“I’m sorry, but I’m not interested,” I told Peter, shrugging his hand off of my shoulder.

“Bullshit,” he said, smiling at me, clearly drunk. “You’re always interested. I know you, Kade. You’ll fuck anything.”

I shot him a stern glare. “Well, I know that’s not true because I’m not going to fuck you.”

He raised one eyebrow. “Harsh,” he said, reaching up and idly pulling at one of the many earrings in his ear. Peter had cornered me when I came out of the bathroom, and hadn’t let me go since. Camilla was on the other end of the room, starting up the karaoke machine.

“It’s because of your new boy toy, isn’t it?” Peter said. “It’s okay; we talked.”

“You talked to Mason?” I asked, unable to hide the concern in my voice.

Peter snorted. “See? I can hear it in your voice. Don’t worry, Kade. I didn’t hook up with your boy toy. He wasn’t interested in me.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” I said. “Where did he go?” I pushed past Peter, making my way into the living room again.

“No clue,” he called after me.

When I looked around the room and didn’t see Mason, I got a twist of worry in my chest. If Peter had talked to him, any number of bad things could have happened. I knew that leaving Mason alone to hang out with Camilla was a good idea, but Peter… Peter was a very bad idea. He was an old friend of Tom’s, and he showed up to every party, but he always made advances on me that were very much unwanted.

“Hey,” I said when I found Camilla. “Have you seen Mason?”

“Oh, yes! He was on the couch,” she said with a smile.

“Yeah, well, he isn’t there anymore.”

“Check the bar,” she said. “He loves the Christmas cocktail because he has great taste.”

I nodded, quickly making my way to the bar. “Have you seen a young man, sandy-blond hair, ordering the Christmas drink?” I asked him, and he nodded.

“Yep. Grabbed a drink, then went straight outside. Don’t know why. It’s colder than Satan’s asshole out there.”

“Thanks,” I said, already making my way out to the balcony. I pulled my jacket tighter around me as I walked out, the wind intense this high up, but at first, I didn’t see Mason.

“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath, shivering slightly.

But then I saw him: huddled up on the bench at the end of the deck, almost invisible in the dark.

“Mason,” I said, heading over to his side. He looked up at me with guilt in his eyes, like a sad puppy who’d done something wrong.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I just—I couldn’t—”

“Hey,” I said, sitting down next to him and putting an arm around his shoulders. I was shocked when he leaned against me, sinking his weight into me right away.

“It was so much,” he said. “I was doing well—so well—but then I felt like I was being swallowed up in there.”

“I understand. I’m sorry, Mason. it was probably too much too soon. I pushed too hard.”

“No, you did great,” Mason said, shaking his head against me and pulling in a long breath. “You always do. It was just… my own freakout. I shouldn’t be saying this. I want you to think I’m doing well. You’re my coach….”

“Forget about that,” I said firmly. “For right now, I’m not your coach. Okay? You need a friend right now, Mason.”

He was silent for a moment, and the only sound was the faint noise coming from the other side of the glass: chatter and singing and music, reduced to a muted ambient backdrop. But then Mason seemed to relax a little, and he slid one arm around my waist to pull me into a hug.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “I… I really did need someone.”

“Well, you’ve got me,” I replied.

My heart could have broken in that moment for Mason. He was a headstrong person, proud despite his anxieties, but right now, he was more vulnerable than ever. But unlike the night after the bar, when all he wanted to do was run away from me, now he seemed like he really wanted me close.

I shouldn’t have enjoyed that so much. I hated to see him upset, but I was more than a little glad that he was enjoying my company.

“Camilla introduced me to some people… Jamie and Amber. I’d been okay talking to everyone else, but those two… I almost felt like they were laughing at me.”

“Oh, Jesus, not them,” I said. “I’m sorry you had to meet them. They’re distant friends of Camilla’s, and she always invites them to parties because they know her sister. They’re awful people, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of however they acted.”

“Really?” he asked.

“God, yes,” I said. “Even I wouldn’t enjoy talking with them, and you know I can get along with anyone.”

Mason laughed softly, sitting up on the bench until he was facing me again. His eyes sparkled with the reflection of the party inside, and even though minutes ago he’d seemed terrified, I was struck by his beauty just then.

“You really do get along with anyone. So does Camilla. It was amazing watching her, actually.”

