October 17, last year

 

We stared at each other for a long time, each assessing the changes to each other’s features.  Other than her slightly lighter, way longer hair and her more toned physique, she really didn’t look much different.  More refined.  Older, yes, but not in a bad way, just less young girlish.  She actually looked more beautiful than I’d ever seen her, and it killed me.

She took in my loose-fitting Texans t-shirt and my cargo shorts.  Shorts in October is not abnormal in Houston.  In fact, it’s rare that we get below 65 degrees until well into December.  However, we’ve been known to wear shorts on Christmas Day as well. 

Her expression remained impassive, as if she was unimpressed that I was there.  No emotion?  At all?  It kinda pissed me off. 

Jake brushed past me and hugged Etta.  I watched their exchange in a daze, still not believing that she was here.  They talked to each other quietly for a few seconds before she turned her attention back to me.

“You’re getting fat,” she jabbed, breaking my stupor. 

I pointed to my knee.  “Kinda haven’t been able to exercise lately,” I snapped back.

“Uh huh.  Probably all that ice cream.  And does your injury prevent you from shaving, too?”

I felt my jaw grind.  I knew she was trying to piss me off.  She smiled that tight smile that meant she was trying to mask other emotions.  Despite the anger I felt toward her, I was slightly happy that I still knew her so well.

“Yes, well, go sit over there while I pull up your scans.”  She pulled out an electronic tablet and started touching the screen.  “I’ll need you to remove your brace so we can start the assessment.”

So many warring emotions played in my head.  I wanted to hug her because I missed my best friend.  I wanted to finally kiss her and tell her I love her.  I wanted to back her up against the wall and make her cry out my name.  I wanted to walk out this door and never see her again.   I wanted to scream “fuck off” to her.  I wanted to shake her for running away from me and not loving me back. 

In the end, I did as I was told, like a pathetic little puppy.

I felt Jacob stand next to me as I undid the Velcro straps of my brace.  “You knew about this?” I whispered through gritted teeth.

“Can we talk about this later?” he asked, removing my brace from my knee carefully and placing it behind me.

I turned to look my brother in the eye, knowing this would be the last time I would look upon his handsome face since I planned to fuck it up later.  “Don’t think we won’t,” I growled, my tone even scaring me.  I knew my face gave away my intent, too.  He didn’t flinch though, or even look scared.  Huh.  I thought he was smart.

“Okay, Nate,” she began.  It didn’t go unnoticed that she had never called me Nate before today.  It felt every bit like a punch to the junk.  “Today we will assess your injury, check out your mobility and do a few easy exercises.  Then I’ll ice you down and give you some instructions on diet and some activities I want you to do at home between your visits here.”

“How often will that be?” I asked, wanting to know how often the torture, not from the work she wanted me to do, but from seeing her, would commence.

“Dr. Woods noted on your chart that you wanted to get back in playing shape, so right now, I’m thinking at least three times a week, maybe more.”  Fuck.  “But let’s see what you can do today before we say for sure.”

I disconnected my emotions and went into the zone I use when I’m working out and training.  She moved about me, instructing and demonstrating as necessary, and I followed, not speaking at all, completely focused.  Once she assessed my range of motion and strength of my right leg, she had me perform some easy resistance training exercises.  The process took about an hour.  The whole time, Jake just sat in a chair thumbing through a magazine. 

“Okay, let’s get you iced up.”

“That’s it?”  I asked suspiciously.

She looked at me, obviously annoyed by my tone.  “For today, yes.”  She walked over to a large freezer and removed two frozen cold packs from it.  She wrapped them each in a pillow case and placed one underneath my leg and one on top. 

I tried to hide my wince at the cold.  “That didn’t seem like much.” 

She smiled that tight smile again.  “Good.  You won’t be in much pain then.  Speaking of pain, are you still taking prescription pain meds?”

“No, I haven’t since right after the surgery.  You should remember how I feel about drugs.  But I still have my prescription bottle.  Why?”

She smiled.  “I want you to lay off the pain killers, even the NSAIDs.  Pain is your friend right now.  It lets you know when you are doing too much.  Soreness and stiffness in your muscles is to be expected, but knee pain is not okay.  Only take an OTC if the pain is so bad, you can’t sleep, and then let me know about it on your next visit.”

“What happened to ‘no pain, no gain?’”

“Pain means injury.  We are trying to heal, not injure further.”

Moving over to the tablet, she clicked on a few screens.  The printer started whirring, and once it was done spitting out papers, she grabbed them and turned to me.

She started explaining the exercises, taking me step by step through each paper.  Her voice was robotic, like a flight attendant explaining safety procedures for the two-hundredth time, a super sexy-voiced flight attendant.  Next, she started in on the diet, mentioning something about fish and animal protein, specific oils, foods rich in calcium and vitamin C, seeds and fruits.  Then she cited specific vitamins I needed and named several weird-ass supplements that might aid in the healing and building of joint and tendon tissues. 

