“Mason!” Adrian said, beaming at me from across the room as I walked in. We were in one of the nice conference rooms on the first floor of the hotel, and it was the first meeting I’d had with him since we started back at work after Christmas.

“You look nice and tan,” I said, crossing the room to give him a quick hug. I felt like a zombie, going through the motions on autopilot.

“The Bahamas were amazing,” he said. “Wish Josh and I had more time there, but alas… work calls to me.”

It had been only three days since Christmas, but it felt like a lifetime. I was monstrously glad that work was starting again—I always felt restless without work, but after the Christmas I’d had… I was readier than ever to have a distraction. And I was so glad that my boss had called this meeting to get us back into the swing of things.

I had tried so hard to get back into my routine over the past few days at home, but I felt like I’d been through a firing squad over the Christmas weekend. Every time I saw something that Kade would find funny, I’d initially pull out my phone, excited to text him about it… and then I would remember that I wasn’t talking to him anymore.

It was a fresh crack in my heart every single time. My forest sounds and stretches were doing nothing at all to help me sleep, and I knew it probably showed on my face.

“You had a good Christmas weekend, too?” Adrian asked, smiling as we sat down at the conference table.

“Yeah!” I chirped, putting on the best smile that I could muster. “It was good to see my family. So, I hear you want to talk about contacting Harriet Nesmond for a purchase package of four pieces?”

I steered the conversation toward work as quickly as I could, and luckily, Adrian took the bait. He was a great boss and a compassionate person, but I always knew I could distract him by talking about work. We discussed plans for the hotel for a good forty-five minutes before Adrian leaned back in his chair, rubbing his palms together.

“You’re incredible, Mason,” he said. “I’ve been tossing these ideas around in my head for days, and the second I talk them out with you… bam, they become a reality.”

“Organization is my strong suit,” I said.

“It really is,” Adrian said. “You’re more than an assistant… you’re like a magician.”

“Well,” I said, looking down to shuffle some papers, “thank you.”

He cocked his head to one side. “You all right, Mason?” he asked.

I glanced up, my eyes wide. “What?”

“Are you okay? You seem… distracted, maybe. Is it just first-day-back blues?”

I shook my head. “Oh, no. I’m quite happy to be back to work, actually.”

Adrian watched me closely. “There’s something different about you. Was your weekend okay?”

“Yes, it was good, I… I spent time with family,” I said, but even as I said it, I felt myself running out of steam.

Here I was, sweeping my emotions under the rug again. Sweeping my honest self under the rug. I knew that I should remain professional with Adrian, but professional didn’t have to mean robotic.

If there was anyone in the world I could be honest with, it was Adrian.

“I… had a sort of sad ending to my weekend. I thought I had something special, but it turned out not to be.”

“Oh, no, Mason,” he said, reaching a hand out to mine.

“It was my fault,” I said quickly. “I shouldn’t have expected it to be special at all. The guy… he wasn’t mine, but I found myself liking him a little more than he liked me. That’s all. Classic unrequited feelings.”

“Oh, boy,” Adrian said. “This just happened, a couple days ago?”

I nodded, swallowing. “He was home with me for Christmas.”

“He went home with you for Christmas, and he wasn’t even serious about you?” Adrian exclaimed, more shocked than I’d ever seen him. “That’s not possible.”

“Trust me, it is,” I said.

“I wouldn’t go home to meet someone’s parents unless I liked them very much, Mason. What happened?”

I let out a slow breath. “I—I shouldn’t have brought this up,” I said. I was slowly remembering one of the reasons I didn’t share personal information with people. They always wanted to know more, and the problem was, I felt guilty about the fine details.

“Oh, God, did it go badly with your parents?” Adrian asked. “Trust me, I know all about that. My parents barely even still accept that I’m with a man—”

I shook my head. “No, no, nothing that serious,” I said. “My parents are thankfully very accepting of me.”

“Well, that’s a huge blessing,” he said. He got a concerned look in his eye. “Don’t tell me he hooked up with your brother or something.”

