The week leading up to the trip back home passed by in a flash. It was busier than ever at the hotel, and I was working twelve-hour days nearly every day. I would have been nervous about going home with Kade if I’d had any time to be, but I was falling asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, every single night. I didn’t even have time to do my usual sleep stretches, and my neck was tenser than it had ever been.

I hated the fact that one morning, as I rubbed my shoulder, I had a thought that I shouldn’t have: maybe Kade can give me another massage once we’re together.

As if Kade did that kind of thing for me on a regular basis. As if it wasn’t a fluke, that night in the snowstorm.

On the other hand, it was also good that I start thinking of Kade as my “boyfriend.” If our scheme was going to be convincing at all, I had to get in the mindset. I was likely the world’s absolute worst liar, and I was a crappy actor, too. When Kade had suggested that he’d pretend he was my boyfriend, I’d just been elated that I’d have someone to take home. I hadn’t really thought through the details of it.

And now, it was the morning of Christmas Eve and time to drive home.

I was in my car, the heat blasting, as I drove uptown toward Kade’s apartment. I was going to pick him up, and then we were starting the ninety-minute journey up to my parents’ house. And I felt like I was going to be sick.

I watched the GPS like a hawk, already afraid that I was going to make a wrong turn on the way to Kade’s place. I’d studied the map all morning, but in unfamiliar parts of town, I was useless.

In twenty minutes, though, I pulled up to a small gray building and put the car in park. Kade emerged from the front door and headed out toward me, a duffel bag in his hand.

God, this was real. And I was ninety percent sure I was going to die.

After putting his bag in the trunk, Kade hopped in on the passenger side of the car.

“Howdy,” he said.

“Last chance if you want to tell me this is a horrible idea and cancel the whole thing,” I said hopeful. “It’s a terrible idea, right? We’re idiots for even trying it?”

“Are you kidding? Hell, no,” he said. “I’m so ready to do this. Pretending to be someone’s boyfriend will be the most acting I’ve ever done in my life.”

“I think I might pass out.”

“Really?” he asked, furrowing his brow. “Okay, I can drive, if you want—”

“No way!” I cried out. “No. Nobody drives my car other than me.”

He held up his hands in defeat. “Don’t pass out on me, then.” He reached into his backpack and pulled out a large energy drink.

“Ew, you drink those things?” I said.

“What? Of course,” he said. “Gotta wake up somehow, didn’t have time for coffee.”

“Oh, well,” I said, reaching into the glove compartment, “here. I printed out our map and schedule for the trip, and we’re going to stop for coffee first.” I placed the sheet of paper on his lap.

“Mason… didn’t you say this was only a ninety-minute drive?”

I nodded. “Yes. But we’ve got enough gas, and I think with one stop for coffee and then another stop in the middle for a break, we’ll be okay.”

“This is so cute,” he said, inspecting the paper. “You listed unique facts about the town of Marleyville.”

“I figured if you haven’t been there before, you might want to know. I didn’t want to forget anything.”

“Marleyville: the first town to invent the peppermint mocha. That cannot be true.”

“It may not be,” I said. “But Wikipedia said it, so it went on the paper. I do love peppermint mochas.”

Kade was smiling, eyeing me sidelong. “You’re a unique person, Hartley,” he said, popping open his can.

“We’ll be driving by a couple sightseeing opportunities,” I said. “There’s a large water tower just north of Mistview Heights, and then by my parents’ house, there is a nice bronze sculpture in the shape of a cherry tree.”

“Is there anything you haven’t planned out?” he asked as I put the car in drive.

“Kade, when we have confidence coaching sessions, you’re in control. But for this car ride, I’m in control. And if I don’t plan it out, I may very well lose my mind.”

He laughed. “Okay, okay,” he said. As I headed out toward the freeway, he rolled his window down.

“It’s twenty-six degrees outside!” I protested.

“The air is refreshing,” he said.

“If you don’t watch out, I’m going to turn the child lock on.”

Kade seemed to be getting a kick out of all this, but my mind was running a million miles a minute.

