Patrick

“And then Amelia had me move the freakin’ couch again,” Jackson, my youngest brother, says, throwing up his arms. He came in my office fifteen minutes ago and he’s been going on and on about his move.

All I can think about as he talks is how sexy Carsen was last night dancing around my kitchen with a short pair of shorts and a tight tank top. She’s tone deaf and thinks she can sing, but damn if she wasn’t cute as hell doing it. And on top of that, she’s amazing with my baby girl. And she can cook.

I’m fucked.

Keep your head in the game, Patrick.

“I’m glad you got it all figured out, Jax. I bet it feels good to have it all finished,” I say, hoping I’ve managed to stay in the conversation enough that he doesn’t realize I’ve been zoned out. This just isn’t like me.

“You know it, man. But now she’s going to want to start planning the wedding. Set a date and shit. I’m ready for a breather. This house took it out of me, and now the hospital project. We’re going to all be scrambling for awhile.” Jackson sags back in his chair and starts rubbing his temples.

“Don’t worry. It’s all going to work out. I’ve been working on the project, got a leg up on things,” I say in my most reassuring tone. It’s always like this with Jax. As the baby of the family, he likes encouragement, especially from me. And I am always here, ready to give it to him. It’s how it’s always been and I’m sure how it always will be.

“If you say so. You know what I could use? A beer with my brothers at happy hour. Let’s meet at the pub one night this week,” Jackson says.

“We’ll see. I’ll let you know.” This is what I’ve been telling him for months now. It doesn’t feel right to go out and have fun when my baby is at home without one of her parents around.

Sitting back up in his chair, he says, “What about the new nanny? How is she working out?”

Fan-fucking-tastic. I’d like to break every rule in the rule book with her. “So far so good,” I say and feel my face lighting up like a Christmas tree.

“What? Is she hot or something?”

Shaking my head, I do my best to deny it, but it’s my blood we’re talking about here. “She’s great with Maeve, and that’s what matters at the end of the day, right?”

“Oh, dude. You’re not fooling me. You like her,” Jackson says.

“I’m not a teenager. She’s sweet and I think she’s going to work out well. Can’t I be happy after Nanny Sourpuss was so awful? It’s a relief to find someone who isn’t miserable all the time.”

Raising his palms in the air, he says, “Whatever you say. But my money is on the fact that she’s hot.”

Balling up a piece of paper, I throw it at him. “Will you get out of here? I have work to do. This hospital wing isn’t going to build itself.”

Jackson stands and rushes to the door. “Okay, okay. I can’t wait to meet her though.”

* * *

“Your office is beautiful,” Carsen says, her head swiveling around the room, mouth slightly agape. She’s wearing some type of sundress; the colors show off her tan skin and it’s short enough to see her long toned legs. Christ, she’s sexy.

Carsen called earlier to ask if I wanted her to pick up some groceries. I think it was her nice way of saying that we don’t have any food in the house. I told her to stop by and grab my credit card. She and Maeve have been here a few minutes, long enough to go on a tour of the building and then my office. Jax saw her and gave me the thumbs up behind her back. Of course he did. You’d have to be dead to not notice how gorgeous she is.

“Thank you, I’m glad you like it,” I say and lean down to pick up a toy Maeve threw out of the stroller.

“Is there anything specific you’d like me to get for you?” Her eyes scan me but there is something more intense there in her blue-green eyes. I don’t quite know what it is, but it unnerves me. “Like a certain type of bread you like, multi-grain, whole wheat, white, Ezekiel. Let me know and I’ll make a list on my cell.” She digs through her purse and pulls out her phone.

It’s like I’m in a Carsen trance. I can’t focus. Angling my eyes down, I say, “Whatever you get will be great.”

“Well, okay. If you think of anything, you can text me.”

I nod at her and go back to my desk. “Great idea. I’ll do that.” My voice sounds clipped and tight, like it does when I’m uncomfortable. What the hell is wrong with me? I’m sure it’s because of my conversation with Jackson. He’s made me feel like I’m a teenager again with a stupid crush. Pull yourself together.

“Do you think you’ll be home for dinner? I can make us something.” She sounds hopeful, like she actually wants to have a meal with me.