“Christ, no,” I said, unable to suppress a laugh. “Nothing so scandalous, Adrian.”

“So… did they just not get along? Did your parents dote on him too much, was your boyfriend uncomfortable?”

“Everyone other than him thought things were… more serious than they actually are,” I said, choosing my words carefully. “Things weren’t really serious at all, to him.”

I definitely wasn’t going to admit to my boss that Kade and I had faked the entire thing, that we had lied and fell flat on our faces after being caught. Being open with my boss was one thing, but being completely unprofessional was another. My guilt was too potent to ever admit what I’d done.

Adrian’s face fell. “So… things just didn’t work out,” he said.

I nodded. “I told you, he just… froze. He doesn’t want the commitment. He never wanted it at all—I was dumb to have any feelings at all.”

“Do you still have them?” he asked. If it were anyone else, I’d have thought he was prying, but I knew Adrian was just genuinely concerned.

“I… I guess I still have feelings, yes,” I said. In my head, I was screaming yes, yes, I have more feelings than I ever have in my life. I have more than I thought possible! “But… he isn’t the type to commit.”

“Oh, well, why didn’t you just say that?” Adrian said, rolling his eyes. “Trust me. I was very recently the same kind of guy. I know that type well—the noncommital, one-foot-in-and-one-foot-out type.”

“You do?” I asked.

Adrian looked me dead in the eye. “Yes. And let me tell you. If what you had was special, it is worth fighting for. He probably needs you more than you even know. I needed Josh long before I’d have ever admitted it.”

I shook my head. “It’s different. This guy doesn’t need me at all.”

“How can you know that?”

“He doesn’t need anyone. He’s a lone wolf. Completely independent, and that’s the way he likes it.”

“Everybody needs someone,” Adrian said. “I used to say that I would never have a boyfriend. And now I’m happier with Josh than I’ve ever been. But if he hadn’t been honest with me—brutally honest—I probably would never have gotten to this point.”

“I wish I believed that were true about him, too,” I said softly.

“Show him that you still care,” Adrian said. “Why did you like him to begin with?”

I paused for a moment, trying to figure out how I could condense my feelings for Kade into one sentence. “He cared about me,” I said finally. “The real me. I was a nervous, neurotic mess at first with him, and he still stuck around. He believed in me.”

“So show him that,” Adrian said. “Show him how much you appreciated that. And even if it doesn’t work out… it will matter to him. You owe it to yourself, Mason.”

My words felt like they were caught in my throat. “I wish I could,” I said. “But I know it’s too late.”

Adrian shook his head, almost disappointed that I’d given up. “I won’t get any more involved in your business than that, Mason… but I want you to know I believe you can find someone. And there’s nothing I’d want more than to see you happy.”

Adrian and I talked business for another few minutes, and then I was gone, walking home by myself. The edges of the sidewalks were covered in snow, and a few buildings already had Christmas trees sitting outside on the curb.

The magic was over. And I had nothing to show for it.

But as I slowly sauntered home, I realized that there was still one thing I could give to Kade that I knew he would appreciate. He didn’t want me—that was undeniable, and I would never get to be with him like I had this past weekend.

I had one thing I could show him, though. It was terrifying, and even as the seed of the idea sparked in my head, I already found myself wanting to back out of it.

If Kade had taught me anything, though, it was that I had to go against my instincts when something gave me anxiety. If it made me anxious, it was probably a good idea, no matter how awful and unthinkable it might sound.

I knew this idea was one of those things.

And I knew if I could do it successfully, Kade would appreciate it. Even if he didn’t talk to me. Even if he never wanted to see me again.

He would know that he’d made a difference in my life.

The rest of the way home, I walked with determination, both scared and excited to get back and start working on my little project. I was already making a task list of all the things I would need: materials, tools, and a whole lot of wine for after I was finished. It was one shining light in an otherwise terrible situation, but at the root of it, I knew I was doing something for Kade.

And even if everything else was awful, that in itself was enough.