FIVE

EMBYR

I’m sliding the last shirt on a hanger and placing it in my closet when Trinity comes into my room, without knocking of course. She has two glasses of wine, one of which she is holding toward me. I greedily seize it from her hands while she takes her place on my recently made bed. I, deciding it’s wine o’clock, sit on my new fabric chair I purchased yesterday. It’s a teal and purple paisley pattern. My room has more than enough space to fit a small coffee table, the chair, and a new desk, as well as the dresser and bed I already own. Now that I work for the hotel, with a nice, honest salary, I wanted to turn my room into a place where I could not only rest my head at night but also work in comfort if need be.

The last two months since I lost Casen have been a real eye opener for me. Even though I fell in love with him, I still had so much pent up anger toward the entire PITCREW. I’ve been working on letting all of that go. I was a bitch and mad for so long that it’s been nice to just free myself of all that animosity. With all the mental changes I’ve strived to make, I have also made a lot of physical ones. I purchased a new condo that was not only closer to my job but had a more open concept. Something I really wanted in my home. The timing was great for Trinity since her sister finally got back on her feet with a job that helps with daycare expenses. She was more than happy to get out of there.

I’ve been taking classes at the gym. Yoga, Zumba, Pilates, and also adding in weight training. I went to one of the best stylists in the city and trimmed my hair into a layered cut and lightened the burgundy red. I feel as though I am starting new, but I yearn to have Casen back in my arms and in my bed. I have dreams of me scratching my nails down his back in nothing but angry, make up sex.

“Your room looks great, Em.” Trin compliments. “I am still trying to figure out what color to paint mine.”

Taking a sip of my wine, I scan the light turquoise color of my walls with brushed silver accents. “I wanted something cheery.”

She smiles, looking behind me. “I just love this place. The balconies off all the rooms are amazing.”

Another item I checked off my condo must haves list. I wanted to be able to walk out to the balcony first thing in the morning and breathe in the morning air. “I agree.”

“So, uhm, that was interesting last week,” she says almost hesitantly. “Casen showing up.”

I was wondering when she would bring it up. Not that there has been much time, our schedules have conflicted this week, and today is the first day we’ve both been home at the same time. It’s a Sunday and with everything in its place now, I am happy to begin Monday with a fresh start.

“It was,” I respond because even though it was eight days ago, I have thought about, dissected, and scrutinized every single moment of that day. Analyzed it. Dug deep into my crazy thoughts as to what it might have meant. He was curt with me when he first arrived at the old place only to allow himself to be mere inches from me before he left. Was he relenting or was it the beer that was loosening him up? I hope it’s the former but know damn well it’s the latter. I found myself inhaling his scent, and it brought back our short time together. What I can’t figure out is why he took the picture with him.

“That’s it?” She grunts. “That’s all I’m going to get from you?”

I shrug. “I guess so. I don’t know what to say. I think he just came to help out Reece. I sent him a text the next day thanking him and he responded which is more than I can say has happened the past few months.”

“Maybe you’re wearing him down.”

“Doubtful. And what about you and Reece?” I attempt to change the subject. “You said he barely touches you but I saw him pull you onto his lap before he left. I had to turn away so I wouldn’t get a show.”

She gets a dreamy look in her eyes. “I don’t know, Em. Since all that went down with you and Casen he hasn’t pursued anything with me besides calling or texting every day. It’s like we hit a wall. I’m a patient person but I’ve had to go scratch my itches somewhere else. What you saw was something that hasn’t happened in a long time. Not since before you found out what he did. He seemed desperate for me and then just stopped cold and called an Uber.”

“I don’t think Reece would have helped us out if he didn’t care for you.”

She stands, walking to my dresser and drags her free hand across it. “I know he cares but I can’t keep doing this. I want him. I want sex from him. I want a relationship with him but he doesn’t seem to. If things don’t change soon I’m done.”

I can’t blame her. The last time Reece and I spoke, and I mean really spoke, I felt like he wanted more than just a fling with her, but a fling consists of sex, which they have never had. I haven’t seen him much since I don’t hang around Casen anymore and until Trinity moved in there was no reason for me to see him. I just hope he gets it straight or I don’t doubt that Trin will move on – and fast. Except, I’m surprised she hasn’t completely dropped Reece by now.

“Why don’t you just show up at his house in nothing but a trench coat?” I joke, taking more than a sip of wine. I’m thirsty and should be drinking water but this is so good.

“Embyr, I’ve offered myself up to him on a platter many times before. Although, he did ask me what I wanted for my birthday. Maybe I’ll tell him I’d like a ride on his face.” Her hip leans into my dresser, a finger coming up to her chin like she is contemplating just that.

I almost spit my drink out. “Trinity!”

“What? I’m just saying. That scruff would feel amazing.” She laughs and walks to my door but turns. “Oh, we’re going to Red Ex on the fifteenth to celebrate!”

The fifteenth. Why does that sound familiar. Shit. “Fuck! I can’t! I’m on a work trip from that Friday to Tuesday. Special events convention that weekend.”

“Cancel.” She jokes. Or I think she does.

“I can’t cancel. Derrick says it’s mandatory. He’s already set up our travel arrangements. Can you do it the following weekend?”

Her head falls back, her eyes looking to the ceiling. “No. My sister wants me to stay with the kids all weekend so she can go up to Door County with her new boyfriend.”

