Chapter 18
The next day, I had a meeting planned with Trent. Maybe I couldn’t change the way I felt about him, but that didn’t mean that I was willing to give up on our friendship. I just had to try harder to accept that a friendship was all that there would be between us. In order to do that, I decided to surprise him with some items to decorate his home.
I stopped at the local hardware store and picked up a gallon of silver paint. I also brought along one of my favorite salsa CDs and the supplies we would need to do some painting.
The closer I got to his apartment, however, the more anxious I began to feel. I tried to push down the sensation. It made me so uncomfortable, and it wasn’t something I was used to.
Normally, when I walked into a room, I was certain of what to expect and would demand what I wanted from the situation. It was never a question whether I would receive what I desired when I was a child, and that confidence had been transferred into my adult life—at least until I’d encountered Trent.
Sure, I’d had some men turn me down on occasion, but I never cared, because I hadn’t wanted them. Trent was a whole different story. I wanted him, more than I’d ever wanted anything, and normally I would find a way to have him.
But as much as I wanted to experience being with him, it mattered more to me that I maintain our friendship and our working relationship. So I’d just have to ignore those desires.
When I walked up to his door, I reminded myself that I was a warrior princess. I could accomplish anything that I set my mind to, and strength pulsed through my veins.
I knocked, then waited.
A few moments later Trent opened the door.
The moment I saw him, all that strength seemed to dwindle.
“Hi, Trent.”
“Hey.” He nodded to me then stepped back to allow me inside. “I’ve already got the computer set up.”
“Oh, good, but I thought we could work on the apartment a little too. I brought some paint and some good music so we can experiment with where the mood takes us.” I set the paint and the CD on the table.
“I’m not interested in experimenting.” He cast his gaze in my direction.
For a second I thought I detected anger in his expression, but he turned his back to me before I could be sure.
“Let’s just get some work done, alright? I want to update your About Me page, and I think you need to make your fee schedule more clear. Plus, there’s an issue with one of the pictures you wanted to upload. We’re going to have to replace it with something else.”
“We have plenty of time, Trent, why not have a little fun first? Let’s put on some music—” I started to walk over to his CD player.
“No.” He glanced over at me again. “I can’t concentrate with music on. I just want to get this done.”
“Okay, then we can work on the apartment after.” I sat down at the table with him. “Let’s get to work.”
“No.” He met my eyes, then looked away. “I mean, I don’t want to decorate the apartment. Alright? I’ve hired someone to do it for me.”
“You what?” I stared at him. “But why? I thought you and I were going to do it together?”
“I just feel it would be better to let someone do it. Besides, I don’t think either of us should be so distracted. We’re supposed to work on the website when we get together, not decorate my apartment—or anything else.” He kept his gaze on his computer screen. “It’s my job to keep you focused. Right?”
“I wouldn’t exactly say that. I can keep myself focused.” I frowned. “Trent, are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” He began to type. “Just give me a few minutes and then we can discuss how we can change your site page.”
I watched as his jaw clenched. That was new. I’d never seen him so tense before.
“Something is wrong. You can tell me. Aren’t we friends?” I placed my hand on his shoulder, and felt the muscles grow tight beneath my touch.
My heart pounded. There it was, the rejection that I’d been anticipating.
“Of course we’re friends.” He shifted his gaze to me in the same moment that he grasped my hand and pulled it free of my shoulder. “But we need to focus on work. Alright?” He looked back at the computer and released my hand.
“No, it’s not alright, unless you tell me what’s wrong.” I frowned.
“Zoe.” He looked back at me with less patience in his expression. “We’re better off keeping things professional. There’s nothing wrong. If we want to talk about the business we should e-mail one another. In fact, maybe it would be better if I worked alone today. I have a lot to do and we’re already wasting time.”
“Right.” I stared at him with disbelief.
All of a sudden it dawned on me. This was about the kiss—or the kiss that never happened. This was about his being completely repulsed by the attempt, and now he was uncomfortable around me. Whatever was between us, I had ruined it.
“Well, I don’t want to keep you from getting work done.” I stood up.
Part of me expected him to ask me to stay. I waited for him to turn into the Trent that would talk things out with me, patiently and with kindness. But he just continued to stare at the computer screen. The flush in his cheeks told me that he wasn’t feeling as cool inside as he was acting. Was he angry? Embarrassed? I had no idea and it didn’t seem that he was willing to tell me.
“Good. I’ll keep you up-to-date. E-mail me with any questions.” He still refused to look at me.
“Sure thing.” I turned and walked out of the apartment.
I wasn’t going to stay where I wasn’t wanted and I wasn’t about to beg for his understanding. Whatever was between us, I was determined to extinguish it once and for all.