Time is its own type of currency, universal in value, and once it’s spent, it can never be earned back.
Twelve years ago, it seemed time was on my side. Some moments, hell, some days I wished away to get to the next, to the better.
Then Sadie disappeared, and the time I spent living and dreaming screeched to a sudden halt. Though time continued to pass, spent right from my account, I sat in limbo.
A man who sits waiting becomes a victim of time.
Waiting, wondering, blaming… things that make time feel more like a burden than a blessing.
Now that I was no longer a boy, I understood time was priceless, not guaranteed. Some people were richly blessed with it, but for others, time ran out too fast.
None of us knows our wealth. Only the universe knows, and the universe is the best secret keeper there will ever be.
Maybe that was why now, in the back of my mind, I heard a clock ticking away, counting down the seconds, reminding me I wasn’t waiting anymore and time was speeding up.
It didn’t matter how much the universe would give me; it would never be enough.
My life before Amnesia hadn’t been bad. On the contrary. My life was pretty charmed. Born into a family business, two parents who were almost old-fashioned in this day in age because they remained in love. Our small town, while suffocating and cumbersome at times, was also a safety net and relief when I needed it most.
Here in Lake Loch, I had friends. Family. A job I actually liked and that paid enough for me to live on the lake and gradually fix up my tiny house into a place I would never want to leave.
But…
Something had always been missing. Someone.
The night Sadie vanished, she took a part of me, too. When she was lost in that lake, in many ways, I had been, too.
I felt that missing piece, that chunk carved right out of me, endlessly. I hid it after a while, covered it with my dimples, curly hair, and charming smile. People didn’t want to see my emptiness, even though I had a feeling some knew it was there.
That missing piece was back, though. It walked around outside my body in the form of a woman. I didn’t feel empty anymore; I was consumed.
Consumed with love and lust and energy.
The second I fished Amnesia out of the lake’s greedy clutches, my world began to grow complete, and the ticking of the clock increased.
Maybe that was why I was tired of waiting. I’d already spent too much time waiting for my life to start.
Truth was my life started long ago. Even when it felt it was on pause, life still played.
I was just ready to participate again.
Not just ready… willing.
Whatever the widow told her that night in the hospital, whatever words the crazy woman hurled at her while still somehow in her catatonic state, were like the swell of a wave on a stormy night. Pushing and pulling Amnesia to and away from me. Making her cling in certain moments but drift away in others.
I hated it.
I was a patient man, but my patience was wearing thin.
Not necessarily with her, but with the situation. How much more would Amnesia have to go through? What if I lost her again, this time forever?
The nightmares that woke her almost nightly were proof she was haunted. But she didn’t want to talk. She wouldn’t. Instead, it stayed rolled up inside her like a message trapped in a bottle. Floating… drifting through a sea of what she couldn’t remember and the flashes of what she could.
I couldn’t make it better; that much I knew. Still, I yearned to try.
I wanted these clouds gone, the ominous storm to vanish. Time was precious, and I was greedy. Now that I had Amnesia, I wanted as much time with her as possible. And I wanted her to be able to enjoy it, too.
Is she really Amnesia, though… or is she Sadie?
I told myself it didn’t matter, but the question was always there. I’d been so convinced it was her, then changed my mind… And now I was stuck somewhere in between, wondering like everyone else.
It gave me some sort of insight on what it must be like to have amnesia, to not know anything about yourself. The woman I loved was a riddle.
The thought made me guilty.
Amnesia had no more control than I did.
I was frustrated. I wanted her to open up to me. To trust me enough to tell me whatever it was that gave her nightmares and put that faraway look in her eyes on an almost daily basis.
To me, those were stolen moments. Time that would never be given back. Taken from her, taken from me.
I was tired of people taking from us. I wanted to fight back. The thing was I couldn’t fight until she told me exactly what I was up against.
So I continued to wait.
It had been over a week since that night the widow tried to haul my girl out into the secretive waters. Amnesia was a little more withdrawn than before. It pained me, but I tried not to push. Seemed to me I shouldn’t apply to much pressure to something with a crack in it.
Instead, I just loved her, tried to be there… tried to bide my time.
Sometimes it was harder than milking an elephant, but then others, like right now, it was simple as pie.
