There was a difference between quiet and quiet.
Know what I mean?
Quiet was when the mind was preoccupied or busy with the task before you. Then there was quiet. As in lost in your own head, bogged down by thoughts that threatened to overwhelm you, drown you… take you away from the people that loved you.
Am was a quiet person—something I expected. After all, her mind had a lot to process. But today, her quiet was of the second variety.
It was eerie… more and more so lately.
I didn’t like it. Again, I felt my patience being pulled so thin it was nearly see-through.
I didn’t want to pressure her, but maybe a little bit of pressure was required. If it was between that and letting her slip away, then I knew the choice I had to make.
After her appointment with Dr. Kline, we worked together at Loch Gen. The hours seemed to drag once more, something that seemed more excruciating than before because now I was used to the time speeding by.
Something was wrong. I was merely biding my time to find out what it was.
Once closing time came, I was quick to turn over the closed sign and lock the front door. Amnesia was at the register, cashing out the drawer and closing down the system. I shut off a few lights as I went, my eyes solely focused on her.
She was utterly beautiful, nearly breathtaking every time I glanced her way. It didn’t matter if she was standing in the sunshine or rising up over me in the middle of the night. Even comatose in a hospital bed before she ever spoke a word, I was inexplicably drawn to her in ways I never experienced before.
I didn’t know there was emotion in the universe powerful enough to invisibly tether me to someone else, not so wholly and completely.
But there was.
And she embodied it.
So when she was this kind of quiet, that unsettled me more than the loudest noise. Nothing would feel right until she was better.
Coming up behind her, my arms wound around her waist, tugging her body into mine. Her face turned toward me, and I nuzzled the smooth skin on her cheek, then peppered it with countless kisses.
“You’re my favorite,” I whispered, then kissed her some more.
She giggled, the sound lightening the worst of the heaviness that settled into my chest. “You’re my favorite,” she replied, spinning in my arms so we were facing each other.
My lips dropped to the tip of her nose. With a soft sigh, she tilted up, and our mouths merged. Everything in the moment, spoken and not, fell away. All that was left was the emotion that always pulsed between us. The slightly rough quality to her tongue sent shivers down my spine as it dragged across mine. Sucking her lower lip between mine, I tugged the fullness deep into my mouth and curved my body more closely around hers.
Her fingers grappled with the front of my T-shirt, fisting the fabric tight. Releasing her lip, I went deep, diving into her mouth and stroking everything within reach with my tongue. She moved restlessly, so I pushed my thigh between her legs, the muscle rubbing at her center, and she shivered.
Rocking a little across my jeans, Amnesia ripped her mouth away from mine and kissed across my jaw and toward my ear. The sharp edge of her teeth scraped over the delicate flesh, and I groaned. Lifting my leg, her feet left the floor, and she was completely balanced on my thigh.
Her face dropped into my neck, her breathing turning into short gasps.
As I picked her up, her ass hit the counter where I usually bagged groceries. Instantly, her legs fell open, and I stepped between them and attacked her mouth again. I made out with her until my lungs felt ready to explode, and I was forced to pull back enough to get some air.
The sound of us both gulping in oxygen filled my ears. In my pants, my cock urged me on, demanding I kiss her again. I wanted to. I wanted to strip her down right there and do wicked, wicked things to her body. Things I would secretly laugh at when I was bagging groceries tomorrow.
Just as I was centimeters from her mouth, I groaned and pulled away.
“Eddie?”
“You have the power to tempt a saint.”
“Are you a saint?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Oh, baby. Far from it.”
“So…” She picked at the hem of my shirt.
I groaned. My knees actually trembled with need. “So the windows in here need some blinds.”
“Think anyone’s out there?” she whispered, still playing with the hem.
“I really don’t fucking care,” I spat. “Fuck,” I muttered. “But I sure as hell would tomorrow if someone was talking about how they saw you sprawled across the counter while I made you my dinner.”
“That’s quite a picture you paint,” she said, enticing me with her conspiratorial smile.
“You’re testing my patience.” I warned.
She leaned forward. “Good.”
