February 6, seven years ago

 

I rushed in the apartment, unable to contain my excitement.  “Eddie!  Eddie where are you?”  I heard her in the kitchen turn off the blender, no doubt making one of her smoothies for breakfast.

She ran out of the kitchen, drying off her hands.  “What, what’s wrong?”

I grabbed her shoulders, badly wanting to grab her hands and jump up and down like some giddy little girl.  “I got the call.  I had to come tell you first.”

“What do you mean?  Who called you?”

I looked into her eyes, and the confusion on her face almost made me laugh.  She was so friggin cute.  “THE call.  The Sox.  They want me.”

She still looked confused for a minute until understanding dawned on her, then a plethora of emotions played on her face.  One of them looked like disappointment.  Friggin disappointment?  Finally, a skeptical look graced her eyes and she cocked her head to the side.  “Is this a joke?”

I dropped my arms to my sides and laughed.  “No, I’m not fucking joking.  They want me next week.”

“Next week?”  She turned away and her eyes darted around the room searching for something.  Then she looked back at me.  “But what about…” she closed her eyes and swallowed, rubbing her hand across her right hip, “…school?”

I felt my face get hot.  The first person I wanted tell, the one I knew would be happiest for me, was not sharing my joy at all.  I felt more than a little annoyed.  Try total buzz kill.  “School?”  My voice rose an octave on the word.  “The biggest break in the whole entire world, one that every serious baseball player hopes for, just came for me and your first thought is school?”  I threw my arms up and slapped them back at my sides.  She looked away again.  “This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, Eddie, one I’ve been dreaming about forever, and you think I care about school?”

She whipped her face toward mine and anger flashed in her eyes.  “Well, yeah.  It’s a valid question.  People don’t just throw away free rides to Rice University, Nathaniel.”

“People don’t throw away a chance to play professional ball, Etta!” I shouted, mimicking her.  “And this free ride?  I got it for playing baseball.”  I took a deep breath and tried to steady my anger. 

“Yeah, but what about…” she stopped and shook her head quickly, as if shaking a thought from her head.  Closing her eyes tightly, she continued, softening her tone.  “What happens when you don’t get past the minors or if you get hurt?  You’ve thrown all of this,” she waved her hands around the apartment, “away.  Nothing to fall back on then.” 

“Fuck,”  I said under my breath and started pacing.  “I’ll figure it out then.  People don’t just turn a chance like this down.”

Her voice lowered.  “I’m not telling you to turn it down, just wait.  If you just finish out the year, Nathaniel, then you will have your degree, a degree from Rice, by the way.  One semester.  You’re telling me you can’t wait one frigging semester?”

I shook my head.  “No.”  I stopped my pacing and looked in her eyes, my anger melting a little.  It was just like her to worry about things like this.  I shouldn’t be so angry with her.  I thought maybe she’d be happy first, and the questions would come later.  She was just doing what she thought was in my best interest as always.  But… still.  Damn.  “I may never get another call.  Turning down ‘the call’ doesn’t go unnoticed.”  I grabbed her hands.  “I can’t pass this up.  I am doing this.  Why aren’t you excited?”

“It’s just that…” she paused, looking down at our joined hands. 

“Jeez, Etta, I thought you of all people would be happy for me.”

She pulled her hands away and stepped back from me.  She sighed and gave me a tight smile.  “You’re right.  I’m sorry.”  She touched my arm.  “Congratulations, Nathaniel.”  The hug was quick and tight and felt forced and awkward, something I’d never felt from her before.  Everything between us always felt so natural, especially lately, well up until I screwed it up.  This was beyond wrong.

I stood there stunned and confused.  All my excitement?  Gone.  None of this went at all like I thought it would.  I thought for sure Etta would be just as excited as I was.  She was my best friend after all, and the love of my life, but she didn’t know that.  Instead, it felt like I’d been bitch slapped.  And not your regular, run-of-the-mill bitch slap, either.  This was the queen mother of all bitch slaps.

She turned to walk back to the kitchen.  “Have you told your mom yet?”

 “No, I wanted you to be the first.”  When coach told me, I thought of no one to tell but her, not even my mom, and that made me feel like shit.  I didn’t even think of my mom?  I’m a shitty son.  However, the guilt took a back seat to how much Etta’s reaction really irked me.  “I should probably call her.”

I sat on the couch and called my mother to tell her the news.  I had to pull the phone away from my ear when I told her.  Her shrieking could be heard all the way to Galveston, I was sure.  Her voice then cracked, and I knew she was crying.

“Oh my God, Nathaniel.  This is everything you’ve ever wanted.”  She sobbed.  I hated hearing my mother cry, even happy tears.  “I’m so happy for you, honey.”  I heard her blow her nose.  “Your father… your father would be so proud, too.” 

That one almost got to me.  Ok, it totally got to me, but I changed the subject before my emotion showed. 

“They want me there next week, Mom.”  I braced myself for the reaction, expecting the same, if not worse, of what I’d been handed from Etta.

“So soon?  Oh, honey.  That’s great.  We have to celebrate.” 

I scratched my head and smiled.  “What, no questions about finishing school?”  This day was just confusing me more and more.

“Nathaniel, this is your dream.  We can figure out school later.”  She took a deep breath, her voice returning almost to normal.  “You need to call your brother.  Jacob will be thrilled.” 