“She’s a great person,” I said. “You know… I wasn’t sure if Camilla would be comfortable with me telling you this, so I asked her earlier tonight. She said she wouldn’t mind me saying that she was actually a former client of mine.”

Mason’s eyes grew wide. “What?”

I nodded. “One of the first. Camilla struggled a lot with making conversation back when we first met.”

“Unbelievable,” Mason said. “But… how can… she was so good in there.”

“She’s come a really long way, and she’s come into her own socially. To say I’m proud of her would be an understatement.”

Mason stared off into the distance, deep in thought for a moment before turning back to me.

“But… what about Cuffs and Feathers? Tom said that’s how you met, but I didn’t know what that even was.”

“Oh,” I said. “Right.” I had forgotten that Cuffs and Feathers had come up earlier in the night and that I hadn’t known how to explain it to Mason. “Well… Tom and Camilla and I met a long time ago. Cuffs and Feathers is the name of a… club.”

Mason shook his head. “Never heard of it. Although, I guess that’s normal for me.”

I bit my bottom lip, wondering how in-depth I should get. But some part of me felt like I owed Mason honesty, just as I hoped he would be honest with me.

“Cuffs and Feathers is a private sex club,” I said, watching closely as Mason’s eyes looked first confused and then he seemed to understand.

“Oh…” he said, trailing off for a moment. “A sex club. I… don’t really know what that entails.”

“Every one is different,” I said. “I don’t really go to them anymore—haven’t in at least a year. But when I was younger, I did find them fun.”

He turned away from me slightly, looking off toward the glass windows and staring into the party. “I didn’t realize your relationship with Tom and Camilla was… of that nature.”

“I didn’t think to mention it,” I said. “Didn’t know it mattered.”

“It doesn’t!” Mason protested quickly. “It’s… none of my business, anyway. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“I’ve never been the type to be attached, and… Tom and Camilla were perfect for that. They’re so obsessed with each other that I could never get in the way. It was always just sex.”

Mason nodded, smiling politely. But I could tell that something was off about him. The knowledge of my history with Tom and Camilla had seemed to affect him more than I expected.

I’d come out here hoping to make Mason feel better, and he now seemed even worse than before.

“I haven’t done anything with them in a while,” I said. I didn’t know why I was saying it, but somehow it felt right. “I haven’t been hooking up with anyone, actually. It’s weird. It doesn’t seem to fulfill me like it used to.”

He shook his head. “I wouldn’t even know,” he said. “I’ve… never been able to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Y’know… hook up,” he said. “Everybody else seems to be able to, but it just feels so transactional to me. I want to get to know someone first. Not that you don’t know Tom and Camilla—I’m not making any sense.”

“You’re just fine,” I said.

He looked over at me, his eyes big and so full of emotion I didn’t really know how to proceed.

“I know that I—that we… did that, on the first night we met,” he said. “But that really isn’t something I’ve done with anyone else. I’m not comfortable with it.”

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You shouldn’t do things you’re not comfortable with, and you definitely don’t have to in order to be confident or get a boyfriend. You can do it on your own terms.”

“I guess I just want someone to be mine. If I’m… doing that kind of thing with them.”

“Right,” I said. For my whole life, I hadn’t understood what people meant when they said that. But more and more, I thought I might have an inkling.

“But I know I seem closed off at first, and God, it just kills me,” he said, growing more distressed. “I want to be normal. I want to be able to talk to people. I want… oh, for heaven’s sake. I don’t know what I want.”

He turned away, and I just sat there, gently running my hand along his back. I knew he must be cold, but I felt like I was putting out a fire.

I was worried about him. And for once, I didn’t think my usual social techniques would work.

When he turned back my way, I could see a sheen of tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Oh, God, Mason,” I said, reaching over and pulling him close again.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice weak. “I’m fine. Seriously. This is just because I’m overwhelmed and… and confused, really. I just think I finally get a handle on how the world works, and then everything turns around and smacks me in the face. I feel like I have whiplash all the time.”

“I understand,” I said, keeping my arm around him.

“And I can’t help but think that I waited too long. It’s already December, and there’s just no way that I’m going to be able to… to….” He breathed deep. “I shouldn’t be saying all this. You’re the coach. I should have my best face on right now.”

I shook my head. Against my better judgment, I leaned in, pressing a small kiss to the side of his head. “Everyone needs to take the lessons at their own speed. And it seems like you might just need longer. There’s no shame in that, and it’s probably better in the long run, actually.”

