“I thought you left.” Jackson’s voice cracks at the end.
I step forward to his bed and give a tiny shake of my head. “No. I was on the phone and then I fell asleep in the chair. I told you I wasn’t going to leave.”
“Oh,” is all he says before looking over at Mark.
Mark scoffs, “Dude, I fucking told you she’d be back. Pussy.”
Jackson gives him the finger and smiles. It’s nice to see them together. I can still feel the weight of our worry about how this would play out.
I stand there awkwardly in the room, unsure of what to do. We survey each other with the questions and uncertainty stifling in the room. Each tick of the clock my anxiety builds.
Mark clears his throat, “Well, I can see I’m not needed here. And you two need to talk. I’m going to make some calls—including your mother again. She hasn’t answered and I’m afraid she might kill someone. That woman scares the shit out of me.” He gently clasps Jackson’s shoulder. “Glad to see you decided to stop being an asshole and finally woke up. Maybe next time you won’t be so dramatic about coming back to life.” Mark smiles at me and looks back at Jackson. “We’ll catch up later.”
Jackson smirks and Mark walks by and kisses my cheek. “Be good and call me if you need anything. Talk to him.”
“Catherine, please come here.” Jackson puts his hand out and waits.
Stepping forward until my leg hits the bed, I shudder from his proximity. He draws this from me. His presence and power elicits these reactions from my body without permission. Jackson grabs my hand and rubs slow circles against my skin. I close my eyes and savor his touch.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
My eyes open and I stand there shocked. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”
“Mark told me. He said you were alone in the room,” he explains.
“Yes … no … I don’t know. I’ve never been more scared in my life. I wasn’t sure if you were alive or dead. I just …” I can’t say anything else without losing it. I don’t want to think about what happened. My heart pounds and my chest heaves.
“I’m sorry, baby.”
“Jackson,” I say softly.
“Forgive me. I was a complete tool.” His eyes tell me it isn’t about what happened hours ago.
“Please, I don’t want to talk about this now.” I struggle as I say the words. As much as I want answers, his health is far more important.
“I can’t wait to make this right. I need to fix—”
“No.” I put my hand up and soften my voice. “You can’t fix everything any more than you can save everyone.”
He pulls my hand and I sink on to the bed. “I can fix this. I was wrong.” Jackson’s eyes swim with unease.
I love this man. That’s the bottom line. I don’t want to spend any more time apart. We’ve already lost two weeks because of our insecurities and fears and misguided heroics. At what cost? We’re both miserable and fighting for the same thing, but both scared.
“Yes, you were. But please, let’s talk about all this later.” He looks exhausted and he needs to rest. The last thing I want is to be the cause of any complications.
Jackson looks away uncomfortably. “All I can think about is that you won’t be here if I go to sleep. When I opened my eyes and saw you I thought I’d died.”
“What? Why would you think that?” I ask confused.
He turns to me with love and conviction as he grips my hand. “Catherine, you’re my heaven. So I thought I was dead, because that’s when I thought I’d see you again.”
I’m speechless. Which never happens, but seriously? That’s his answer? I lean forward and kiss him. With my lips pressed against him, everything feels right. It’s like the world has righted itself in this single instant. Gently, my fingers touch his face as I memorize this moment. I hold all I need between my hands.
I lean back and meet his eyes still holding his face. “Every time you manage to do this to me.”
“Do what?” His brow furrows.
“Disarm me. Make me forget everything. The thing is …” I draw in a deep breath and let it out, staying locked in his eyes as I do. “You left me. You walked out the door. After you promised you wouldn’t do that.” Tears form in my eyes as I remember the heartache I felt at that moment.
Jackson reaches toward my face and winces. “I know. I fucked up. I wasn’t able to think of anything other than I had to get away from you.”
His words are like a knife through my heart. “You had to get away from me?”
“I needed to save you in that moment. Do you understand I killed a man?” Jackson asks.
“No, you didn’t.” He breaks my heart when he says these things. The turmoil and guilt he carries is unnecessary. The man who would do anything for anyone somehow has this warped view of himself. He’s noble, kind, forgiving, and yet he thinks somehow he intentionally or even unintentionally causes these things.