“So,” he said, rummaging around in his backpack. “I was thinking this morning, and I came up with an idea.” He slid a giant bottle of whiskey out from his backpack, waggling his eyebrows at me. “Once your family has gone to bed, we can have some fun.”

“Jesus,” I said. “First of all, my family aren’t teetotalers. They drink. They’ll probably offer you spiked eggnog the second we get inside. And also… did you even pack anything you need? Is it all energy drinks and alcohol in there?”

“I’d say it’s mostly those things, yeah.”

“For God’s sake, Kade, you can’t act like this when we get to my parents’ place. You know that, right?”

“Act like what?” he said.

“You know… so… you,” I said.

“I’m deeply offended, Mason,” Kade said. “You don’t want your parents to meet your crazy, rebellious boyfriend?”

“Oh, shut up,” I said. “And especially not tomorrow. You do realize that my family does Christmas big, right? Eighty people, maybe even a hundred?”

“How can one family possibly be that big?”

“My grandparents had six and eight siblings each, and my parents have four and seven siblings each. My family could have their own zip code.”

Kade nodded. “And you’re saying you don’t want me to tell them about my sordid past, my criminal record, all the terrible things I get up to at night? You don’t want me to get on top of one of the tables, strip naked, and sing Pour Some Sugar on Me? You don’t—”

“Stop,” I said, but I couldn’t hold back my laughter.

“We’re already fighting like boyfriends would,” Kade said, finally rolling up the window. “This is going to be great.”

“This is going to be terrible,” I said.

I hadn’t been back to the house in a few months, and in the time I’d been gone, it was as if my parents had decided to give the house a makeover. The entire front had been repainted and relandscaped, and now it looked like a nice cottage that could have been on the cover of some magazine. The front door was red. Snow lined the edges of the roof, and there were Christmas garlands lining the small walls of the flower beds. Twinkle lights were strung up along the house, and for the first time, it felt like it was really the Christmas season.

It was a gray, overcast day, but the house gleamed like a diamond.

“Wow,” Kade said, leaning forward in his seat as we pulled up outside. “This is it?”

“It is,” I said. “Looks like my parents really went all out on the Christmas decor this year.”

“This is amazing,” Kade said. “These are the kind of houses I’d drive by and wonder who lived inside them. I guess the answer is people like you.”

“This house hasn’t always looked this nice,” I said.

He reached over and gave my shoulder a shake. “Thank you, again, for letting me come stay with you. I know it’s… just going to be pretend, but this isn’t something I’d ever get to experience without you.”

“I’m sure you could get any woman or man you wanted. If you want to go back and meet people’s parents, you’ve got your pick of the litter, I’m sure.”

He shook his head, looking out at the house. “I never would, though. I don’t want to meet anybody’s parents. But I’m glad I’ll get to meet yours.”

I breathed deep. I knew I may well have been on the precipice of something terrible, but I was glad that I was doing it with Kade and not anyone else.

“Okay,” I said. “Final logistics. We met at an art gallery. We’ve been together for two months.”

“Exactly,” Kade said. “And you won me over by making me an incredible three-course meal including rosemary-garlic beef roast and chocolate-hazelnut torte. And then you romanced me by the fire in a snowstorm.”

I laughed, and Kade smiled back at me. “Perfect,” I said. “That won’t be hard to remember at all.”

But as I looked at the house, reality began to set in again, and I felt a twist in my stomach, picturing my family’s faces and their spirited, intense personalities.

“Oh, God,” I whispered, shaking my head. “This really was a bad idea, wasn’t it?”

“Hey,” Kade said, reaching over and taking my hand in his. “It was a fine idea. And hell, even if it was a bad one, I’m going to help you out, okay? We’re gonna do this.”

I swallowed, nodding.

It was strange, realizing that this was exactly how nervous I’d feel if I were bringing home a real boyfriend, if Kade were actually mine. Bringing him home to meet my parents would have been just as nerve-wracking if we were telling the truth. I wondered if he was going to get along with them, if they were going to like him, if he was going to like them back.

And I also felt reassured when Kade squeezed my hand… just like I would if he were my boyfriend. Something about the small gesture meant more to me than he could have ever known.