“But… my family,” he said, looking up at me. He pulled off his glasses, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm. “I’m not going to have anyone to bring back home. Again.”

“Your family sounds amazing, Mason. I know they’ll understand.”

A sense of dread came over his face. “Well… I might have… screwed up, a little bit.”

I raised one eyebrow. “What do you mean, exactly?”

He was silent for a while before he spoke up. “I might have told them that I was bringing someone.”

I cocked my head to the side. “Really?” I asked. “That doesn’t sound like you. You’re kind of incapable of dishonesty. Did you lie to them?”

He grimaced. “I don’t want to call it a lie… I would never lie to my family, of course not. But I was just…. Trying to use my confidence tools. I was so confident that I would have someone to bring back that I… faked it. Fake it till you make it, right?”

I leaned back a little, trying not to smile. I didn’t want Mason to think I was laughing at him, but it was a little funny.

“That isn’t exactly what I meant when I used that phrase,” I said. “But… okay. I guess that is a slight situation you’ve got on your hands.”

Mason had a look of terror in his eyes. “My mom… she already has an extra spot reserved for our annual dinner out at this Italian restaurant. She tried to ask me all these things, like ‘what’s his favorite food’ and ‘what does he like to drink’ and on and on….”

This time I couldn’t help but laugh. “Your mom sounds great,” I said.

Mason scrubbed his palms over his face, frustrated. My instinct was to lean over, push my thumbs against the muscle of his shoulders, and massage him again—I couldn’t stand to see him so wound up, but I knew that massaging him would probably be inadvisable at the moment.

“I’m so dumb,” he said, hanging his head.

“Hey,” I said. “That is not a positive, confident thought.”

“Well, maybe I just can’t do it!” he called out, his voice echoing slightly off the awning of the balcony. It was the loudest I’d ever heard Mason raise his voice. “I messed up. It’s too little, too late, and it isn’t going to work. I’m just going to have to go home again, be a disappointment again, and probably make my mother cry, and—”

“I’ll do it,” I announced, my voice firm. Mason looked up at me, his brow furrowed.

“What?”

“I’ll do it. I will come home with you. Be your boyfriend for Christmas.”

Mason started shaking his head, looking away. “Yeah, right.”

“Hold on. I’m not finished. I’ll come home for the holidays with you and pretend to be your boyfriend, on one condition.”

He slowly looked back at me, interested in what I was bargaining with.

“You have to stick with the confidence coaching. Even after Christmas, and you have to work hard at it like I know you’re capable of. I’ll do it for you, Mason, because you having a boyfriend by Christmas doesn’t matter half as much to me as you finally being confident with yourself.”

“You… you wouldn’t really do that,” he whispered in disbelief.

“It means the world to me, Mason,” I said. “I know you can do so well if you give it a chance. But if you try to rush it, you’re setting yourself up to fail.”

“But… how… you’ll come home with me? Why?”

“Because it sounds like you need someone,” I said. “I’ve got nowhere to go at Christmas. I don’t have family. I don’t… have anything, really.”

“Oh, Kade…” Mason said, and then he was launching toward me, his arms wrapping tight around my shoulders. “Are you sure about this? My family, they’re kind of a lot. I mean, they’re great, but God, they’re going to ask you a million questions—are you really going to do this?”

I chuckled softly. “If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s questions,” I said. “You don’t have to worry about me. You have to worry about your own journey. I’ll be just fine.”

“You’re kind of crazy, you know that?” Mason said. “You’re willing to come all the way to Marleyville with me?”

“I kind of am crazy,” I agreed. “But it tends to work for me. Like when I get the opportunity to go play the boyfriend of a really cute guy.”

Mason half laughed, and I knew if it were brighter outside, I’d have seen him blushing.

In all honesty, I couldn’t believe that Mason had accepted the offer so soon. I’d floated the idea, never expecting it to actually work. But the more I mulled it over in my mind, the more it made sense.

It might feel nice to experience a true Christmas holiday, for the first time in years. If I hadn’t been going with Mason, I’d probably have ended up at home with nothing other than a few bottles of whiskey.

I had never even had many real boyfriends, let alone any fake ones, though. It was going to be a challenge to make it seem realistic, to convince Mason’s parents that I was really someone that their son was interested in.

But I was up for the challenge.

And right now, nothing sounded better than the opportunity to spend more time with him.