“Jackson!” I shake him as he’s gasping and clutching his chest.
This is the fifth night in a row he’s had a thrashing nightmare. Even with the sleeping pills the new doctor prescribed, he still wakes in a pool of sweat and doesn’t remember what happened—or at least that’s what he says.
“I’m fine. Go back to sleep.” He pushes the hair out of my eyes and cups my cheek.
“What’s wrong? Are you in pain?” I ask as I start to shuffle out of bed.
He reaches for the pills on the side of the bed but grabs his leg. “Fuck,” Jackson groans as his hand wraps around his thigh.
“I’ll get you some medicine.” I scramble by the bed trying to find the pills. “I think we should call the doctor. It’s getting worse.” The nightmares and the pain seem to be getting more consistent. Partly because he refuses to listen to a damn word that anyone says. I catch him without the walker trying to maneuver to the bathroom.
“No doctor. I’m fine!” he lashes out through his clenched jaw.
The first week he was home everything was fine. He seemed to understand his limitations and accepted my help freely. Now though, because he feels better, the aggravation overrides any understanding he previously had.
“Right … sorry, I forget you don’t need anyone,” I say with sarcasm. I’m over his crap. I grab the medication and put the pills in his hand.
Such a jackass.
He grabs my arm before I can walk away. I don’t look at him. I’m so pissed and tired of his attitude. It hasn’t quite been two weeks yet and I’m ready to call for a live-in nurse and go home. He gently rubs his thumb against my arm.
“Please look at me,” he pleads.
I look up but I’m pissed off. This isn’t easy for either of us, but there’s only one of us being considerate—and it’s not him.
“You don’t get it. My head is all fucked up.”
“I don’t get it because you won’t talk to me,” I say quietly, trying not to let this escalate into another fight. “Tell me then, what are the dreams of?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
Jackson shakes his head.
He keeps telling me they’re nothing or he can’t explain. I hear him though. I hear his screams for Mark and Aaron. When he yells about the shooter or cries out in pain, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what they’re about. I’ve kept that information to myself knowing he doesn’t want to talk about it. He grows more and more frustrated with each dream. More sullen and pushes himself harder to get past this.
“You don’t get to treat me like shit because you’re hurting. I’m tired too. I’m busting my ass working, getting everything in line for the launch. Then I come here and you’re moody and crabby. I know this isn’t easy for you. I know you’re tired and in pain. So don’t tell me I don’t get it. But you’re taking it out on me, babe, and I’m on your side.” I let it all out as I fight back the urge to cry.
“All I remember is the end with extreme pain in my leg or arm. So I’m going to assume it’s the shooting,” he says, surprising me that he even said that much.
“Jackson, you went through a lot in the last month. You lost a friend, and you were shot … It’s a lot.”
“I have you though.” He looks away and swallows the pills.
Standing before him, I take a deep breath and focus on him weighing each word before I say them. “Yes, you do—but I’m getting close to calling Mark—or your mom. You’ve gone through two nurses in a week. That’s not normal and it’s not you,” I say the last part softly.
“When you go to work, I’m stuck here with that annoying nurse hovering over me. Maybe you should stay home all day. Or quit your job and come work for me,” Jackson says smirking.
I laugh while shaking my head at his ridiculousness. “That’s not happening. The launch is in a week. I’ve been inundated with getting things ready.”
Jackson sighs and runs his hand down his face. “This isn’t the way I wanted it to be when we spent more than a night or two together. I didn’t want it to be because you had to help me fucking get a glass of water. I sure as shit never saw you coming home to me because you had to.”
“Jackson,” I say softly. “That’s not fair. I want to be here. I could’ve let the nurse live here, or had you go stay with your family. I need you just as much—”
“Let me finish. This isn’t how I saw this going, Catherine. I’m the guy who takes care of you. Not the other way. Being at the mercy of someone else isn’t something I enjoy. All I can do are conference calls, video chats, and email, but even that’s hard with my one arm still not back to normal. I wanted to shower together for other reasons.” He raises a brow and smirks.
Smiling at him and wishing for the same thing doesn’t change the fact that it’s not how it is. “First, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be. I love you, so get that through your thick head. I know you’re going through stuff. I get it. I need you to let me in. I’m trying. You have to lean on me. I want to be here for you, but I don’t know what else to do.”