“I will, Mom.  I think he has class right now.”

“Oh my God, does Etta know?  Did she flip out?”

“Yeah, Mom,” I almost whispered, searching the room to see if Etta was there.  “She did.”  Just not the way I wanted her to flip.

“Ooooh, we have to do dinner tonight.  Do you want to come here?  Or do you want to go out?  Out would probably be better.  Oh, my son is going to be a professional baseball player.  This is so cool.”

I laughed.  “Yeah, it definitely is cool.” 

“Why don’t you sound happier?  News like this… I figured you be through the roof.”  She cleared her throat.  “Honey, what’s wrong?”

I opted to not tell her the truth.  “I’m just in shock, I guess.”  I watched Etta come from the kitchen, down the rest of her smoothie, set her cup down on the bar, and lean back on her elbows to watch me.  In this position, her back arched and her breasts thrust forward, so I had to close my eyes to stay focused on my conversation.  “Can I call you about dinner later?  I have a meeting with Coach in an hour to talk about what I need to do this next week.”

“Yeah, sure.  Who can I tell?  I know you ball players are superstitious.  Can I tell, well, everyone I know?”

I laughed again.  “Go crazy, Mom.  But remember, I have to go through the minors first.  I may not even get called up to the majors at all.”  I sighed.  “It’s my foot in the door, but not a guarantee.  Don’t oversell it.”

“Screw that.”  She giggled.  “You’ll be on a major team before the season even starts.” 

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Oh, I’m so proud.  Call me after your meeting.  And call your brother.  Love you!”

I smiled.  “I will.  Love you, too, Mom.”  I snapped my phone closed and looked at Etta.

She glared at me intensely for a few moments.  “Tell me again,” she said with a smirk. 

I stared at her, expecting her to say more.  When she didn’t, I asked.  “Tell you what?”

“Well, I didn’t handle your news well.  In fact I was kind of a bitch about it.” 

“Yeah you were,” I mumbled.

She rolled her eyes.  “You don’t necessarily have to agree with me.  Just do me a favor and stand up and tell me again.”

I sighed and grunted.  “Fine.”  I stood and made a show to smooth out my shorts.  Clearing my throat, I announced, “Eddie, I got a call from…”

She ran to me, jumped and threw her arms around my neck with so much force that I had to catch her and take a few steps to gain my balance.  She collapsed into me as I lowered her gently to the ground, hugging fiercely.  When her hands traveled down my chest to my waist, I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply, getting lost in the perfect Dreamsicle smell that would always be her scent. 

“I’m so happy for you, Nathaniel,” she said quietly, her lips barely brushing my ear. 

We stood there for a while like that, her wrapped tightly in my arms, hers around my waist.  Her head rested on my shoulder, mine rested on her head.  I loved how she fit with me.  I loved the feel of her soft curves against me.  I loved her smell and her soft sighs.  I loved feeling her chest press against mine as she breathed.  I loved her.

It had been too long since I felt her in my arms.  She stopped showing affection since I admitted what it did to me, but our relationship didn’t really change after that.  We never discussed that night.  She ignored it, and I followed her lead.  I missed the physical closeness, but I was so relieved nothing else was screwed up, that I never mentioned it again. 

But now, with her in my arms for the first time in over a month, I felt that taboo stirring, those warm tinglies that were often followed by me getting hard.  This was bad.  I had to shift so that my arousal wasn’t so obvious.  The news I just gave her, the one where my dream finally came true, was masked by the overwhelming desire to finally tell her, to admit to her what I’d felt for so long.  But now?  Now was not the time to let her in on my secret.  In fact, it was the worst time.  I’d be leaving her.  In one short week.  Friends, that’s all we’d ever be. 

She laughed and pulled away first.  She walked two steps away from me, and I’m pretty sure she wiped her face.  I wanted to grab her, pull her back to me and hold her again, just to see how she would react to the knowledge of how she was affecting me, but this was for the best.  I sat down on the couch to mask my hard on.

“That was much better,” I admitted. 

“Yeah, sorry about that.”  She turned to face me, her eyes shining.  I had to sit on my hands to keep myself from wiping the tears from her face with my thumbs, or better yet, kiss them away.  Shit.  Wrong thought.  “You blindsided me earlier.  I never expected the news.”  She grunted and sat on the couch.  “Honestly, I reacted kind of selfishly.”  She smiled.  “The thought of losing my best friend…”

“You’re not losing me,” I said, wrapping my arm around her.  She snuggled into my side.  “It’s not like I’m dying.” 

She laughed.  “You’re too cocky to die.”  She looked up at me.  “I am really happy for you.  Not too many people get to actualize their childhood dream.  If they did, there’d be more Spider Men and princesses in the world.”

“Ha!  You’re probably right.” 

We sat together for a few more seconds.  She seemed lost in thought.  I watched her face play out the drama in her head and wondered what she was thinking. 

“So, you have to meet with coach?” she finally asked. 

After I kissed her temple, I stood up, thankful I could now do so without being embarrassed.  “Yep.  And if I don’t go now, I’ll be late.”

“Will you feel up to going to Doyle’s tonight?  I owe you a beer at least.”

I smiled.  “Yep.  After all this, I think I deserve a whole pitcher.”

She stood up and smacked my ass as she walked by.  “You got it.”