“Might?  You don’t know?”

She rolled her eyes.  “Yes, I very much DO know.”  She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and let it out slowly, her sign she was trying to curb her anger.  I was getting to her.  “The question is in the absorption rates.  Our research shows there hasn’t been a significant enough increase in the healing of tissues from use of the supplement to justify the claims the manufacturers make.  It’s one of the things my clinic is researching.  My suggestion is to do the diet and the vitamins.  The supplements won’t hurt, but our studies have shown that they don’t really speed up the healing process.” 

I liked that I was getting to her.  So, I decided to push some more buttons. 

“If I am going to be able get back into my playing condition, do you really think this wimp-ass workout you gave me today and some stupid diet will do that?”

She glared at me, stunned, mouth falling audibly open, eyes turning stormy green.  I could see the wheels working behind the storm.  She was working up something big.  I went in for the kill.

“Miss Sullivan, forgive me, but I’m just not convinced that you are qualified for this job.”  I looked at my brother for one of our mental high-fives, but the tool busied himself turning the pages of his magazine faster, refusing to look at me.

Etta stood up, still glaring at me.  She stomped toward me, and I flinched.  I fucking flinched.  God, what a pussy move.

“I’ll have you know, MISTER Slaughter, that while you left to go play your little games, I was busy getting my doctorate faster than anyone else has at this university.”  She pointed her finger at me.  “While you were getting interviewed by ESPN,” she pointed back at herself, “I was recruited by three different research clinics across the country, interviewed by the Mayo Clinic and offered the position for their head of research in sports injuries, which I was able to turn down to start my own clinic.  While you bought your insanely expensive sports car, I became one of the youngest professors ever at Rice, complete with a funded research lab here at the clinic and my own lackeys.  While you won awards no one cares about except the people receiving them, I received three, no make that four, commendations for breakthroughs in my research from the APTA, John’s Hopkins, the Mayo Clinic AND the AMA.  While you dated supermodels, I opened this clinic and have treated numerous professional athletes, actors, and a former president.”  She got right in my face and spoke in a loud whisper.  “A former fucking president!”  She stepped back and paced.  “While you were pushing your stupid little sport’s drinks and cologne and doing underwear ads, I gained endorsements and endowments from the NCAA, the NBA, the NFL, the MLS, the NHL, FIFA, the Olympic committee, and even your precious MLB, to conduct my ground-breaking research.”  She stopped and got right in my face.  “And I’m not even thirty yet,” she added arrogantly.  “So, if you still think I’m not qualified to help with your little boo boo, then you can walk out that door and never return.  But if you want to continue with the chick who the commissioner of the MLB called, ‘the best there is,’ then I’ll see you tomorrow, 7:00 a.m.  Just make sure you leave your cocky little attitude at home.”  She turned to grab some things off her desk.   “I’ll send Andre in here to finish you up, because right now, I have to get to my class.”  Turning to stomp out the door, she yelled,  “The one I’m TEACHING!”

Jake and I both stared for several minutes at the doorway after she left.  Finally, Jacob broke the silence by laughing loudly.

“Oh, man,” he clapped his hands once, as if high-fiving himself.  “That was friggin AWESOME!”  I agreed, silently of course.  It was a thing of beauty to see her so passionate and worked up, and I’d have appreciated it more if I had not been on the receiving end of it. 

He moved to my side.  “Has she always been like that?”  He shook his head in amazement.  “I never would have guessed she had that in her.  Bet you feel really stupid right now.”

“Fuck off, Jake.”

That made him laugh harder.  “I mean, that was legendary.  She shut you up good.  Better than even Mom could do.” 

I glared at him.  “You knew, didn’t you?”

“Of course I knew, dumbass.”  He sighed.  “You may have broken up with her, but it didn’t mean we all had to.”

I was about to light into Jake when a huge guy, probably 6’6”, who I presumed was Andre, entered the room.  He was almost as wide as he was tall, linebacker sized and damn near pure muscle.

“So,” he starts, his deep booming voice resonating through my chest.  “Are you the one who pissed off Etta?”

“Yes,” I admitted.  Then I was struck by fear that I may be in danger from the wall that was Andre.

“That wasn’t smart.”  I froze, fearing I was about become as bloody as I wanted Jake to be, but when I looked up at Andre, he was smiling at me.  “The last guy who made her angry before therapy couldn’t walk for three days afterward.”  He shook his head.  “She was way more pissed than that today.  Asked me to finish ‘the cocky ass hat’ for her, in front of poor Mrs. Jenkins.  Little old lady almost had a heart attack from laughing so hard.”  He removed the ice packs from my leg carefully.  “You know, Etta is insisting on handling your case personally.”  He tisked his tongue.  “I’d really hate to be you right now.”

Too late.  I already hate to be me.

 

***

 

“So are you not ever going to talk to me?” Jake asked as he pulled up to the popular hole-in-the-wall burger joint close to home. 

“Talking is not I want to do to you, Jake,” I seethed. 