Staring at the pile of paperwork on my desk, my heart sinks. “I’m not sure. It depends on how much of this I get done. Are you available to stay and put her to bed tonight?”

Her face falls for a moment but recovers quickly. “Of course. I understand, you told me last night about how busy you are with the new hospital project. Do what you have to do and when you get home you can heat up what I make.”

This makes me grin from the inside out. It certainly isn’t in her job description to make meals for me. She just does it. “Thanks for that. I’ll try not to be too late.” I bend down next to the stroller and kiss Maeve’s sweet cheek. She coos at me and sticks a plastic teething ring in her mouth.

“Have a good afternoon and don’t work too hard.” Carsen winks at me as she saunters out of the door to my office. Man, I’m in trouble.

The afternoon goes by painfully slowly in my deep pool of paperwork. Checking my watch, it’s only three. Screw it. I pack my bag with a stack of paperwork, sling it over my shoulder, and tell my secretary, “I’m leaving for the day. If my brothers need me, tell them I’m working from home this afternoon.” She looks at me like I have six heads because I never do this, but she nods and says goodbye.

My house is only a ten minute drive from the office. It’s a beautiful sunny day. I wonder what Maeve and Carsen are up to. I bet Maeve is just getting up from her nap. I get unreasonably excited to go home and see Carsen. Maybe Jax is right and I do have a little crush. A misguided, meaningless crush.

When Maggie and I were first married, I would love to get home as early as possible and share a meal and a bottle of wine with her. We’d go out to dinners or spend time with my brothers. Going for long motorcycle rides was something we would do all of the time. But with the stress that came with trying to get pregnant these last few years, she started pulling away. It was subtle, like she’d lay down early and read or go out with her friends more regularly. It was easy then to stay at work later and get lost in projects. After we had Maeve, we were so busy with a newborn that life was chaotic. Doing only what we needed to get through the day. It was hard, but all worth it for our baby. Now that she’s gone, I haven’t done much besides work and take care of Maeve.

When I walk in the door, Maeve is on the floor in the kitchen again, playing while Carsen cleans up some dishes. There’s a tray of something that looks like cookies on the counter and the kitchen smells like ginger. She’s singing the ABCs while Maeve bobs her head up and down, a big drooly smile on her face. They get along so well together. The last nanny never got this reaction out of my daughter. Not for the first time today, I thank my lucky stars that Carsen is in our lives.

“Hey, am I disturbing anything?” I say as I walk into the room.

Carsen jumps back and clutches her hand to her chest. “Oh my God, you scared me.”

“I’m sorry.”

Her face is a mask of surprise, eyes wide, and jaw slack. “No, it’s fine. I startle easy as it is. We weren’t expecting you to come home until later.”

“Decided I was going to do some work from home today. Hope I’m not ruining you girls’ plans?”

A sweet smile spreads across her cheeks. “Well, no. We just finished making teething biscuits and now we’re going to go to the park. You can come along if you’d like. We won’t be gone long. It’s a beautiful day.”

Damn, it’s a tempting offer. When was the last time I spent an afternoon outside with my daughter? Leisure time is something of my past. It’d be good for me, but the bag on my shoulder is weighing me down. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea. I’ve got so much work to do.”

She raises her eyebrow and gives me a conspiratorial grin. “Your work will be here when we get back.”

Carsen is adorable, and so is my daughter sitting there playing with measuring cups and other plastic kitchen utensils. She’s right. I can do my paperwork when we get back. “Okay. Why not?” What’s come over me?

Carsen’s smile grows wider. “Great. Let me change Maeve and get the diaper bag ready and we can go.” She goes over to Maeve and lifts her off the floor. Maeve touches Carsen’s cheek and starts mumbling incoherent words.

Walking over to Carsen’s side, I say, “I can change her if you don’t mind fixing the diaper bag.”

“Of course,” she says as she hands me my baby. It’s not every day that I get to spend with her; even something as small as changing her diaper is time well spent. I still can’t believe that Maggie would willingly leave us and miss all of this. Maeve is changing so much. She’d barely recognize her. I quickly dismiss the negative thought and focus on the here and now.

Carrying Maeve upstairs, I take her to the changing table in her room and lay her down. “How’s my baby girl doing today?”

