Chapter Six

Jenna

It had been another good day. I still couldn’t believe how easy my new life was coming together. A couple of months ago, I would never have believed that one day I would be living a free life. For so long, Victor had haunted every waking hour. I was used to constantly looking over my shoulder, feeling him breathing down my neck, or hearing him bark commands. Finally, I was starting to feel like I didn’t need to be afraid.

After all, everything was falling into place. I loved my new apartment. At first, the silence had seemed daunting, and it scared me, but as the days passed, I was growing to love the peace and quiet. I filled the environment with things that warmed my heart, like little plants and lots of books. It was starting to feel like a sanctuary and a home.

Then there was the job. It was going so well! Victor had kept me away from studying so I could support him while he chased his dreams. I had to learn to put aside my yearning to work with children, as I slaved away behind a desk dealing with irritable and rude people every day. Now I was one step closer to my ideal job and in a classroom at last. Each and every one of those kids was a ray of sunshine in my life, and at last, I was living in summer.

Then there was Carla, an instant best friend. Almost every day, I would stop by her coffee shop, and we’d giggle, gossiping like schoolgirls. Sometimes I even forgot why I’d come to this place, and why I ran away. It felt like I had come home. I was learning to be happy again.

I set off for my apartment with a smile on my face.

I was walking home when I spotted him. Nate leaned with his forehead and fists against the side of the fire station building, a restrained look of anguish on his face. I felt a strange tug of attraction toward him even in his despair. In fact, the look of agony pulled me to him even more. It proved even gods feel pain.

He was only wearing the bottom half of his fire gear. He had a white T-shirt on, showing off arms which always caught my eye. His skin was dirty like he’d just come from a call, and his hair was disheveled. As I watched, he swore and kicked the wall. I hesitated before approaching him.

“Hi, Nate. Is something the matter?” He turned around and looked surprised to see me. He quickly tried to regain his composure and make his face expressionless, but I’d already seen him looking like his world was crumbling. “What’s wrong?”

Nate shook his head. “It’s just work.”

I came to stand closer by him and looked up into his stony face. His jaw was set tight. He was gritting his teeth. But his striking blue eyes told a different story, like terrible thoughts were turning inside. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He forced a smile onto his face. “I doubt you’d want to hear me talk about my problems.”

“You’d be surprised. Tell me.”

A big breath escaped Nate’s lungs, and he slumped back against the wall. He looked at me carefully like he was trying to decide how I would react, then decided to tell me anyway.

“We got called to an auto accident this morning about a mile out of Fort Wayne. We arrived on the scene, and a car had flipped onto its roof. Pretty much totaled.”

“Oh my God. What happened?”

“There was some debris on the road. A steel rod. It looked like it had fallen off the back of a truck. Seemed like the driver spotted it too late, swerved, and took a roll down the bank.”

“And the driver?”

A muscle twitched at the edge of Nate’s mouth, and he simply shook his head.

I instinctively reached out to put my hand on his arm. “I’m so sorry.”

“She was alive when we got there. Screaming at first. You would think you wouldn’t want to hear a scream, right?” He shook his head again. “For me, I love the sound of screaming. It means people are alive. It means people can be saved. When she stopped making any noises, I knew we didn’t have much time.” He let out a long breath and rested his head against the wall to stare at the sky as he spoke. “The paramedics were trying to help her, but she was trapped in the vehicle. We managed to secure the car and disconnect the battery before we started extricating her. But the paramedics went into a frenzy. She had stopped breathing. We managed to get her out and lay her on the ground…we were too late.”

“I’m so sorry.” I was repeating myself, but I didn’t know what to say. “That’s horrific.”

Nate kept his expression straight. “It’s part of the job.”

“Still, you’re not made of stone. I bet it’s still impossible to be there when…” I couldn’t finish my thought.

“Thanks, Jenna.”

“How are the others? Sam and… Lewis, is it?”

Nate smiled. “They’re fine. A bit shaken up, but we’ll all be back at work tomorrow, ready to fight another day. We’re running drills in the morning.”