Beneath the blankets, Am shifted, and instinctively my body followed. We lay spooned together, me curled around her. She fit into me like that missing piece I spoke of earlier, the final piece of a puzzle, except she was the final piece of me.
The thick waves of her light-colored hair brushed across the lower half of my face, tickling my nose, and if I were a mouth breather, they’d likely be trying to floss my teeth.
Good thing I wasn’t a mouth breather.
I didn’t move away, though. Instead, I just wiggled my nose until it no longer tickled, pulling her in tighter along my body.
She sighed softly, and my lower belly quivered with the low sound. Automatically, my hips rocked forward, pressing against her round ass.
I should have let her sleep. She’d been up again last night. Waking up alone was nearly the worst alarm clock a guy could ever have. Reaching for your girl. Coming up with air… After everything that happened?
Hell to the no.
I wasn’t surprised to find her outside, though I hated when she went out there at night alone. I was drawn to the lake, sometimes desperately, but even so, I knew it wasn’t always safe.
Odd to feel this was where I belonged—where we belonged—yet have the kind of history with the shore that would drive most away.
She was just as drawn to Lake Loch as I was, something else I often suspected was a telling clue to her true identity.
Her warm, supple ass pressed against me, wiggled, and all early morning ponderings fled my brain like cockroaches beneath a kitchen light. A low groan rumbled deep in my throat, vibrating into her neck as I nuzzled against her.
A soft sound of appreciation permeated the bedroom. Her hand stretched up and behind her, fingers delving into the hair on the back of my head and flexing until they were good and tangled.
Using my chin, I scratched lightly over her neck until her hair was pushed aside, then fastened my lips against her skin with soft enthusiasm. Her chin tilted against the pillow, and I sucked deeper, pulling her satiny skin past my lips to massage it with my tongue.
My hips moved again, rocking into her ass, again and again, creating a slow rhythm that my lips matched against her throat. My cock was stiff between us. The more it brushed against her, the harder it became.
Still gripping my head, Am twisted her upper body, turning her face so our lips could collide. We kissed deeply, as if we’d been apart weeks instead of right beside each other, only parted by a few hours of sleep.
My hunger for her never waned. It only grew like an insatiable craving. My palm dragged down her body and over her side to clamp onto her hip. Using gentle pressure, I held her lower half in place as I continually rocked into her ass, my tongue getting to know her mouth all over again.
It didn’t take long for her to wiggle against me, which flared my already lit fuse into a full-on inferno. Releasing her hip, I pushed up the hem of her T-shirt, allowing my hand to slide between her legs. Her core was warm, the fabric of her panties felt damp, and the second my fingers stroked over the space between her thighs, her legs quivered.
After a few tugs, Am’s hand was free of my bedhead, and she reached between us, grasping the waistband of my boxers and giving them a tug.
She didn’t have to say anything else. I knew exactly what she wanted.
Pulling my hand out from between her thighs was maddening, but I did it, hurrying to shove the boxers down just enough so my rod could spring free.
Amnesia wiggled against my cock again, her sweet ass sending jolts of pleasure rocking through my entire lower half. With a moan, my teeth scraped over her shoulder, tugging at the T-shirt covering her skin.
One of her legs lifted, my hips surged forward, and my cock slid between her thighs. My length lay along her core, resting along her opening, my head brushing against the area near her throbbing clit.
Her leg dropped, effectively trapping me between her thighs. Her butt wiggled, the action causing the soft fabric of her panties to brush over my head.
Dipping my hand beneath the hem of her shirt, my fingers trailed across her abs, crawled up her ribcage, and teased the underside of her breast. She pushed against me again, and my hips rose to meet hers.
Palming her bare breast, I tweaked her nipple until it was hard and she arched into my palm. My tongue slid along her ear while I massaged the flesh, and the sound of her increased breathing filled the room.
My heart hammered beneath my ribs, so hard she could probably feel it against her back. I hoped she could feel it. After all, it beat for her.
“Am,” I crooned against her ear, leaving her breast and moving down.
“Yes,” she said. “Yes.”
Impatient, I didn’t bother pushing her onto her back and yanking down the panties. Instead, my fingers delved between her thighs, yanking the fabric to the side.