“It’s on me, baby. All on me.” He pulls me close so I’m standing between his legs.
“Do you need something else?”
“No, I just need you.” He wraps his arm around my waist and places his head on my stomach. My hands tangle in his hair and I tenderly massage his scalp. I take in this moment and try to remember no matter how much of a jackass he can be, he’s alive.
“I’m here, Jackson. I’m not going anywhere.” My voice is soft and yet firm.
Jackson leans back looking into my eyes. “Lie with me.” There’s no request in his words.
I don’t miss the meaning in his words. It’s been weeks since we’ve been intimate, other than a few kisses here and there. “But your leg.”
“I’m not made of glass.”
“No, but you’re in pain …”
He slips his hand slowly up my shirt—well, his shirt. He insists on me wearing his t-shirts and button-downs since I’ve been staying here. I swear he’s marking his territory. I’m not complaining though. Every time I walk around in his shirt, watching his pupils dilate or his breath catch is enough for me.
Jackson’s hand caresses my breast and he rubs his thumb across my nipple. The small touch causes me to tremble.
“It’s been too long,” he groans as he lifts my shirt and presses his lips on my stomach.
He squeezes my nipple and my head falls back as I moan. It feels so good. His hands, his touch. “Jackson, we can’t.” My voice is weak and quivers with need.
“You let me worry about that, baby,” Jackson says as he kisses lower.
The feeling of his breath against my skin causes goose bumps to form everywhere he touches. It’s been so long. Far too long since I’ve had him and even this feels so good I could weep. “Please …” I trail off, unsure of what I’m pleading for.
Suddenly, I’m pulled forward as his hands grip my hips. My fingers instantly thread into his hair as he travels lower and slides my panties down agonizingly slowly. I should stop this, but it feels so good.
“I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you. I need you, Catherine.” Jackson’s voice breaks at the end.
“You have me,” I say as his finger suddenly enters me. The groan that escapes my throat is freeing. His thumb grazes my clit and I begin to shudder, his touch awakening every part of me.
“Always,” he says and I look into his eyes.
That one word causes my heart to accelerate. My need for him to take me, claim me, show me that I’m his bubbles up and grabs hold. “Prove it,” I say, surprising myself with my brazenness.
Jackson’s eyes harden as he presses his thumb against my clit, provoking a moan. “Oh, I’ll fucking prove it. Lie down. Now,” he commands.
I remember he’s still injured and I hesitate. “Your leg and ar—”
“Get on the bed,” he cuts me off with his firm demand, leaving no room for discussion.
Trying to move carefully, I climb on the bed as apprehension fills me. I don’t want him to get hurt and I don’t want to tell him no. Jackson shifts on the bed so he’s lying on his back. He grips my leg pulling me closer to him. I gasp at the movement while his eyes fill with determination and mirth. “Climb on top of me,” he says gruffly.
I start to move slowly as worry fills me. This isn’t a good idea. He could hurt himself and the work he’s put in to get to this point would all be for naught. “I don’t think we should do this.” The words seep out as I sit on my knees debating this.
“I’m not going to break, baby,” Jackson says as he cups my cheek. “But I’m going to have you tonight. I need this just as much as you do. We’ll be careful,” he reassures, pulling my neck close to his. “If it gets to be too much we’ll stop. But I’m done talking now,” he says, and draws my lips to his.
We kiss slowly and tenderly. His tongue entwines with mine in a sensual dance. I give and take from him, allowing my heart to fill with love. His hands drift against my body, gripping the hem of my shirt tugging it up and off as the kiss breaks.
“Now, straddle my face.” Jackson’s voice drops even lower as he hooks my leg over him. Heat sears my veins, warming me everywhere.
I look at him, as he adjusts my leg over his shoulder, setting me in a straddle over his head. “Jackson?” I ask confused.
Before I can say or even think, his mouth is against me. I feel his tongue move up and down. I grip the headboard as his hand makes it’s way up my leg slowly and then back down while his eyes lock on mine. Watching him spurs me higher. It’s the most erotic thing I’ve ever seen. Jackson licks and sucks, pushing my hips to give him better access. The pleasure builds with each swipe of his tongue and my head falls back in pure ecstasy. “Jackson,” his name is a whisper but I know he hears it when his thumb rubs against my clit in small circles.