I dropped my forehead onto hers and groaned. Cupping her face in my palms, I focused on getting her alone. “How about we take this somewhere with less windows?”
She nodded.
Grasping her by the waist, I helped her onto the floor. “Go lock up the drawer. I’ll be right there.” I fished the keys out of my jeans and handed them over.
She went one way and I went the other, practically jogging back to the coolers. I went to the section I wanted, yanked open the door, and plucked out a bottle of white wine. Carrying it by the neck, I backtracked to the aisle with plastic cups and grabbed a sleeve, tucking them beneath my arm.
Am was just finishing up in the back room when I stepped through the door. She saw the wine and cups, a smile transforming her face.
“You’re mine tonight, Am,” I growled.
“I’m yours every night.”
Well, that made me feel pretty cocky. I liked the feeling.
“C’mon.” I urged, wrapping my free hand around hers and pulling her along, out the back door. My truck was parked out back tonight, and the second I stepped outside, the large spotlight flicked on, flooding the entire area with artificial light.
“Walk by the water?” I asked, noting the way her gaze went straight toward the shoreline.
She nodded, smiling because I’d read her mind.
Instead of heading down toward the water, I yanked open the passenger door on the truck. “At home. It’s more private there.”
Instead of parking in my usual spot beside the house, I kept going, driving right past the place, across the yard, and down toward the water.
Amnesia laughed. “What are you doing?”
“What’s the good in having a truck if you can’t use it?” I grinned.
I parked so the bed faced the shoreline and the front end pointed to the house. Once the engine shut off and the headlights darkened, no longer illuminating the grass, I grabbed the wine and the cups, motioning for Am to follow.
We met at the back of the truck. The tailgate made a groaning sound as I lowered it. Using my teeth to rip open the pack of cups, I pulled out two and threw the rest into the back, where they disappeared in the dark.
Amnesia giggled, making the cups bounce around in her hand as I tried to pour the cheap wine.
“Hold still, baby,” I said, nearly dumping it on her fingers.
“Sorry!” she said, going still.
Feeling feisty, I jerked my hand and sloshed the alcohol over the rim and spilled it over her hand.
“Oh!” she said, jerking back. “I’m sorry.”
I set aside the wine, same with the cups, then lifted her hand, the entire time holding her eyes. “I told you, you don’t ever have to apologize to me.”
I brought her hand up and licked it, lapping up the wine I purposely dumped across her skin. Her eyes closed a little, the expression turning fuzzy.
One by one, I slipped her fingers between my lips, dragging up to suck off all the wine. Her body swayed near mine, but I acted as if I didn’t notice. Instead, I just ate up all her fingers, then licked over the back of her hand once more. When all traces of the wine were gone, I kissed the center of her palm.
“Wine?” I asked, abruptly turning away, picking up the cup and extending it to her.
“Uh… yeah,” she murmured.
I suppressed a chuckle.
Watching her over the rim of the cup as I swallowed, I enjoyed her struggling to come back to reality after I’d teased her.
“Let’s walk,” I said, carrying my cup, taking her hand.
The air was pretty cold. October in Maine was fall, but sometimes it felt more like winter. Especially down here on the pebbly shores of Lake Loch, where the breeze off the water was always several degrees cooler than the rest of town.
The water lapped against the shore tonight, not roughly, but not what I would call gently either. Its presence was definitely noted, the sound not unpleasant. I enjoyed the ever-moving being of the lake, the way it changed almost based on a whim, like a moody woman or a pissed-off man.
The moon wasn’t full tonight, but it floated high in the dark sky. Stars sparkled on the horizon and made me think of a summer night instead of a nearly winter one.
“I bet the shoreline is beautiful when it snows,” Amnesia murmured, gazing out ahead of us.
“It is,” I said simply. “We’ll walk down here after the first snow so you can see.”
“When is the first snow usually?” she asked.
I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. An innocent question, but I didn’t like it. “Actually, anytime now. We’ve been buried under snow on some Halloweens!”
“I don’t remember if I’ve ever seen snow,” she told me. “It’ll be like seeing it for the first time all over again.”
