“This is all your fault. All your fault, Sadie.”
“Saaaadie. Saadieeee.”
The sounds of him coming were unmistakable. His intent even more so. He always came around this time. And every time, he said the same thing.
Over on the other side of the place he kept us chained was another girl. Someone who barely ever moved. Someone I had yet to even see.
I knew she was there because I could smell the blood. I could hear her whimper in pain. Sometimes an old woman would appear, carrying a bucket of water and some rags. She never came over here. I never saw her that clearly. She would go over to that side of the room, and the crying would start.
They never spoke. All I heard were the sounds of dripping water as though it were being squeezed out of a rag. And the crying. I could never tell who was crying, whether it was the girl who barely moved, the old woman… or both.
Then she would leave. Take her bucket and climb back up the ladder. The slivers of daylight I sometimes saw physically hurt because I knew above us, out there, life went on.
I was naked. The cold rocks beneath me were uncomfortable and dirty. He told me I could earn some blankets, maybe even a cot. He never said how I would earn it, but judging from the fact the girl across the cave had a cot, I always figured I didn’t want to do what she did to earn a thing.
“Sadieee. Saaadiee.”
I shivered every time he sang that name. I knew it was hers, but whenever he said it, I knew he was coming for me.
I scrunched up against the cold, hard wall, trying to make myself as small as possible. Hoping and praying he’d forget about me and maybe go to the other side of the room. Something I knew was wrong to hope for, but I did just the same.
He didn’t, though.
The beam of his flashlight found me. I was dragged away from the wall, my legs cut relentlessly by the jagged floor. The sound of rattling chains turned my stomach; the weight of the metal cuff around my ankle was like an anvil.
The last time he came, I fought back. I tried to get his light and bash him in the head. I ended up with a swollen eye, a bloody lip, and a stinging bite. A bite in a place that made me shudder.
This time I just lay there, so taut I knew I would hurt tomorrow. But I would hurt tomorrow regardless. There was nothing about me that didn’t hurt anymore.
“This is all your fault, Sadie,” he yelled across the room as he spread my legs. “If you hadn’t gotten pregnant, I wouldn’t have needed another you.”
I blacked out while he assaulted me. The entire time he grunted and groaned and sweated over me, he called out Sadie’s name.
When he was done, he left my body but kept me pinned down. The splatter of his seed spurted all over me. On my chest and belly. He grunted and moaned. I gagged in the back of my throat.
When he finished, I tried to crawl away, but he grabbed my ankle.
“You know better, girl.” He hit me across the backside, my skin stinging wildly. I lay back as he expected, my eyes watering from the hit. Or maybe from the assault.
His hand was rough when he swirled his finger around in the mess he made of my chest, and I recoiled as he lifted the saturated finger toward my lips…
“Ahh.” I gasped, catapulting out of Eddie’s lap and racing to the door. It was a heavy door, hard to yank open, but I did it, rushing out into the hallway, barely seeing anything, just desperately trying to get away.
Tears streamed down my face. My hair floated out behind me, and my knees threatened to give out.
Someone yelled my name, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. The images wouldn’t leave me alone. The memory… the sick torture…
The sign for the bathroom came into view. I abruptly changed course and bashed my way inside. I didn’t even look to see if anyone else was there. I rushed in and hit my knees in front of the first toilet I saw.
The stall door banged behind me; all the stall walls vibrated with the force of my entrance.
Vomit spewed out of me. My back hurt with the force of it, and my throat burned. I coughed and gagged as I threw up everything inside me, plus some.
I wished I could throw up that vile memory. I wished it would go back to where it came from…
Hell.
“Oh shit, baby,” a familiar voice said from behind. Air whooshed around me as the stall door was yanked open. Eddie crouched behind me. I felt his palm on my back.
“Don’t touch me,” I said, then heaved some more. His hand left me, and I didn’t turn back to see if he left.
I just cried and vomited until there was literally nothing left inside me but memories and pain. Collapsing against the wall beside the toilet, I leaned back and let it support my weight.
Movement out of the corner of my eye made me jump and put a hand to my chest.
“It’s just me,” Eddie said softly, holding his hands out in surrender. He was sitting in the door of the stall, just sitting there.
“Eddie,” I moaned.
“I’m here,” he said.
“I can’t go back in there,” I said, “I c-can’t.”
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
“Is everything okay in here—” Mary Beth said, coming into the bathroom. She stopped short when she saw Eddie, then slowly crept closer to peek around at me.
“What happened?” she asked, her voice hushed.
“Sadie, uh… was telling us how she knew Amnesia,” Eddie said, his voice flat.
Mary Beth paled.
“You might want to have Dr. Kline speak with Sadie.” Eddie went on.
“Would you like me to have Dr. Kline come in here?” the nurse offered.
“No.” The word ripped from me. I coughed then leaned against the wall. “I can’t talk about it.”
“Then you won’t,” Eddie said, soothing.
“Tell Dr. Kline if she would like to speak to me, she can call my cell,” Eddie told Mary Beth. “Amnesia will be unavailable until further notice.”
I felt rather than saw Mary Beth hesitate. A moment later, her voice reached out to me. “Remember what I said about a friend.”
I looked up. She offered me a smile.
“Thank you,” I croaked sincerely.
She left the bathroom soundlessly.
“Am,” Eddie said. His voice sounded as broken as I felt. “I just…”
I knew what he wanted. I crawled over the floor toward him (If I were in my right mind, I would cringe, too. A public bathroom floor and toilet. Ew.). His body opened immediately, and I let him fold me into his embrace.
I started to cry. His comfort just trampled what was left of the walls I was using to keep me from totally falling apart.
“I got you,” he murmured, clutching me close. “I got you.”
“I don’t want to know,” I wailed. “I don’t want to know anything else.”
“Shh.” He tried to soothe me.
You couldn’t soothe a person after that kind of vivid memory.
“I’d rather have no answers than any more of that,” I blubbered, grabbing his shirt by the fistfuls. “Please, no more,” I pleaded. “No more memories.”
I was still crying when he picked me up, cradling me against his body, and kicked open the bathroom door. He carried me out of the hospital and slid into the driver’s seat of his truck, all the while keeping me in his lap. I was so closely plastered to the front of him, not even a pound of grease and a giant spatula could have gotten me loose.
He drove to the lake house, parked as close to the back porch as he could get, and carried me inside.
His muscles were vibrating against me as he kicked open every door in his way. In the bathroom, he sat me on the sink, moving between my legs.
I looked up at him, and he cupped my jaws in his hands. “He used to tell her it was her fault when he raped me.” My voice cracked. “That’s why I thought my name was Sadie.”
A tear, glistening and actually quite perfect, slipped out of his eye and trailed down his cheek. I’d never seen him cry. He was so laidback, so strong, I never thought I’d see the day. In fact, it never even occurred to me there was anything on this planet that could illicit such a reaction.
“If I could take your pain, your memories… Hell, if I could’ve taken your place in that hellhole, I would do it. I would do it in a fraction of a heartbeat.”
I grabbed his wrists, squeezing them tight even though I was so weak my grip was laughable. “I would never let you.”
With a groan, he gathered me close. “I’m not letting go of you the rest of the day, Am. Not even once.”
“Promise?” I whispered.
He vowed, “Cross my heart.”