Carsen

When I’m with Patrick, every single worry I have seems to melt away.

Having Cole show up at Patrick’s house was terrifying. I didn’t know what he was going to do to me. The way he came at me, grabbing my shirt, I think he would’ve taken advantage of me or hurt me. It’s hard to say, the look in his eyes was possessive and demanding, as if he thought he’d be taking what was his. A shiver wracks my body thinking about it. I’m so grateful that Patrick came home when he did.

And what happened last night between Patrick and me was mind-blowing. Maggie wasn’t kidding when she wrote in her journal that Patrick is an amazing lover. He blew my mind last night. And we connected on another level. I can barely wait to return the favor tonight. An ache builds between my legs even thinking about having him inside me.

Now we’re in the most expensive boutique in Charlottesville. Patrick asked me to go to Braeden and Lettie’s wedding. Of course, I wasn’t going to say no, but I didn’t have anything to wear. My plan was to hit the second-hand store and hope for the best. He wants to spoil me, take care of me, and protect me. Am I dreaming?

Standing in the dressing room, I stare at my reflection in the mirror. The dress I have on is flattering. For as long as I can remember, people have asked me if I’m a model. Yes, I’m tall and thin, but I’ve never considered myself pretty enough to model. But in this dress, all of my assets are highlighted. It’s slim fitting and hits above the knee, highlighting my best feature: my long legs. The deep shade of blue brings out the paleness of my eyes and somehow makes them look even bluer. Its neckline plunges into a deep V, making my breasts seem larger than they are and I don’t even have to wear a bra. Bonus. I wonder if Patrick will like it.

The drum of my heartbeat kicks up as I open the door. Patrick has Maeve in his arms and they’re looking at sparkly tiaras. Clearing my throat, I say, “What do you think?”

His gaze starts at the top of my head and slowly travels down to my feet. Heat moves up the skin of my neck as he scrutinizes me. He doesn’t say anything, but the hungry look in his eyes tells me he loves it. With one look, he makes me feel beautiful, desired, wanted.

Turning around, I let him see the back of the dress. I push my hair over my shoulder so he can take in the keyhole opening at the top and the way it somehow makes me look like I have an ass. “Well, you going to say something?” I ask in a teasing tone.

“Wow, Carsen. You look incredible.” His voice is gravelly and his eyes never leave my body. The air prickles between us and he looks like he’d like to strip the dress off me right now. “I think you should get that one.”

“I was hoping you’d say that. Let me change and we can pick out Maeve’s dress.”

“Need me to unzip you?” His brows raise and he gives me a flirty smirk.

Pointing at Maeve, I say, “Not right now, but if you’d like I can put this on again later and you can help me take it off then.” Not waiting for an answer, I wink at him and go back in the dressing room. I love our new banter and where our relationship is going, but a small part of me worries that I shouldn’t let myself get attached to him. I did notice that he isn’t wearing his wedding band today for the first time since I met him. Maybe that means he’s ready to take the steps to divorce Maggie.

We pick out an adorable dress with a tutu skirt in a similar shade of blue to mine and a matching headband for Maeve. We both get a pair of shoes; mine are black heels that I can wear because Patrick still towers over me and a pair of black slip-ons with a cute little bow for Maeve. At checkout, my jaw nearly hits the floor at the total, but Patrick doesn’t even blink as he hands the cashier his credit card.

We have lunch at my favorite Mexican restaurant. Patrick orders chips, guacamole, and a fajita platter that we share and Maeve eats the lunch that Patrick packed for her before we left. With every passing moment, I’m falling harder and harder for Patrick. He seems to be into me, but I’m not sure what all of this means for him. If I were smart, I’d protect my heart and ease into this. Take my time and go in with baby steps. Maybe I’ll ask him where he sees this going, but there’s a part of me that’s scared to hear the answer.

Lunch is amazing, as usual. Afterward, we walk the streets of downtown while Patrick talks to me about the architecture and how Thomas Jefferson had a major influence on many of the structures in C’ville. We stop into one of my favorite galleries where there’s a sculptural installation going on. Patrick and I discuss our takes on the sculptures and he seems fascinated when I talk to him about ceramics and metal and the materials used to do the carvings. Maeve holds out for most of the day, but she starts to get fussy around four o’clock. We head home and lay her down for a nap.

Patrick announces that we are going to Braeden and Lettie’s house for dinner tonight at six o’clock and he’s going to hammer out some work before we leave. I’m inspired to start painting, but something is nagging in the back of my mind. I go upstairs to my room to be alone and fire up my laptop.