My dick was met by her slick moisture, and I nearly growled against her back. Am lifted her leg, tilting her hips so I would have the access I desired.
I slid into her, and her body went languid against the mattress. I wrapped her in both my arms, held her tight against me, and made love to her from behind.
Her hand found mine and squeezed just a little tighter with every thrust.
“Okay?” I whispered, breathless, against her.
Her response was to rock against me, pushing my dick deeper into her heat.
I lost it a little then, pumping into her with abandon.
Am reached around, palmed my ass cheek, and spurred me on.
My breathing turned ragged. The climax built inside me until my lower abs shook with the need to let it all go. I wasn’t ready, though. I didn’t want to go alone. I wanted her to tumble over that edge with me.
My hand slid down the front of her body as I pumped into her from behind. Using some of her own liquid, I swirled my finger around her clit, then rolled it between two fingers.
Her body tightened instantly. My hips had to surge forward for me to stay inside.
My name fell from her lips. I smiled into her hair.
“With me,” I told her, pushing deep and rubbing against her sweet spot.
Her body started to shudder, and I let go. We exploded together, our bodies shaking as one, as I held her close through the shattering climax.
Soon, we came back down, and she wiggled until I let her roll to face me. Freckles scattered over her nose and cheeks; full eyebrows framed out her very expressive brown eyes. Her lower lip was red, and I knew it was because she’d been biting it while I’d made love to her.
I brushed the hair off her cheek, leaned forward, and kissed her fully on the mouth.
She smiled when I pulled back. My heart had never felt so full.
These were the kind of moments I wanted to spend my time on. When I was with Amnesia, it didn’t matter it was time I would never get back, because it was currency well spent.
“Move in with me.” I hadn’t planned to say that. The request was a complete surprise.
Okay, maybe not a surprise. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t thought about moving Am in here. I thought about it a lot, but I knew the timing was all wrong.
Screw time and what it dictated. I wanted her.
Her eyes widened, a little of the sex-induced haze cleared. “What?”
“Move in. I want to wake up to you every single day.”
Her lips curled up. That soft expression returned. “Really?”
I made a show of rolling my eyes. “Duh.”
“Duh?” she teased.
I shrugged against the pillows. “It’s all that reality TV you make me watch.”
Giggling, she twirled a few curls lying over my ear. As she twisted, she sighed. “I wish I could.”
“Oh, baby, you can.”
Her eyes grew sad for a moment, a wistful smile tugging at her lips. “No, I can’t. Not right now.”
“Why?” I demanded, surly.
She tugged my hair. “I don’t want to do something you might regret.”
A rude sound erupted from my mouth. “The only thing I regret is not asking sooner.”
“It’s just not a good time right now.”
I had to ask. There was no stopping the question. “If I had asked you last week, what would you have said then?”
Her eyes skirted away, her body language changed. I’d hit the nail on the head. It didn’t feel good to be right. In fact, it was fucking painful.
Her voice was soft, maybe because her face was now turned away. “A lot has happened in a week.”
Gently, I reached out, grasping her chin to carefully bring her face back around. “Nothing has changed the way I feel. Can you say the same?”
Her eyes widened, so much so the whites around the brown orbs of her irises were on full display. “Of course I can.” Her voice cracked as if my words pierced something inside her that was already raw.
“Hey,” I murmured, palming her hip and urging her back around to face me. I felt like a complete dick. Questioning the way she felt about me wasn't what I meant to do, but that’s the way it came out, and now I’d made it seem as though the way she showed her love wasn’t enough.
It was enough.
“Am, I’m sorry.” I began, tugging her fully against my body. The way her nose nuzzled against my chest caused my throat to constrict. “I know you love me. I just got frustrated.”
The words sounded stupid to my ears. Useless. Some words were more powerful than others, and sometimes it seemed the words that hurt weighed more than any apology.
“I do love you,” she said, the softness of her mouth brushing over my skin as she spoke. Her voice was muffled, but I understood every word. Amnesia pulled back, enough to tilt her head up and look me in the eyes. I still saw traces of hurt there, but more than that wariness. “I don’t even think I can explain how much you mean to me.” Her voice faded. “I just—”
“Stop,” I cut her off. “You don’t have to say anything else.” I rubbed my palm over her shoulder, hoping it was a soothing gesture. “You’ve been through so much shit. It’s literally not even funny. And it’s even less fair of me to push you to move in here when you aren’t ready.”