Jackson grabs my chin forcing me to look at him. “I’m not asking you to understand it. Fuck. I don’t understand it. But I want us. I want this to work. Stay with me.”
“I almost lost you. Not once but twice,” I say, enunciating my words, trying to make him understand. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you had died. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think. I had to stand there waiting for them to tell me I’d lost you forever.”
He grabs on to his shoulder, grimacing in pain.
“I’m here now,” he retorts.
The urge to touch him is so great I can’t fight it. My hand tenderly tangles in his hair as his eyes close. “Yes, by a miracle. There are a lot of things we need to agree upon before we can just go back.”
Settling a little, he opens one eye before saying, “You’re still not answering me.”
My smile spreads from his playfulness. “We can talk later,” I assure him.
His breathing regulates as the muscles in his body relax. I’m hopeful his pain is subsiding. “Promise me,” I hear him whisper.
“Promise you what?”
“You won’t leave me. I’d be lost.” Jackson’s eyes lock on mine. I watch the fear roll through them like a storm.
“I’ll always find you, Jackson,” I say, reciting the words he spoke to me when I told him how I feel around him. Leaning down, I place my lips against his and a low hum comes from his chest. Pulling back, I see the satisfaction shining in his eyes.
Jackson sighs and cups my face with his good hand. “I love you, Catherine Pope. I’m a complete and total fucking idiot for leaving you that night. Please, forgive me. Be mine. Let me fix us.”
My lips part at his admission. He’s never said those three little words. Each nerve in my body tingles and my throat grows thick.
I lean forward and grip his face in my hands. “You just did.”
“I mean it. I love you. I should’ve told you that before I left. I don’t want to lose you.” His eyes bore into mine, showing the honesty of his words.
My heart is so full. Jackson looks at me waiting for me to say something. The words fall from my lips effortlessly, “I love you. But there are some things I need from you.”
“Anything and it’s yours.”
“You might want to hear them first,” I laugh.
“Name it.”
I sigh not wanting to have this conversation so soon, but he’s insistent. “Okay, you know I have …” I pause struggling to find the right word. “Fears … I’ve been hurt by a lot of men.”
Jackson grips my hand. “I know and I’m sorry I’m one of them.”
“Let me try to get this out.” Jackson nods and I continue. “When you left me that night, I didn’t think I would ever talk to you again. You hurt me much more than Neil ever did. I can’t ever go through a breakup like that again. Cheating, lying, manipulating me … these are non-negotiable—complete deal-breakers. I won’t stand for it. I need honesty, respect, loyalty.”
“I don’t have a problem with loyalty, Catherine.”
“You need to really understand. I’ve seen it all happen. I watched my worst nightmare unfold. My dad left, Neil broke me, and then you turned around and walked away—immediately after I’d faced my own fears. I know what I did was wrong. I know that I shut you out and let my fears push you aside. For that, I’m so sorry.”
“I understand fear, baby.”
“But you saved me. You gave me hope that I could be enough for you. Losing you would devastate me. If you want someone else, then please end it with me first. I’ll promise you the same.”
His hand grips the back of my neck and he pulls me to his mouth. His kiss is rough and strong. It penetrates every inch of my body. It seals everything in that moment. We’re going to be okay. We’ll fight together and find a way. I break the kiss and the smile that forms across his face obliterates any remaining anger. “You’ll never have to worry about me straying from you. I’ve got everything I need right here,” he vows.
I sit there and watch him drift to sleep with hope soaring in my heart.
The next few days pass without any issues. Jackson’s shoulder and leg are healed enough that they want him to start physical therapy. His abdomen is still where the primary concern is. Most of our days are spent talking and going over business issues. He’s not happy with pushing back the launch of the new product. The press release was bumped back a few weeks, and I’ve now decided there needs to be a party after. I know he’s against it, but in the long run it’s better for him and for Raven.
“Your father is probably starving to death at this point. Plus Reagan is driving him insane,” Jackson’s mother says with a smile. Her flight is in a few hours. She was reluctant to leave but said he’s in good hands. Plus she has to get back to the States with his sister getting married in a month.
“Probably, she’s always been high maintenance.”
“Oh, and you’re not?”
“I’m a saint.”
