Chapter Twelve

QUINN

The first day of my new Precog job was long and tiring. I crawled into bed as quietly as I could to let Airik sleep. I pulled the covers around me and curled up into a ball. I smiled to myself, thinking back over the events that led me here.

It was the first time I felt happy since the day of my kidnapping. The same day, I had inadvertently killed my would-be assassin. The questioning from police and paperwork had been horrible. Thank goodness it was all over now. I was not going to let his memory ruin my first pleasant day at work.

The first time I was able to report and not lose track of the vision was a long time ago. Rob ran out of the room, and my class had cheered. We always applauded when people first communicated successfully with their Recorder because it was arduous. At the time, it was the best moment of my life. Everyone smiled at me or clapped. A few had yelled my name. For the first time, I felt like I belonged somewhere.

I wriggled around, feeling like I was going to burst with happiness. I thought back to when I had received my certification. All my hard work and practice had paid off. I was an official Precog, and I would soon be working with the best of the best. I couldn't wait. I was ready to go out and save people.

When I received my certificate, I had a vision of my future. There was a much older version of me, giving a retirement speech after a long and successful career with the Precog Division. That's when I knew I was where I was supposed to be.

Airik had welcomed me to the Division, along with other new hires. He hadn't treated me any differently from anyone else. I knew now that the divorce was going to go through. Our marriage wasn't going anywhere. He had never asked me to do the memory pull, which meant he didn't trust me to do it. He didn't care enough to try and save our relationship.

The thought made me sad, but I had accepted the idea of life without him. He already was only with me physically, not with his mind.

"What are you squirming around for?" Airik's voice came from the other side of the bed. I froze.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," I said. Maybe we should have separate beds. It would make more sense. But I hadn't been able to give up the notion of sex just yet. It was the only thing that had ever really worked with us. We hadn't slept together for quite a while, but moving into another room had seemed so final that I hadn't been able to make myself do it.

"It's okay. Are you having problems sleeping?"

"I was thinking about today," I said. I was also surprised we were having a conversation.

"How was it?"

"It was fantastic," I smiled to myself in the darkness. "Overwhelming and challenging. But overall, it was good. Splendid."

He chuckled. "That sounds like my first day with the Division, too. I haven't always been this confident, Quinn."

"That's hard to believe," I said.

I felt him turn onto his side. "Give me your hand, Quinn."

I reached out in the darkness, and he clasped hands with me. I gasped as his first day played through my mind.

Airik's fear, worry, and nerves. His joy at finally achieving his dream. Airik's attraction for a woman working in his unit. Airik celebrating with his friends — Rob among them — after the momentous day was over.

He had sent me his memories. It was a complicated technique that people typically learned on the job, but I had already mastered it during my training. Airik didn't let go after the thought push was over. I didn't pull my hand away. I enjoyed the comfort of his touch. We had been apart for a long time.

"I've missed you," he whispered, pulling my hand to his lips and kissing the back of it. I felt a sizzle of desire go through me.

I didn't answer him. Of course, I wanted to sleep with him as much as he wanted to have sex with me. But was it right? Then the realization dawned on me that it didn't matter. We wouldn't be staying married after our divorce, so what happened now made no difference at all. If we were trying to fix things, I would want to hold out until he gave me his heart before I resumed our physical relationship.

But now? Now it didn't matter. I had no hope of him ever letting me in, so I was free to fuck him as much as I wanted. In a short time, we would be miles apart. I would never see him again. I felt like crying at the thought, but that was how it had to be. The fact that it meant I could have sex with Airik again lessened the pain.

He sighed and pulled his hand from mine. I felt him roll away, turning his back to me. Then I realized that I had never answered his comment. Shit. He thought I was still mad. He thought I was rejecting him.

I didn't need to let him think those thoughts any longer. I drew in a deep breath and got out of bed.

"Quinn?" I heard his sad voice. "Please don't go."

"I'm not going anywhere," I said, pulling my nightgown over my head and dropping it on the floor. I shimmied out of my panties and crawled back into bed.