Some of the chilled wine slid down my throat. Screw this. Tiptoeing around my girl wasn’t how I wanted to spend the night. Or any other day for that matter. “Why does it sound like you’re wondering if you’ve seen the first snowfall, Am?”
The wind off the water blew her hair back, revealing all her features as we strolled along the shoreline. We weren’t close enough to get our feet wet, but the pebbles were uneven beneath our shoes. I loved that she looked “undone.” Her beauty was natural, the kind she didn’t work at or fuss with.
“She told me I wasn’t Sadie.” The words blew back at me like her hair in the wind. The plastic cup dented in a little, making a sound, when my hand squeezed around it.
“That’s what she said,” I echoed. I’d been wondering, even guessing what Widow West said to Amnesia that night in the hospital, and of all my ponderings, that was never it.
Amnesia kept walking, her eyes roaming the water and landscape ahead of us. After taking a small sip from her cup, she nodded. “I practically begged—demanded she stop playing games and tell everyone I was Sadie.”
“I know, sweetheart.” I agreed, reaching for her hand. The second I had hers tucked into mine, I felt slightly better, more grounded.
“But then in that room, that’s what she said.”
“And that’s all?” I asked. “Just that you aren’t Sadie?”
I felt her glance from the side of her eye. I didn’t acknowledge it or the turbulence that radiated from her. Close by, a wave crashed on shore.
“She said you don’t love me.”
My reaction was physical. The idea was so preposterous I actually stopped walking and tugged Am around. “Are you kidding me?”
She shook her head, staring down into her cup. “She said it. Said you loved Sadie, not me.”
I laughed, but it was a cold, humorless sound. The anger those stupid words incited in me was white hot and piercing. So much it burned my chest. On impulse, I tipped the cup back and downed the rest of the weak wine, hoping the chilled liquid would dilute the heat in me.
It didn’t work.
“And you believed her,” I said, monotone. I wasn’t sure what was worse—the words the bitch muttered or the fact that Amnesia considered them.
“No,” she said quickly. Then I felt her relent. “I didn’t want to. I’m just so confused.”
Unable to be mad at her, I pulled her in, enclosing her against my chest, using my arms to block the wind. Am pressed close, so close I felt the rise and fall of her chest with every breath, the steady beat of her heart.
“I know you are,” I said. “That’s why I didn’t want to push. But dammit, Am. If I had known this was the shit that woman said to you, I would have put a stop to it that very second.”
Her face lifted. The tip of her nose was pink from the wind. “You can’t put a stop to my own thoughts, Eddie.”
“The hell I can’t,” I growled and claimed her mouth fiercely.
I kissed her with possession I always tried to hold back. I went at her full throttle, wanting her to feel the intensity with which I loved her, the obsession she made me feel. It was scary to feel with so much force, to love with more than I was.
I’d always held some of that back, not because I thought it would scare her, but because it was a fucking lot to process. I didn’t want her to feel responsible for any of my feelings. They were mine and mine alone. It wasn’t her job to look after them or me, but it sure as hell was my job to make sure she knew I loved her.
The way her body drooped in my arms made satisfaction hum in the back of my throat. It vibrated my tongue as I rubbed it against hers, making her fingertips dig into my biceps. Her head fell back. I used my palm to cradle it, keeping it at the perfect angle so I could possess all of her mouth. I kissed hungrily, no tease, no play… just full-on desire.
A flush built in my toes and slowly moved up my legs, past my stomach, and into my chest. My stomach felt jittery, my brain thick with fog.
At last when I lifted my head, my lips felt damp and swollen. It took several seconds for my vision to adjust.
“Eddie,” Am whispered, breathless.
In response, I lifted an eyebrow, gazing down at her equally puffy mouth.
“Well, maybe… you can,” she said, still partly winded.
Feeling pretty full of myself, I smirked. Putting my fingers beneath her chin, I made sure she was looking at me. “What she said was a lie. Something meant to hurt you because it was all she had left.”
“You said yourself you think I’m not Sadie.”
“You’re missing the point, baby,” I said.
She frowned.
