“Catherine.”
I spin in my chair as I turn to see my boss standing there. “Mr. Cartright. I thought you were away.” I quickly swipe the tear and stand up as he enters the office.
“One day you’ll remember to stop with the ‘Mr.’ bullshit.” He slaps his hand on the doorframe and his face falls. “Meet us in the conference room in five.”
“Yes, sir.”
Without another word he strides out of the office.
Fuck my life.
Did he see me stumble on camera? Does he know I left the party early? Did Jackson call and complain? He sure as hell didn’t look happy to call me into the conference room. I grab my compact and fix my face as best as I can and head down the hall.
“Good luck, Cat,” I hear Elle’s shrill voice say as I pass her desk.
“Thanks.” I smile and keep walking. I don’t have enough patience for a verbal chess match with her today.
The conference room hosts the three partners of CJJ, the head of human resources, and the director of client relations. Well, this doesn’t feel promising. My stomach rolls as the fear starts to travel through my body. Keep calm, I try to tell myself, but no one is smiling. I clear my throat and enter as they look up.
“Good morning, Cat. Please have a seat,” Mr. Jennings says and motions to the chair.
Mr. Jennings is the oldest of the three partners. He’s barely in the office anymore and when he is, everyone walks around not speaking. I’ve only dealt with him a handful of times, but he’s always been cordial.
“Thank you.”
I smile looking around the room and everyone’s emotions are well hidden. I can’t get a feel on what exactly is going on.
“Let’s get to it, Catherine,” Mr. Cartright begins. “The board has been talking and we’re very impressed with how you were able to secure the Raven account. More than that, when we reached out to Mr. Cole, he had a lot to say regarding your work with the company.” Mr. Cartright pauses and my heart stops beating.
He wouldn’t.
Would he? Would he really hurt me this way? Ruin my reputation regarding work?
“Anyway,” he continues breaking me from my inner meltdown, “He told us how you nailed down every aspect of the campaign and made sure everything was taken care of. You were on top of the press and the stock regarding his company during his life threatening shooting. He was impressed, and so are we.” When he stops speaking, the partners smile at each other.
“Thank you. I’m happy the client was pleased,” I say softly wishing he was still more than my client.
“The company is taking a new direction, and we’re opening several satellite offices in the coming year.”
“Wow. That’s wonderful for the company.”
“We think so too,” Mr. Jeffries speaks for the first time. “Catherine, we want you to head up one of the offices. You’ve been instrumental to our growth and we think you’d be the perfect candidate for the new office in California.”
“Oh!” I say, completely thrown off guard. Run an office? In California? “I don’t know what to say.” I let out a nervous laugh and look around. Talk about a curve ball.
“Well, there’s a first,” Mr. Cartright jokes and it helps ease the tension.
We spend the next thirty minutes going over the details of the new position and the generous pay increase. Ultimately, I would run the entire office and be able to take any of the staff I want from New York for support personnel or I can start fresh out there. The perks are great, and they’re willing to supply me with a furnished apartment for six months until I find somewhere else or take over the lease.
I start to think of all the reasons I should go and all the reasons not to. They look at me expectantly and I begin to panic. My heart and my head are at war and the reality is I don’t know why. “Do you need an answer today or can I have a day or two?”
Mr. Cartright nods with a smile. “We’d like an answer by the beginning of next week. There are a lot of things that need to happen and we would like to get the ball rolling quickly. Do you think that’ll be a problem?”
“No, not at all.” They stand and I follow suit. “I want to thank you all for this opportunity. I’m honored and will have an answer to you by Tuesday.”
Mr. Jeffries is the first to shake my hand. “Think about it, Cat.”
“I will.”
Mr. Jennings smiles and exits the room, followed by the rest of the team. I lean against the table and let out a long breath. Wow. My mind is spinning. Everything I’ve worked for just came through. All my dreams of being an executive and now here it is.
“I fought hard for you,” Mr. Cartright says behind me, startling me a little.
When I started at CJJ, I was his intern. He guided me through the first few years and has always been my biggest supporter. “You’ve always had favorites.” I smile the first genuine smile in days.
“No, but I know quality. You were made for this position. You’re not married, no kids, I thought I was going to have to look for flights leaving today, not hold off. What gives?” he questions.
I sigh and look away from him. “It’s a big move.”
