NINE

EMBYR

Is it possible for a woman to have lady blue balls? Because I feel like I’ve been experiencing it for the past five days. It started with Casen shoving me up against the wall outside Red Ex and feeling how turned on he made me with just his mere presence. Then it ended with a sweet slow dance at the wedding I had to cover last minute. I’ve had this ache between my legs that neither my vibrator nor my fingers can ease. I’ve imagined Casen between my legs every night. It wouldn’t surprise me if I had carpal tunnel at this point.

I should have known bringing Derrick to Red Ex was going to be a mistake. When I told him I wanted to leave a day later for the conference so that I could be with Trinity to celebrate her birthday, he had said an email came in stating the dates had changed. Thrilled, I decided to keep it a secret from Trin and surprise her. When he asked if he could come along, I thought nothing of it. He has never given off the vibe that he was interested in me. That is until Trin’s party. Maybe I was reading too much into the brushes of our hands or the subtle caress of my lower back. It made for an interesting night. He is my boss, and while I don’t think he would fire me over my lack of interest in him, I didn’t know if he was flirting or just being nice.

Then I came face to face with Reece. I haven’t been able to get over the weird vibe he gave since he came to the condo looking for Trinity. I thought we were past the “make Embyr uncomfortable” stage but we just flew right back into it. He acted like nothing was wrong at Red Ex. Like he didn’t come into my room, into my bathroom and demand to know why I turned him down in high school. Now, anytime I even think of Reece’s name, I shudder.

Casen was an added bonus to the night. I was surprised to find him there, but since Reece had thought I was out of town, he must have felt it was safe to stay. I don’t see why we can’t be in the same room though. I thought him helping us move was a turning point. The entire night we shared passing glances. Even if I couldn’t see that he was looking, I could feel his eyes all over me. Then, when he decided to leave, I had to go after him. I didn’t care how it looked to anyone else.

I didn’t understand his hot and cold attitude toward me but when he pushed me against that wall, it all became clear. He was menacing. Dirty and yet I could see the vulnerability in his eyes. He’s torn between hating me and wanting to forgive me. I just don’t know how to push him to the forgiving side.

I thought maybe at the wedding I had to be making some headway with him. Kate looked beautiful at his side but just like the night before his eyes were constantly seeking me out. He was dressed in a suit, making him look like a gentleman when I know how truly dirty he is.

I tried to focus on my tasks. Making sure things ran smoothly behind the scenes was my priority, but in the back of my head I was seeking him out. I’m no longer jealous of Kate. If he wanted her, there is no way he would have pushed her aside at his apartment to accost me in the hallway. On top of that, she pushed us together on the dance floor. I wasn’t sure it was appropriate at the time, but I didn’t care. It was nice to just have him in my arms for the briefest of moments.

But after Casen left me breathless in the middle of the room, I knew I wasn’t going to give up on him. Not yet. He has one week. One more week until I show up at his place and force him to listen to me. I’ll tie him to the bed if I have to, and that thought is not helping my lady parts. Jesus.

Considering I was gone most of the weekend and arrived home late last night after a corporate event, I felt pretty refreshed for just after seven o’clock in the morning. I was going to take today off but a client requested a meeting to go over the menu for their upcoming event. It’s days like these when I don’t mind coming into work, I know I’ve made the right career choice. It may have taken me years to get over all the bullshit I was handed but I’m proud to say I’m living my life the right way. The way my parents would have been proud of.

“Morning, Embyr.” Derrick greets as I walk past his office toward the break room to get some coffee. He is always in before the first employee and out after the last, which is probably why he isn’t married. He would never see his family.

I’m sure he has his fair share of dates since he isn’t bad to look at. Tall, blond, built pretty sturdy and has some amazing blue eyes. He’s a nice, successful guy. Any woman would be lucky to have him, but I’m not one of them. Maybe in another lifetime but my heart belongs to someone else.

I wave. “Morning.”