I picked her up, her legs automatically wrapping around my waist. When her ankles hooked together at my back, deep possession unleashed within me. Locking my arms around her torso, I stared her straight in the eyes.
“I love you. I love you so much I wonder how I breathed before I fished you out of this lake. So much you occupy about eighty percent of my thoughts and all of my dreams. I don’t give a flying fuck if you’re Sadie. I don’t care if you’re the queen of fucking England. It doesn’t matter where you came from or what your name used to be. Please understand that, Amnesia.” I leaned my forehead against hers, felt her indrawn breath. “Understand that you’re mine.”
“You really don’t care?” There was a bright sheen to her eyes, tears she held from spilling over.
“I care because you do, but not because it will change anything between us.”
One of the tears finally fell. I watched it glisten a path down her freckled cheek and curve under her jawline. Leaning forward, I licked the moisture, trailing up to gently kiss the corner of her eye.
“I love you, Eddie. I don’t even need every memory I ever had to know I’ve never loved anyone like this before.”
“That’s my girl,” I said and kissed her.
Still keeping her in my arms, I backed up a little and sat, keeping her firmly in my lap. Our faces were parallel, our eyes level. “I wish you would have told me sooner.” I admitted.
“I wanted to. I’ve just been scared.”
I frowned. “You were that worried about the way I would react?”
“At first, but then I realized I was more scared for me.”
I scratched the back of my head and tried to keep up. “Help me out here, Am.”
“If I’m not Sadie, like she says, then who am I? I’m exactly where I started—nowhere.”
“Yeah.” I agreed. “You need to know.” If she didn’t, she’d always wonder. There would always be that looming question.
A strong wind blew off the water, pushing her hair around her face. I tucked it back behind her ears. “You know she was probably lying,” I said.
“I know.” She agreed. “It’s more likely she lied than actually told the truth, but it’s enough to make me doubt. Between her and the allergy…” Her voice faded away.
I coaxed her against my chest, resting my chin on top of her head, hugging her close. She lay against me for long moments, neither of us saying a word. Instead, I stared out across the inky water, thinking how much like a living being the lake was.
Funny, since Amnesia came, the pull I always felt to wander the shore wasn’t as demanding. I was still oddly drawn there; I knew I always would be. My eyes still scanned the ever-bobbing surface. My stare ultimately always landed in the direction of Rumor Island.
Tonight, it was a looming shape in the distance, with jagged edges from the mature trees that jutted out across the small area. It seemed darker than usual, like a shadow within a shadow. I studied the shape of it, though, as I had a million times before.
I wondered what would have happened if I hadn’t found Am on the lake that night. Would she really be over there, just a mile away, somehow hidden on that island? Hidden in plain sight. Had she been there all this time, right there in front of me—a giant joke the universe had at my expense?
As I stared, sounds of water lapping over rocks and cold air with a hint of winter blowing, something caught my eye. Something out of place among the dark. It was faint, enough that I blinked several times, thinking my mind was playing tricks on me. That perhaps all the morbid thoughts marauding around in my head were making me imagine things.
Out there in the center of the darkest night, on Rumor Island, a pale light glowed. It was nearly indistinct. If the island wasn’t so dark tonight, it likely wouldn’t even have been noticeable.
But it was. And it was there. I stared, curious, as the pale-yellow color floated through the night. It traveled in a straight line, or so it appeared, and just as I was about to call attention to it, the light seemed to turn and blink out. It faded away, leaving me sitting there staring, wondering if I’d really seen it at all.
Amnesia shifted, lifting her head off my chest. From this close, I could tell her cheeks were pink now, matching her chilled nose.
“Let’s get you back to the truck.”
I didn’t wait for her to reply. Instead, I stood, making sure she was steady on her feet before reaching down and gathering our cups. With the trash in one hand and her hand in my other, we headed the short distance back to my pickup.
“Dr. Kline knows of a way for me to find out if I’m Sadie,” she told me, glancing through the curtain of her short hair.
I glanced over swiftly. “What?”
She nodded. “She just told me today. I can’t get it out of my mind.”
“How?” I said, my mind racing. “And why is she just now saying something?”