I laugh. “Tell her to get protection.”

She snorts. “No kidding, but are you sure you can’t reschedule?”

I shake my head no.

“Fine, but you owe me drinks when you get back.” She growls.

I cross my fingers over my heart. “Promise.”

“And promise to get some from that sexy as hell boss of yours while you’re gone.”

She leaves me, mouth wide open. I don’t find Derrick sexy at all but Trinity is an equal opportunity admirer. While I have my type, she spreads the love and her legs sometimes, for anyone who piques her interest.

“Not happening, Trin!” I yell after her, laughing.

She hollers back, “Then give him my number!”

***

A few days later I am walking into my new place. Slipping my shoes off feels like heaven right now. Today was one of the longest days I have had in a really long time and all I want is a bath. And Casen. For some reason, he has been on my mind all day, probably because there were two fire trucks that pulled up to the building across the street this afternoon. It brought back memories of him helping me up into his truck and almost taking it too far right there before Reece interrupted us. That’s when I should have known I was going to fall for him all over again. My body just reacted to him like it was meant to be in his arms all along. It felt fated. It had all along. I just ignored the signals. I crave to reach out to him more than ever. I just don’t know what to say. How many times can I apologize? How many times can I beg him to let me explain? How many times can I beg for his forgiveness? I should let go, he probably has. You can only be ignored so many times before you just give up but I don’t want to give up. I’ve tried to stop loving him. It’s just not possible right now.

Trinity is working late tonight so I slide the chain and latch the deadbolt before heading to my room and ridding myself of the day’s laundry. I used to dress up for work all the time but with my new job, I am on my feet all day. My clothes are much different now. Where I used to wear short skirts and low cut blouses, I now wear black dress pants and silk tops. A cute three-quarter sleeve dress that hits just above my knees adorned with some flats or maybe a pencil skirt and suit jacket. I love what I am doing now. Corporate planning is a lot of fun for me. Just seeing my vision come together is so satisfying. I’m just sad that as my career was taking off and I decided to start living my life in a way my parents could be proud, that my personal life has taken a toll.

I wrap a towel around me and start to run a warm bath, throwing in some lavender bath salts. I place my iPod on the speaker, put on my calming playlist, and walk to the kitchen to grab a captain and Coke. Wine just doesn’t seem like enough tonight.

My feet hit the hallway just as a hard knock comes at the door. I secure my towel tighter around me and set my drink on the dining room table. I quietly tiptoe toward the door and look through the peephole. A man is standing there, but he is facing the other direction.

“Who is it?” I ask, and he turns at the sound of my voice.

“It’s me,” he responds. “Reece.”

I unlatch the security of the door and open it. His eyes take me in as he steps inside. “Trinity isn’t here,” I tell him, holding the door open, waiting for him to leave. You would think he would have texted her first to find out that she isn’t here.

He doesn’t make a move, his eyes roaming over my towel clad body. Why did I let him in when I’m looking like this? He swallows before asking, “When will she be back?”

I shrug, looking back at the wall clock. “I don’t know. Ten o’clock or so.” I widen the door. “I’ll tell her you stopped by, but I was just about to…shit!”

I run as fast as I can through my bedroom, into my bathroom, to find water starting to splash onto the floor. I turn the faucet off and grab some nearby towels, hoping to soak it up all up before it leaks down into the downstairs condo.

Just what I would need. Just over a week here and I’m already trying to cause water damage. I had forgotten about Reece until his shadow blocked out the light. It startles me and I fall back onto my ass, still in just my towel. “Dammit, Reece. You scared me.”

He doesn’t move. Doesn’t try to help me. No offering of his hand to pull me up. His dark green eyes just stare down at me. My skin prickles all over my body in warning and feel as though my fight or flight instinct is about to kick in. Reece has always given me a creepy vibe but I thought after our talk at the bar, the one where he apologized and felt bad for accidentally releasing that tape, I was hoping things would get better. The way I’m feeling now, the way he is staring at me makes me uncomfortable.

“You need to leave.” I croak, my voice almost a whisper. “Now.”

He’s stoic like he couldn’t move his feet if he wanted to, and I realize this is the first time Reece and I have ever been alone in the same place. Hell, same room.

“Why did you say yes to Ian?” he asks, the question unnerving me.

“What?” I finally stand up. “You really need to go.”

He grabs my arm tightly. “Why Ian? If you loved Casen back then, why Ian? Why not me?”

I furrow my brows and then rip my arm from his grasp. “Because Ian didn’t creep me the fuck out like you did. It’s time to go.”

He nods, walking back through the apartment in his wet shoes, me closely behind him. He turns the knob, opening the door, and looks back at me. “Tell Trinity to call me.”

I let him walk out before hardening my stare. “Tell her yourself, Reece!” and I slam the door.

My heart is racing.

As I clean up the rest of the bath water off the floor, while also draining some of the excess in the tub, I can’t shake the sickening feeling. Why did he ask me that? I don’t understand. I recall him asking something along those lines in high school but never felt like I needed to go into protection mode. That is the first time I have been scared of Reece. Yes, he started the bet and he tried to win it, but I never got the impression I should be fearful of him. I spent the last ten years taking control of my life and not allowing others to be superior to me. That just felt very wrong.

I make sure the door is yet again locked, grab my drink, and slip off my robe. I slink down into the warm water. So much for relaxing after a long ass Monday.