Sailor
Opening my eyes, I try to focus on my surroundings. I remember I’m in Jake’s room, but rolling over, I see I’m alone, and there’s a note on the bed.
I’m sorry. I got called in to work, but I’ll be back by lunch. Please, don’t leave before I’m home.
—Jake
Nooo, I can’t stay locked up in this room all morning. I’m thirsty and hungry, and I’ll need some of my things from upstairs if I want to get cleaned up.
Groaning, I stare at the ceiling. I have to face this. If I want to spend time with Jake and he wants the same, I’ll have no choice but to see Elliott sometimes.
Coming face to face with him was shocking, but after having last night to dwell on it, I decided to move forward. I’m not about to let Elliott ruin my future like he did my past.
Jake might be my chance at happiness, and a certain asshole isn’t messing it up. I’ve spent enough years of my life haunted by him. He looked and sounded pissed to see me last night. What the hell did I ever do to him?
Maybe he and Nicole will be gone, or they’ll stay in his room the entire time I’m out of Jake’s. I can only pray I’ll be that lucky.
My tank top and lavender pajama shorts are thin, but they still cover me like a summer outfit, so I pee in Jake’s bathroom, run a brush through my hair, wash my face and brush my teeth.
That’ll have to do until I can shower. I smile over how Jake thought to bring my toothbrush and pajamas down last night. He’s sweet.
Cracking the door open, so I won’t make much noise, I pad out of the room and down the short hallway. As I get closer to the living room, I hear the TV going.
Shit. I stop and debate on turning around. The last thing I want to see is Elliott and his girlfriend curled up on the couch.
This is why I don’t change my routine or let people in!
Rubbing my temples, I find the courage to keep walking. As soon as I enter the room, Elliott’s eyes dart to mine. He’s stretched out on the couch like he doesn’t have a care in the world.
I try to speak, but the words won’t come out, so I hurry past him and straight into the kitchen. I open cabinets until I find a glass, and after filling it with water from the refrigerator door, I drink it.
“Jake asked me to check on you.” Jumping, I don’t turn to face him. My body trembles as I contemplate what to do. “Sailor, talk to me.”
“I’m fine. I don’t need watching over.”
“He didn’t want you to feel like you had to leave. We didn’t want that. I’m sorry I was rude last night. I was surprised to see you. Shocked was more like it.”
“Same.”
“Please turn around.”
Setting the glass on the counter, I face him and stare into his icy irises. They hold the past and his pain, a steely sheet of rain blocking the vast blue ocean I remember. There used to be joy and hope in them, but they look frigid now.
He’s handsomer than before, broader and manlier. Discovering that he’s admiring me as much as I’m admiring him, I look to the ground.
“You’ve changed. I mean, you’re a woman now.”
“I think that’s the same for every female who’s twenty-five.”
I brave a glimpse of him, and one corner of his mouth curves into a smile. Wearing striped pajama pants and a white t-shirt, he leans against the doorframe with his arms crossed.
“I won’t leave without seeing Jake, so you can go do whatever it is you’d rather be doing.”
“You’re angry. I keep wondering if you hate me even.”
“I’m not talking to you about the past.”
“But I have a lot to say.”
“Really? That’s funny, seeing how you didn’t care if you said any of it for the last ten years.”
Exhaling loudly, he looks at the ceiling. His blond hair shines from the kitchen light, and his notable facial features are more pronounced than I recall: a chiseled jaw, the high bump at the bridge of his crooked nose, and ghostly, deeper-set eyes.
“I wanted to reach out to you, but I was a coward. I’ll admit it.”
“While you were being cowardly, I was forced to be braver and stronger than any young girl should ever have to be.” The memories begin to return, and I can’t take it as I hear his name over and over. It’s as if all the Elliotts I said to myself over the years are being whispered back to me.
Covering my ears, I hurry past him, but he grabs my arm and brings me up against his hard body before I can protest. I push on his chest to get out of his embrace.
“No! It’s taken me a decade to even attempt to find happiness. You’re not setting me back another ten years.”
“If you’d talk to me and let me apologize, maybe we could both move on. It’s especially important if you’re going to be spending time with Jake.”
Furrowing his brow, he looks over my head, which isn’t hard for him to do since he looks about six feet four, and I’m a foot shorter. “Do you like him?” he adds.
“I haven’t known him long, but so far, yes, I like him.”
“Jake’s my friend, but he’s not good enough for you.”
Feeling enraged, I point my finger at his face.
“You have a lot of nerve judging him or thinking you know what’s best for me. Take a look in the mirror, and remember your past.”
“There’s not a single day I don’t, and I hate what I see.”
“I can’t do this.”
“Let me apologize.”
“It won’t fix my broken pieces or give me back all that you stole.” Leaving him alone, I run to Jake’s bedroom and slam the door.
Falling onto the bed, I bury my face against the pillow and sob. The pain is inconsolable, the memories not erasable. How will I lock it all back in the box?