Amnesia made an indelicate sound that made me smile. “She said I wasn’t ready to know for sure until now.” She made a scoffing sound. “Can you believe her?”
“No,” I replied. “She has a total god complex.”
“Right!” she said, practically leaping at me in agreement.
The water rushed forward, coming closer, making Am squeal. With one arm, I lifted her off her feet just before the murky liquid splashed over her Adidas.
The Adidas I bought for her. They matched mine, a detail that gave me immense pleasure.
“So what is this foolproof method the good doctor has?” I asked, sitting her back on her feet.
“Apparently, dental records can identify a person,” Amnesia said, slightly puzzled.
“Why the hell didn’t I think of that?” I swore. “Damn.”
I felt her wide stare. “So it’s true?”
I nodded. “Yeah, they do it a lot.”
“She called the town dentist,” Am said, and I butted in. “Dr. Shaw.”
“Yeah, him.” She agreed. “He has to dig through twelve years of records in some storage unit to find Sadie’s so he can compare them to me.”
“How long is that gonna take?” I asked, impatient.
“A few days.”
“Promise you’ll tell me when you go. I want to be there,” I said seriously. “And not because I care what your old name used to be, but because I want to be there for you.”
“Cross your heart?” she asked.
I smiled. “Hope to die.”
She whispered the rest. “You will be forever mine.”
“Forever,” I echoed. At the truck, I tugged her around to face me.
“It’s going to feel like forever waiting for that dentist to find those records.” She frowned. “Waiting sucks.”
Wanting to see her smile, I wagged my eyebrows. “I can think of a few things to do to pass the time.”
“I’m sure you can.” Amnesia laughed.
Surging forward I scooped her up, tossing her body over my shoulder as though she weighed nothing more than a huge sack of potatoes at the store. Amnesia’s squeal carried on the wind, and I smacked her ass, which was right beside my face.
“Hey!” She squealed again, then smacked my ass.
“Get it, woman!” I said, sticking my butt out so she could whack me again.
Her laughter was a beautiful sound, but as fun as this was, I was ready to take her inside. The up-close view of her ass was turning me on.
“Put me down, Eddie,” she demanded, even though she wanted nothing of the sort. The view of my ass was too pleasant for her to want free.
“I’m going to.” I agreed readily. “Soon as I get into the bedroom.”
Starting toward the house, I figured I’d just leave the truck where it was for the night. It was my yard. I could park anywhere I wanted. I was too anxious to get inside with Am. I felt like a weight had been lifted that had been pressing in on us both.
Thank fuck she finally opened up.
“Wait!” she called out, sudden alarm in her voice.
I stopped immediately. “Did I hurt you?”
“No,” she hurried to say, then scrambled around me, staring out toward the water. “But look!”
Her pale hand was like a neon sign in the dark, pointing out to Rumor Island. The light was back. It bounced around, almost in slow motion, the light so far out it was nearly faded.
“You see that, right?” Her voice was hushed.
“Yeah, I see it.”
“I saw it the other night, when I came outside after my nightmare. I thought I might have imagined it.”
“That’s what I thought when I saw it a few minutes ago.” I agreed.
“It looks like a light, maybe a flashlight… No.” She frowned, but never tore her eyes off the illumination. “Like a lantern, you know, the kind from back in the day.”
“Back in the day?” I teased.
She shrugged. “Do people still use those things?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Then, yeah. Back in the day.” Her voice was exasperated but teasing.
“It does have that kind of glow,” I murmured, realizing she was right.
Her hand reached for mine, our fingers entwining. We didn’t look at each other, though. Our focus was on that light.
“I thought the island was empty,” Am whispered. “The widow is still in the hospital.”
I made a sound of agreement.
“Didn’t you say she lived out there alone?” she questioned.
I nodded. “Yeah, ever since her husband died years and years ago.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’ve never seen anyone with her. No one has.”
Just as I spoke, the light went out, almost like a flame on a candle met with too much wind.
“It’s gone,” Amnesia whispered, still staring, waiting for it to reappear.
“C’mon, baby. It’s cold. Time to go in.”
She allowed me to lead her away, but the entire way to the house, she kept glancing back.