I felt like a wind-up toy that had been wound so tight and was desperately waiting to be set down so I could spin off uncontrollably.
I admit the idea of going to Rumor Island was kind of crazy. Sort of like walking into a room with a bunch of potential hidden traps. Scenarios like that only worked out for people like Indiana Jones (we liked movies, too) and others who had mad survival skills.
But you know, I think I had some mad skills in that department. The scars on my body said so. The few memories that haunted me proved it.
I even survived myself. As in I tried to commit suicide and lived.
My thoughts, which had started out sort of lighthearted, even excited, turned dark. Reminding me everything I’d been through was nearly depressing, especially the part where I realized I’d be going back to a place that literally made me so miserable I thought death was my only option. Suicide was no joking matter. In fact, it was quite impossible to even wrap my head around.
I was so far from that mental place. I couldn’t even imagine wanting to end it all. I had way too much to live for right now, and I was able to say that with barely any of my memories.
It made me wonder just how drastically changed I was from before. Was I a completely different person, or was it just because wherever I’d been was such a nightmare?
I wasn’t sure.
Did it even matter?
I guess in some ways it did, but in others? Not so much. I loved where I was right now. Who I was. Eddie. I didn’t want to give it up. I loved this little town with its foggy brick street, small mom-and-pop shops, and views of the elusive lake. I even loved the mystery here, and yeah, I caught myself more than once scanning the water for signs of the legendary Loch Ness.
Hey, it could totally be out there.
Still, as I told Eddie just hours before I needed some answers. Was it strange I just wanted to know things without actually remembering them? Did that mean the information I got would be less reliable? Because it was seen and not felt?
Did not remembering something make it any less significant?
I didn’t think it did, but again, I didn’t really know. Maybe I would revisit that question after our trip across the lake.
The second the sun rose over the water, shooting its orangey-sapphire streaks across the horizon, I got out of bed, unable to wait another moment. Eddie was less than thrilled over my excitement. I knew he was worried about this and about me.
I couldn’t contain it, though. I suddenly felt I had some kind of lead. Like there was something out there that would tell me something. I knew going back there was risky, but I had to do it.
After putting on a pot of coffee, I retreated down the hallway and crawled onto Eddie. “I need to go home for a bit,” I whispered.
He made a sound. “You are home.”
I smiled. I liked when he said that. “I mean Maggie’s. I need some clothes.”
His eyes weren’t even open yet, but he replied, “If you’d move in here, you wouldn’t need clothes.”
With a sigh, I laid my cheek against his back (he was lying on his stomach). His skin was warm to the touch. I wanted to move in. I did. But I couldn’t. I was held back by unknowns, by what the widow said. Eddie told me time and again it didn’t matter if I was Sadie or not. I believed him. I did.
But feelings were subject to change.
If I found out for certain I wasn’t the girl he lost, how could he not react?
I didn’t want to make this any harder on him than it already was. After all, I wasn’t the only victim here. Eddie was just as much as I. Even his friend Robbie was left scarred.
“Soon,” I whispered, hoping it was a promise I could keep. Maybe after today, I would have what I needed to take that step.
Eddie rolled onto his side, and I fell over onto the mattress in front of him. His arm came down, anchoring me in place. His eyes were still closed.
I poked him in the nose. “It’s light outside.”
He groaned.
I poked him again. “I made you some coffee.”
One eye cracked open.
“I love you.”
Both eyes opened, and I got a smile. “All right.” He caved. “I’m up.”
I pulled on the clothes I had on the day before, shoved my feet in my sneakers, and poured him a large travel mug of the hot brew. I wasn’t a coffee person. I’d drink it, but I’d much rather have hot chocolate.
The morning was cold and the grass was damp with dew that sparkled a bit beneath the bright morning sun. The sound of the waves was calming this morning, and from the look of the sky, I knew it would be a beautiful autumn day.
The second we parked in the driveway at Maggie’s, the front door opened and she poked her head out. “Don’t you try and sneak in the back door,” she told us. “Get in here! I’m making breakfast.”
“I like food,” Eddie called out.
“I’ll be up in a few. I’m going to change and stuff,” I told him once we were inside on the landing. He went up and I went down, the scent of pancakes following me into my room.
I still didn’t have a lot of clothes, something I planned to remedy once I got my first check from Loch Gen. I didn’t intend to go ham (ham = crazy; they said it on TV. I didn’t really know why ham and crazy were similar, but whatever) with the shopping, but picking out a few items I really loved for myself seemed like such a treat. I was pretty low maintenance now, something I really didn’t think would change, but it might be nice to be a little more feminine sometimes.