Opening up a new browser, I type in the search bar, ‘Maggie McLoughlin’ and wait to see what comes up.

She was a real estate agent. The agency she worked for has her picture up and listings she sold a couple of years ago. You’d think they’d update their site. Maggie is a pretty woman. She’s in a green silk blouse that highlights her emerald green eyes, her skin is pale with a beautiful peaches and cream glow, and her smile is wide, all pink lips and pearly white teeth.

Next, I go to her Facebook page. It’s still open but hasn’t had any new posts in eight months. There are photos of when Maeve was a newborn, with over two hundred congratulations comments. Another post has shots of Patrick and Maggie in the Bahamas; they’re tanned and each hold tropical looking drinks. Pictures of her and an older woman that looks just like her, maybe her mother, somewhere on Martha’s Vineyard drinking Bloody Marys. Maggie with friends drinking lattes at a day spa. Halloween a couple of years ago they dressed up as Kylo Ren and Rey from Star Wars. A young handsome Patrick in his CHS basketball uniform is one of the pictures; he’s got his arm around a braces-clad Maggie. In every photo they look happy, with smiles from ear to ear. What could have gone wrong? Scrolling through I see a post where Maggie has checked in to a fertility clinic. I didn’t realize they had issues getting pregnant. A tinge of guilt comes over me as I look through her page, but it’s all public information for anyone with a Facebook account to see.

Closing my laptop, I set it down on my bed and sulk. I don’t know what I thought I’d find when I looked up Maggie. Wouldn’t I see a woman with visible scars, major issues, someone with no friends? But that’s not what I saw. She looked beautiful, with a life anyone would envy, at least from the pictures. And adding that up with her journal entries you’ve got a woman with a handsome, supportive man that loves her, is amazing in the sack, a healthy beautiful daughter that they apparently had to go to infertility specialists for. Friends, vacations, overall what looked like a happy life. How could she up and leave it all? Doesn’t she miss it? Miss her family.

She let it all go. Is she going to come back for it? And if she does, where does that leave me?

I’ve got to stop thinking like this. I’ll lose my mind if I keep Maggie in the background, just over my shoulder.

Relaxing my head on my pillow, just for a second, I rest my frustrated mind.

A gentle kiss on my cheek wakes me from sleep. “You needed to rest. I’m glad you slept, but now we’ve got to go to Brae’s house.”

Moaning, I stretch and open my eyes. Patrick is hovering over me with a sexy grin on his face. “What time is it?”

“Quarter to six. I let you rest as long as I could.” He brushes my hair out of my face with his finger. I must look a mess.

“I’ve got to freshen up. Do I have a minute?”

Peering down at his watch, he says, “Sure, but just a minute. Come down when you’re ready.” He places a peck on my forehead and I’m grateful it wasn’t on my lips. I’ve definitely got to brush my teeth.

We’re in Patrick’s truck on our way to Braeden and Lettie’s house after I cleaned up in record time. Little nerves spread through my belly. I don’t know why I’m nervous, but I’d like to impress Braeden. The McLoughlin brothers are a tight-knit group of guys, and I know how much their opinions mean to Patrick. I met Braeden when I stopped by McLoughlin Contracting, but it was a quick meeting, as he was busy and only stopped to say hello. I’m not sure how much Patrick will tell his brother about me, but I want to make a good impression. We show up at their front door only a few minutes late.

Patrick knocks and Lettie comes to the door wearing a cute pink polka dot apron and fluffy white slippers. “Hi, guys, come in.” She puts her arms around me for a hug and then does the same with Patrick. “Come here, pretty girl, and see your Aunt Lettie.” She takes Maeve from Patrick and kisses her cheek so many times, Maeve ends up in a fit of giggles.

Their house has a similar feel to Patrick’s dark hardwoods and nice mix of rustic and contemporary. I wonder if they had the same interior designer. It’s beautiful and the furnishings look expensive. It’s got equal parts masculine and feminine design elements. I’m impressed.

“Hey, guys,” Braeden calls from the kitchen.

We all head toward the back of the house to see Braeden. The smell of garlic and spices make my mouth water. Braeden is cutting up a red pepper into slices that he sprinkles onto a large bowl of salad.

“Thanks for having us,” I say and set the bottle of wine we brought over with us onto the counter.

Wiping his fingers off on a towel, Braeden comes over and shakes Patrick’s hand and then comes over and kisses my cheek. “Glad you guys could make it.” He walks over to Lettie and blows a raspberry on Maeve’s belly which throws her into another fit of baby laughter.