“I trust you,” I said quietly, watching his face. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d trusted anyone quite as much as I did Kade, actually.

“Thank you, Mason,” he said. “I trust you, too. Now, let’s go rock it, okay?”

I took a deep breath. “Let’s do it. Let’s… grab life by the balls.”

I made a face around the phrase, and Kade laughed, long and hard. “You don’t have to say that ever again,” he said.

“Good,” I said, still scrunching my mouth like I’d tasted a lemon. “Because I’m never going to.”

We got out of the car, grabbed our bags, and headed up the path to the house. I rang the doorbell and inspected the wreath that was hanging on the front door, every individual blade of green. My heart felt like it might beat out of my chest.

The door swung open.

“Masey Masey!” Jenny said, throwing her arms around me in a huge bear hug. She looked to Kade next, and her jaw dropped. “And hello there, Kade. Oh my goodness. I’d say Mason told me a lot about you, but that would be a lie. He hasn’t told me shit.”

She hugged Kade just as tightly as she’d hugged me. She was already in full holiday regalia: a sweater with a huge reindeer on it, a little Santa hat, and a gold necklace that resembled a string of mini Christmas lights.

We dropped our bags near the entryway, and I glanced around. The house looked mostly the same as the last time I’d been here, but the Christmas decor was turned up high. I knew exactly why: my parents had known that Kade was coming, and they’d gone above and beyond.

“So glad to meet you, Jenny,” Kade said. “Mason told me that you’re the best sister anyone could ever hope for. Right, baby?” he said, turning to me.

My stomach did a backflip in my chest and then did about a thousand more.

I had not been prepared for Kade calling me baby. We really were doing this, and Kade was already going full force.

I paused for just a moment, skipping a beat. “Of course,” I finally said, smiling at Kade. “I would only ever say great things about you, Jenny.”

“I hope you like margaritas, Kade, because we’re already on batch number two of the day,” Jenny said, ushering us toward the kitchen where there was the usual din of the family.

“I love margaritas, and I love that they qualify as a holiday drink here.”

“Oh, any drink is a holiday drink, as long as you have it in December,” Jenny said, and Kade laughed.

“Mason, I love her already,” he told me. “I think we’re going to get along well.”

“Mason fuckin’ Hartley!” my brother’s booming voice shouted the second we stepped into the kitchen. It was followed shortly after by my mother’s excited shriek as she saw us walking into the room.

And from there onward, the true chaos of the Hartley family was in full swing. There was a rumble from upstairs, and my mom’s two golden retrievers and one minipoodle zoomed into the kitchen, jumping and licking and rolling on the floor near us.

“Oh, sweetie!” my mom called out, and she hugged me close. “Oh my goodness, you must be Kade,” she said as she greeted him. When she hugged him, she looked back at me with a shocked face, as if to say, you got a guy like him?

“Kade, your muscles, that leather jacket, oh my gosh,” she said. “Aren’t you a beauty? Are you treating my boy right? I bet you are. Oh, I’m so glad for you two. Kade, honey, I hope you make yourself fully at home while you’re here. Do you like cinnamon rolls? I’m planning to make some tomorrow morning—”

“Mom, you’re talking his ear off,” I said.

“And I absolutely love it,” Kade said, beaming. “What I’m confused about is how you could possibly be Kade’s mother. You don’t look a day over thirty-five.”

“Oh, he’s good,” Mom said, nodding at me. “Very funny, Kade. You deserve a margarita. Have a margarita.”

Micah gripped each of us in bear hugs next. “Wow, you’re more mountain man than ever,” I said. He’d grown his beard into a full, luscious lumberjack look. He was wearing a red plaid shirt, which added to the look.

“I love the beard,” Kade said, giving Micah an approving nod. My mom and Jenny were over by the blender, whirring up margaritas with a splash of tequila that looked more like a flood.

A moment later, my dad emerged from the back door, popping off his sunglasses. He had a cardboard box in his hands. “I see the whole team is here,” he said. “Kade, it’s such a pleasure to meet you. I’ve got a gift for you.”

He walked over toward us, holding the box carefully. Inside were four baby iguanas.

“Oh my God,” Kade said, inspecting the box.