My hips start to move and I ride his face as the heat blazes through me as I climb.
He uses his arm to pull me back, and I whimper from the loss. “Get comfortable, baby. We’re just getting started,” Jackson says as he inserts two fingers and sucks on and around the nerves that are throbbing.
I need to release, but he brings me to the edge and then backs off. Torturing me in the best way. He stops and again I struggle to remain upright. “I’ve been patient. I’ve watched you get undressed unable to touch you. I’ve had to lie next to you, feel your heat. Feel you brush against me. I’m going to consume you tonight just like you do to me. You’re mine.”
Tears form as the pleasure builds. I need to come, but Jackson removes his fingers and waits. “Yours. Please. I need—” I beg him.
“What do you need?” he asks as he places kisses on my knee, then the inside of my thigh. Going slow and taking his time before climbing higher up my leg.
“You.” His eyes lock on mine as his mouth returns to my pussy. He licks and sucks while watching me. I moan and my head falls forward while I hold on to the bed frame.
“Like that?” He stops and my eyes snap open. “Or do you want me to stop?” Jackson asks while he inserts a finger and I cry out.
I’m so close.
“Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop,” I beg him as the heat of his mouth returns and I fall apart.
It takes a great effort to remember to hold myself up and not crush him. I pulse around him as he pulls every last ounce of pleasure from my body. Once my mind becomes coherent I ease myself to his side again.
“I love you,” he says and I press my lips to his.
“I love you, too,” I say leaning over him. Raining tender kisses on his chest. I look at the red circle marring his body from the bullet and gently kiss it. “I love every part of you. The bruises, the scars …” I say as I place another kiss on the other bullet wound from his past. “The pain.” My lips press against the tattoo to remember his fallen friends. “The hurt.” Our eyes stay connected as I move lower and kiss the second scar on his stomach from where they had to operate. “The fear.” I hover over him as I move to his leg and kiss the final injury he sustained. Hoping to take the pain away. “There isn’t one part of you I don’t love,” I say and he shuts his eyes. Refusing to allow him to shut me out, I take this moment and shift a little higher, sucking his dick into my mouth.
“Fucking hell, Catherine.” His hand threads in my hair as I surprise him by paying him back.
I glide up and down his hard length using only my mouth. Using my tongue, I lick around the tip and Jackson’s grip in my hair tightens. It spurs me on and I take him deeper. When he hits the back of my throat, he groans and pulls me off him.
“Not like this. Not the first time since …” He lets that statement hang out there, both of us knowing what he means.
I nod understanding. We need to connect and become one again. I reach over him carefully to his nightstand. This will be the first time I feel him since he walked out the door. I want to feel all of him again.
“Catherine? Do we need them?” he asks tentatively.
I look at him and smile. “No, I’m on the pill.”
“I want to feel you, baby. All of you. No barriers. Nothing between us,” Jackson says, nipping at my ear.
I moan and sit up, aligning myself to take him and not touch any of his injuries. I need him to fill me. Give me back that part of myself only he can give. I lock eyes with him as I slide myself down his length. Jackson’s eyes shut as we savor this moment. I stay still being mindful of his leg and abdomen wishing I could lie across his chest. Feel him against my skin, but even this is pushing it. I take him further into my body and adjust to him filling me to the brink.
“Feels so good, baby,” Jackson says through gritted teeth. He laces his fingers with mine and I grind down.
I rotate my hips as I ride him slowly and carefully. “Jackson,” his name a sigh as I feel him everywhere. I surrender myself to him. His body fits mine perfectly. I glide up and down as we hold on to each other’s hands. I start to build again as my clit rubs against him. “I’m gonna come again.”
“Come with me,” he says as I rock back and forth creating the friction I need. “Tell me. I’m close,” Jackson demands.
I allow my mind to focus on the feeling of Jackson. How he makes me feel. The way his body feels inside mine and I start to tremble. “Now!” I moan as I bear down and fall apart. My head falls back as he erupts.
“Catherine …” he grunts and comes apart.