TEN

CASEN

I was so nervous walking into Jedi’s to meet Embyr. It felt like the first time I went on a date. My palms were sweaty, and I second guessed my clothes more than once before leaving the house. I have never felt less confident in my life…until I saw her sitting there looking amazing.

Since talking to my mom the other day, I really thought about what I wanted to do. I went through every scenario I could think of. Do I ignore her for the rest of my life? Do I forgive and forget? Do we become friends? More than friends? Between all the thoughts I had, there was only one that not only made sense but made me truly happy visualizing it. Make her mine again. I’m not sure she ever wasn’t. It’s not going to be easy but I do know that we need to start with some talking, regardless of how much I want to take her to bed immediately. I know our physical connection is still there but we need to get our shit straight emotionally.

I asked Trinity to set this up. I thought Jedi’s would be the perfect place, but after looking at her and hearing how loud it was, I just knew we needed to go somewhere quieter.

The night air greets us as we step out of the bar and onto the sidewalk. Letting go of Embyr’s arm, I turn to her and ask, “Where do you want to go?”

She says nothing, just stares at me. I can’t read her. She seems almost stunned. “Em?”

“Let’s go back to my place.” She requests, breaking out of her coma.

I purse my lips. “I don’t know. I think we need to be in a public place.”

“I just know how much we need to talk, and I don’t want others to hear me beg at your feet for forgiveness, Casen.”

Casen. My name falling from between her lips sounds like ecstasy, and the visual of her at my feet has my cock twitching. “We definitely have to discuss what happened, but if we go to your place, it has to be agreed we just talk.”

She nods. “Agreed.”

Embyr’s condo is pitch black when we get there. I know Trinity is working late tonight at the studio so we will have more than enough privacy. Talking through all this in private is the best choice. I just hope I can keep my hands off her.

“Have a seat.” She points to the sofa. “Want something to drink?”

I ask for a beer and make myself comfortable while she stirs around in the kitchen.

“Chinese or pizza?” she yells from the kitchen.

“Chinese is good.”

“Hi, I’d like an order for delivery,” Embyr says into her cell phone as she hands me a Budweiser. She takes one as well, which surprises me. I didn’t think she liked beer.

I take her in. She’s wearing a hot pink tank that showcases her breasts with a hint of cleavage breaking through the top. Her long toned legs look smooth, tan, good enough to wrap around my neck, in black pleated shorts that aren’t long enough. She finishes the call and sits next to me on the couch. Not close enough to touch but close enough that it wouldn’t take much to snatch her and haul her into my lap.

She inhales. “Casen, I’m so…”

I interrupt her because I need to be the one to talk first. “No, let me say what I have to say first. Okay?”

She sips her beer and settles back into the couch, folding her legs underneath her. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry, Embyr.”

Confusion furrows her brows. “You? Why are you sorry?”

I twist my body, leaning my right elbow on the back of the sofa. “I’m sorry for so much. I’m sorry for not doing anything. That’s what I regret the most. I sat there and let them make that bet. I watched them do all those things to you. I stood by watching them make you miserable and never told anyone. I couldn’t even look you in the face, Em. I know I told you, but it got out of control. That bet was so fucking stupid, and I wish I would have been more of a man and told them to fuck off. I should have staked my claim on you, but I didn’t. I let my anger of you going out with Ian control my view of right and wrong. I don’t know why you did, but it hurt and I let it cloud my judgment.”

She stops me with a hand on my knee. “Casen. I want to explain that. I said yes to Ian to get your attention. I thought if I went out with him then you would notice me.”

Blowing out a breath I run my hands down my face. “I feel like you don’t owe me the answer to my next question, but can I ask why you slept with him then?”

Her head drops and she wipes a tear from her cheek. “I didn’t realize what was happening, Casen. I swear. I didn’t say no to him but I also didn’t stop him from doing it. I thought if I said no he would tell everyone. He coerced me.” She pauses. “Jesus. If I had known what was going to follow I wouldn’t have. It messed up so many lives.”

“You couldn’t have known what was going to happen. I hope you realize I had nothing to do with that video.”

“I know.” A disturbed look crosses her face. “It was Reece.”

“Why do you look like that when you say his name? I thought you and Reece talked.”

“It’s just.” She takes a deep breath and looks out her patio window before turning back. “He came by one day when Trinity wasn’t home. I was about to take a bath and water ran over the side of the tub. When I went to go turn the water off he followed me into the bathroom.”

I don’t understand. “Was he trying to help?”

She shakes her head slowly. “No. He just watched me, in only my towel, and then all of a sudden he asked why I said yes to going out with Ian in high school and not him.”

I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Why would he even care about that? Why would he accost her in her bathroom? When she was alone? “Did he try anything?”

“I kicked him out.” She looks down into her lap. “I made him leave. I just didn’t understand why he would ask. That was so long ago. It was like it still bothered him that I went out with Ian and not him. Was he that upset he lost the bet?”

I inwardly cringe. Listening to Embyr talk about what happened to her, what we all did to her, so casually, is weird to me. “How can you be so relaxed talking about the bet?”

A knock comes at the door. I get up and pay the delivery man for our dinner. Embyr pulls out some plates and we take our places across from each other at the dining room table.

“What you asked? How can I talk about it?” She takes a bite of her orange chicken. “I’ve been seeing someone.”