“Dad, you haven’t even shaken his hand—” I started to protest, but Kade was fascinated.

“Can I pick them up?” he asked, and after Dad nodded, Kade was reaching right into the box. “Mr. Hartley, this is—pardon my French—so fucking cool.”

Dad laughed. “It is very fucking cool. Rex’s babies just hatched a couple weeks ago.”

Dad had been trying to get me interested in his iguanas for years, but they gave me the creepycrawlies. I couldn’t believe that Kade had reached right into the box of the little green monsters.

“Mason told me you were an amphibian scientist,” Kade said as the baby crawled over his hand.

“I am a retired herpetologist and ecologist, yes,” Dad said. “And no, herpetology is not the study of herpes. My research was focused on the life cycles of amphibians and reptiles. These little ones are reptiles.”

My cheeks were burning already. “Dad, did you have to make the herpes joke already?”

“Do these ones have names yet?” Kade asked, still fixated on the iguanas.

“Not just yet. I was hoping you all would help with that.”

“This is so cool,” he said, gently setting the crawling demon back into the box.

The sound of the blender died down, and Jenny appeared at our side a moment later, overflowing margaritas in her hands.

“Welcome home, Kade,” she said, handing him one glass and taking a big sip of the other.

“Hey,” I protested, “where’s mine?”

She shrugged, grinning at me. “You’re not the guest. Get your own.”

“I guess it was wishful thinking to assume you’d be nicer to me when I brought Kade home, wasn’t it?” I asked, walking over to get a margarita.

“If we didn’t give you a hard time in front of your boyfriend, we’d be missing out on such a golden opportunity,” Jenny said. “Speaking of which: Kade, want to see some pictures of your boyfriend as a kid?”

“Oh, God, please no,” I said.

Kade gave me a sympathetic look. “I… kinda would love to see pictures of my boyfriend as a kid,” he said, a smile spreading over his face again.

As I watched Jenny pull Kade over to the living room, I knew I was doomed. This trip was going to be the single worst thing that ever happened to me, and yet… I couldn’t stop smiling. There was clearly something wrong with me.

“I can tell you love him,” my mom said, and I turned to her, furrowing my brow.

“What?” I asked. She was watching me, a look of pride on her face like I’ve never seen before.

“It’s all over your face,” she said. “I know you keep everything bottled up sometimes, Mason, but… you wear your heart on your sleeve more than you might think. You’ve only been home a few minutes, and I can tell you’re happier.”

“I don’t feel that different,” I said, trying to hide how flustered her words were making me. But then I realized that I didn’t have to lie, really. I could tell the truth about Kade and just pretend that it was because he was my boyfriend. “I mean… I suppose I do. Having him in my life now is much better than when I didn’t have him. He… he makes things more interesting.”

Mom laughed, rubbing my shoulder. “I bet,” she said. “Oh, Mase. I’m so proud of you, you know that, right? I mean, not that I wasn’t before. But I guess I’m just happy to see you happy. It had been far too long. And wow, he really is a catch, isn’t he?”

“You like him? I asked. “He’s definitely… different from me.”

“Opposites attract, huh?” she said.

“I guess they do,” I said.

Mom pulled me into helping her with the enchiladas she was preparing for dinner, and things almost felt so normal that I forgot I was part of an elaborate ruse with Kade.

It was amazing how I didn’t worry about what he was doing in the living room with Jenny. I knew that they were probably looking at horribly embarrassing photos of me, but I also trusted Kade to handle the situation well, to get along with Jenny.

It was nice having that faith in him. And a tiny part of me even wished it weren’t fake, wished that I actually did have a boyfriend at home with me who fit right in.

“Well, you know, back when I was traveling in southern Brazil,” my dad said, and the entire table other than Kade erupted into groans.

“Not the Brazil story,” Jenny said.

“But which Brazil story is it going to be? The one with the gun or the one with the clown?”

“Oh, shit, these stories sound very intriguing,” Kade said. “Tell me more.”

We’d been sitting around the table for nearly two hours, eating enchiladas, drinking margaritas, and becoming progressively drunker. We’d just finished off the flourless chocolate cake that Mom had made, and Dad was settling into his usual routine of regaling the guest with his outlandish stories.