It blew my mind to think that one day these guys could be pulling bodies from cars and reset to doing sit ups and circuits the next day, as though nothing had ever happened. It almost made me believe they were callous and unfeeling, but I had the sense that wasn’t true.

Nate looked distant. Even though he was here with his feet on the ground and his face expressionless, I could tell his mind was miles away. I could only imagine what kind of nightmares days like today could give him.

“So, what happens now. I mean, for you guys?”

“We file an incident report and debrief. We get the engines and equipment ready for another call.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Unfortunately, it’s a side of the job a lot of people don’t think about.”

I hadn’t considered it at all, but maybe that was because I’d dated Victor, and he never seemed to have had a bad day. In every one of Victor’s stories, he’d been the one to save the day.

He was always the hero. He’d never failed. Never been defeated. Always got the job done. At least, that’s what he’d always led me to believe. Then again, Victor had always wanted the glory of a title. Reputation was all that mattered to him, so if he had ever failed, he would have been unlikely to share it with a lowly tag-along like me.

“What are you doing after work?”

Nate shrugged. “I’ll go home. Put Harriet to bed. Then I guess I’ll watch some TV.”

“You should come over to my place.”

I said the words out loud at the same time as I’d made the decision in my mind. I knew more about Nate and the life he’d led now. I knew he’d lost his wife. I knew he lived alone with Harriet. I couldn’t bear to think of him going home alone tonight after a horrific day with nobody to talk to and no way to off-load.

How hard must it be to watch a woman die and then read your daughter a bedtime story and sit in front of a TV alone?

Nate looked surprised at the invitation. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’ll make you dinner.”

A flicker of a smile crossed his face, and he nodded. “All right, then.”

“I live in Carla’s apartment building. You know the place?”

“I do.”

I smiled. “Great. I’m in 5D. What time’s good for you?”

“I finish my shift at six. How about seven-thirty? That will give me time to get home, find a babysitter, and say goodnight to Harriet.”

“Seven-thirty. Perfect.”

I gave Nate one last smile, nodded, and turned to walk away. My heart was thumping, and I felt a strange exhilaration dancing inside me. I wondered if I would have made an offer like that if I hadn’t already been having such a good day and feeling like things were going well.

Then again, I told myself, this wouldn’t be a date. I was offering up my shoulder for a friend to cry upon. Not that I could imagine Nate crying over anything tonight. He was far too strong for that. Far too much of a man’s man to ever break composure.

When I got home, I busied myself with tidying my apartment, imagining how it might look through Nate’s eyes. I wanted it to look perfect. I vacuumed, polished, and picked up the loose clothes in my bedroom. God knows why. There was no chance we were going to end up in there. Still, the thought didn’t fill me with horror. I bit my lip and rushed into the kitchen to begin preparing for dinner.

There were hours to go, but I wanted to be prepared. Once dinner was in the oven, it was time to throw open my wardrobe doors and decide what to wear. It was a terrible decision. I wanted to look good, but I still wasn’t sure what this evening was about. It had to be something casual and low-key.

As I was looking at my clothes, I noticed an unopened letter from my sister on the bedside table. I sat on the edge of the bed and took out the letter.

Dear Jenna,

We’re still missing you. I don’t understand why I can’t come and visit. I haven’t seen Victor in a while. I think things might have blown over. Won’t you come home? Please think about it, Jenna — your life is here.

I stopped reading and folded the letter back into its envelope. Usually, Charlotte’s letters filled me with sadness and a longing to go home, but in the last few days, my feelings had changed, and I no longer wanted to ever go back to Pennsylvania.

I wanted to stay here, in this tiny little town where people were kind and knew me by name. I wanted to stay in a wonderful little apartment with my friend down the hall. I wanted to work in a job I loved, drink coffee with Carla, and walk past that fire station every day.

I wanted more chances to see Nate, to get to know him, for him to get to know me. I just wanted a life that moved and was going somewhere. I knew that was never going to happen in Pennsylvania.

Sorry Charlotte, I’m already home.