"Oh," he said, sounding confused. "Sleep well then."

I swallowed and gathered my courage, hoping he wouldn't push me away. "Sleeping wasn't what I had in mind," I said, pressing my naked body up against his. He was only wearing boxers, as usual. His hard chest heaved under my hands as he realized that I was willing again.

"Quinn? Are you sure?"

I slid my hand down into his underwear and grasped him, smiling when I heard his gasp of surprise.

"Yes, Airik. I'm sure."

"Then say it."

"Say what?"

He didn't answer me. He just waited. I huffed out my breath. He had said that he wouldn't make love to me again unless I asked him.

"Will you make love to me, Airik?"

"I thought you'd never ask." He leaned towards me, whispering in my ear and making me shiver.

I pulled my hand away, and he rolled over, pinning me underneath him. I was having trouble breathing, but I loved the feeling of him being in control. I was tired of being the one making all the decisions. I wanted to let him be in charge.

He bent down and claimed my lips, and I opened to him immediately, finding his tongue and twining mine with his. He rolled us both to the side so he could keep kissing me while fondling my breasts. My nipples were sensitive after such a long stretch with no stimulation. I moaned into his mouth. I felt him push his hips towards me, his hardness pressing into my thigh.

He played with them for a long time until I needed more. I broke the kiss, sucking in air, and begged him. "Airik, please."

Airik bent his head and took one of the tight buds into his hot mouth. I drew in a deep breath, feeling my hips buck. I loved this. He was good at making love to me. At least, that was one thing we had right between us.

I felt the urge to touch him for a change. I pushed him, rolling him onto his back again.

"Quinn?" he asked, but I was already on top of him, kissing and licking my way down his body. His breath came in short gasps. I brushed his cock as I moved down. I kissed his belly and cupped his balls, loving the feel of them in my hand.

I dropped my head and took him in my mouth. He groaned. I had never done that to him before. I had never done it to any man. But I wanted him to experience pleasure with me. I wanted to make him happy, even if he didn't love me. I moved up and down on him until he finally pushed me away.

"Did I do it wrong?" I said, a little mortified. Maybe I should have asked how to do it properly.

"If you keep that up, I'm going to come."

"Oh," I said in a small voice, smiling to myself.

"Come here," he said, and I crawled back up. He maneuvered me until I straddled him, and then he lifted me up and over him. I spread wide and lined him up with my sex. I eased myself slowly down onto him until our hips were flush. It took a while because I needed to stop and breathe and let my body adjust to him.

"Airik," I said, lifting myself and dropping back down again. He breathed out heavily. I rode him hard until I couldn't stand it anymore. I arched my back as the orgasm rocked me. I jerked violently, my body wracked with bliss. And through the haze of ecstasy, I felt him stiffen and fill me. For a moment, I wished I would get pregnant and take something of him with me when I left the planet. The thought was crazy. I needed to be careful what I wished for.

Finally, I lay still with my head on his chest. He was still deep inside me. I didn't want him to pull out. I knew then that I loved Airik. More than life, more than anything.

"I love you," I whispered in English.

"Lights," he murmured. Indirect lights sprang to life, making us visible to each other.

"What are you saying, Quinn?" he said, in Standard, kissing my sweaty cheek as I lifted my head. I looked at him and smiled, unable to keep the love from my gaze.

"Nothing important. It's a common expression from back home."

"What was it again?"

I hesitated for a moment. But what could it hurt to tell him? He would never know what it meant. "I love you," I said again.

He studied me with an odd look on his face. "Just an expression?" he said.

"Pretty much."

He kissed me again. We lay twined up together, kissing. I didn't want the feeling of closeness to end.

"Why did you do this, Quinn?" he whispered.

I frowned. "I wanted to. Didn't you?"

"Of course. But you said something different before."

"Oh. That's right." I looked away from him and felt the distance come between us again.

"Did something change?"

I pulled myself away from him. The cold air hit my sweaty, naked body and chilled me.

