my skirt to expose my creamy thighs and then he reached for his belt. We spent the next two hours getting reacquainted.

I buttoned my blouse as Mika sat on my desk.

“I’ve missed you. You know that, don’t you?” he announced, making me look up at him.

I shook my head confused. “What are you talking about?”

“I fucked up, Angel. I fucked up real bad.”

“Okay…you’re being really vague. What’s going on?” I asked, trying to sound casual and not show the emotions that were playing in my head.

He took a deep breath. “I’m getting married tomorrow.”

They say that crimes of passion happen in a brief second. The human mind just twitches for a brief moment in time and you act on the pure impulse of someone crushing all your dreams and illusions right before you. I never understood that. I couldn’t comprehend how a person couldn’t have control of their actions, regardless the situation.

I understood it that day.

If I had a gun in my hand, I would have shot him and not thought twice about it.

I did the next best thing. I showed him indifference. The only way a person can hurt you, is if you let them.

I laughed, but inside I was dying. “Congratulations. Is that what you came to tell me?” He cocked his head to the side, expecting something different from me.

“Would you like to tell me where you’re registered, I’ll send a gift.”

“She’s pregnant. I’m marrying her because she’s pregnant,” he declared as if that made things better. I still had his come dripping down my leg, how about that for irony.

“Well then...I’ll make sure to send two gifts.”

“Come on, Angel. You know I didn’t plan this; it was an accident. She was a random fuck and the condom broke. I don’t go bare except with you,” he agonized.

“Right…listen, I’m happy for you and other than the fact that you just fucked me, literally, I have high hopes for your marriage.”

“I have to marry her, if I don’t all my money is gone. It’s the only way I can keep my trust fund. My father would never let a bastard of mine be on the streets. I have to take care of my obligations. I don’t love her and she knows that. She wants to be taken care of, that’s all.” He pointed between him and I. “This. Is not over. I’m not going anywhere and neither are you.”

I walked right over to him, barely a couple inches away from his face. “Who the fuck do you think you are? When have I ever been interested in coming in second place? You think you fucking know me because I let you call me Angel. Get one thing straight, Mika. I will never be the other woman and if you thought for one second that coming over here and saying this to me was going to have me waiting in line for you, then go fuck yourself. Do you understand? Now…if you would so kindly get the fuck out of my life.”

He lunged at me and roughly grabbed the back of my hair. “Oh yeah…you think so, huh? If I were to put my fingers in your panties, I wouldn’t find my come? It’s not dripping down your leg right now?” He pulled my hair more, trying to make me yelp, but I was never one to cower down.

“You’re mine, Angel, and possession is nine-tenths of the law. I don’t give a fuck who The Madam is and don’t think you can stay away from me. At the end of the day, I know whose pussy this belongs to. Do you understand?” He quickly let go of me and walked out of my office.