Carsen

“How has it been going?” Scarlette asks as she cuts a piece of chicken and places it in her mouth.

“The last few weeks have been incredible. Patrick and Maeve are easy to work for.” Giving Maeve a tickle under her chin, she rewards me with a smile, her two bottom teeth on full display. She grabs a Cheerio off her tray and nibbles on it. This child couldn’t get any cuter.

Scarlette claps her hands together. “I knew you guys would hit it off.”

“That’s why I invited you to lunch today, to thank you for recommending me to Patrick. I needed this job and I think it’s going really well,” I say. I leave out the part that I’m extremely attracted to him.

“Braeden told me that Patrick said he was relieved that you are Maeve’s new nanny and that he thinks you are going to work out great. The last nanny was so miserable that he could barely stand to be around her. He thinks you’re sweet.”

Sweet. Huh. I wonder if that’s all he thinks of me? He’s normally unreadable, but when I catch him checking out my body or when we’re watching movies and there seems to be tension between us. It’s all I can think about, even though I shouldn’t be thinking about it at all. He’s my boss and I need this job. Curiosity is getting the better of me, that’s my ulterior motive for inviting Scarlette here today. “I’m happy to hear that he thinks I’m going to work out. But I can’t help but be curious about Maggie.” There, I said it. I was worried about bringing her up, but I can’t help myself.

“Everything I know about her is from Brae. She left before we got together.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize,” I say.

Nodding, she says, “I guess they were high school sweethearts. He was captain of the basketball team and she was his number one cheerleader. They had the perfect marriage, at least that’s how it seemed. Obviously something happened, but Patrick was blindsided.”

“I can’t imagine how awful that must’ve been for him.” What would that feel like? To have someone you love up and walk out on you. My stomach sinks just thinking about it. I push my plate away and throw my napkin on it.

“It devastated the family when she left them. The McLoughlin brothers are tight and when you hurt one, you hurt them all.”

“Why doesn’t he try and find her?” I ask, my confusion at an all time high.

Scarlette drinks the last of her iced tea and sets it in front of her, shaking the ice cubes around. “He says that if she doesn’t want him, he doesn’t want to force her.”

“That sounds like he gave up.” From what I know of him, it doesn’t sound right. He’s a hard worker; wouldn’t he want to do the same with his relationship?

Scarlette weaves her hand through her blonde hair. “No, it isn’t like that. She gave up. He loves her so much he’s trying to respect her decision. When he’s ready, he can have his private investigator look for her. He initially was going to look for her but when it came time to do it, he decided to wait and see. It must drive him crazy to not know. I think I’d have to do more, but so much about Patrick is a mystery.”

Now I want to find her. “Right. I don’t think I could be as patient as he is.”

“Who knows what he must be thinking. Brae says that when Maggie left, Patrick sort of went into himself and stopped doing all of the things he used to love doing. Patrick used to love riding his motorcycle and barely does that. It’s just sad. At least now he’s got you to shoulder some of the burden for him. Maybe now he can start doing some of the things he loves.” She gives me a warm smile.

“I hope so. Thanks again for the referral.” It would be wonderful to have Patrick start getting back to his old self. It hurts me to think that his life stopped when Maggie left.

“My pleasure.” Flagging down the waiter, Scarlette says, “Sorry, I’ve got to take off and get back to school. I wish I had more time to catch up. Why don’t we plan this again?” She leans in and gives Maeve a peck on the cheek. “You know, we should all do dinner together soon. I’m sure Brae and Patrick would love any excuse to get together.”

“Sounds like fun.”

* * *

It’s been a few days since I’ve visited my mom and brother. It’s not that I don’t want to see them. I do, I love them. We don’t have a typical relationship. My father passed away when I was ten and Mom never recovered, emotionally or financially. She is a hard worker, I’ll give her that. We never had much, but always enough. Her problem is that she relies on me too much and she has since Dad died. I never minded taking care of Jake; he means everything to me, but Mom started treating me like an equal, and worse, at times like a friend.