“What do you guys want to drink?” Lettie asks as she hands Maeve back to Patrick and he straps her into her high chair.

“Let’s open the wine,” Patrick suggests. “It’s the kind we found in Italy that we like.” He pours baby puff snacks on Maeve’s high chair tray.

Perfect, I could use some liquid courage to loosen up. “If you have a wine opener, I can open it now,” I say.

“It’s right over here.” Lettie leads me around the island and pulls the opener out of a drawer. “Here you go.”

Taking it from her, I press the end into the cork, unscrew, and pop it out all the while attempting to keep my hands from shaking.

Lettie pulls four wine glasses out of the cupboard and sets them in front of me.

Pouring red liquid in the glasses, I’d like to pick mine up and take a few calming swallows, but I wait until everyone is served first. I hand Braeden and Lettie their glasses and give Patrick his last. My hand grazes his and he flashes me a kind reassuring smile, but it’s flirty, too, like he’s saving it just for me. It’s the kind of smile that you don’t just see, you feel it, too. I don’t know if Patrick realizes how much that smile impacts me, but it does. I have a sip and suddenly I’m calmer now, happy.

“Sit down, guys. Let’s eat,” Lettie says, scurrying around the kitchen, stirring something in a huge sauté pan.

Patrick takes the seat next to me and Braeden across from him. Maeve’s high chair is positioned next to Patrick. They have a large farmhouse table that I’m sure could fit at least ten people around it comfortably.

Lettie ambles over to the table with the oversized skillet in hand and sets it on top of a trivet. “Hand me your plates, I’ll serve it up.”

She piles a generous portion of green pasta on my plate and hands it back to me. “Is this pesto?” I ask.

“Yes, it’s a recipe that Brae and I love. If you like it, I’ll pass it along to you.”

The food looks and smells amazing; it’s bright fresh basil pesto with shrimp and linguine. The flavors are bold and delicious. “This is so good,” I tell Lettie as soon as my mouth is empty.

“It’s my favorite dish that she makes,” Braeden says with pride as he beams at his fiancée as she passes him his plate. “I knew I had to marry her when she started cooking for me.”

“Oh, it was more than my cooking.” Lettie raises her eyebrows at Braeden and takes her seat next to him.

We all laugh. They are cute together, with a fun banter back and forth. “How did the two of you meet?” I ask.

Braeden smirks at Lettie and says, “Do you want to tell her or should I?”

She’s just about to put a shrimp in her mouth when she shakes her head and points to him. “You can.”

“Of course. My version is better anyway. We’ve known each other for years. I always thought she was beautiful and sweet, but I dated one of her friends.” He smiles, a hint of mischief in his eyes. “But things didn’t work out between this friend and I. Fast forward to Ireland. Patrick, Jax, and I decided to take a trip around Ireland on Harleys. One night, we went out to a pub and guess who was sitting there all alone? Yup, it was Lettie.”

“Wait, you guys didn’t know that the other would be there?” I ask.

“Nope. And when I saw her sitting there, let’s just say she didn’t look too happy to see me.” Braeden spins some pasta onto his fork and piles it into his mouth.

“Well, wait just a second. That’s not really true,” Lettie says, her voice getting higher.

“So you’re telling me that when you saw me walk into the pub, you were happy to see me?”

Her smile is a cross between playful and serious. “I was torn between being happy to see you and not wanting to be happy because Janessa called you an asshole. That’s all I had to go on. Clearly, she was wrong and I couldn’t be happier that you were there to save me.” She turns toward me. “You see, when I got to Ireland, I didn’t have my luggage. The airlines lost it and I left my purse in the cab, so I had nothing with me, no ID, no clothes, and only a few dollars in my pocket to eat with. I was a mess and Braeden swept in and saved the day.” Lettie reaches over and grabs Braeden’s hand.

They are cute together and have the type of relationship I’d love to have. Could that be Patrick and me? It’s impossible not to wish for it, but I don’t want to get my hopes up. “And the two of you have been together ever since?”

“For the most part. We had a few bumps in the road, but we overcame it all. And now we’re getting married in less than a week.” She lets out an excited squeal. “I’m so happy you’re coming, Carsen. It’s going to be magical.”

“I can’t wait. I love weddings.” I’m excited to be a part of it all. Seeing Lettie walk down the aisle in her gown, there’s something so fairy-tale-like about it. And I know the McLoughlin brothers will look dapper in their tuxes. I can hardly wait to see Patrick all dressed up; my body warms up even thinking about it.

“Your face is all lit up. It’s great you’re going to be there.” Lettie brings her glass of wine to her lips and takes a sip.