“Dadadadadada,” she says, her sweet green eyes sparkling up at me. Her strawberry blonde hair is finally starting to grow in. She looks so much like her mother. Sometimes I love it when she reminds me of her, and other times that I’m not proud of, I get bitter and resentful and wish our baby bore no resemblance to Maggie. Today, there’s nothing. No feelings of hurt or hostility. It’s a nice change.

Grabbing a new diaper, I remove the old, swap them out, and clean her off. “Do you like your new nanny Carsen?” The pitch of my voice always goes higher when I talk to her. Baby talk. “I think she’s great and we’re really lucky to have her with us.”

Maeve puts her small hand around mine and sticks her tongue out and makes more incoherent noises. She’s so damn precious, I’m literally wrapped around her finger. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.

“Let’s be really nice to Carsen so she doesn’t leave us, okay?” I’m saying it to her, but I want to remind myself, too. She hasn’t been here long but already I’m getting used to her being here. She goes above and beyond just taking care of Maeve; she cooks and cleans up for all of us. And she’s pleasant to be around, unlike that last woman I hired. It’d be great if she’d stick around. And I’m going to do my damnedest to be a good boy around her. I don’t need to create any other issues for myself. Keep things platonic. Yes, I can do that.

We walk together down the road of the cul-de-sac, Carsen pushing the stroller toward the playground. The houses that line the street are grand and beautiful, all built by McLoughlin Contracting. Flowers are blooming now, the faint scent of roses in the air. Inhaling deeply, I take in the day, the sun shining bright overhead, and a warm breeze blowing.

“What’s your favorite movie?” Carsen asks.

Her question comes from out of the blue, but I like how comfortable she is around me. I don’t usually give off a vibe that allows people to feel that way, ever an introvert. It normally takes people a long time to crack my shell, but once they do I warm up. “Hmm, that’s a tough question. There are so many good ones. What genre, what decade?” We’ve made it to the park area and I unfasten Maeve from her stroller.

She walks over next to me as I clasp Maeve in the baby swing and give her a push. She lets out a delighted squeal. “Doesn’t matter what decade or genre, could be comedy, drama, thriller. You have to have one movie that is your absolute favorite that you watch every time it comes on cable.”

“I don’t know; there are honestly way too many to name. I loved The Godfather, all the Star Wars, Memento, The Goonies, the list goes on and on. What about you?”

Carsen takes a seat on the swing next to Maeve and pushes back before she swings forward, her long legs propelling her forward. When she’s all the way back, she tips her head backward, dark blonde hair flowing behind her, nearly hitting the ground and looks at me. “That’s easy. It’s Forrest Gump.”

I can’t take my eyes off of her. It’s impossible. My mind starts taking me places I shouldn’t go. An attraction to this woman is wrong. She works for me. I’m married and eleven years older than she is. But yet here I am, a smart man thinking thoughts I shouldn’t be thinking, like how would my lips feel against hers, what she would feel like in my arms.

Analyzing it makes no sense. It isn’t just because she’s amazing with Maeve or because she can cook and takes care of the house. It isn’t even her drop-dead gorgeous body. It’s her presence, the way she talks to me. The way her eyes hold mine as if I have her complete and total attention. And I like being around her. When was the last time I came home early from work?

“I’ve never sat down and watched Forrest Gump,” I tell her.

Scraping her feet along the ground, she stops herself and looks at me, her eyes wide. “Wait. Are you trying to tell me that you’ve never watched one of the greatest movies of all time, starring the great Tom Hanks? The film that won six Academy Awards, including Best Actor and Best Picture?”

“Nope. Never.” And if I’m not mistaken, there’s a good chance the film was made before she was even born. She must be a movie buff.

Hopping off the swing to stand in front of me, she places her hands on my shoulders and says, “We will remedy this and soon.” A jolt of energy works its way from where her hands are touching me all the way down to my hands.

Taking a cleansing breath to pull my shit together, I say, “Yeah, let’s do it. If it’s as good as you say it is, I need to see it.”

“Tonight. I’m not taking no for an answer.” She still has ahold of me and won’t look away.

The mountain of paperwork is calling my name, but if I lock myself in my office as soon as we get back, I will have enough time to finish and watch the movie. I think. “Okay, but we’re going to have to cut this short. Or you can stay and I’ll head back.”