Irritation rises from the bottom of my toes to my face. She’s seeing someone? Is it her boss? How can I even be mad? It’s not like I expected her to wait for me. Hell, I didn’t even know that I wanted her to. Up until I spoke with my mom, I didn’t know how badly I wanted to be with her, and now it may be too late.

“What’s his name?” I force a bite down my throat. I don’t care what his name is.

“It’s a woman.”

I stop mid-chew. “A woman? You’re seeing a woman.” She nods. “Well, that’s some new information.”

“Yeah, Dr. Navan has been helping me through a lot lately. It’s nice to talk to someone with an outside opinion. She was recommended to me by a friend at work.” She takes a swig of beer. “I knew that if I wanted to start over and live a life I could be proud of I had to seek some counseling.”

I feel like an ass. I thought she was seeing someone else, and it’s her therapist. I could fucking kiss her right now for scaring me.

So I do.

I push my chair out and get up. Walking to her side of the table, she cranes her neck back to look at me. “Casen?”

I kiss her. It’s not romantic or passionate. It’s not even quick. It’s just a nice slow kiss, and it feels electric. I pull away and take my place back in my seat.

“What was that for?” she asks, once she catches her breath. Her lips are swollen and that looks beautiful on her.

“Just because.” I comment, but then ask, “Are you dating anyone?”

Embyr smiles. “I’m not. You?”

“Nope.”

“Good.” She asserts. “Can I say what I need to say now?”

I set down my chopsticks. “Please.”

She pushes her plate away and rests her elbows on the table, hands clasped.

“I’m going to talk and I don’t want you to interrupt. I’m going to say a lot because I have been thinking of all the things I’ve wanted to say to you for a long time, had I gotten the chance.”

I mimic my mother and zip my lips shut, earning me a laugh.

“I had the biggest crush on you, Casen, and to say I never thought you would reciprocate is an understatement. In a million years I wouldn’t have believed you wanted me. When they all started asking me out I didn’t understand it but I was so flattered. My best friend, Mindy, thought I was lying when I told her what they were doing. When Ian asked, you had been standing ten feet away. I thought if I said yes, he would tell you, and that maybe you’d ask me then. Step up to the plate if you liked me too. I didn’t think going out with him would hurt anything. Then all that shit happened and my world fell out from underneath me. I lost my friends. I lost my crush, and I lost my parents. I just needed to get away. When I went to college, I just couldn’t get over what had happened, so I started my plan. If I could change my looks, I could come back and make all your lives hell. I was young and dumb. I should have seen a therapist sooner. I was in a dark place. Much darker than I could have ever imagined. I know that now. I set off on this plan almost just winging it. I used what I had to mess up their lives as I went but I think with you, I always knew I wanted to go after your heart.”

She starts to sob. I hold back tears of my own. Getting up, I get her out of her chair and walk us back to the couch. This time I pull her into my lap and lay her head on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” she said behind her hair. “I just want to be able to explain.”

“Just talk when you’re ready.”

I wait patiently for a minute, rubbing her back, before she starts again. “I knew I wanted to break your heart as much as you broke mine. I know now what you really went through back then but to me, you were intentionally breaking me down in high school. I wanted to make you fall for me. Make you love me and then crush you. Reveal myself and stomp on your heart and watch you bleed out. I couldn’t though because in the process I fell for you too. It came out of nowhere and in that moment, when I knew I wasn’t going to be able to let you go, I realized I’d have to tell you.”

She leans back to look me in the face. Her mascara is smeared down her red cheeks. “You have to believe me, Casen. What I did was wrong but I was going to fix it. Even before I found out Ian was looking for me, I was going to tell you. I wanted to make it right. I still want to make it right.”

I draw her into me again. “We’re doing it now, Embyr. We’re going to fix this.”

“I don’t know how to make up for what I did.” She cries.

Squeezing her tight, I kiss her forehead. “We are going to figure it out, Embyr. Together okay?”

I feel her shake her head yes and wrap her arms around my back. A flash of black on her wrist catches my attention so I grab her hand and turn it to get a better look. “What’s this?”

Sitting up, she moves her arm so I am looking at it at the right angle. “It’s a karma symbol. I got it last week.” She rubs her fingers along the tattoo. “It reminds me every day that karma is a bitch. It was something Aria, Wesley’s high school girlfriend, said to me. ‘Karma’s a bitch.’ It stuck. I wanted a constant reminder that you get back what you give. Not as in the PITCREW deserved karma but as in me needing to live my life right. Start over. Let karma be my bitch instead of the other way around. Good karma will come back just as much as bad. I choose the good now.”

I grab her wrist and kiss the black ink. “I like it.”

She smiles. The first, real, true genuine smile I have seen on her since high school. The one I fell in love with back then. “I do have one more thing I am sorry for, Embyr.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m the most sorry for never telling you how I felt back then. I wish I would have. It might have saved us from a lot of hurt, heartbreak, devastation, and lies.” Her brown eyes sparkle. “And I love that you got rid of the contacts.”

Her cheeks rise. “Me too. I’m starting to feel like the real me. I always thought they were an ugly color.”

I look deep into her irises. “No. They’re beautiful. The color is what drew me to you in the first place. Someone could truly get lost in them.”

She laughs. “I’m so not used to romantic Casen. I almost miss the dirty one.”

“Well, you’ll get him back. I just think now is the time to start over. I’m ready for that. I’m ready to forget and move on.”

She jumps up. “Me too! First, let’s start with me taking you on a date.”

I point to her. “You’re going to take me on a date?”

“Yes!”