I’m half past his door when he calls me back in. “Could you come here for a moment?”

Composing my annoyance before I turn around, I plaster a smile on my face. “What’s up?” I ask, sitting down in one of two chairs in front of his large, mahogany desk. He stands, circles around, and takes the other seat.

“Thank you so much for covering the wedding this past Saturday. It meant a lot and showed your loyalty to our company. Did you like the wedding side of the business?”

I exhale the breath I didn’t know I was holding. I thought for sure he would make another move. I think over his question before answering. “I did.” I smile. “It was a new experience for me. I still like my corporate events more. Less stressful dealing with bosses than brides.”

He bobs his head up and down as he listens. “That’s great to hear.”

The silence is getting awkward so I ask, “Did you have a good weekend?”

He scoots the chair closer and places a hand on my knee. All the nerves in my body start going into overdrive, and it’s all I can do not to slap him. “I did. I was glad to spend some time with you outside of work on Friday night.”

Swallowing, I gently grab his hand and place it back over on his side. “Derrick.” I start, and I can see his face fall and turn red with embarrassment. “I just got out of a relationship and I’m not really over it. I just don’t want to date right now. Plus, you’re my superior. I don’t think that’s appropriate.”

It’s the nicest I’ve been to a boss in a long time. It wasn’t long ago that I was letting one rail me from behind. That thought makes bile rise in my throat.

“Oh, yes. I’m sorry, Embyr.” He fumbles his words. “I understand. Please forgive me.”

Standing to my feet I take a look at my watch. “No worries, Derrick. I have a meeting in a few minutes.”

I walk out, hoping that’s the end of it, but I’m shaken at my words. I don’t think it’s appropriate but there was a time I allowed a boss inside me. I have had sleepless nights thinking about Patrick and how I let him into my body. I didn’t have to do that. I try to shake the thoughts, reminding myself I’m not that girl anymore, and I won’t go back. Ever.

I sit at my desk and pick up the picture of Casen and me together. I almost feel pathetic having it at work but it is showing me what I’m working toward. I want to be a better person not only for myself, and my parents, but also for Casen.

One week. He has one week, then I’m coming for him.

***

My morning goes by so slow. What started off as a good day has turned into my client taking four, yes four hours to pick out the food for her event. I’m completely drained and just after lunch my cell phone buzzes.

Trin: Drinks tonight?

Me: Oh my God, please!

Trin: Jedi’s?

Me: You just want to see Damien.

Trin: Fuck yes! 8 o’clock!

Jedi’s is packed as usual. I haven’t been here in a long time, and it seems like a number of patrons has doubled for a weeknight. I’ve avoided this place like the plague since Casen left me on the bathroom floor many weeks ago. There are just too many reminders of him.

I order my captain and Coke and instead of letting the bad memories consume me, I focus on all the good that has happened since the last time I was here. I started seeing a therapist. She has helped me through so much. Dr. Navan encouraged me to face all my demons and make amends with those I feel I did wrong. I met with Thad and Evan to apologize for what I did. They were rightfully furious but eventually thanked me for coming clean and apologized for what they had done back in high school. All the money I had left over from Wesley I donated to a charity near and dear to my heart. It helps widows of policemen who have died in the line of duty. I never confronted him about the fire, nor was there enough evidence to arrest him. It was an inconvenience and one that I deserved. He had to resign from the school, and I heard that he forgave Aria and they now live together. That thought makes me sick, an older guy seducing a young girl. I’ve stayed as far away from Patrick as I possibly can. He entered a plea but his sentencing isn’t for a few more weeks.

I glance over at the stools on the other side of the bar. The ones where Casen and I sat and he stood up on to announce his interest in me to the whole world. It’s amazing how just a short time with him caused me to fall so hard that I think I’ll never love anyone ever again. Except him.