“Well, you see, my dad was in Brazil to study iguana mating habits…” I started.

“...and after I spend two hours scouting an iguana on a tree, watching its every movement, I turn around and see the barrel of a handgun pointed right at my face.”

“Oh, God,” Kade said, leaning in.

“Turns out, it was a crazy man who lived in a small house nearby and had taken this iguana to be his pet. He’d bring it a special type of leaf to eat every afternoon at the same time, and I happened to be there at the right time.”

“So the guy wanted to kill you for… observing the habits of his iguana?” Kade asked.

“I’m afraid so,” Dad said. “Never would have thought that being an ecologist would have me end up at gunpoint, that’s for sure. So I did what was only natural—I pulled up my camera and took a picture of the guy, gun and all.”

“Dad thinks he’s really cool because of this,” Micah said.

“He basically considers himself a gangster,” Jenny added.

“No, no, no,” Dad said, shaking his head. “Not a gangster at all. I consider myself a pacifist, and I always have been. But it was too interesting a moment to pass up.”

“So, naturally, I have two questions,” Kade said. “One, what the hell happened afterward? And two, can I see this photograph?”

Dad smiled, and I knew he was ready and waiting to tell his favorite part of the story. “I put down the camera, and he was still holding the gun at me, speaking in Portuguese. I knew enough to get by, but I had no clue what this man was saying. He was extremely angry. But he kept gesturing toward the iguana, so I knew he had to be talking about it, and this had something to do with him. So I slowly reached down and opened up my case, showing him that I had three other iguanas inside. That’s when he turned off the safety on his gun and shoved it against my temple.”

“Oh, fuck,” Kade said. “Excuse me. I mean, just… how the hell did you get out of there?”

“He wrestled the gun out of the guy’s hand,” Micah said.

“No, he used an expert karate chop on him, and the guy went down to the ground,” Jenny said.

“Oh, let your father tell the story,” Mom said, giving Jenny a push on the shoulder.

“I got lucky,” Dad said. “His friend came out and at first, seemed just as angry. But then he started talking, and it turned out that he knew some English. Apparently the two of them thought I was some sort of iguana poacher, and they’d been dealing with people stealing the animals for years.”

“And here comes the pacifist part,” Jenny said.

“The guy dropped his gun on the spot when he learned I was a researcher. Let it fall right to the ground, and he gave me a huge hug. We now talk all the time, and I just got an email from him the other day with photos of his latest hatchlings.”

“Mr. Hartley, it’s just incredible,” Kade said. “You might be one of the more bad-ass people I’ve ever met.”

Dad smiled, chuckling. “Figured you’d like that story. I’ll show you the photo tomorrow. I’ve got it down in my study.”

“I’m sick of Dad’s stories. I want to hear one of yours, Kade,” Jenny said, taking a sip of her drink. “You seem way too cool for Mason.”

“Honey!” Mom shouted. “Be nice.”

“Well, if anything, Mason is too cool for me,” Kade said, reaching over and giving me a small kiss on the cheek. I had to fight not to jump, but I couldn’t help but love feeling his lips against me. Even if it was all for show. “But I do have quite a few sordid tales from my past. What do you think? Should I tell the one about my night in Mexico or the one about when I was mistaken for a clown?”

“Kade, we don’t need to tell any stories—” I started, but I realized it was no use.

“Mexico!” Jenny said. “I hate clowns.”

“Okay,” Kade said, leaning back in his chair. “Now, Mason can tell you, I’m a one-man kind of guy. I don’t have eyes for anyone but him, but back in the day, I was a free agent. And one night, a couple of buddies and I made a last-minute decision to take a flight to Mexico City.”

“Well, that sure is spontaneous,” Mom said, grinning, rapt with attention.

Kade nodded. “I’m good at spontaneous. So we ended up in a restaurant Mexico hours later, drinking tequila with a whole scorpion in the bottle. And after a few women joined the table, I was feeling like I wanted to show off.”

“Oh, jeez,” I muttered, already certain that Kade was going to tell some awful story and that my parents were going to disown him.