Our house needs updating. And by updating, I mean, new windows, siding, plumbing, and updates on the electrical; all things that have been put off and continue to get worse. Through high school, I never invited anyone over to my house. I was too embarrassed for my friends to see it in its worn down dilapidated state. One more reason I’m thrilled to be living in a beautiful, up-to-date home.

Pulling into the driveway of the house, I kill the engine and get out to get Maeve out of the back. “You ready to meet my mom and brother?” She watches me intently with those big green eyes as I shift her weight on my hip. “Okay, let’s go in.”

Once inside, my mom greets us. She’s tall and thin like me, but age and time haven’t been kind to her. She looks much older than her forty years, with lines around her mouth and bags under her eyes. “Hey, Carsen. Who is this beautiful child?” Mom comes up and gives me a one-armed hug as to not squish Maeve and then she grabs Maeve’s hand in hers.

“This is Maeve. Isn’t she sweet?” I say.

“Is this who you’re nannying for?” My brother’s voice comes up from behind me.

“Jake, hi. I’m glad you’re here.”

Coming up next to me, Jake plants a kiss on my cheek. “How’s the new job going?”

“It’s going great. She’s such an easy baby,” I tell them as I take a seat at the kitchen table and adjust Maeve on my lap.

“Want some iced tea?” my mom asks.

Nodding at her, I say, “Sure.”

She gets me a glass and fills it with some of her famous sun tea and sets it in front of me. “I’m glad you came by.” She draws her mouth into a tight straight line and bites on her bottom lip.

Shit. I hate that look. Something isn’t right. My heartbeat speeds up and I don’t even know what’s wrong. “What’s the matter?”

Mom exchanges a look with Jake, clears her throat, and says, “Cole came by again, drunk as a skunk. Said he wasn’t leaving until I told him where you were.”

Damn him. I don’t know what I’m going to have to do to get him to leave me alone. “God, Mom. I’m sorry. I keep telling him it’s over. In fact, I asked him to stop reaching out. He calls and texts every day still, even though I’ve stopped responding.”

Jake pulls up a chair and sits next to me. His blue-green eyes are full of concern. “What can I do to help?”

“Oh, no, you don’t. You leave this alone, okay? Do you hear me?” There’s no way I want Jake to put himself at risk. He’s so close to getting out of here and going to NYU. That’s all I want him to focus on. Not my loser ex-boyfriend. I’ll figure out what to do about him. Eventually. “Please don’t tell him where I am. That’s what I need from you guys. And if he comes back, let’s get a restraining order.”

“If he comes back here when I’m home, it’s not going to be good, Carsen. If you told him it’s over, then he needs to leave you alone.” Jake’s brows knit together and his tone gets louder.

Breathing deeply in an attempt to calm us all down, I say, “I will talk to him one last time and tell him the way it is. I will make him see once and for all that I’m done, but, Jake, you have to promise me you won’t do anything stupid. Cole isn’t worth it.” I give him the tone I always used to give him when I was reprimanding him. “Mom, you need to make sure that you guys don’t even answer the door if he shows up. We can’t afford anything to go wrong for Jake before he leaves for college.” Who knows if she’ll listen to me and take my advice, but I have to hope she will. I can’t get upset with Maeve here; she’s being so good chewing on her teething toy, but she’s starting to rub her eyes.

My mother rolls her eyes, as if I can’t see that she’s doing it. This woman could drive me insane if I let her. “Don’t worry so much, Carsen. It’ll be fine. I won’t answer the door if he shows up here. We’ve got you covered.”

Mom and Jake talk about his upcoming move and of things he’ll need before he goes. And Mom is proud of herself when she tells me she’s been promoted to manager at the hotel she’s working at now. Once I finish my tea, Maeve starts rubbing her eyes again.

“Mom, do you mind holding her for a second? I’m going to go pack up some of my art supplies and head out. It’s almost time for her afternoon nap.”

Grabbing little Maeve, my mom starts talking to her in a silly tone making baby noises at her. “Go ahead.”