Nina and I burst out laughing as Jackson looks around as if he’s serious.
Jackson clears his throat, “Whatever, I’m sure Dad is living on chips and beer.”
“I’ll never understand you men. You claim you’re all big and bad, fought in wars and all, yet you can’t manage to make anything more than a sandwich,” Nina scoffs.
“I can also make pasta, so I’m better than Dad.”
His mom rolls her eyes and then points her finger at him. “Now, you call me when you get back to New York. No more of this once-every-blue-moon phone calls. Do you understand me?” She straightens her back and grabs the handle of her bag.
“Yes, ma’am,” Jackson says with a grin.
It’s great watching them interact. He obviously loves her very much and she adores him. She leans in and kisses his cheek and then pats it.
Nina turns to me and smiles, “I want you to call me as well.”
“Me?” I ask confused.
“Yes, you. If you ever need to talk, you have my number. Don’t be a stranger and take good care of him, but don’t baby him too much. He’ll become even more of a pain in the ass than he is now.” She laughs and kisses my cheek. “Okay, I expect to hear from you both soon and be good to each other.”
“Bye, Mom,” Jackson says as she throws her hand up but keeps moving out the door.
I watch as Nina heads into the elevator trying to subtly wipe her cheeks. The fear she must’ve felt having her son nearly die has to be overwhelming. I look back at the man I almost lost and my chest tightens. It was so close to that. Not wanting to be away from him, I climb on the bed and nestle into his chest.
“Hi,” he says with a chuckle.
“Hi,” I say back softly. I need to feel his warmth.
“You okay?” he asks clearly concerned with my sudden need to be with him.
I snuggle in closer and his hand gently grazes my arm as I relax into his embrace. “I’m fine. I just wanted to touch you,” I explain.
His laugh is close to a bark. “I’ll never deny you touching me.” I feel his lips touch the top of my head and my eyes close of their own accord. “I can’t wait until we can do much more touching.”
My giggle escapes as I slap his chest. “Ass.”
“I’m in a hospital bed. You shouldn’t ask to see my ass.”
I scoot closer so I can look at him. The smile spreads across my face at his teasing. “I don’t recall asking to see anything. In fact, I have no desire to see anything at all.” I quirk my brow challenging him.
“Really? Is that so?” he asks as his hand slides down my side.
“Yup, no desire.” I try to control my breathing as his hand glides back up and gently rubs against the side of my breast.
“Interesting …” He trails off as his hand makes its way around the front, outlining my bra.
My acting abilities are far from perfect and I’m sure he can tell the change in my breathing. I feel my nipples harden as he dips his finger inside my shirt. The warmth of his breath against my ear causes me to shiver. Damn him.
“Still no desires?” His voice is husky and low.
Turning my head toward him, I nod. The fire is coursing through my veins. I try to hold still, but his hand grips the back of my neck and he pulls me down, stopping right before I touch his lips. Somehow, I hold back a groan, but I don’t want to always be so predictable. I need to hold my own with him or he’ll swallow me up. Plus, I know it turns him on when I give it back to him.
His eyes practically glow as he’s waiting for me to make the next move. It’s only been a few seconds, but it feels like years as we keep our eyes locked. I grip his face and tenderly press my lips against his. We don’t rush the kiss. Jackson’s hand tangles in my hair as he holds me against him. I revel in his embrace. His love blankets me and in this moment it hits me like a bolt from the sky.
He loves me.
Warmth radiates through my body and I could cry with joy. This beautiful man who I love with my whole heart loves me back. A tear falls and slides between us.
Jackson breaks the kiss. “Hey,” he says with concern. “You’re crying. What’s wrong? Did I do something?”
“No, no. I think it just hit me,” I say earnestly.
“What hit you?”
“It’s been a crazy few weeks. I’ve lived in a constant state of worry, but you’re okay, I’m okay, we’re okay. I feel like I can breathe again.”
“I’m here, baby. I’m not going anywhere. I love you,” he says as he cradles my head.
“I love you too, Jackson.”
“Good, now feel free to kiss me again.” He smiles and pulls me closer.
“You’ve got a lot of making up to do, Muffin.” I bring my lips to his before he can say anything else.