If I was this worried about my fake boyfriend, I couldn’t imagine what it’d be like if it were real.

“So after we finished the bottle, I pulled out the scorpion, and I took a bite out of it,” Kade said.

“No,” Jenny said.

“Dude, that’s intense,” Micah said.

“It didn’t taste great, and the texture… left something to be desired. But the whole restaurant watched as I ate it, and there was a round of applause when I finished. And then the girl I’d been eyeing, Alejandra, pulled me over and kissed me, right on the spot.”

My parents were wide-eyed, but my dad was laughing.

“That night I spent time with her in the back of her pickup truck, and it was actually where I got this tattoo,” Kade said, pulling up the sleeve of his shirt. He revealed his scorpion tattoo that I’d wondered about on his forearm.

“Oh, dear,” my mom said, shaking her head. “Tattoos were never my thing. Don’t they hurt?”

“They can,” Kade said. “It certainly wasn’t a good idea to agree to one from a stranger in Mexico. But I’m glad I have it. For the memory.”

My palms were sweaty as I watched the reactions of everyone at the table.

This was bad. They were all going to hate him now. They were going to kick him out. They were going to wonder why the hell I’d hang out with someone so wild.

“Wow,” Micah said. “Y’know, I thought Jenny was being an asshole when she said you’re too cool for Mason, but I think you might actually be.”

“Yeah,” Jenny said. “Will you be my best friend?”

Kade laughed. “No matter how crazy I used to be, none of that was as fun as a night like this. I really mean that. This was one of the best dinners I’ve had in years. Matched only by Mason’s cooking, of course.”

“Oh, you flatter us,” Mom said, but she was smiling again, clearly smitten with Kade. I felt the tension leaving my body, at least for the moment. I wanted to pull Kade into the next room and ask him why the hell he’d tell a story like that, but as the conversation kept flowing, I realized that it had really been okay.

It was impressive how Kade hadn’t censored himself around my family at all. If I were going to meet someone’s parents, I would have been constantly worried that I was making the right impression, never wanting to say a wrong thing.

But I supposed that was the difference between me and Kade. He had confidence radiating from his whole body, and no matter what he said, people seemed to love it.

And the whole house felt more alive with Kade in it. It was like his presence lit a small fire in me, made the whole place feel electric.

“No matter how cool Kade seems, I did always have a feeling that Mason would end up with someone like him,” Mom said, smiling. I could feel my cheeks heating, but Kade leaned over, nuzzling against me.

After a few stories from Jenny about her wild college days, everyone began to wind down. My parents were the first to start yawning, but soon all of us became progressively more tired.

“Well, I’m going to bed,” Micah said, pushing back from the table.

“Honey, I prepared the guest room for you two,” Mom said, turning to me and Kade. “I put an extra blanket in there, but if it’s too cold, you can turn the thermostat up a degree.”

“Prepared the guest room for both of us?” I said.

“Of course,” she said.

“Just promise you won’t steal all the covers tonight like you usually do?” Kade said, winking at me.

Well, this was great. I had totally forgotten, somewhere in the course of the evening, that Kade and I would need to share a bed. I’d been doing so good with playing the part of Kade’s boyfriend, and I’d forgotten one of the most important things.

I was going to have to sleep right next to him and somehow keep my composure.

“You boys will need your sleep. It’s a big day tomorrow. I’m sure Mason’s told you how big our family Christmas is.”

“I have,” I said, hoping my internal groan didn’t come across in my voice.

“I’m excited to meet the whole extended Hartley clan,” Kade said.

“You’re going to meet the Hartleys, the Jacobsons, the Vitales, the Baileys… they’re all going to love you, I’m sure,” Mom said.

And Mom was right. Every Christmas, I was the only one who got nervous for Christmas dinner with my big, extended family. There were so many people who came, and only half of them I knew. When there are eighty people in a huge house, and you only see most of them once a year, it’s hard to feel like you can make any impression at all.

At least, it’s hard for me. The Christmas party was one of the most socially daunting days of the entire year, family or not.

Tomorrow, I’d have Kade with me, though. And I hoped to God it made some sort of difference.