Back in my tiny room, I open the closet and pull out a bag. I pack away as many of my supplies that I can fit to bring back to Patrick’s house, brushes, paint, a palette, graphite pencils, erasers, and drawing paper. My room there is three times the size of this room. Checking out the walls I painted in slate blue with my old paintings all around, you’d think I’d miss it here. But I don’t. I only miss seeing Jake every day, but he’s leaving soon, so it’s best that I get used to it now. When I get back, while Maeve sleeps, I’ll be able to get some work done. I haven’t decided what I want to paint yet, but I’ve had the itch to paint something.

Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I go back to the kitchen where my mom is singing about Old McDonald to Maeve and Jake is making himself a sandwich.

“Thanks for watching her,” I say as I grab Maeve from my mother. I put my nose in her little neck and breathe in her baby lotion goodness. She giggles. “We’ve got to get going. Please give me a call if you need anything.”

“We’re all set, sis.” Jake comes up and kisses my cheek, his five o’clock shadow tickling me. “I’ll be fine,” he whispers in my ear.

Jake is eighteen, I know he’s old enough to take care of himself, but it’s inherent in me to worry about him. I probably always will. He’s a smart guy, but when it comes to me, he’s overprotective. That’s why I need to keep him as far away from Cole as I can.

“Okay, I’ll see you both later,” I say as I take myself, Maeve, and my supplies and leave.

* * *

Scrolling through the channels, Patrick and I sit on the couch after he tucked Maeve in for bed. He’s got several premium channels. He stops on a movie from the eighties that neither of us have seen.

We’re sitting closer together tonight than we normally do to share the popcorn I made. Our legs are completely touching, skin to skin. My heart thuds loudly in my chest. It’s odd, but I’m acutely aware of my breathing. It’s like I’m on a first date, which is completely ridiculous. Our hands reach into popcorn bowl at the same time and we’re in an awkward handhold for a second. Looking down into the bowl, I let out an unnatural sounding giggle and pull my hand up in shock at the warmth spreading up my arm from the contact. Looking up, Patrick’s blue eyes darken and his mouth opens like he’s going to say something, but no words come out.

Things begin to heat up in the movie. The couple’s sexual tension builds to the breaking point and when their lips finally come together in a kiss, I nearly moan. They begin to strip each other’s clothes off; his hands come up her sides and his tongue strokes her neck. She throws her head back and I can almost feel tingles of sensation along the side of my neck. Suddenly too hot, I remove my sweatshirt, realizing too late that I’m wearing a thin white tank top and no bra. Deciding it’s too late now, and if I don’t make a big deal out of it, Patrick might not notice, I keep the sweatshirt off.

Well, that was dumb. Heat spreads up my neck and over my face when I feel Patrick’s eyes on me. The couple on the screen is in a full-on sex scene with panting and moaning and hands everywhere with the sheets discreetly covering them. The actors are good-looking with beautiful bodies, such a sexy scene to watch. I’m barely breathing and fully aware of my nipples straining against my tank top and the tension building between my legs. I cross them to tame the craving, but it doesn’t seem to do any good. Lifting my water, I take several cooling swallows.

How long has it been since I’ve been touched like that? Never. Cole was my first and only and all I remember about sex with him is that it was over pretty much before it got started. I bet Patrick isn’t like that in bed.

I’m beyond thankful that the sexy scene comes to an end; there’s only so much I can take before I crawl onto Patrick’s lap and beg him for release, which would go against all of my well-laid plans. I avoid glancing at him at all costs for the rest of the movie. He’s looking too hot for his own good tonight in his shorts and form fitting t-shirt. His spiky salt and pepper hair is practically begging for me to run my fingers through it. My goodness, I’m going to need an ice cold shower as soon as the movie is over.

As the final credits roll, I bring my arms over my head and force out a yawn. “Good movie, but I’m exhausted. I’m going to head up. Goodnight,” I say without actually looking at him. I grab my sweatshirt and jump up off the couch and run up the stairs.

Note to self; quit watching hot sex movies with your super sexy boss.