He laughed, and I noticed the nervous hint to it.  “It’s good I brought you to a public place then.”  He opened his car door.  “Come on.  We can’t have THE Nate Slaughter caught staying in the car pouting during lunch, now can we?” 

“You knew.  You knew she would be there and you didn’t tell me.”

He lowered his head.  After a few moments, he slid back into the seat and closed his door.  “Tell me something, Nate, if you had known she would be there, would you have gone?”

“Hell no,” I muttered under my breath, refusing to look his direction.

“Then, I did you a favor.  Do your own research, Nate.  You’ll see that all the claims she made about being the best are true.  Your best chance of getting back on the field… is her.  I knew you would jeopardize everything if you knew.”  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him cross his arms over his chest.  “Shit, you’ve always been so stubborn.”

“It’s gotten me where I am today.”

“But I’ve never known you to be so fucking stupid.”  I turned his direction and gave him a questioning look.  “First of all, you let her get away.  Stupidest thing you’ve ever done.”

“Fuck you, Jake.”

“And today, you didn’t notice that she knew a lot of facts about you?  Really, Dumbass?  Are you that blind?”  He ran his hands over his head.  “Look, I have never lost touch with Etta.”  I winced when he said her name.  “We talk maybe once a month and have met for drinks or dinner many times over the last few years.  She called me when she started the clinic to set up her computer network.  She gave my number to the doctors she works with when they saw her setup, which means she is directly responsible for my success.  I owe her for that.  However, in all the times I’ve seen her, I can tell you that we have never talked directly about you or your career.”  He looked at me.  “All that stuff she knew, she found out on her own.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means she followed your career, Nate.  A woman who didn’t care about you wouldn’t have done that.”  He opened his car door again.  “Can we go eat now?  I’m starving.”

I stared at him a minute debating my options.  My growling stomach made up my mind.

After we were seated and ordered, I had questions for my brother.

“So, was any of that shit about Ashley true?” 

He buried his face in his hands.  “Yes, but I didn’t tell you the whole truth.”  I waited for him to continue. 

“Well…?”

“I kind of left out a few details.”  He looked at me sheepishly. 

“Like...?”  When he didn’t answer, I got worried.  “Shit, she isn’t married, is she?”

“No, she isn’t married.”  He paused, still looking pretty guilty.  “But she is engaged…” he hung his head again.  “… to a soldier in Afghanistan.” 

“That’s almost worse than if she was married.”  I sat back in my seat.  “Dude, you’re poaching on someone who’s fighting in hell?”  I crossed my arms.  “That’s just cold, Man.”

“Hey, I already feel bad enough.  And it’s not like she’s a fuck-and-forget, I actually love her.  A lot.  And in my defense, this guy hasn’t been home in over two years.  He’s had the opportunity, but he stayed over there.  If he really loved Ashley,” he growled, “he’d come home every opportunity he gets.”  He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, I think to control his anger. 

“So why do you look like you think you’re going to lose her now?”

“Because he’s due home today.  He’s supposed to be here for a month.”  He sighed heavier this time.  “That’s what the talk was about last night, when I did tell her how I feel, by the way.  She wants time to tell him about us.  She doesn’t feel right telling him right after he gets home.” 

Our food came.  I dug in right away, but he stared at his plate.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, setting down my hamburger.

“I really love her, Nate.  I can’t stand the thought of her with him.”  He looked up at me.  “I know him, and I am friends with him, which makes this worse.  We went to high school together.  He introduced Ashley to me and asked me to keep an eye on his girl while he was away.  He is a good guy.  But the thought of him touching her?  Ugh.”

“If she is in love with you, who’s to say that would happen?” I asked through a mouth full of hamburger.

“Think about it; he’s been away for a long time.  He’s going to want to get reacquainted, you know?”  I nodded.  “I know she’s not really mine, but damn.”  He dunked a fry in ketchup and shoved it in his mouth.  “This sucks.”

“Yeah.”  It sucks about as much as having to look into the eyes of the only girl I ever loved, the girl all other women had been compared to and never measured up, at least three times a week for the next God knows how long.  “I’m sorry about that, Jake.  But you could…” 

“So, you and Etta never…?”

I dunked a fry in his ketchup.  “Nope.”  He stared at me with an open mouth.  “We were never together like that, Jake.  Our history?  Very complicated.”  I chewed and swallowed.  “Which means she was never mine to break up with.” 

“But you loved her.”

“Yes, but we were friends, Jake.  That’s all we ever were.  I helped her through some bad shit, and she helped me when dad died.” 

“And you lived together.  And you were going to tell her…”

“Can we not talk about her any more, please?”

“Yeah, whatever.”  He picked up his burger and took a big bite.  “Thanks for listening about Ashley.  It feels good to have someone to talk about it.”  He took another bite.  “Anytime I can return the favor…”

I flipped him off and finished my burger. 

I wasn’t ready to talk about her, but it didn’t stop my memories.