I’m probably blushing, too. It’s best to change the subject and get the heat off myself and my dirty thoughts about Patrick. “Braeden, you’ve got to tell me some stories about Patrick when he was younger.” I peek at Patrick and he raises his brow at me.

“There’s nothing to tell. I was the good brother, the responsible one,” Patrick says, shaking his head as if he’s trying to convince himself as much as the rest of the table.

Braeden wipes off his mouth with his napkin and sets it back on his lap. “That’s only partially true. Yes, you are the most responsible of the three of us, but you got in your fair share of trouble.”

Patrick puts his hand up and waves it in the air. “Hold on a second. Let’s not go crazy, there are women and children here.”

Woah, Patrick seems like he’s got something to hide. All this time, I thought he was a bit of a goody-goody. It’s good to hear that his halo is tilted.

“Remember that time when we all wanted to sneak out to go to the party at the state park, but we were all too afraid to take Dad’s Cadillac? Not you, you took the keys right out of Mom and Dad’s bedroom while they were asleep and started it up like you owned it. Dad was so pissed when he found out and didn’t believe us when we told him it was you that took the keys.” Braeden holds his stomach as he laughs. “The look on Dad’s face when you finally convinced him. And we all got grounded for a month. That party was worth it though. Who was that chick you were…”

“That’s enough of that story,” Patrick says, laughing with an amused look on his face.

“I bet all the girls had crushes on the McLoughlin boys,” I say as I load my fork up with another bite of pasta. They’re all good looking with their dark hair and beautiful blue eyes. The girls must’ve been eating right out of their hands, at least until Patrick started dating Maggie.

The rest of the meal passes with more laughs and stories about the McLoughlin family adventures. It sounds like they had a wonderful upper middle-class upbringing full of trips and sports and memories.

When the meal is over, Braeden helps clean up the table and Patrick takes Maeve to get cleaned up. I help Lettie with the dishes.

“So, you’ve got to tell me how things have been working for Patrick,” Lettie asks as she dries off the serving plate I handed her.

Looking down into the soapy sink water, avoiding her scrutinizing gaze, I say, “I can’t complain.”

“He seems happy. And lighter since you’ve been around.”

That’s nice to hear, especially if I have anything to do with his happiness. I scrub the salad bowl as if it’s had melted cheese in it. “I’m sure it’s good for him to not have to worry about Maeve anymore.”

Placing her hand on my arm, Lettie says, “If I’m crossing the line, tell me, but you and Patrick seem to have chemistry.”

My hands stop moving and I stand still. When my eyes meet hers, I don’t see accusation or anger, they’re kind and seem to hold no judgment. I’m surprised that she noticed. Of course, I know it’s there and feel it every time I’m around him, but I’m taken aback that someone else noticed. Is it that obvious? And what do I say to her? I don’t want to lie, but Patrick and I are just starting to explore our feelings for each other. “We do get along really well. And I enjoy spending time with him and Maeve.”

“Right.” She nods slowly and sets down the plate she’s drying. “I understand that you’d like to keep your privacy, I get that. But I want you to know that I’m pretty good at reading people and situations and at one point tonight there seemed to be steam rolling off the two of you. It’s not every day you see that and I’m happy for the two of you. All I want is for you two to be happy and if it’s with each other, that’s great. So if you ever feel like talking about it, you’ve got my number.”

Wow. I didn’t realize how obvious the spark between Patrick and me is. My mouth goes dry as I say, “Thank you. I don’t know what to say. Patrick and I are trying to figure everything out now. I might take you up on that phone call soon.” I give her a genuine smile, appreciative that she’s supportive.

“You know, when Brae and I first got together, I was so afraid that Janessa, my friend that used to date him, would be so upset that she wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore. “

Drying my hands off on the dish towel, I turn and lean against the counter. I’ve got a perfect view of the guys on the couch watching a soccer game on TV, Maeve on the floor playing with her baby toys, and I can see it clearly, this being something we do as a family on a regular basis. All of us getting together, having a meal, and bonding with one another, like families are supposed to do. My chest fills with hope. “What happened when she found out?”

“We went for coffee and I was terrified, literally shaking in my shoes. And you know what, she was fine with it. She had moved on and wasn’t mad at all that Braeden did, too. It was a huge relief.”

“I can only imagine how good it felt to get that off your chest.”

Picking up her glass of wine, she says, “You’ve got no idea. But once you get things figured out, it’ll feel good to talk to someone about it.” She gives me a wink and we both go into the living room to join the guys.

I wonder if she’s going to say anything to anyone else about what she knows.