A man comes to sit in the seat next to me that I have saved for Trinity. I tell him it’s saved and he walks away, muttering under his breath. Annoyed, I look at my new watch, my first big purchase after obtaining the job at the hotel. It’s way past eight o’clock, the time Trin told me she would meet me here. I don’t know how much longer I can wait for her. I’m exhausted after a full weekend. I pull my phone out of my clutch to text her.

Me: Where the hell are you? Do you just want to do drinks at home?

Trinity: Running late. Don’t leave. Be there soon.

I motion for Damien, requesting another drink. He smiles at me but I can’t give him the same appreciation I used to. He’s still good looking as ever but I’m broken when it comes to the opposite sex now. It’s like no one can compare to Casen. Just thinking about him now has my heart beating faster and goose bumps prickling my skin. If I didn’t know any better I would think he was in the room.

I hear the stool next to me being pulled out again – irritated they can’t see my purse saving the seat, I don’t look up when I tell them, “That’s taken.”

“Is it?” he asks over my shoulder. My stomach flutters with butterflies. I’d recognize that voice anywhere. It’s deep, carnal, and I’ve heard it every night in my dreams. In my fantasies.

I turn to the side slowly, looking to confirm what my body is telling me is right. My senses are never wrong. It’s Casen. He looks gorgeous. Freshly showered with his hair styled as though he ran his hands through it. He’s wearing a dark red long sleeve shirt. The sleeves are pulled up to just under his elbows, and it barely restrains his muscles. I cross my legs remembering the last couple times I saw him. Just under a week ago this man had his fingers inside me. He smiles, and it is about to bring me to my knees.

“Hi,” I speak softly, trying to keep my voice smooth but failing epically.

He motions to the empty barstool I have saved for Trinity. “So, is this seat taken?”

I stutter my next words. “Uhm, it’s, uh, for Trin. I’m saving it for Trinity?”

Did I just ask him that?

He leans on the back of it and smiles again. “I’m pretty sure she isn’t coming.”

Realization hits. My heart begins to beat out of my chest but unlike a few months ago, it’s not from a panic attack. He wanted to see me. He set this up. Nerves strike and I will my hands to stop shaking. “She’s not?”

Casen slides onto the seat and reaches his hand out for me to take. “I’m Casen.”

I furrow my brows.

Why is he introducing himself? When I don’t immediately take his hand he asks, “And you are?”

“Embyr,” I tell him hesitantly, placing my hand in his, trying to ignore the tingling feeling it gives me.

He cocks his head to the side. “You look familiar. Do I know you?”

It takes a moment but I smile a huge wide smile. I know what he’s doing. “Yes. I think we went to high school together.”

He thinks on that for a moment. “Embyr? I don’t remember an Embyr.”

I shift my body toward him. “Well, I changed my name. It used to be Annie Barnes.”

“I see,” he says before biting his lip. “Well, Annie. I used to have the biggest crush on you freshman year.”

“You did?” I laugh. “I believe I had a major crush on you as well.”

I like this. This is playful. It feels like a major breakthrough. I may not have to tie him to the bed to get him to listen to me after all. Though it sounds very appealing.

“Have you eaten?” he asks, ignoring Damien as he comes up to take his drink order.

I shake my head no. “I had a late lunch but I could eat.”

He pulls out his wallet, throws some money on the bar, and grabs my hand. We push our way through the dozens of people on the dance floor. At one point he can’t move any further so he spins around, grabs me by my face and collides his lips with mine. I’m taken by such surprise that my mouth opens up for him immediately and he slips his tongue inside. My arms lie helplessly by my side as he devours me in the middle of the floor. Just as quickly as he started it, he stops it, pulling my forehead to his.

“Embyr.” He breathes into me. “I want to forgive you.”

A tear immediately slides down my cheek. “I want that too.”

“I’m going to take you to eat something and you are going to explain everything to me.” He kisses me again, this time more chastely. “And then, we are going to start over because as hard as I’ve tried these past few weeks, I can’t stop thinking about you.”

He wraps his hand around my upper arm and pulls me through the rest of the way.