October 17, last year
“Sorry for bailing on dinner with you last night, Man,” Jacob said, breaking the silent ride to my appointment. “Ashley called and…”
“You don’t need to apologize, Jake.” I waved him off dismissively. “It’s cool.”
He rubbed his chin. “I was trying to tell you something, and you just cut me off. I kind of need my big brother right now.”
Stab to the chest.
At almost two years younger, but only one year behind me in school, Jacob had always been really close to me growing up, best friends as well as brothers. I always thought he was slightly better looking than me. He had sandy brown hair, a couple of shades lighter than mine, and his eyes were green like Mom’s. In high school, he shot up two inches taller than my six foot frame. Dad tried to get him involved in baseball, but it was clear from the beginning that Jake wasn’t born with the talent or the love for baseball that I was. He was the brains of the family, so I excelled in baseball while Jake hit the books. I was smart enough to get into Rice University on a baseball scholarship, but he just had more time to broaden his knowledge. His full-ride academic scholarship to Baylor was much more impressive to me. Dad spent more time with me developing my skills for baseball, but I never felt an ounce of sibling rivalry from Jacob. He was my biggest fan all his life, and lately, I’d only been treating him like a fan, not a brother. Our relationship was yet another I’d let suffer. I had to try to make it better.
I turned to face him. “I’m really sorry, Jake. I’ve been wrapped up in my own bullshit lately.”
“Yeah, I noticed,” he muttered bitterly. He pulled his mouth into a tight line. After a long stretch of silence, he continued. “Mom called this morning and told me she ate your face pretty well yesterday. She wanted me to ask about your list?”
“I didn’t get around to it.” I opted to change the subject. “You were going to tell me something about Ashley?”
“Yeah.” He paused. “You sure you wanna hear about this?”
“Yes. I’ve been a sucky brother to you lately. It’s time I stepped up.”
I met Ashley shortly after moving back home. She had been over to the house a lot in the last six weeks, but I hadn’t paid much attention to their relationship. I’d been too busy stuck in my hole.
He told me they met over two years ago and became friends. Things started getting serious for him, but she wasn’t interested. He started asking her out, but she said she would only go if they stayed friends. He stopped dating other women and lived for these ‘friend dates’ with her. They started spending more and more time together. He said he thinks about her all the time, that she’s funny and they like the same things. I watched him talk about her, and his face transformed. He looked all mushy and dreamy. I kinda spaced for a second because I couldn’t get past the eerie parallels.
I held up my hand to stop him. “Do you love her?”
“I was getting to that part. Thanks for ruining it.” I rolled my eyes and motioned with my hand for him to continue. “Anyway, the other night, I decide to lay it all out on the table. I planned this romantic date where I went to her apartment and cooked, lit candles, wine, the whole nine. She loved it. Said she had been waiting for me to make a move. I start to say it, but she puts her hand over my mouth and says, ‘I know. Me, too.’ Then she takes me to her room and screws my brains out.” He parks the car and we get out. “Three times, Nate. Three friggin amazing times! She did this thing where…”
I really didn’t want to hear this. “Okay, Jake. I get it. It was good. So far I don’t see the problem.”
“So last night, she asks me to come over. When I get there, she says she needs a break. Things are going too fast, blah blah blah. She wants us to take time away from each other. Needs us to make sure this is real.”
“What did you say?” I ask as we open the door to the clinic.
He shrugged. “Nothing. I left.”
I reached the desk and told the woman my name. She handed me some paperwork and asked me to have a seat. I filled it out quickly and handed it back to the receptionist. No one else was in the waiting room, so I spoke.
“Jake, are you deficient?”
He looked like he was fighting a smile. “Why?” he asked, and I could tell it’s not what he wanted to say.
“Well, first of all, you never told her you loved her out loud. And secondly, you left.” I shook my head. “You’re a dumbass; you need to fight for her.”
“Mr. Slaughter, we’re ready for you,” the receptionist called. I stood up to head back and Jake stood up to come with me.
“Hey, Nate.” My brother smiled at me sheepishly and whispered, “Remember what you just said. We’ll come back to it when you’re done.”
That comment confused me, but to be honest, I loved the distraction. I found myself actually looking forward to talking more about him and Ashley. Thinking about someone else’s problems was comforting. Not that I was comforted by my brother’s pain. It just gave me something else to think about other than the shit storm that was my life. I was actually starting to feel like I might be useful to someone. Finally.
I rounded the corner and came upon a seemingly empty room filled with training equipment and some devices that looked like they could inflict some serious torture. I limped in further and stopped dead so that Jake almost crashed into me. A woman stood facing away from me rolling up some sort of mat. She moved with such familiarity. It couldn’t be. But the ass that was pointed toward me was the most perfect ass I’d ever seen. It isn’t her. She stood up, and I noticed she was dressed in athletic shorts over tight, knee-length yoga pants and a sports bra covered by a tank top, her workout clothes. It’s not her. The hair is wrong, slightly lighter, longer. This woman’s shoulders are a bit more toned and more defined. Just a fluke. A similar happening. Not her.
Then she turned around.
I looked into the eyes that haunted me for seven years, eight months and three days.
My mouth fell open. I was fucked.
“You might wanna close that mouth.”
Her comment instantly brought back the memory of when I first saw her.