Not thinking too much about it, I pulled out a pair of faded jeans, a long-sleeved T-shirt, and some socks. Tossing them on the bed, I went to the bathroom to get ready for the day, then came back and dressed. Before heading upstairs, I glanced at the small Loch Ness Eddie had given me from the store. I kept it on my bed.
The entire upstairs smelled like butter and tension. It wasn’t a very good combo, even though a lot of cooks would tell you butter went with everything.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
Eddie was standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the breakfast room with a mug in his hand. Maggie was at the stove, dressed in black leggings and an oversized kimono-style pullover with a colorful design.
She turned, pointing the spatula at me in accusation. “Rumor Island, Amnesia.” Her tone was intensely disapproving. “No way in hell, young lady.”
I blinked. Defying Eddie was one thing… but Maggie? That was a different beast entirely.
“Maggie—” I began, and she started shaking her head.
“Why in heaven’s name would you want to go there? After everything?”
“Because it’s not after everything. It’s still very much present in my life,” I explained.
Maggie spun back to the stove and flipped a few pancakes. “I still don’t like it.”
“I have to do it,” I said, going to her side and touching her arm. “Please understand.”
She was silent while moving the flapjacks onto a platter. When it was done, she flipped off the burner and set aside the spatula.
I glanced at Eddie. He winked.
Clearly, he wasn’t as bothered by this as I was.
“Take these to the table,” she said, handing me the platter loaded down with pancakes.
“This could feed an army,” I told her.
She shrugged. “Eddie’s here.”
We loaded our plates in silence, and I gazed out through the room made of windows into the trees, which were rapidly offering their foliage to the grass around them. Everything was in beautiful tones of brown, orange, and yellow. There were pops of vibrant red and even a few plum-colored explosions among it all. A fall breeze ruffled the branches, and I watched leaves drift down lazily.
It was beautiful and peaceful.
Maggie cleared her throat. “You really feel like you have to do this.”
Yanking my eyes from the view, I turned to her. “I truly do. Me. Not anyone else either. I have to see that place. I have to feel it.” That part scared me most. The feeling.
“You’ll take your phones? Call for help the second you see anything remotely dangerous?”
“I swear it,” Eddie put in. At the rate he was consuming carbs, I honestly was shocked he’d been listening.
Maggie’s eyes were still concerned, but she nodded. “Do you have a boat?”
Well, crap. Why didn’t I think of that? Had I planned on swimming?
“Figured I’d borrow Tom’s,” Eddie answered.
Well, at least he’d thought it through.
Maggie got up and left the room. I took the opportunity to slip some bacon under the table to Elmo. A moment later, she returned with a simple silver ring with a key attached.
“No more bacon,” she said, giving me the evil eye.
Eddie laughed. “She totally caught you.”
“What’s that?” I asked, adeptly changing the subject.
“It’s the key to Chris’s boat.”
Eddie looked up from his plate. “You still have Chris’s boat?”
She nodded. “He loved that thing, and I’ve never been able to part with it.”
“It was a great boat.” Eddie agreed.
“You’re welcome to use it today. It’s a bit larger, maybe a bit nicer than Tom’s old fishing boat.”
Eddie made a soft sound. “It definitely is.”
“But are you sure you want us to use it? It must mean so much to you,” I asked.
“Oh yes. It hasn’t been run in months. I usually have someone give it a few tune-ups each year, and once in a while, the mechanic takes it out on the water. But it just sits there. Chris would love to know someone is enjoying it.”
“I don’t know how enjoyable this trip will be,” Eddie intoned.
“Yes, well…” Maggie agreed. “Exactly why you should take the boat.”
“Thank you,” I said sincerely. Eddie echoed my sentiments.
“Of course. If you are hell bent on doing this, then at least I can be supportive.”
My chair made a sound when it scraped back from the table. I rushed over and threw my arms around Maggie.
She hugged me back with a chuckle. “Don’t hug me yet. I have a condition.”
“What is it?” I asked, pulling back.
“I want to see you both here for dinner. I will want details and to see with my own two eyes you’re okay.”
“Deal,” Eddie said, punctuating it with a huge bite.
I didn’t bother to sit back down. I was too nervous, too jittery. Instead, I paced in front of the windows, barely able to admire the view.
A second later, Eddie stood from the table. “I think if we don’t go soon, her head may combust.”
I laughed nervously. “I can’t help it.”
“Please be careful.” Maggie cautioned.
“I’ll take care of her,” Eddie vowed as he pocketed the boat keys.
“Do you remember where our dock is?” she asked.
“I remember.” Eddie held out his hand for me, and I went to his side.
Finally, finally, we were on our way.