“I wish I was,” she whispered. Her throat worked to swallow.
“The second you are, just say the word. The offer never expires.”
The guarded veil dropped over her eyes again. Amnesia somehow convinced herself I was one day not going to want her. That there was something out there with the capability to change the beating of my heart.
Or…
Am wasn’t the one who convinced herself. Someone else did it for her.
More specifically, that old bat lying unresponsive in the hospital.
Fuck not pushing. Fuck biding my time. If that bitch was somehow manipulating my girl’s head, even in her “catatonic” state, I was going to put a stop to it.
PS: I used quotations around catatonic because, let’s get real, the psycho was probably faking.
“What did she say to you?” I demanded, though I tried to do it gently.
Amnesia’s eyes moved away. “Who?”
“Am,” I growled.
She sighed. “I—”
The doorbell rang.
I swore to all that’s holy I was going to rip that ringer right off the side of the house. And then I was going to beat whoever it was that pushed on it with the broken pieces.
“Why do people always show up when we’re in bed?” Am wondered.
I made a rude sound. “Because people are assholes.”
Am giggled, and the sound lifted the darkest of the black settling over my mood. “Or maybe it’s because we spend too much time in here.”
I screwed up my face in horror. “I should make you eat a banana for saying that.”
She cringed.
The doorbell rang again. Repeatedly.
Instead of jumping off the mattress, I wrapped an arm across her waist and kissed her loud and sloppily all over her cheek. Her laughter floated out the door behind me as I finally stormed toward the front of the house.
“This better be good!” I roared and flung it open.
“What the hell, man!” someone roared back.
“Robbie?” I asked, even though he was standing right in front of me.
“Are you still in bed?” He scoffed, taking in my undressed state and glowering.
“What are you, my mother?” I retorted.
“If I was, I’d be half blind, because, dude…” He glanced down. “You need to adjust your junk.”
I glanced down and frowned. “I already adjusted it.”
“Made you look!” He announced and smacked me on the shoulder. His palm made a slapping sound against my skin.
“What are you, in fifth grade?” Even as I asked, a grin tugged at my lips.
“Those were the days.” He reminisced. “Cindy Vans was so hot for me.”
I rolled my eyes. “She still is.”
He smirked. “I know.”
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked. As fun as this was, I had better things to do than shoot the shit with him while I stood around in my boxers.
He laid a hand over his chest. “You wound me.”
“You should seek counseling.” I deadpanned and started to shut the door in his face.
His palm thumped against the wood when he slammed it down to push the door wide again. “You stood me up.”
“Eddie?” Amnesia’s voice called out from behind me. Both Robbie and I spun around as though we’d been caught doing something we weren’t supposed to.
“Um, whoa.” Robbie whistled below his breath behind me.
In the center of my back, I felt my shoulder blades slam together. I glanced around, giving him a hard look. “You better keep those eyes up.” I warned.
“You think so low of me.”
“That’s because I’ve known you for a long ass time.”
“And this is why it’s so painful you stood me up today.” He made a sound like he might cry. “On our annual date day.”
Shit. “That’s today?”
“What’s today?” Amnesia asked.
“Second Tuesday of every October.” Robbie tapped on the pretend watch around his wrist.
I cursed. “Sorry, man. I haven’t been able to keep up with time lately.”
His eyes went past me toward Am. “You have a good reason.”
I glanced back around to see her watching him curiously. I sighed. “Am, Robbie. Robbie, Am.”
Robbie let himself into my house, across the living room, and shoved his hand out to Am. “Nice to meet ya, finally.”
I growled. “Do not even think about touching her when she’s not wearing pants.”
Amnesia gasped. Robbie laughed.
“What happens on the second Tuesday of every October?” she asked.
“Paintball,” Robbie answered.
I watched her mind work, brow furrowing. Seconds later, she looked at me. “What’s paintball?”
Robbie and I looked at each other.
He grinned. “Oh, this is going to be fun.”