"I thought that since we'll be getting divorced in a couple of weeks, it didn't matter what we did or didn't do."

His face fell, and my heart cracked. "You want to get a divorce?"

"Don't you?" I said, my voice full of pain. "I'm nobody. You don't know which planet I'm from because you never asked. I'm bothering you, cutting my hair, and making you jealous. I'm a big pain in your ass, Airik. Don't pretend I'm not. I'm sure you are counting the days until we can get divorced."

He looked at me, still shocked. "I hadn't considered it a possibility."

"Because things were going so well between us? I can't do this anymore. You've kept me at arm's length since the beginning. You don't trust me. You don't want me, except for sex."

"Quinn."

I went on as if he hadn't spoken. "You don't love me, Airik. I thought I could live in a marriage without love, but it's harder than I imagined. I'm sorry, but I don't see what else there is for us to do."

I started to get out of bed. He put his hand on my arm to stop me.

"Wait, Quinn. There's something I need to tell you. It's part of the reason I push you away."

I turned around and met his gaze, which was honest and bare. I felt like he was showing himself to me for the first time.

"I had a vision of the woman I would fall in love with."

"You knew who your true love was, but you still married me?"

"I saw her death, Quinn." He swallowed hard and looked so pained it hurt my heart. "I couldn't tell the particular time, but she might be dead already."

"She isn't me," I said. "Now your behavior makes more sense."

"I don't know if she isn't you because I don't know who she is. I didn't see her face. My vision was interrupted. I'm fairly confident she can't be you."

"Why not?"

"Because the woman wasn't Koccoran. She was from…" he hesitated, not wanting to tell me. "She was from Earth. She was a human."

He looked ashamed of the fact that his true love was supposed to be a human. I rolled my eyes. Were we insignificant to these stuck-up Koccorans?

"She was human. Like me." I said. I got out of bed and grabbed my clothes, putting them on with jerky movements. "Didn't Kartar tell you anything about me? I guess this cements our divorce now. You couldn't possibly stay married to a human."

I looked up from putting on my socks when I became aware of his silence. Airik stared at me.

"You're human?"

"Airik, the company is called TerraMates. Where do you think they get all the women? For someone who thinks he's so smart, you can be pretty dumb sometimes. Do you want a divorce right now?"

He got up and pulled me back to the bed.

"You're not what I expected a human to be. In fact, I thought you were Susohnnan."

"If you meant to compliment me, you just failed."

"It doesn't matter that you're human, Quinn. I care about you. I don't want to divorce you."

"But what about your true love? It looks like you married a human, but not the right one."

He looked tormented.

"Have you told anyone about your vision?" I said, feeling compassion rising in me despite myself.

"Not really."

"You know how that bothers you," I said, chiding him.

He looked surprised.

"Come on. Every time you have a big vision, you can't sleep for days. Just like me. But to see your true love die..." I stopped the train of thought before I told him that I had a similar vision. "It must be horrible."

"It was." He stared down at his strong hands, clenching them into fists.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" I asked. I held my breath and wondered what he would do. Would he make light of everything and push me away again? Or would he confide in me?

"No." My heart dropped into my shoes. I got up to finish getting dressed, but he grabbed my arm again to stop me.

"Airik," I barked. He still wasn't going to let me in.

"I don't want to, but I think I should."

He looked up at me. It felt like he was showing me his real self for the first time. Tears started to fill my eyes.

"She was driving at night. With an older man. It was her father, I think. She was scared. Someone was following them. People wanted to hurt her."

I frowned.

"They decided to go to a police station. The police stations on Earth are different than ours. They let some bad things happen, and they only came out when it was too late to protect her."

"What things?" I said, feeling lightheaded. This story seemed familiar.

"Her father said she should make a run for it. She ran right to the door. She almost got in, but someone..." He was getting choked up. "Someone shot her," he managed to get out.

I put my hand up to the scar. "Was it in the neck, right here?"

"How do you know that?" He couldn't take his eyes off my neck as I rubbed at the scar.

"The woman was me."