Carsen’s hands finally come off my shoulders and I feel like I can breathe again. I was so tempted to pull her in close to me and plant my lips on hers. Unfastening Maeve from her swing, Carsen carries her to her stroller and puts her back in it. “I’m so excited for you. I wish I could go back and watch it all over again. My brother and I must’ve watched Forrest Gump at least one hundred times; my mom had the DVD.”

“Tell me about your brother. What’s he like?” I can’t wait to hear what she has to say about him. The couple of times she’s mentioned him, her face lights up. The bond I have with my brothers is like no other, and I have the feeling things are the same with her.

“Oh, Jake. He’s the best. He’s the kind of guy you call when you need help moving or changing your flat tire, but he’s also a smarty-pants. You know the type, a straight A student who barely had to study at all. And what I appreciate the most is that he isn’t conceited or an asshole. He’s a likable guy.” She sounds like a proud parent. In a way, she was like his mother. Taking care of him while her single mother worked two jobs.

“He sounds great. Like his sister.”

She’s pushing the stroller, but pauses to give me a heartwarming, hard-on producing smile. “Thanks for that.”

“I mean it, Carsen. I know we haven’t known each other long, but I can read people. And I appreciate you staying with us and taking such great care of Maeve. She loves you already. I can’t thank you enough for that.” My voice comes out with more emotion than I mean to let out. I don’t know what she’s doing to me. Showing people how I feel is difficult for me. It’s easier if I just hold it in, but somehow she’s putting cracks in my armor and the emotion is seeping through.

Her hand comes up to my arm and she rubs it up and down a few times and nods. “It’s my pleasure,” she says and we continue our walk to my house.

Once inside, I excuse myself to my office so I can sort through the most relevant paperwork and make sure I finish that first. Carsen brings me a chicken salad for dinner and an hour later tells me she’s giving Maeve a bath and putting her to bed. She brings me in a beer and gives me one more hour before the movie starts. Silly little butterflies flutter around my insides thinking about sitting on the couch with her and watching a movie.

In the living room, Carsen has a bowl of popcorn on her lap. When she sees me coming, she pats the spot next to her and says, “Come on, time to watch Forrest.”

Taking my seat next to her, I grab a handful of popcorn and pop it in my mouth. “You have it all ready?”

“All set.” She just took a shower and is wearing a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top. Her hair is wet and she drags it over one shoulder. Her shampoo smells like flowers. It’s impossible not to notice her legs; they look as smooth as silk.

Shifting my gaze away from her body and on the movie, I watch Tom Hanks deliver an incredible performance of a simple man with extraordinary talent and an incredible life. At least twice during the movie, Carsen cries. She tries to wipe at her eyes as if she doesn’t want me to notice, but I notice.

When it’s over, Carsen looks at me with expectant eyes. “What did you think?”

“How have I not seen this movie before?”

Giving my shoulder a playful nudge, she says, “Right? Aren’t you glad you took the time away from work to watch it?”

“I am. Thank you for recommending it.” The movie was good, but watching it with Carsen made it even better. Her commentary and her sweet emotional reaction when Bubba died and again when Jenny passed away. And of course when she shifted her legs toward me, her knees pressed against mine, the heat from her skin warming me, causing my heart to race. “I better get some more work done.” I stand up and stretch my arms over my head.

“I’m sorry you have to stay up and do more work. If I hadn’t talked you into the playground and the movie, you’d be able to go to sleep at a decent time.” Her expression is pained.

Sitting back down next to her, I want to reach for her hand and give it a reassuring squeeze, but think better of it. Instead, I look into the depths of her blue-green eyes and say, “Don’t apologize. I’m not sorry. I had fun today at the playground with you both and I loved Forrest Gump. I honestly don’t think I could’ve gone another minute without seeing it. Don’t worry about me. I’ve never required much sleep.”

Relief washes over her face. “Thank you for saying that. But unlike you, I do require a good night’s sleep. So I’m going to bed now.”

We both stand and go in opposite directions, Carsen toward the stairs and me to my office. Turning one last time, I watch her perfect, tight legs go up the stairs and decide once and for all that I will stop checking her out. Funny, Patrick, let’s see how long you’ll last.