He smiles letting me know he doesn’t quite believe me, but he doesn’t probe further. “Sure it is.” He clears his throat and raises his brow. “You haven’t been the same for a few months.”
“Life has been crazy,” I reply.
“What’s his name?” he asks suddenly.
“Mr.— ” I start but he cuts me off with a wave of the hand.
“I swear if you call me ‘Mr. Cartright’ I’m going to throw something at you,” he jokes.
“Sorry. Sean, it’s a fantastic opportunity. But it’s clear across the country. I need a day or two to digest it,” I explain.
“Liar. I know you better than that, Catherine. I saw you a few weeks ago. You were floating around the office. Not even Elle could get you upset. Now, some might think you were just in a good mood but I know better. I remember what that look in your eyes was like a few years ago. So I ask again … what’s his name?”
Sean has been more of a friend than a boss most of the time, but again I broke company rules by dating Jackson. If I tell him, I could lose this promotion, but if I don’t and they find out, I run the risk of the same fate.
“It’s over now, so it doesn’t matter.”
“I’ve known you for a long time. I’ve mentored you, watched you grow and become a remarkable publicist. You’re able to predict and plan for things that are unexpected, which is a rarity. I, however, am able to see through bullshit. You, my friend, are full of it right now.”
I gape at him. I’ve been trying to keep myself in control. My tears are only in private and I’ve been doing a damn good job at pretending. “I’m surviving.”
“There’s a saying I know you’ve heard about when things are over, but the bottom line is: it’s never over until you decide it is. The question I guess I should be asking is is he worth giving up on this job?” Sean gives me a pointed look and turns, leaving the room.
I have three days to make a choice and right now the sun and the sand are looking really good. This is the job of a lifetime and here I stand conflicted. He would’ve been worth it, but he’s a liar.
I head to my office and close my eyes but the nausea rolls through. This stress is going to kill me. My phone rings and I ignore it. There’s too much going on in my head to talk to anyone. A few seconds later the text alert beeps.
Gretchen: I’m going to beat you. I hope you understand me. You went and saw Neil? Against my advice. Lucky for you I was informed the suit has been dropped.
Me: I love you.
Gretchen: Yeah, yeah … you’re an idiot but I love you too. Let Jackson know we’re all clear.
Seeing his name causes my heart to squeeze and stutter. How can I be so upset with him and yet miss him?
Me: Sure thing.
The office phone rings and I grab it on the first ring.
“Catherine Pope.”
“I thought I’d get Taylor again.” I hear his deep voice vibrate through the line and I gasp. “Don’t hang up, please. You don’t have to say anything, just listen to me.”
My eyes prick at the sound of his plea. “I can’t. Please, let me go.”
“I’m not ready to lose you. There’s no one else in my heart but you.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“It is that simple, Catherine. I love you. I’m not married anymore. I wouldn’t do that to you,” Jackson says and my heart beats for a second and then it falters.
A brief sense of relief washes over me as I realize I’m not the other woman, but it doesn’t erase the fact that he never told me. There were more chances than I can even name, and somehow it slipped his mind? No, he purposely kept this from me.
“I’m not angry anymore—I’m resigned. You broke my heart. You should’ve trusted me. I loved you with my whole being and should’ve heard this from you before anyone else. You had friends and family keep your secrets. What else have you kept from me?”
“Let’s talk. Come home and we’ll talk.”
“It’s not my home. There are some things going on here. I need to go,” I say and hang up the line.
“Ashton,” I call out as I enter the apartment. I sent her a text after the call with Jackson that I needed her to come home. If I do take this new position, it will affect her. She’s a huge deciding factor for me. Honestly, she’s the only thing holding me here at this point.
“In here!” she calls out from the kitchen. “I have pizza.”
My stomach growls and I realize I haven’t eaten all day. I’ve been sick to my stomach over everything. The new job, him, and now the idea of moving. It’s a lot to process.
“Yes! My favorite.” I smile and grab a slice. “I could eat pizza every day. This is the best pizza in Jersey.” I groan and take another bite.
“Okay, so I knew pizza would butter you up, keep eating and remember how much you love me,” she says and I immediately stop eating. This can’t be good.
“What did you do?”
“Nothing. Mark called me,” she says apprehensively.
I look at her wondering where she’s going with this. “Okay? Point?”
“He said Jackson is a mess.”
“His company is doing well. That was my focus.”
“Catherine, we know that’s not what he’s a mess over,” she admonishes.
I sigh and roll my eyes. “What do you want from me? I spoke with him today, there’s nothing left for us. I can’t trust him. Words are just words, Ash. He says he loved me … but then he kept something pretty serious from me. He says he would’ve walked through fire for me, but he threw me in it instead. My heart can’t take anymore. I need a fresh start. I need a new beginning, because all of this,” I wave my hand trying to make my point, “Is too much.”
She puts her hands up defensively. “Okay, I just didn’t want to not tell you we spoke. So what’s the emergency that I needed to be home to talk?”
“I got the promotion.”
Ashton squeals and starts dancing around the kitchen. “That’s amazing! What’s the position?”
Here goes it.
“They want me to head up a new satellite office,” I pause making sure she’s listening, “In California.”
Her face falls before she recovers. “Like the state … across the country? Three thousand miles away?”
“The very one.”
“Okay, that’s a big move. Head the office though?”
“Yes, I would run the CJJ Public Relations office in California. I’d hire the staff, get things set up. It would obviously mean a huge raise and title. It’s my dream job, Ashton,” I say, chewing on my fingernail.
“It sounds fantastic. Are you going to take it?”
That’s the million-dollar question. I want this so bad I can taste it. The idea of moving away becomes more and more appealing. A fresh start in L.A. It means leaving behind all my old baggage and allowing myself to breathe again. I can let go of the ghosts that haunt me here. The company obviously trusts that I can do this, and I can. I know I can.
“I think so. I mean, there’s only one thing holding me back.”
“What?” she asks, clueless that she’s the one thing.
“You, you jackass!” I laugh.
Ashton looks at me and you can see the moisture building in her eyes. “I love you, Biffle, but seriously I’m not a factor. You need to take this.”
“But I need to know you’ll be okay.” She’s my best friend and I don’t want to leave her high and dry. This is our home and I would never put her in a position that would hurt her.
“Hello! You’re an ass! I’ll be fine and you’ll be hanging out with all the famous people. Oh! Maybe you’ll become friends with Vin Diesel and you can hook me up. If that does happen, be warned—I’ll be visiting monthly. Maybe they need an embryologist out there?” she smiles and pulls me into a hug.
I start laughing and rocking back and forth with her. “Only you would think somehow I’m going to be your matchmaker.”
“I’m so proud of you. You’re going to be amazing and you’ll miss me, but that’s normal.” Ashton giggles and grabs the pizza, trying to hide the tears I saw in her eyes.
I come up behind her and nudge her hips. “I’m going to miss you.”
“When do you think you’ll leave?”
“Not sure, but they need my answer by Tuesday. But I think I’m going to take it. I have a shitty relationship with my mother, my father is dead, and you’re all I have here. I think this’ll be good for me. I mean, running an office. It’s huge!” I say and try to reassure Ashton and myself.
“It is huge, but seriously you deserve it. I think they’ve been priming you for this position.”
We move to the table and talk through all the pros and cons. The only con we can come up with is her. I’ll be making more money, in a gorgeous area, my apartment is paid for, and I’ll be running an office. It’s a no-brainer.
“I need to ask you this: if you and Jackson were still together—would you go?”
Chewing the inside of my cheek, I try to be honest because my gut reaction is yes, I would. That’s the anger though. “I don’t know. It would’ve been a hard choice, but if he didn’t want me to go, I probably would’ve thought more on it. How sad is that, Ash? I would possibly give up my dream job for him.” I feel stupid for even admitting it, but I loved him that much. He would’ve probably been my choice.
“It’s not sad. What’s sad is that this is where you’re both sitting. He’s miserable, you’re miserable, he’s going to Virginia and you’re going to California.”
That news causes my head to snap up. “What?”
She looks over and shoves food in her mouth. “Hmmm?”
“What do you mean he’s going to Virginia?”
“Why do you care? You’re over it, I thought.”
“Don’t be cute,” I say, growing annoyed with her.
Ashton gets up and grabs the plate from the table. “That’s not possible. I’m always cute.”
“Right now I’d use another word,” I grouse, wanting to know what she knows.
She leans in so we’re eye to eye. “You shouldn’t care if he moves to Siberia if you’re so over it.” She kisses my cheek and walks out of the room.
She’s right though … I shouldn’t care—but I do.